1
Rather than thinking of the soul as something you own, it is more correct to think of it as being you. You often think of the soul as something that belongs to you, rather than as a finished thing that belongs to you.
In fact, your soul is the most intimate and powerful part of your inner self, and it is always changing and growing. Your soul is alive, sensitive, curious, in a state of constant becoming.
Twenty-seven years old was a turning point for me. Before that, I had always had what psychology calls "anxiety."
It was a feeling of "nothing is right no matter what you do". I studied painting, sang folk songs, acted, wrote, fell in love, got married, and divorced; I followed fashion, looked for joy, and tried to surpass myself, but I had no idea who I was.
Looking at the people around me, it seems that they have found a specific direction and developed step by step, but I am the only one who is still going up to the world and making seventy-two changes.
Looking back on my childhood, I have never been truly happy since I can remember. My parents were already very old when I was born. My mother was a forty-four-year-old woman, and my father was already a middle-aged man in his fifties.
When I am over-protected, I often long for the freedom of breaking out of my cocoon.
Ever since my parents gave birth to me, their marriage has been in deep discord. My father was a senior legislator and lived in Taipei all year round. I had to endure my mother's bad mood alone, as well as the quarrels that broke out between my parents when my father came home.
During the six years of primary school in Taichung Normal School, only music, painting, and Chinese language gave me the opportunity to develop. In mathematics subjects, I can be said to have completely failed.
Questions about chickens and rabbits living in the same cage and tree planting usually came up empty, so my mother had to invite my cousin’s colleagues at the National Science Council to give me special tutoring.
The first teacher discovered that I really had no mathematical ability, so he arranged the checkers for me one by one and taught me in the most concrete way. As a result, I still liked to ask "why" and couldn't accept it at all. "Equation" rules of the game.
Over time, the pressure of mathematics became a serious cause of illness in my subconscious. Until I was 28 or 9 years old, I would dream of handing in a blank paper. The annoyance and inferiority complex are still fresh in my memory to this day.
The junior high school entrance examination seemed to have divine help. Although I didn't get into any public school, I successfully got into the Methodist Girls' High School in Waishuangxi, Taipei. This boarding school for girls, which emphasizes life education and religious edification, gave me a temporary haven.
In the first and second years of junior high school, my grades were very good in all aspects. I was praised by my classmates as a decathlete, and I also improved a lot in math and science. However, my popularity was the worst in the class.
As an only child, I was arrogant and unsociable, and I only wanted to read good books. My strong competitive mentality made me completely ignore the development of my personality.
At the age of fifteen, his parents officially separated, the small family was broken up, and the interpersonal relationships in the extended family were also in trouble. During those days, every evening, I sat alone on the hillside behind the audio-visual classroom, crying while facing the Palace Museum. There was an indescribable depression and depression deep in my life.
I keep telling myself that sentence: "Only when you endure hardships can you become a master." I have to persevere.
My father moved away, and I have been living with my mother ever since. Faced with this change, the focus of my entire life has also changed.
I began to feel the boredom of "competition", and also began to understand the importance of being in touch with other beings. I worked hard to learn to be gregarious and help each other, and gradually learned how to spread happiness to others.
2
After I was admitted to the German Department of Fuzhou University, my parents happily shouted to set off firecrackers. The spring, summer, autumn and winter of "fresh people" are full of creativity and life is jumping.
At that time, a group of like-minded young people were deeply attracted by the idealistic trend blowing from the West.
The reform movement that emerged in the 1960s was full of reflection on material civilization, revival of spiritual practice, and yearning for peace and care in human nature.
We first met at Gafé Columbia on Zhongshan North Road, and then moved to Aditya.
There was no karaoke at that time. If young people wanted to express themselves through music, they should at least be able to play and sing by themselves. Wu Chuchu, Lai Shengchuan, Hu Defu, Yang Zujun, the late Li Shuangze, and many painters and poets They are all guests.
At that time, there were many people from all over the world who came to the East to find answers to life and different experiences, and they liked to call themselves drifters.
They have a vague concept that the profit-seeking caused by modern mechanical civilization has forced humans to be isolated from nature and forced their own spirituality to be annihilated. They want to learn from Eastern Yoga, Hanshan, Zen, Laozi... …recover lost ancient wisdom.
This group of people naturally integrated into our group. For the first time, young people from the East and the West had a taste of "one family" and "transcending borders". It was truly a harmonious and exciting day.
