: Liwan Bay
Yesterday, I wrote an article to discuss a problem-talking about marriage, but my parents didn't agree. What should I do?
This article didn't cause much repercussions, but one comment caught my attention.
He said something like this:
"Marriage without parents' blessing is often not a good marriage. Regardless of men and women, in fact, most parents are thinking of their children. The reason for their opposition is often based on their own marriage experience and understanding of simple life, which is actually reasonable. Unmarried men and women, lacking experience in this field, get married with the eagerness and impulse of love, and the result is always flustered. "
If this passage is expanded into an article, it will certainly cause a lot of people's * * *. Because many people fell in love, his parents objected, but he didn't listen and got married. After getting married, he found that what his parents said was right.
In recent years, "marriage without parents' protection is doomed to be unhappy" seems to have become a universal truth. Parents' opposition seems to be a curse on young people's marriage.
What I want to ask is, is the child's unhappy marriage only because of the parents' original opposition? Is it really just because parents are well-informed and see through marriage life that they were "accurate" at the beginning?
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In fact, there are reasons behind parents' opposition that we don't often think about.
Today, I just want to get to the bottom of it and find out why it is difficult to be happy in a marriage that my parents oppose.
On the one hand, unhappy marriage itself is a high probability.
In fact, as long as you have been married long enough, it is normal to be unhappy in marriage-happiness is not normal.
Why does our media always promote model couples and happy couples? Because it is rare, if most people are happy, what is there to promote? Just as we preach "being brave", it is because he is a minority. If everyone is brave, what is there to preach?
I think many people have misunderstandings about the happiness of marriage. They always think that marriage is happy, at least other people's marriages are happy, but in fact, marriage happiness is a higher ideal, which is not the norm or the bottom line! This needs clarification.
Don't refute the situation of just getting married for three or five months or one or two years. Life is long.
Most couples have no love between them. Unlike couples, they are more like roommates or colleagues, and some are not even roommates-because they don't sleep together at all. They can only be regarded as colleagues-for the sake of children's product and the apparent integrity of this family and company, they will continue to operate.
Many couples have nothing to say, no love to do, and life is tepid or even a mess. They don't live under the same roof, but more like strangers sheltering from the rain under the same roof.
From the increasing number of divorces in recent years, it can be seen that divorce is the general trend of China and even human beings, and it has nothing to do with whether parents object or not. Even many parents, relatives and friends are optimistic about this marriage, don't they break up?
In many places, almost half of the couples who have been married in the past ten years are divorced, and the remaining half, many of them are not divorced, which does not mean that they are happy.
Looking around the world, there are very few truly happy marriages. I once joked that there are more happy marriages or more giant pandas. ...
Therefore, what your parents opposed at the beginning actually won't work. If you two really love each other and really advance and retreat together, it won't matter much if your parents don't object.
For quite a few marriages, it's really not your parents' fault that they are ultimately unhappy.
If parents are really to blame for their opposition, many people can blame their parents for their support.
Second, the parents' opposition also represents the voice of the parties to some extent.
If you observe human nature deeply enough, you will find that when men grow up, they are basically different, and so are women.
We often say "mother and child are connected". Parents have a great influence on their children. Many people invisibly accept their parents' aesthetics and values, and their parents' opposition actually represents the voices of some of them.
Just like when I was feeling, many people hesitated because of their parents' opposition. I said, if you really love each other, why do you have to listen to your parents? If you really want to get married, can your parents tie you up?
The answer they gave me was surprisingly consistent-"In fact, the main reason is that I think what my parents said is also reasonable".
See, that's the point!
Therefore, you should be clear that it is not the parents who object, but another voice in his heart is also opposing-people's feelings are very complicated. You like a person very much, not all of them, and even completely opposite emotions are mixed in.
In reality, pure emotion does not exist, nor does the idea of following a person wholeheartedly. We always hesitate, weigh and compare, and finally decide to go together. It's just that the heart that wants to be together overwhelms the heart that wants to be separated, but it doesn't mean that there is no heart that wants to be separated.
Parents just tell the reason why you want to separate.
Third, parents' persistent opposition makes children lose their ability to be happy.
On the surface, parents are only opposed to marriage, but in fact, parents are opposed to many things.
