Do you always suppress yourself, even if you are dissatisfied with some words and deeds of others, you will choose to bear it; Do you consider yourself a "good person"?
Our culture attaches great importance to repression and restraint, and "forbearance" has always been a commendatory term in ancient culture.
From the psychological point of view, aggression is the core concept in psychoanalysis.
Freud said that if a person can't express his aggression symbolically and reasonably, there will be psychological problems.
Winnicott described that every life is like a bubble. If you want to show your existence in this world, you must expand the size of the bubble. The so-called aggressiveness is the direct display of the power of bubble expansion.
Wu Zhihong, a psychological counselor, said directly: Aggression is vitality!
Freud said that if a person can't express his aggression symbolically and reasonably, there will be psychological problems.
Many friends worry that if they show aggression, they will lose friendship and interpersonal relationships. In fact, many friends and friendships in Water Margin are "played out". On the contrary, sometimes the lack of aggression in interpersonal relationships is boring.
If a person can't express his anger directly to others, but turns around to express his attack, this is psychological passive attack.
For example, instead of directly rejecting others, it is procrastinating. There is a lot of anger in everyone's heart. Whether you can realize your anger and express it reasonably is an important standard of mental health. If a person can't do this, he is bound to have mental illness.
Many patients with depression just dare not show aggression, because psychological energy is also conserved, so they can only attack themselves if they can't attack others.
For patients with depression, releasing aggression can relieve depression to some extent. On the contrary, suppressing aggression is an unhealthy behavior.
Suppress oneself
Similar to the above, people who dare not express themselves are generally used to suppressing themselves.
Some people are used to suppressing themselves. In fact, the environment in which Dachuan grew up in his early years is also related.
Suppressing yourself is an emotional problem, a personality problem and a mental problem. Having such emotions will only suppress yourself and interlock with each other.
People who are used to suppressing themselves at ordinary times are also people who don't accept themselves very much.
They think that having negative emotions is a bad thing, and the result can only be suppressed to the subconscious, but those negative emotions will disappear unless you suppress them. They will be expressed in another way, which may be very scary.
Most mental diseases, especially neurosis, are caused by excessive depression, which eventually leads to emotional collapse.
In interpersonal relationships, sometimes it seems that people who suppress themselves will not attack others. In fact, that energy is always conserved, just like a good person launching a hurricane.
Once anger is emitted, it is easy to erupt like a volcanic eruption.
If you pay attention to those criminals who kill people, you will find that acquaintances will say: this man is very nice and has never lost his temper.
Thomas Moore said in his book Night of the Soul:
"You'd better only make friends with those who can express their anger."
This is because a person who can publicly express his anger will quickly express his position and attitude, and such communication will be very efficient.
People who suppress anger can't directly express their positions and attitudes, which will make communication complicated and inefficient.
Notre Dame complex
I don't know if you have noticed, but some people are naturally afraid of offending others. Even though I was bullied beyond endurance, I still didn't dare to pierce enough paper.
In a relationship, a person always puts himself in a "humble" and "low" position, and those who continue to pay have no regrets and are willing to be "victims". This is the Notre Dame complex.
Why many people would rather suffer than be a "virgin"? Psychoanalysis believes that emotional guilt is an important factor.
Guilt and shame are probably the last feelings we want to face in this world. Why? Guilt and shame are such things. I hurt you, so I feel guilty. I am a bad person, so I am ashamed.
So many people would rather be "virgins" than "bad guys"