Unfortunately, the good times did not last long. The vague concept was not enough to completely change human nature. That trend was quickly replaced by the experience of reality. (It took more than twenty years of evolution to form the current "New Age Movement".)
On Christmas Day of the same year, I began to get involved in the most profound sexual relationship in my life.
When I first saw those uneasy gray eyes at Café Columbia, almost like a reflex action, all my "healer" instincts started to kick in. I wanted to know what made him uneasy and how to make him uneasy. Stable and calm.
So I launched an exploration offensive, and he gradually opened himself up. With strong curiosity and sincerity towards each other, a pair of foreign lovers fell deeper and deeper into each other, until all their subconscious fears were exposed.
He was afraid that his childhood experience of constant separation as a diplomat's son would reappear, while I saw the consequences of my "selfless" entry into his world.
All the unity between music, metaphysics, and body and soul are no match for the fear and self-consciousness in the subconscious. Under such helpless restrictions, an unforgettable fate is in the process of life. slide.
I don’t like to look back, but this fate drives me to look back over and over again with heartache. Later, he became depressed and suffered a stroke in Hong Kong, and had to return to his hometown in Virginia to recuperate.
A few years later, I went to the United States to see him. The two of us were speechless, and our tears couldn't stop flowing. We seemed to know in our hearts that our encounter in this life was just a reunion, and we didn't deliberately want to end it, because There are still further dramas to be performed.
3
For many people, life is about satisfying creativity and then getting substantial rewards. For me, creativity is about becoming one with another life. I long to throw myself out of the sky and fly with them.
In the cycle of searching and searching, I began to realize that my problem was serious.
Why am I always so impatient to start and so impatient to end? Why is it that whenever I feel happy, there is always a nameless sadness waiting for an opportunity?
Why do I always use negative coercion or cold war to express positive desire and love? Did my childhood experience influence me? Or is it my destiny that is caused by my nature?
Who am I? What is my purpose in creating these dilemmas in this world?
At the age of twenty-seven, a short and chaotic marriage had just ended. My friend Wang Jiqing gave me a copy of her translation - "The Eternal Soul". This "non-human" creation unexpectedly It became my bible and gave me the opportunity to solve my doubts for the first time.
"Eternal Soul" is a course taught by an "energy unit" who calls himself "Seth" and uses the body of Jane Roberts, a female writer in New York, USA, to teach people on earth.
Although Seth has no body, he can express profound insights consistent with consciousness-only and Madhyamaka.
The main purpose of this book is to explore reincarnation, how thoughts form matter, the potential of the soul, the truth of death, various levels of consciousness, the relationship between dreams and consciousness... and other major issues in the universe and life. Currently, it has It became a representative work of the "New Age Movement" spirituality.
The following words from Seth gave me a timely wake-up call and gave me my first taste of "enlightenment":
"If your mental activity is strong, and If you imagine various scenarios in a very vivid way, then these scenarios will soon form physical events;
If your thoughts are highly pessimistic and you think that a catastrophe is coming, then these thoughts will also Be faithfully reproduced in life
"Imagine you are actors on a stage - this is not a new metaphor, but it is a very accurate one - the setting is the twentieth century, participating. Everyone created the prop together.
You wrote the script, produced and performed the entire play yourself, as well as the setting and story theme.
But you are so focused on the characters you play, so engrossed in everything in the play, that you get caught up in the problems, challenges, hopes, and sorrows of the people in the play, forgetting that they are just you. Just my own production.
"
I began to reflect seriously. When I was engaged in film, television and dance performances, my "first self" naturally participated in the plot and spontaneously showed all the inner situations of the characters; < /p>
But my "second self" can calmly observe myself from the sidelines, adjust to inappropriate feelings and performances at any time, and even find time to laugh at the absurdity of the script.
And now. In the soap opera that I write, direct and act in real life, my "second self" is often missing.
Aren't most of us jumping in so seriously? In my own soap opera?
After many years of exposure to Buddhism, I realized that "you create your own reality" means "consciousness alone"
In the course of our life, all our encounters and destiny are actually derived from our habitual way of thinking, selective focus and emotional reactions;
In other words, external phenomena and destiny, In fact, it is the outward projection of our inner state.
Optimistic and constructive thoughts can easily create happy and lucky experiences; fear, suspicion, pessimism, anger and hatred are likely to cause disasters, diseases and other unfortunate events. Consequences.
4
I used to hear friends who studied numerology say that fate is also inherited. From a psychological analysis perspective, it’s just that This shows how defenselessly children accept the cues of their parents’ spiritual habits as they grow up.
