1: I am afraid of repeating my parents' marriage. Being from a family has a very important influence on a person's personality and psychology. If a person experienced parents' divorce, emotional disharmony, quarrel, domestic violence and so on when he was a child, he would feel unhappy, unhappy and uncomfortable in marriage.
Because his cognitive experience comes from the interaction between parents in marriage, and most of these experiences are negative. So subconsciously, I feel that marriage is not harmonious and unhappy. I am also worried that once I get married, I will live like my parents. It was a small shadow that buried the bitter fruit of fear marriage.
I'm afraid I won't get the satisfaction of love after marriage. If I don't get enough attention and love from my parents when I grow up, we will subconsciously think that I don't deserve to be loved. But at the level of consciousness, he constantly seeks to be loved to satisfy the desire of children who lack love in their hearts. Therefore, in the interaction with close partners, you will always be like a child, asking for love and attention everywhere. As we all know, two people who get along closely need independence and mutual respect.
But in your relationship, you often interact from the perspective of a child. When your needs are met, you think you are loved. When the needs are not seen and met in time, you will think that the other person does not love you, and you will desperately ask the other person to prove it. In such an interactive relationship, because of inequality, you often give your partner an "ideal parent", and when he can't satisfy you in time, it just proves that he doesn't love me. In fact, it is your inner belief that I don't deserve to be loved that makes you afraid of getting married.
I'm afraid I can't handle more intimate relationship. It is really beautiful when you are in love, but it is inevitable that two people will bump into each other when they get along. When there is a problem in the relationship, it will hurt the relationship if you blame and complain blindly. It's a pity that when you get along, you will always get along with the patterns you learned in the process of growing up in "Born into a Family".
If you are an avoidant personality and the other person is an obsessive personality, when there are problems between you, you may face greater challenges: the more you avoid, the more he pursues, and the interaction between you will often fall into a vicious circle. This kind of interaction itself will have a bad influence on the relationship. When you encounter such problems in love and can't solve them, you will be very worried that such problems will be magnified after marriage. Therefore, many couples have problems in getting along, instead of actively and effectively solving them, they avoid growing up, which leads to the fear of marriage.