Marriage customs in Xuanhua District
Women are married as married women, and men are married as married women. In the minds of Xuanhua people, the most popular epistemology of marriage is spouse. Regardless of male or female, someone will definitely propose marriage as soon as they reach the age of eighteen or nineteen. "A girl from one family will ask questions from hundreds of families." All parents will prepare for their children's marriage when their children reach a certain age as spouses. Prepare supplies or betrothal gifts for sons, dowry for daughters, etc. In the traditional concept of marriage, people who are well-matched in appearance, age, and zodiac signs cannot be the basis for marriage. People with matching looks have a higher marriage rate, but there is a contrary theory, that is, "a talented man and a beautiful woman", that is to say, if a man is talented, he can find a beautiful woman, and a man's appearance comes second. Some beautiful women are not good-looking. When it comes to men, "talented men and beautiful women" found their footnote. They are of the same age, and most people agree that men are older than women. Even 3-5 years older is not considered older. But there are also many men who are more than 10 years older than women, and they are also recognized by the public. Xuanhua people also talk about "little son-in-law", and a few men marry women who are older than themselves.
There is also a folk custom of "a female junior, holding a gold brick", and this kind of junior marriage is also recognized. The folk custom of "if a woman is five years older than her mother, competes with her mother" is also deeply rooted. If a man marries a woman who is five years older than him, it is regarded as an abnormal marriage. The zodiac sign plays a large part in marriage customs, such as "the pig and the monkey don't end up", "the white horse offends the green ox", etc. It has been widely circulated among the people that in the old society, marriage was absolutely not allowed if the zodiac sign was in conflict. After liberation, it still remained in the subconscious. "Parents' order, matchmaker's theory" is the first priority in marriage. Anyone who has come from the old times knows that marriages that are not the matchmaker's advice and whose parents do not agree will not receive their parents' blessing in most marriages. Similarly, many "parents" There are many marriages that make children unhappy and have bad consequences. "When you marry a chicken, follow the chicken; when you marry a dog, follow the dog", "A good woman does not marry a second man", "A good horse does not have a second saddle".
The long-standing concept of male superiority and female inferiority is still reflected in all aspects. For example, a woman is not allowed to remarry after her husband has died. If a woman is a widow, she must avoid it on every auspicious occasion. If she remarries, she is called "Erguotou." For the second marriage, the bride has to ride the donkey backwards. Those who are too poor to find a wife or whose looks are too bad and have difficulty choosing a mate may resort to marriage exchange. A's son exchanges for B's daughter, and B's daughter exchanges for A's son. After the marriage, the bride price and dowry ceremony were simplified. This custom of marriage exchange still remains in some remote mountains and remote areas. In the old society, there was a "kid-to-kid" marriage, for example, "kid-to-uncle" where the son of the aunt's family marries the daughter of the aunt's family, and the aunt becomes the mother-in-law. "Aunt's cousin" refers to the marriage between the children of the aunt's family, and the aunt is the mother-in-law.
However, it is taboo to have an aunt as a mother-in-law. This kind of marriage is considered to be "reversing the blood flow." The custom of "inserting the door upside down". If there is a daughter but no children, a man will go to the woman's house to establish a family and ask for a son-in-law. After a man comes to the woman's family, he takes a subordinate position, and the first child born takes the mother's surname. There are also widowers who knock on the door of the widow's house and call her "Zhaojiajia". Marriage buying and selling is very rampant in remote rural areas. After the market economy, there are also some places where traffickers have returned to their old business, and trafficked women have fallen back into the "fire pit". There are illegal cohabitations and de facto marriages outside of marriage, and some women voluntarily reduce themselves to a subordinate position, coveting only the glory and wealth in front of them. The above-mentioned resurgent decadent marriages are being dealt with by relevant departments. In modern divorce cases, the proportion of women filing for divorce has exceeded that of men, which shows the degree of civilized social procedures and the degree of women's ideological liberation. Most ordinary people do not praise their children's divorce, or their children's divorce of their parents, but "divorce when it's time" is also accepted by most. Xuanhua people have different levels of tolerance for pre-marital, intra-marital and extra-marital sex at different times. In old China, if a child had premarital sex, it was considered a treasonous act. At the least, it would be kicked out, at worst, the relationship would be terminated, and at worst, it would be forced to a dead end. Premarital sex is believed to be a disgrace to the family. In the 1950s, the level of tolerance for such premarital sex was relaxed, and the main purpose of dealing with it was to minimize the damage to the family's reputation. In the 1970s, premarital sex with children was still considered a dishonorable matter. The solution is to get married quickly, leave, have an abortion, etc. In the past, pregnant women who failed to obtain a certificate were looked down upon. After the promulgation of the new marriage law, "getting the certificate" has been protected by the law and can be implemented. People no longer pay attention to how long it takes to do things, but care about how long it takes to get the certificate. People no longer reject the intervention of third parties. The result of the survey is that people who are dissatisfied with their marriages sympathize with those who "meddle in"; people who are satisfied with their marriages are very disgusted with those who "meddle in".
