Give me a cross talk joke about the Mid-Autumn Festival. The funnier the better. I said it at the Mid-Autumn Festival Gala in college. It’s suitable for students. No pornographic jokes. Urgent!

Guo Degang's

Guo Degang and Yu Qian's "Saying Festival"

Guo: Hello everyone (hands over)

Yu: Hello everyone (hands over)

Guo: One year has gone by so fast, and everyone is familiar with us. My name is Guo Degang, and this is my partner, teacher Yu Qian (pointing to the side)

Yu: It’s me< /p>

Guo: We have been together for eleven years

Yu: Yes

Guo: In the eleventh year, we came to Shanghai to perform for everyone, and in my heart Very happy

Yu: Very excited

Guo: (pointing to the side) Teacher Yu is very important to me

Yu: Really

Guo: It’s also a great help,

Yu: He pointed aside politely

Guo: If Guo Degang has even the slightest achievement, (pointing aside), then it’s all thanks to Myself

To: you. . . . (Speechless, forced smile)

Yu: Thank you, let me give you a suggestion

Guo: You say

Yu: If you don’t introduce me in the future , just don’t make gestures to me, okay?

Guo: I haven’t finished yet

Yu: Oh, tell me then

Guo: Shan A single thread cannot make a thread, a single tree cannot make a forest, and a body made of iron can only drive a few nails.

Yu: That’s right

Guo: (gesturing) Without other people’s help, would we be here today?

Yu: I dare not say that

p>

Guo: I want to thank my wife for borrowing this precious land in Shanghai

Yu: (Laughing first, then helpless) Is there me or not here

Guo ：With you

Yu: You are talking about me

Guo: Without you (pause) I would have become popular

Yu: I have been stirring things up Is this

Guo: No, just kidding

Yu: Yes

Guo: Good buddy, good brother, good partner

Yu: Yes Partner

Guo: We have been cooperating for eleven years. I really hope that we can continue to cooperate forever

Yu: That would be great

Guo: By July or Eighth How happy it is that we can still stand on the stage when we are ten years old

Yu: We are still partners

Guo: I guess we will be quite old by then

Yu: I was getting older at that time

Guo: Teacher Yu is also older

Yu: Yes

Guo: But still Like now, I can perm my hair

Yu: I still permed my hair at that age

Guo: But then my hair was white, and my head was white and curly. Like a Pleasant Goat

Yu: What a metaphor?

Guo: Many people don’t know much about Mr. Yu Qian off the stage. There are many crosstalks in China, but those who can achieve the state of Mr. Yu Not many people

Yu: You flatter me again

Guo: Really, because their family is very amazing

Yu: Oh, the family is good

Guo: For example, during the New Year and the holidays, it is a particularly happy period for Lao Yu’s family

Yu: Everyone is happy during the holidays

Guo: Their family can spend money freely now

Yu: Oh, is our family the only one who has money?

Guo: Rich people just celebrate the New Year, especially them Family

Yu: Yes

Guo: A famous family in the north

Yu: Don’t dare say this

Guo: If someone goes If you are passing through Beijing, you can inquire and ask. Yu Qian’s father, Mr. Sun, is in Beijing.

Yu: Please wait a moment (pulling Guo Degang). Stop talking. My surname is Yu. How come my father’s surname is Sun?

Guo: What’s the last name?

Yu: That’s not possible, I have to have the surname of Yu

Guo: I have to have the surname of Yu

Yu: Yes

Guo: Mr. Yu, when he mentioned the Chinese New Year, his father was happy from the bottom of his heart.

Why, this person doesn’t have any hobbies, he just wants to spend money

Yu: He can spend money during the Chinese New Year

Guo: Especially during the Chinese New Year, not to mention the Chinese New Year, it’s the same in normal times

Yu: It’s also expensive

Guo: It’s not bad to spend more than ten yuan when you wake up early in the morning and eat breakfast while others are eating it

Yu: That’s not bad

Guo: How much can you eat with sesame cakes, deep-fried dough sticks and tofu naoer?

Yu: That’s right

Guo: When his father got up in the morning, he had to draw several pictures for breakfast. Where's the hundred yuan?

