There is a topic in Zhihu: Why don't adults like to admit their mistakes?
One of the most praised answers is:
"The apparent reason is that admitting mistakes makes people feel insecure, and admitting mistakes seems to show that they are worse than others, like losing."
Because each of us is born with the need to keep a good image, admitting mistakes is self-destructive.
Especially in a collective or competitive environment, only by not admitting mistakes can we preserve our personal image and maintain our self-confidence. Therefore, out of an instinctive sense of self-protection, we just don't admit mistakes.
actually, what we really care about is not whether we are wrong, but whether the other party is going to blame us.
Elton John once said, "Sorry, it's probably the hardest word to say."
Some people really can't apologize. They usually involve some small mistakes in some meaningless wars, which is a sign of low emotional intelligence.
I watched a little video.
In a foreign country, a father took his two daughters to the supermarket. A young girl was talking on the phone while walking, and she bumped into the little girl. She walked away without apologizing.
The little girl asked her father, "Dad, didn't you say that you should apologize to others first when you did something wrong? Why doesn't she need to apologize for hitting me? "
So, my father took the little girl to stop her:
"Madam, can you stop for a moment? You just bumped into my little girl. I hope you can apologize to her."
"I didn't mean to. There's nothing wrong with you. Do you want to teach someone a lesson?"
the supermarket manager came to coordinate, but it was fruitless.
At last, she had no choice but to alarm the police. At this time, the girl decided that the situation was serious, fearing the pressure of legal sanctions, and quickly apologized.
after a big detour, you still have to apologize to solve the problem. Why bother?
whether the girl intentionally or not, she did bump into the little girl.
People with high emotional intelligence will apologize sincerely when they bring harm to others.
Because apologizing is the best way to get forgiveness and relieve one's guilt, and it can also effectively reduce the extra cost and solve the problem in the most economical way.
people with high emotional intelligence are brave and rational.
People with low EQ will always find excuses to shirk their responsibilities. They are afraid of being punished, and they are more likely to be emotional, which will only bring them more accusations and conflicts.
people living in society will inevitably have conflicts with others in one way or another, but most of the contradictions can actually be resolved by apologizing at the first time, which is also an important reason why human civilization can flourish.
If you can solve problems by apologizing, don't resort to other means. This is an important manifestation of a person's high emotional intelligence.
Some people say that between husband and wife, whoever apologizes first loses, but is this really the case?
some time ago, Carina Lau participated in "women have something to say" and mentioned Tony Leung Chiu Wai's apology.
Carina Lau proudly said in the program that there was a big stack of cards in her closet, all written by Tony Leung Chiu Wai.
Every time Tony Leung Chiu Wai did something wrong to make his wife angry, he would write an apology card.
after a long period of time, there is actually a full stack.
Many netizens said that this is a sense of ceremony in marriage, and the card can be used as some romantic memories in the future.
And I think this is the performance of Tony Leung Chiu Wai's high emotional intelligence in marriage.
Proactively apologizing can not only make your wife happy, but also make you look generous and romantic.
Jason is also a model of high emotional intelligence in marriage.
In the second issue of "Romantic Travel of Wives", the wives played truth or dare, and Nana drew a note saying "Who apologizes first after quarreling".
Jason admits that he didn't apologize when they quarreled, because he thought he was right.
He didn't apologize, but successfully triggered a "small volcano" in Nana. Nana was furious, but he also flinched, and their relationship became rigid.
Later, Brother Jie figured it out. No matter what the quarrel was, he apologized first, and Nana walked down the steps, and the "war" subsided instantly.
He said, "I won't do anything to apologize. If you win, the great ship of history will not get stuck and roll forward."
Guo Xiaodong praised Brother Jie for his culture.
women care more about attitude than right or wrong.
care less, be more tolerant, be happy with your lover, and be kind at home.
Fu Xinbo said that her parents were most afraid of quarreling, and they didn't apologize to anyone. The longest cold war lasted for one month, and the home was cold.
It just confirms that sentence: "All men who reason with their wives have IQ problems."