In the old society, there were certain procedures for marrying a matchmaker. First of all, a matchmaker must propose the marriage, and if the parents of both parties agree, the birth dates of the boy and girl will be written on red paper, and the matchmaker will send it to the other party. This is called "opening the red sticker." After the red stickers are delivered, each person should place the birth date of the other person under the sacred stove of their own house to pray for divination. If within three to five days, there is an abnormal change in the family, it can be as big as family members being hurt or property stolen, or as small as pots and bowls being broken. The loss of a dog or a cat is regarded as disapproval by the gods, and the children cannot get married. They can only get married if everything goes well within three to five days. At the same time, a fortune teller must be asked to "marry" the children of both parties. For example, check whether the zodiac signs are in conflict with each other. For example, there is a saying in Xuanhua that "the white horse offends the green ox", which means that people born in the year of horse and ox cannot get married; "the pig and monkey cannot reach their heads" means that people who belong to pig and monkey cannot get married; "sheep and mouse shed tears", that is, people who belong to sheep and people who belong to zodiac are unable to get married. Rats have many worries.
In addition to looking at the zodiac signs, we also need to look at the horoscopes of both men and women. There are five kinds of horoscopes: "metal, wood, water, fire, and earth." "Metal overcomes wood, wood overcomes earth, earth overcomes water, water overcomes fire, and fire overcomes metal." That is to say, "People with a wood destiny cannot find people with a metal destiny. People with an earth destiny cannot find people with a wood destiny. People with a water destiny cannot find people with an earth destiny. People with a fire destiny cannot find people with a water destiny. People with a metal destiny cannot find people with a fire destiny." What does this mean? How about combining fate? That is, "metal can generate water, water can nourish wood, wood can generate fire, and earth can generate metal." After asking for fortune-telling, it is believed that the ideal marriage is to be incompatible with parents-in-law and husband-in-law. Those who are in the middle will have few obstacles and can forcefully get married. Those who are willing to get married will be in conflict with each other and cannot get married. "Changing big stickers" caused people to call them "Dading". The wedding is finalized. Both parties should prepare their own engagement gifts. Most of the gifts prepared by the groom's family include jewelry, seafood, snack boxes, tea cakes, etc. The gifts prepared by women's families are mostly men's items such as stationery, shoes, hats, and purses. If you think it is appropriate, you will be given jewelry as proof of engagement. The marriage is established only after the engagement. After the engagement, the marriage cannot be regretted. After liberation, the marriage negotiation process was simplified, especially free love, which broke the situation of using a matchmaker as a link to conclude a marriage. In the process of emerging marriage and love, matchmakers only play a certain role as an intermediary, or even as a foil. Matchmakers no longer play a leading role in the success of a marriage.
Betrothal means establishing a marriage relationship. After the engagement, the young man becomes the fiancé, and the young woman becomes the unmarried daughter-in-law. In the old days, the wedding date was usually decided by the man's family. The man asked Mr. Yin and Yang to perform divination to choose an auspicious date for the wedding. Then the matchmaker informed the woman and asked for the consent of the woman's family. If the woman had no objection, the wedding date was set. If the woman's family has objections, the matchmaker will report back to the man's family and reschedule the wedding date. Most people in Xuanhua choose marriage dates between March, June and September. That is, the third, thirteenth, twenty-third, sixth, sixteenth, twenty-sixth, ninth, nineteenth, and twenty-ninth days of the lunar month. The custom is that "Three, six, and nine are auspicious." The month of the wedding is selective. In rural areas, most people choose to marry in the off-farm season, but not in the first month or the leap month. Most people in the city choose double months, which means "good things come in pairs." "Or don't get married during the Mid-Autumn Festival or Spring Festival. The wedding date is based on the lunar calendar.