Yu: Ouch, that's a lot

Guo: Get up in the morning

Yu: What are you eating (interruption)

Guo: Wash your face, brush your teeth and wash your feet

Yu: Wash your feet when you wake up in the morning

Guo: I forgot to wash my feet last night

Yu: Hi, Then don’t be too picky

Guo: I’m washing my hands, and when I’m ready, I’ll serve the food

Yu: Not bad

Guo: OK A bigger bowl (gesture)

Yu: Then eat in such a big bowl (gesture)

Guo: Braised pig intestines

Yu: Get up in the morning Eat this

Guo: Hey, this big basin is fresh. Sit here and say, "Uh, momo, momo, momo"

Yu: My dad still protects the food

Guo: This is breakfast. I want to eat something light for lunch - steamed pig intestines

Yu: Steamed pig intestines are light

Guo: Large intestines in the morning Cut it into sections. You can’t cut it at noon.

Yu: What should I do?

Guo: Put the whole stick in the basin, and at the end a head will pop out (gesture)< /p>

Yu: Then what?

Guo: Find this head with chopsticks, put it in your mouth, and use your whole body to "swish, swish, swish"

Yu: Me Dad’s appetite is too good, so let’s eat like this

Guo: This is noon, and it’s even worse in the evening.

Yu: What should we eat?

Yu: Raw

Guo: Look at the child

Yu: It sounds surprising, right?

Guo: Not only surprised, but also a little disgusting

Yu: It sounds a little disgusting to me, how about sashimi

Guo: Eat it with mustard,

Guo: I don’t know what life is like for you rich people

Yu: Who eats this

Guo: Anyway, their family is very concerned about festivals. What I just talked about was just a day's daily meals

In: Morning

Guo: Usually after watching the festival, After seeing the New Year, his father was really happy. When he saw it, for example, today, today is the beginning of spring

Yu: It’s called Dachun in Beijing

Guo: It’s called Dachun in northern dialect, yes. Today is the beginning of spring, we want to celebrate. Northerners usually eat pancakes

Yu: Hey, it’s also called lotus leaf pancake

Guo: Stir-fried various green vegetables

Yu: Yes

Guo: Spread the eggs

Yu: Yes

Guo: Eat elbowflower sauce rolled with meat. His father didn’t

Yu: Where is our family?

Guo: The pancakes are too small, making people laugh

Yu: Oh, I don’t show my identity

Yu: how big a cake

Guo: bake a cake with forty kilograms of noodles (gesture)

Yu: That’s not allowed Such a big cake

Guo: The dough cake is so thick that I can’t finish it. I use it as a quilt at night

Yu: Our family sleeps in the cake at night

Guo: There are four people in the family, but killing four cows is not enough to eat

Yu: Hey, we can eat

Guo: Snails

Yu: Snails, Does that person eat snails?

Guo: This is the Spring Festival, a small solar term. After a while, it will be May 5th

Yu: That’s May Day

Guo: Dragon Boat Festival in May

Yu: Yes

Guo: Eat rice dumplings and drink realgar wine

Yu: Hey, this is particularity

Guo: The Yu family is very happy

Yu: Happy again

Guo: Make big rice dumplings, half a ton each

Yu: Half a ton each

Guo: Two jujube trees are wrapped in the rice dumplings

Yu: No more dates, but two jujube trees

Guo: After eating the rice dumplings, drink two cups Realgar wine

Yu: I want to take a sip

Guo: His father is sitting here, feeling very depressed

Yu: Depressed?

Guo: Hi, call Yu Qian over and talk to me. I have something to ask you.

Yu: OK

Guo: Hi, son

Yu: Well, you can tell me over here, okay? Don’t say this to me, okay.

Guo: The stage performance, this is fake, don’t take it seriously

Yu: Nonsense, who takes it seriously? If it’s fake, there’s no need to delay telling the other side,

Guo: Okay

Yu: Don’t let people misunderstand

Guo: (turn to the other side) Hi, son (turn again)

Yu: It’s still me, you have to tell me, ah, you’re afraid

Guo: When you watch TV series and movies, this one plays the father, and the other plays the son, aren’t they all normal? Why do you call this real? Then

Yu: Nonsense, that’s normal. We don’t need to do that. Just describe it.

Guo: Well, his father is very depressed. Today is the Dragon Boat Festival in May

p>

Yu: What’s wrong

Guo: I feel very sad

Yu: Why

Guo: I think of your mother this day Coming

Yu: My mother

Guo: Your mother is not from Beijing

Yu: That is

Guo: I live in Mount Emei, Sichuan

Yu: Emei?

Guo: You also have an aunt named Xiaoqing

Yu: Xiaoqing?

Guo: That year they traveled to Hangzhou, and I also went there on a business trip. When we walked to the shore of the West Lake, it started raining, and they asked me to borrow an umbrella.

