If you pay attention, you will definitely hear or see more similar stories. For children, their behavior is extremely natural. They like to blame those inanimate things or irrelevant people, as if this can alleviate the pain of falling.
This behavior of children is normal. However, if this reaction behavior pattern and habit continues into adulthood, problems will arise. Since ancient times, people generally have a bad tendency to shift the responsibility to others. Adam, who stole the forbidden fruit, finally put all the responsibility on Eve: "That woman seduced me and I ate it."
The first step towards maturity should be to dare to take responsibility. A person living in the world has to face many responsibilities in life. Never kick a chair to vent your anger like a child when you are in pain or fall.
Why do many people like to put the blame on others? It's not surprising if you think about it carefully, because it's much easier to blame others than to take responsibility for yourself. Think about yourself. Do you often like to blame your parents, teachers, husbands, wives or children? We even like to blame our ancestors, the government and the whole society. The most unambitious thing is to blame yourself for not being born.
For people with mental disorders, they can always find some reasons-external environment, of course-to get rid of some of their shortcomings or misfortunes. For example, their childhood was extremely poor, their parents were too poor or too rich, their teaching methods were too strict or too loose, and they were uneducated or in poor health.
There are also some people who complain that their husbands or wives don't know themselves, or that fate is against them-sometimes we can't help but think: Why should the world unite to bully these people? If you think about it carefully, you will understand that for these people, they never want to overcome difficulties. What they want is to find a scapegoat first.
There is a student in Carnegie's adult education class. When training students to remember other people's names, the student said, "I hope the teacher doesn't expect me to remember other people's names." This is just my weakness. I have a problem with my memory. "
"Really?" The teacher asked.
"yes." She replied, "My family has always had a bad memory, so I don't expect any improvement in this respect ..."
"Miss," the teacher said sincerely, "the problem of human beings is not heredity, but inertia. Because you think it's much easier to blame the family's inheritance than to try to improve your busyness. Please sit down and I'll prove it to you. "
The teacher tutored her to do some simple memory exercises. Because she is very attentive, the effect is excellent. Of course, it will take some time for her to change her mind. Because she was willing to accept the teacher's advice, she finally overcame the difficulties and her memory changed by leaps and bounds.
Today's parents, in addition to memory loss, have all kinds of things that children complain about, from hair loss to many setbacks in daily life.
There is a young woman who often complains about how her mother has influenced her life. It turned out that when the girl was very young, her father died of illness, and the widowed mother had to go out to work to make a living and educate her young daughter. Because this mother is very capable and willing to work hard, she later became a very successful businesswoman. She took good care of her daughter and gave her the best education, but her daughter regarded her mother's success as the biggest obstacle in her life!
The girl who lost her father in childhood said that her childhood was completely destroyed because she had been living in a state of "competing with her mother". Her mother said inexplicably, "I really don't know this child." For so many years, I have been working hard to create better conditions for her and make her grow up healthily. But somehow, I just added a kind of pressure to her. "
Mother's idea is right, but countless successful people don't all have a comfortable life. Like George Washington, although he has no noble background or outstanding parents, he can still be promoted to become a world-famous figure. Another example is abraham lincoln, whose childhood material conditions were extremely scarce, and everything depended on his own efforts, which did not have any adverse effects on him; Lincoln never wanted to blame others. He once said in 1864: "I am responsible for the American people, for the Christian world, for history, and for God's final judgment."
This is really the most courageous declaration in the world. We are not mature until we can shoulder our responsibilities with the same courage in front of others.
The easiest way to avoid responsibility is to see a psychiatrist, then lie in his chair and spend the whole day talking about our problems and why we are like this. This is actually a luxury modern advanced enjoyment.
If someone tells you that all your troubles come from the abnormal treatment of your childhood-such as a possessive mother or an overly authoritarian father-if this statement can make you feel comfortable and affordable, then you have to rely on a psychologist to support your life, and we have nothing to say.
Dr. William Geffman once wrote an excellent paper on infant psychiatry. The article mentions how more and more "psychologists" spoil everyone. Dr. Geffman pointed out that many people who seek the help of psychologists usually like to "find psychological excuses for their weaknesses and behaviors that are incompatible with the secular world." In this way, they seem to get some kind of spiritual comfort. Psychology has been looking for excuses for those who can't face the adult world, but many people feel at ease to blame their difficulties on external factors.
200 years ago, countless people were superstitious about astrology. "My birth date is bad" or "I have no lucky planet to protect me" is the most common explanation for many difficulties or misfortunes in the16th century.
However, Shakespeare put forward his own opposite view. In the play, he borrowed the famous Roman Caesar and said the following sentence: "Dear brutus, this fault has nothing to do with the astrology to which we belong, but is caused by the habit of resignation."
You must be very familiar with the description of Jesus' deeds in the Bible, so you must know that one of the most remarkable qualities of Jesus is his uncompromising character of choosing good advice. When someone asks him for help or medical treatment, he won't waste time to examine the other person's subconscious, let alone find out who should bear what responsibility for this matter. He would only say piteously, "Pack your bedding and go home!"! Don't commit any more crimes, your sins have been forgiven ... "
Obviously, Jesus' attitude shows that it is important to transform people's lives into better ones instead of indulging in the abyss of self-pity all day.
Britain's Tudor dynasty had a very cruel occupation, but countless people flocked to it. This profession originated from a strange custom in North Korea, that is, all the children in the Wang family hired a so-called "scapegoat". Since it is a heinous act to offend the royal family, the children of the royal family should not violate it casually. But sometimes it is inevitable that children will be naughty and unruly. In order to make subordinates obey the rules of not offending the royal family, they hired a "scapegoat" with money to bear the punishment that the children of the royal family should receive. People who are familiar with the dynasty are scrambling to do this job, not only because they can get a salary, but also because they can work further in the Wang family in the future, so it has become the goal pursued by many people.
This ridiculous occupation no longer exists at present, but for many naive or immature people, this form of "scapegoat" still exists. If they can't find anyone to blame, they will blame the changes of the times, the insecurity of modern life, the chaos of the international situation and other sensational situations.
Once, Mr Carnegie and a friend went to visit a book fair. That friend often boasts that he has rich knowledge of modern art. There is a painting at the book fair, and the painting style is very sloppy. Carnegie inadvertently said his feelings: "I have a 3-year-old child at home. Maybe I can draw better than this. If this is art, I am Michelangelo. "
The friend said in surprise, "don't you feel the pain of human spirit at all?" What this artist wants to show is the pressure and confusion that human beings have suffered in the atomic age. "
Interestingly, even an artist who paints incomprehensible pictures can blame his incompetence on the atomic age! If the atomic age can bring any hope or satisfaction to mankind instead of destruction or death, then we need strong and mature individuals, that is, those who are able and willing to take responsibility for their actions bravely. For those who not only want to grow up, but also mature, what they should do is to be brave enough to bear the consequences of their actions, instead of shirking their responsibilities and letting others "get whipped" for themselves.