When it’s time to get married, the man decides in advance an auspicious date for the wedding (according to the lunar calendar), writes it on a red paper, prepares gifts, and sends them to the woman’s family by the matchmaker, which is called “ "Send the day", also known as "send the day", "send the day note", "send the day", "send the day list", "send the date list". It is similar to the "asking for a date" in the ancient "Six Rites".
In the old days, great importance was attached to the time of marriage. We must choose good luck and avoid bad luck, and choose an auspicious day. People often ask fortune tellers or astrologers to "pick the date." The fortune teller or astrologer uses the birth dates of both men and women, or adds the birth dates of the parents and grandparents of both men and women, to comprehensively calculate an auspicious date for the wedding that does not conflict with each other. There are also people who look through the imperial calendar and choose days based on the taboos in it. In Daejeon, the wedding date must be determined not only based on the man and woman's own birth dates, but also on the birth dates of other family members (except daughters) of both parties. If one person's birth dates conflict with them, the date must be reselected.
In addition to the mythical theories of fortune tellers and the taboos and taboos of the old imperial calendar, Fujian folk also have popular customary sayings about the good and bad times of marriage. In some places, it is taboo to get married in a year without spring. The year without spring refers to the year when there is no beginning of spring. In some places, it is called "the year of the widow". Because the word "widow" in "widow years" is related to words such as "widow", "widow", "widow and lonely", it is obviously very unlucky. In many places in eastern and northern Fujian, it is taboo for a woman to marry when she is eighteen or twenty-four, or only one of them is taboo, because the legendary Linshui Lady Chen Jinggu (a goddess believed by the people) was eighteen years old. When getting married, one prays for rain and dies at the age of twenty-four, so for a woman to be married, eighteen and twenty-four are unlucky ages. As for the season and month of the wedding, Fujian people generally like autumn, winter and mid-spring (especially autumn and winter), and rarely summer. There are taboos about May, July and September in southern Fujian, saying that "there is a mistake in May" ("five" is a homophony of "mis"), "marry a ghost in July" (July is the ghost month), "Nine" The moon has a heavy dog ??head ("Nine" has the same sound as "dog"), which is not good for marriage. The auspicious days for Shaowu people to choose to get married are usually on the sixth, seventh, ninth or twelfth days. Most of the months are in the period of agricultural crops. The autumn and winter seasons after the harvest (i.e. September to the first month of the following year) are avoided in August. Autumn and winter are the golden seasons for autumn harvest and winter storage. They are also the days of slack farming. After the autumn harvest, families are relatively well-off, so it is suitable for men to marry and women to marry. There is also a folk saying that "harvest in autumn and store in winter, marry a wife and go to the church". If you get married before the Spring Festival, "marry a wife to celebrate the New Year", which adds to the festive joy. In summer, the weather is hot, food is perishable, people feel sleepy, and farming is busy. It is inconvenient for couples to live, so they try to avoid holding weddings on both days. In many places, there is a custom of getting married on two days in two months to cope with the saying "good things come in pairs". .
The woman will generally accept the wedding date sent by the man. In Yongding, Taining and other places, the woman will reply to the "promise date" message within ten days. If there is no objection, the man will get married as scheduled. In places such as Fuqing and Luoyuan, the man must first inform the bride's family of the wedding date and then formally write a red note as a "send-off date" in Songxi. The man will send two or three "auspicious days", and the woman will decide one of them. In Shaowu, the "day" will be written on red paper, and the matchmaker will send it to the woman's family on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month. If the husband's family chooses this auspicious date, they will accept the red sticker; if they don't agree, they will not accept it and return it to the husband's family. The groom's family will have to wait for the next year to decide again and send it to the "Chinese Valentine's Day".
The "date list" must not only include the wedding date, but also the time when the bride gets on the sedan chair and enters the door. In some places, it is even necessary to include the following items: the age of the male and female, the time when the Qian Guan Kun is opened (top), and the time when the bed is laid. In Hui'an, two copies of the "date card" for marriage must be prepared, one for the woman, and one for the man to post on the wall of the man's ancestral house or hall to show that he is a couple. In pairs.
When giving away the date, the man must also send the last part of the unpaid bride price and other gifts to the woman, which is called "pressing the date note" and "pressing the date note" in Fuzhou. In neighboring counties such as Changle, Fuqing, and Pingtan, the wedding ceremony is often divided into two stages - the "first half ceremony" and the "second half ceremony". The other half of the betrothal gift is paid at the time of "giving away the day". In Changle, when the man goes to announce the wedding day and delivers the "second half of the gift", he needs to give it with gift cakes, commonly known as "dinri cakes". The bride's family distributes the cakes, weighing hundreds of kilograms, among her relatives, indicating that the auspicious occasion is approaching. There is a local ballad: "Dingri cakes are round and sweet, and my cousin is happy to celebrate the winter solstice." Everyone invites you, I also invite you, relatives and friends all come here to congratulate you on your happy marriage. "After eating Tingri cakes, relatives know the wedding date, and they all give gifts (mostly fabrics, and even gold and silver jewelry for lavish ones) before the wedding day, which is called "adding boxes". In Fuqing, in addition to the "second half gift" ( After paying the bride price), plus gifts such as pig's trotters and noodles; the girl's family will send gift cakes, usually one hundred pairs, called "day cakes", and the boy's family will give "day cakes" to relatives and friends as a warning On the wedding day. In Hui'an, the man needs to send the remainder of the bride price, plus two to four pieces of "jinzhanbu" (a kind of indigo-purple homespun cloth), which is called "sun head cloth". It is necessary to bring six bags of cakes and the remaining gift money.
Nowadays, urban residents generally choose the wedding date by themselves or their families, and the date is mostly calculated based on the Gregorian calendar. Few people choose the wedding date. With the gift of "sending a day off" again, most of the old taboos about choosing a day will disappear.
However, the mentality of seeking good luck and celebrating happiness still exists, and the custom of choosing the right time and leisure time also continues. Weddings are still mostly held in autumn, winter and spring, and the specific times are often chosen on May Day, November and New Year's Day. ” and holidays such as the Spring Festival. In rural areas, the custom of "giving away the day" is still popular, and there are also many people who "pick up the day" during weddings. There is still a market for some traditional taboos. For example, on the eve of the Spring Festival in 1988, there was a wedding craze in many places. One of the main reasons was that the "beginning of spring" solar term fell on the eve of the Spring Festival, and 1988 was the Year of the Dragon in the lunar calendar. Getting married at this time was expected to be Give birth to a noble son in the Year of the Dragon. However, this legacy of old customs has been fading away and has gradually become more consistent with urban customs.