EQ education is the focus of family education, and it is the key to clarify the relationship between flatterer and high EQ.
Flatterers and high emotional intelligence are different consequences caused by different execution and environment, which are opposite evaluations of people's similar behaviors.
Flatterers and high EQs evaluate people's behavior: in interpersonal communication, they try to make others feel comfortable and happy through words or actions, with the aim of making others feel good about themselves and even benefit themselves; If you always achieve your goals, you are likely to get one or two of these titles.
The difference lies in how much the commentator likes your behavior. They like you and praise you for your high emotional intelligence. They hate you and call you an apple polisher.
To educate children on emotional intelligence, we should first make them understand the key points: we should be amiable and popular, and we hope everyone loves flowers; Flattery is not a question of shooting or not, but a question of shooting well.
Poor shooting skills make others feel goose bumps and nauseous: you are a flattering, eloquent, shameless, oily and dirty flatterer.
First-class shooting skills make everyone feel relaxed, and drinking ice in summer makes them feel comfortable and happy: you are witty, eloquent, humorous and have a high emotional intelligence.
How can I be a sycophant with high emotional intelligence? Let's take a look at the great gods in the history books first:
Example 1: Have you seen the Zhenguan couple? I'm not in a hurry to go back and look carefully; Emperor Li Er and his ministers with high emotional intelligence (flatterers) performed perfect live performances again and again, without scripts, directors, rehearsals and mistakes, which can be used as a tutorial for emotional intelligence education.
Everything that has no vulgar taste from beginning to end is the national economy and people's livelihood.
From beginning to end, the style is elegant. From Zhengguangwei to Weiguangzheng, Grandpa Li Er is full of light and wind, and the old Wei people dare to speak.
If I ask you not to take it seriously now, you must ask me to prove:
Evidence 1: Old wei ren accused Li Er of spending money to build a house, and the project was stopped after the passionate performances of people from all walks of life, leaving an eternal story; However, not long after their performance, Li Er went on to repair the house, but old wei ren didn't say anything.
Evidence 2: Lao Wei may have been acting all his life, and he can't stand it. Moreover, it is estimated that his old man's house and grandpa 14, who cared about the flood after I died, didn't care much about their children and grandchildren, so they arranged to publish books when they were dying. Their son was a fool, published a secretly recorded script, and slapped Li Yi in the face. The consequences were very serious: digging graves, abandoning bodies and smashing monuments by himself!
Personally, I feel sorry for Lao Wei, a poor man who dared to say a few words of truth only on his deathbed.
Personally, I admire other good fathers who die for their children and grandchildren and don't tell the truth.
As can be seen from this example, if you want to be an apple polisher, you can't have your own delusion of distinguishing true from false. Remember that leaders are always right, and the real mistakes of leaders can't be said even if they die.
Mr. Li Hong claims to be an old man and a difficult guy to serve. According to the grapevine, Ji Yun once kowtowed to him when he was on the arch bridge and said, Sir, you are climbing higher and higher step by step; It's all about making you feel good, right? However, his old man stumbled and asked when he got off the bridge: What is this? I am going downhill now. I wonder if your doll will kill you.
However, it is such a guy who is full of thorns and evil deeds. Xiao Shenyang and adults are still so kind to him. Not only that, but the most powerful thing with grandpa is to kiss the boss's ass and not offend his brother. Lao Wei is too strong in proportion.
It is said that Li Hong farted at a solemn and sacred event. Is it embarrassing? If you are a poor scholar, it will be like this: King Fu Wei, towering golden buttocks, heroic spirit of Hongxuan, faint sound of silk and bamboo, like the fragrance of musk orchid ... The boss may be happy, and the brothers will inevitably be sick; How to shoot with adults? People say nothing and do nothing, but they turn red.
People just blush, and it takes skill to be red if you want to be red; What's more, you blame people for not saying anything. Although the boss boasted that he was sensible, the two brothers felt happy when they saw the red man in front of the boss-they easily met everyone's requirements.
From this example, we can see that a good flatterer must shoot up and down at the same time, back and forth, left and right, and in all directions (this is actually wordy, Lao Tzu said: be good at shooting, and today people say: pretend to be a grandson, that's all); Besides, it takes a little luck. Adults are so perfect. Just because of bad luck, he met a prince who didn't fit his character. No matter how hard he tried, he was finally killed by a prince who didn't like him.
From these things, we can analyze a result: it is easy to be a good flatterer, as long as we adhere to a basic principle: pay full attention to other people's feelings, give priority to ensuring that the boss is happy, and try to take care of everyone's psychological needs.
What if we just want to be people with high emotional intelligence and really don't want to be flatterers? First of all, you should pay attention to flattery or high emotional intelligence, not only the technical level, but also the group attributes. You should choose to work in a company without Prince Li Er Li Hong, and only flatterers can work equally. Second, we must adhere to the basic principles: fully respect the feelings of others and try to take care of everyone's psychological needs.
Li Er will never disappear, but there will be companies that can control Li Er's black paws and forbid them to dig graves, abandon their bodies and smash monuments.
Finally, readers, please don't try to find an EQ training manual here. The author belongs to an unfortunate person who spent his whole life mending his childhood. Emotional intelligence is a typical subject with a high eye and a low hand. For example, his face always turns red when he doesn't want to, but he can't when he wants to. After practicing hard for a long time, EQ is still below the passing line; But the theory is more reliable: my son's emotional intelligence is good.
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