If parents are unhappy and moody, they will often beat, scold, ridicule, and deny their children. Education, children who grow up in low pressure must have subconsciously accepted the negative cues from their parents and formed an unhealthy personality.
Later, when he starts a family and starts a career, he will unconsciously add this set of habits. In the next generation, the so-called "numerology inheritance" is formed.
Knowing destiny is not enough. I have studied Western astrology since I was in middle school. After entering the society, I have made countless friends in the numerology field. .
My beloved godfather once accurately predicted that I would be admitted to Fu Jen Catholic University. When I was anxious to drop out of school in my sophomore year, he was not surprised and took out the famous horoscope expert Ji Bo. The old man who assigned me my destiny when I was born pointed out a sentence on my birth chart, "If this girl can graduate from college, the school will be on fire!" ", and then wrote the words "I achieved fame and fortune through a different path."
Afterwards, I did not want to enter the film industry when I went to university, and from then on I began a film career that seemed to enjoy fame and fortune, but was actually ups and downs. I What I want to discuss is that if we cannot find out the real cause of destiny, what is the use of knowing destiny?
Knowing destiny is still in the orbit of destiny. Only by finding the cause of destiny can we improve destiny and create. Destiny.
Seth’s materials, Buddhism, and various parapsychological works in the “New Age Movement” all tell us the same thing: everyone’s life is self-authored, self-directed, Self-performing.
However, the "everyone" referred to here is not just the "ego" we identify with the existing sensory constraints, but a broader "multiple" The personality of "Dimension" can be called "God Self", "Whole Self", "True Self", "Inner Self" or "Higher Self".
This "God Self" As the creator and the creature, we create all pain, crisis, suffering and opportunities for improvement, and thus enrich the "all that is" or "the power of the universe" that created us.
Even our childhood environment and parents are the objects we choose before we are reincarnated. The reason is that this object can provide us with the greatest challenge and help us further understand the distortions and problems in our own personality p>
In other words, this precious planet, the only "material" planet, offers us the opportunity to learn and advance again.
5
When I compared the "emptiness of dependent origination" of Buddhism with the "you create your own reality" of the new era, I found that if a person who wants to practice cannot realize "emptiness" and only sees "emptiness", When "dependent origination" occurs, it is often easy to become passive, passively letting causes and conditions lead you, and lacking the ability to introspect and observe.
Life experience tells me that if I do not become aware inwardly, I will not Change, if I don’t change, how can the surrounding phenomena change?
Each of us is the center point of our own universe, just like the image of the "Mandala". When the center point changes, the universe can follow. Change.
Once I develop this habit of changing from passive to active, my universe really changes.
I began to have the courage to face myself, to face myself nakedly and without excuses, to face the divinity and demonic nature in my personality, all the fears, jealousies, irritability, laziness and excessive sense of self. .
This kind of confrontation not only does not bring about inferiority, denial or guilt, but also creates an increasingly clear and fearless mental state.
I gradually realized that there are no accidents in this universe. Everything is my choice. My laziness and passivity chose my active and controlling mother.
Before I understood this truth, I completely entrusted the sovereignty of my life and the choice of material life to my mother, letting her arrange everything and take care of everything, but at the same time I complained that I had completely lost The power to arrange life and use money.
My fear of things has caused me to lose even the power to actively communicate and improve. I am listless all day long. This is called "going with the flow", but in fact I am deeply trapped in an "energy-consuming structure" and completely give up on creativity and creativity. The original high ideal of life.
In addition, I discovered that when we "actively" make ourselves "passive", we will inevitably form the so-called "silent violent tendency" over time. We become extremely sensitive and fragile, and we always believe that He is the victim, but with a silent protest, he launches all kinds of violent thoughts from his mind to kill the other party, and then he never gets out of the vicious circle of reincarnation.
Seth’s words, Buddhist scriptures, new era publications, and discussions with good teachers and friends lifted the veil of my “ignorance”. Miraculously, it became clear from then on.
I began to understand the voice that has been in my heart since I was a child. The voice that tried to wake me up when I was depressed and frustrated. It always wanted to remind me: "Don't always listen to other people's opinions." You are so talkative, why don't you listen to what I want?"
So I "actively" stopped the fame and fortune activities that I had never been active in, learned to face myself alone, and calmed down to listen to my own voice. .