Home is a place to talk about love. Men who only talk about right and wrong without apologizing have low IQ and EQ.
Cherrie Ying said: "A wife determines the tonality of a family, because the best feng shui in the family is a good wife."
if the wife is happy, the family is happy; Wife wronged, less love at home.
When quarreling, the tears in the wife's eyes are the water in the man's brain.
after all, people with high emotional intelligence know how to use skills and means to reconcile contradictions.
people with low emotional intelligence will turn some small things into big things, and finally they can't end up.
People with high emotional intelligence always apologize first, and a sincere apology is the golden medicine for a broken relationship.
There is a kind of person who everyone hates these days, and his name is "Barger".
what is a lever essence?
in my opinion, it's not that I have a glib tongue, but that I don't know how to give in at the right time and say I'm sorry.
Sometimes, don't say that you are wrong, even if you are right, you should take the lead in apologizing. This is not only a gesture, but also a strategy.
When everyone has a good face, if you can be considerate of each other and put down your posture, you will certainly get a lot of extra points.
once, two girls in the company went to another city on business to meet customers.
the projector can't be used normally due to the line failure of the customer company.
The client was furious, and it was all on the two girls, complaining that they didn't prepare printed materials, which made them go for nothing and wasted everyone's time.
The PPT made by staying up late was rejected for no reason, and the girl was ready to jump up and argue with the customer.
But the intern didn't have a hard top. She was a boss, apologetic and apologetic, and persuaded her clients to give them a chance to show off.
Then it took her ten minutes to draw a plan by hand on the whiteboard, from the data source to the chain analysis, accurate to two decimal places.
The customer's expression gradually changed from contempt to seriousness. Finally, the two girls successfully won the second-year contract.
The line failure was an emergency, not caused by the little girl, but why did she apologize first?
Because she can tell which is more important, she knows the purpose of her coming, and she has the confidence to turn the tide. Therefore, her apology is not only polite, but more importantly, she has a card.
and the apology just now was to lower yourself, and if you want to advance, you will retreat.
If that girl complains to the customer or argues with the customer, it will probably not only make the company lose a customer, but also make herself lose an opportunity to show herself.
Huang Tongtong, a writer, said: "The best way for people to know themselves is to let go of themselves first. The huge ego of the carrier is not conducive to moving forward, and it is difficult to walk, let alone turn around."
People with high emotional intelligence will not be influenced by the anger of the other party, keep rational and calm, and use their real talents and knowledge with a modest and decent attitude to achieve the expected goal.
only when you are strong inside can you apologize first.
When Benjamin Franklin was young, he suffered from low emotional intelligence.
When he was 17 years old, he left his hometown and went to work in a printing house. The typesetter asked him to offer them five shillings to drink first. In his opinion, this was blackmail, so he flatly refused.
He insisted on not giving money. For three weeks, the typesetters pushed him aside and played practical jokes.
as soon as he leaves, they mess up his typesetting, turn the page numbers upside down, mess up the typesetting and so on.
They also lied that the ghost of the printing house was at work, and anyone who was not formally accepted would be possessed by a ghost.
despite the master's protection, he had to take out the money to protect himself.
this is a special way of apologizing: admitting cowardice.
as he said, "it's really stupid for you to get unhappy with the people you have to deal with every day."
After that, Franklin became friendly with his workmates and gradually gained some prestige among them.
People with high EQ know how to recognize the cowardice properly, recognize the reality clearly, bow their heads appropriately and ease contradictions.
to admit cowardice is not to admit defeat or give up, but a positive self-cognition.
Please Answer 1988 says:
When people really become strong, it is not because they guard their self-esteem, but when they put aside their self-esteem.
Putting aside self-esteem is to wait for something. One must give up something to get something else he wants.
As Tagore said, "Good things never come alone, you come with everything.
people with high emotional intelligence know how to give up the ego and achieve the big one.
When there is friction with others, people with high emotional intelligence always apologize first, which is not only an understanding cultivation, but also a far-sighted pattern.