Yu: Touring the Lake Borrowing an umbrella

Guo: I was hoping for a beautiful marriage. Unexpectedly, our neighbor has an Uncle Hai. . .

Yu: Hey, this.

Okay, what are you doing, Uncle Hai? Are you talking about our family?

Guo: Isn't this it?

Yu: Isn't this "The Legend of White Snake"?

Guo: I told you all

Yu: Don’t talk about this

Guo: After the May Festival, it will be the Mid-Autumn Festival in August

Yu: It was the August Festival

Guo: The whole family was very happy on the August Festival

Yu: They were all happy

Guo: Now we can eat mooncakes< /p>

Yu: Yes, pay attention to this

Guo: Their mooncakes are different

Yu: What’s the difference

Guo : It needs to be made to order

Yu: This is important

Guo: Everyone, when it comes to custom-making, it is a matter of status

Yu: Then Yes

Guo: Ordinary people buy mooncakes, but they don’t have anything to buy and eat.

Yu: What about us?

Guo: Let’s go to the largest pastry company Customized, we have to make separate molds, fillings, and noodles for you. A mooncake costs more than 5,000 yuan

Yu: How much, identity

Guo: The whole family After it was done, his father asked one by one: What kind of fillings are they eating? Oh, you eat the ones with fish fillings

Yu: There are moon cakes with fish fillings

Guo: You eat the ones with kidney fillings Okay, oh, you eat the one stuffed with mustard

Yu: Don’t be too harsh

Guo: I eat the one stuffed with noodles

Yu: Isn’t that just the same Cake, why are you returning noodles?

Guo: This is a mooncake, and the mooncake box is even more particular.

Yu: How else can I be particular about this box?

Guo: Our mooncake boxes are made of wood, plastic, or iron

Yu: Yes

Guo: They are all ordinary, they use the best ones

Yu: Yes

: What

Guo: Rosewood

Yu: Oops, that’s a hardwood

Guo: Small-leaf rosewood

Yu: More It’s high-end

Guo: Most people use it to make furniture

Yu: Yes

Guo: They use it to make mooncake boxes. Look, it’s so A large small box, and a rectangular one with a moon cake in it

Yu: How wonderful

Guo: Someone said that after closing the lid, what should I do if I don’t know whose it is

p>

Yu: How to distinguish?

Guo: It doesn’t matter, who made the decision, and whose photo is posted on it, he’s so rich

Yu: If you have money, you can’t suffer like this

Guo: It’s even more so during the Spring Festival

Yu: The Spring Festival is a big festival

Guo: There are lights and colorful decorations inside and outside the house

Yu: Yes, yes

Guo: Their family bought tens of thousands of lanterns

Yu: The yard is also big

Guo: The house is big,

Yu: Then Yes

Guo: From a distance, the fog is clear. From a close look, the tiles are convex like spoons, as if they are held together by a whole brick.

Yu: What you said is not big. We all live in it. Inside the cricket cage

Guo: No

Yu: It looks like the whole brick is buckled together, it’s just that big (gesturing)

Guo: Very, very big< /p>

Yu: That is

Guo: Is it an old house? The main room has five rooms at the top. There is a corridor in the front and a building in the back. There are east and west side rooms and east and west wing rooms. The east courtyard has a kitchen with a thatched room. , the thatched house in the west cross courtyard is equipped with a kitchen

Yu: Hi, are they all straight?

Guo: I should be

Yu: This is the kitchen, that is the thatched house

p>

Guo: When I look inside the house, I see that there is a cave in the open sky.

Yu: What are they all?

Guo: There are Jun kiln vases on the eight strips facing you. Lang kiln pots and Xuan kiln lid bowls

Guo: Fruit plates and antiques from Gu Yuexuan. There is an Eight Immortals table in front of the case, a rosewood Taishi chair on one side, fragrant core Pero cushions, and many shiny satin hangings on the wall. Quilt, shiny satin mattress,

Yu: Why did you urinate on the bed,,,,

Guo: What are you hanging?

Yu: The quilt is all on The wall is covered

Guo: That should be it,

Yu: Hang the calligraphy and paintings of famous people

Guo: There are many famous people’s calligraphy and paintings hanging on the wall

Yu: Yes

Guo: Tang Bohu’s beauties, Mi Yuanzhang’s landscapes, Liu Shi’an’s fans, Tie Bao’s pairs, Banqiao’s bamboos, and the character “tiger” in Songzhong Hall , right in the middle is written by Emperor Qianlong himself

Yu: What is it written

Guo: One world, one dream

Yu: Never heard of it

(I typed this myself)