6
As soon as a person starts to be quiet, his subconscious mind starts to operate. Countless cries from the depths of the soul have washed away the sorrows of past lives and awakened the great aspirations within.
I am not here to satisfy my selfish desires. I am here to learn, experience, suffer and help other beings.
From my unfortunate childhood experience, I experienced the taste of fear, pressure and conflict, which increased my in-depth understanding of human nature. Only by being "one and the same" with the fear, pressure and conflict that others are experiencing "Feelings and compassion.
This feeling was so real that it drove me to find a way to relieve it, and then I entered the field of Buddhism and the "New Age Movement", which was a blessing in disguise.
In my fifteen years of acting career, I have experienced the frustration of sharing my private life with the public through my experience in facing the media and the public. I often struggle between self-esteem, vanity and real life. I have seen human nature clearly. The cruelty also reveals the truth of applause.
I finally understood that praise and criticism, love and hatred are just projections of the audience’s inner realm. They chose the qualities they wanted to see in me. I learned not to be moved by others, and I also I found myself through these experiences. (You must first find yourself before you can talk about letting go of yourself, otherwise you will just deceive yourself.)
Before I found myself, I used to feel guilty about my "rich" gender experience, and I also felt guilty for Taiwan. Confused by distorted sexual concepts.
Carrying the Chinese people’s guilt about sex for thousands of years, and inevitably accepting the trend of Western sexual liberation, Taiwanese society generally presents contradictions of inconsistency, overflowing behaviors, and restricted thoughts. , thus forming a strange phenomenon of default trading behavior and hostility to free love.
From being in a dilemma again and again, I gradually realized the way between men and women.
As Fromm, the most thorough contemporary psychoanalyst, said, "Love is an active activity, not a passive tendency; it is 'standing in', not 'falling into'."
The relationship between the sexes that is woven around sex has nothing to do with morality. It is the most spontaneous, deepest, and possibly the most beautiful relationship in the universe.
It gives people the motivation to introspect. From the emotional reactions of love and hate, mixed joy and anger, we can see clearly the limitations of possessiveness, jealousy, suspicion, fear and so on in our own personality, and also understand There is no limit to tolerance, consideration, sharing, integration, etc. in one’s own divinity.
From this rare opportunity, we continue to learn to be a giver, because only the giver is the master of his own life, and the recipient is always a passive appendage.
Possession, jealousy, suspicion, and fear in the personality are all the most common mental illnesses of passive vassals.
Sometimes we mistakenly believe that we are already givers and try to get more love from the act of giving. If the income and expenditure cannot be balanced, we are still in a dilemma.
7
I must thank those members of the opposite sex who once made me complain. Without their temptation, how could I understand that love is so endless? The spontaneous ability from within is inexhaustible and inexhaustible. It is completely different from the limitation of any material energy because its origin comes from our divinity and superego.
As soon as the source is connected, the illusion of negative personality is immediately destroyed. Even if the old habits cannot be completely changed, awareness and reflection are still alive.
There are some friends around me who are suffering, whether their friendships or sexual relationships are in red, and their financial situation is also extremely embarrassing.
On the surface, they appear to be such passive victims, persecuted by arbitrary bosses, persecuted by irritable colleagues, and persecuted by ruthless members of the opposite sex. Even the parents who gave birth to them cannot treat them kindly.
Upon further observation, this kind of people have a common problem. They don’t like to actively express their opinions or communicate with others. Underneath their ambiguous, gentle and polite appearance, they have a head that wants to kill others at any time. They evaluate and criticize other people's words and deeds in silence, and they use silent force to cover up their own fear and anxiety.
In fact, it is because we have too many inner desires and have not found the right creative channel, and we do not have the courage to face our own excessive desires, so we are stuck in painful inertia and unable to transcend.
In fact, the solution is very simple. The first step is to humbly admit that reality is all created by one's own hands.
If this self-written, self-directed and self-acted soap opera seems a bit ridiculous and has many twists and turns, then the first action we should take is to "revolutionize our own lives" and change passiveness and coercion into initiative improve.
When your own blessings and virtues are not enough to make you go smoothly, you can only give patiently and learn to care for yourself and others from giving. Over time, the law of cause and effect of the universe will naturally give us what we deserve. Report together.
For those of you who are still in pain, I want to say "congratulations" to you. My life experience tells me that the next step to pain is endless creativity.
However, the prerequisite must be to realize that "you create your own reality", face yourself nakedly and without excuse, and you will find that the answer is already waiting to be revealed in your heart.
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