In marriage, I am afraid that my husband doesn't like it, and I don't spoil my wife easily. I get angry easily and put a lot of pressure on myself.
This makes me deeply feel that Ying Er's marriage is overwhelmed, not only by her, but also by her partner and family.
This kind of performance is called oversensitivity.
Lily's ex-boyfriend is an oversensitive person. For example, when Lily said that she was going to experience a new restaurant, her ex-boyfriend immediately made a series of reactions-why did she go to this restaurant far from home for dinner? What if something happens on the road? Was it introduced by your predecessor? Are you disgusted that my cooking is not delicious?
This gives Lily a headache. She complained to me that she wanted to experience new things, but she still needed to spend a lot of time and energy explaining before going out, saying that she would like to go out like a child who didn't grow up.
During this relationship, she felt physically and mentally exhausted.
It can be said that sensitive person's brain is basically in the state of automatic navigation. They are easily distracted and paranoid. They really "think too much".
When you grow up, your psychological quality will not be strong enough, and you will become blx, alarmist, slow-witted, and easy to think the worst.
This natural instinct will evolve into being good at reading other people's psychology, receiving a lot of information from other people's subtle expressions, caring about other people's comments, and affecting their behavior and emotions because of a little thing.
As can be seen from Ying Er in The Wife's Romantic Journey, she is an oversensitive victim with a low sense of self-worth. Even if she has made some achievements in the entertainment circle, she is always easy to doubt herself.
In marriage, I also like to ponder my husband's psychology, and even the casual words of the other party need deep processing, for fear of being accused of not doing well and losing self-worth and growth.
So I can't let myself go, my psychological anxiety increases, and I dare not say what I really think, for fear of being rejected.
This will not only bring great pressure to yourself, but also bring hidden dangers to marriage.
Your partner may be inspired by love at first, but over time, when this pressure becomes the last straw to overwhelm him, this relationship will come to an end.
People who are overly sensitive will inevitably bring great pressure to their partners and easily lead to a red light in marriage. So how to solve the problem and save the marriage?
Simply put, you know who you are and have a constant and stable sense of identity with yourself.
But the external evaluation of you will affect your cognition of yourself, which is called "projection identity" in psychology.
We can understand it as a process of internalizing the influence and evaluation of the external environment into your self-cognition.
Sensitive people tend to over-interpret other people's words, think of their own bad side, lack self-identity, and pay special attention to other people's evaluation of him.
Just like my best friend Lily's overly sensitive ex-boyfriend, because Lily suggested going to a new restaurant, she wondered if she was not doing well. She doesn't like me?
If her ex-boyfriend realizes this and shows his sense of self-identity, perhaps this will make their intimate relationship more secure and stable.
A simple way to cultivate self-identity is to recall what you did well today before going to bed and make 3-4 self-affirmation lists.
Making a list is actually doing long-term self-identity training to enhance the self-confidence of over-sensitive people.
For example,
I finished all the tasks at work today 1 hour in advance;
I learned a new dish today. It tastes neither salty nor light, and my family is very satisfied.
Today, I noticed the problem and raised it, avoiding the heavy loss of family decision-making.
……
The more detailed the list of positive events, the better. For people who are overly sensitive, small changes can attract attention and bring about changes.
Therefore, it is beneficial to cultivate self-identity from the subtle self-affirmation.
When people who are overly sensitive get along with their partners, they are often afraid to look directly at each other for fear of accusations. They are even more afraid to say what they really think and ask each other for help.
Hill used to be a self-suspicious and sensitive person, but her husband encouraged her to say, "You don't have to bow your head and please everywhere." I like your original truth. Say whatever you want, I want to be someone you trust. "
Xiaoshan gradually let go of himself, first looked up at his eyes, and then said, "Yes, I feel very tired now. I did a lot of housework today. Can you help me get some? " .
When the other person understands her real needs and helps her, these invisible sensitive pressures will be reduced a lot.
Asking for help is not to put yourself in a weak position, but a need to contact others. For people who are overly sensitive, their partner is the closest and trustworthy person around them, which helps to reduce their sensitivity.
In Hunan Satellite TV's variety show My Daughter, network celebrity papi sauce said,
In fact, what we are discussing here is the priority choice in life. In essence, no one is unselfish, and the understanding of others' love is also learned from self-love.
First of all, you know how to respect yourself and recognize yourself, so that you can have empathy and love for your partner, parents and children.
Sometimes selfishness is not a bad thing. In small matters, proper rejection will not actually make our other half feel that "you are not doing well."
For example, when he says "go and get my socks", if we are doing something else, we can definitely refuse and tell him. Don't always worry about his trifles. If I don't help him, will he have a problem with me? Do you think I'm bad?
In fact, properly "leaving him behind" will not only decompress yourself, but also make both sides of the intimate relationship relaxed and free.
In marriage, we need mutual understanding and support. When one party is overly sensitive, we need to spend more time to rebuild our hearts and find ourselves.
On the other hand, more encouragement and help are needed to make marriage break the sensitive pressure and gain freedom.