Many parents, their greater success in life, is to constantly oppose their children.
I told you not to play with water when I was a child. Later, let you not play games; I went to junior high school and told you not to fall in love. I went to college and told you not to be in such a hurry. When you graduate, you have nothing and no experience. It's time to work hard, but they tell you not to work hard and get married quickly.
China's parents have been worrying about their children all their lives, fearing that their children will make mistakes and take detours all their lives.
But the more you manage like this, the more you tell your children not to do this and that, the more mistakes they make.
Take me for example, I have been in love since junior high school and didn't break up until I was in my twenties. Up to now, I am immune to love. Many of my emotional clients are people in their forties and fifties. It's really distressing to watch their pain.
Why are they so confused and so painful when they are old and face marriage and emotional problems?
Because I didn't experience it much when I was a child.
But I, my parents don't care about me. I was lovelorn in my twenties and was in great pain. I didn't come out for more than two years, and then I fell in love and lost my love. It was miserable. However, when I have experienced, suffered, thought and learned a lot, I naturally understand how to fall in love, what kind of person is suitable for me, what kind of marriage I should seek and what marriage means to me.
This is actually a process of making mistakes, and mistakes should be made early.
I understand so much because I experienced it early. I made mistakes. I made all kinds of mistakes. When I was very young, I understood things that many people never understood.
Parents are afraid that their children will take detours. If they are not allowed to take detours, then parents must always be right and always be able to control their children, but it is obviously impossible. Children will leave their parents sooner or later, and parents may not always be right.
If you keep controlling your children, they will be a little rebellious and will not trust you. If you don't let him do it, he may have to. Because when you object to him, he will no longer take your objection as an opinion, and he will only think that you are embarrassing him.
Under this kind of confrontation, he will think-if you don't let me get married, then I have to get married.
This kind of confrontation and anger is not judgment. And people's ability to be happy is the ability to be independent, think independently, judge independently, and bear independently-most children in the shadow of middle and long years did not have these abilities when they were young.
Therefore, parents' opposition to their children's marriage is essentially not to make their children unhappy in marriage, but to make their children unhappy all their lives.
Fourth, parents' opposition is a kind of persistent opposition.
Most parents, they are against children getting married, not just before marriage. Their opposition is a lasting opposition, even a lifelong opposition.
And many people get married, especially men, and live with their parents after marriage. My parents-in-law are against marriage. They turned against their son.
After marriage, my mother-in-law didn't like it. They are a pair of enemies. And the husband, will be caught in the middle, both sides are not pleasing, such a marriage, can he be happy?
Many couples break up because the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not handled well. When a woman marries a man, not one person marries another person, but one person marries the man's family. If one person in the man's family doesn't like her, then the possibility of a good marriage is slim.
If the woman's parents object, they will also interfere with the son-in-law for a long time. They didn't like the young man before marriage. How can they like him after marriage? The attraction between people is basically determined from the first meeting.
So, if you only object before getting married, it's nothing, but most of the objections are always against it. Without independent judgment and commitment, it is hard for China children not to be influenced by their parents' opposition!
Fifth, parents' opposition is a kind of psychological suggestion.
Marriage life is full of trivial matters, contradictions and interests, with good and bad sides and good and bad times.
In good times, all opposition is not a problem; in bad times, everything is a problem.
When two people have problems, people are likely to see what their parents said. With the deepening of marriage, they increasingly recognize their parents' judgment.
Just as people believe in gods and constellations. In good times, "that's all", "what time is it to do this" and "as long as the relationship is good, who cares about those gods"; But what about the bad times? "Sure enough, Capricorn men are like this." "Sure enough, dragons don't deserve chickens." "Sure enough, there is still some truth in the eight characters. Grandfather is sincere and don't bully me."
Psychological suggestion has a particularly powerful energy, which will change and make people become.
Besides, people are right. When an idea appears in his mind, he will look for the basis to support it-when he feels that he has married the wrong person and wants to divorce, his parents' original opinions have become a huge support.
If his parents always support him and two people, he may stop the divorce in time, but if his parents object, he just wants to leave for three points, and the result becomes very bad.
At this point, the cause analysis is almost complete.
I want to say that in fact, parents oppose their children's marriage, and there is almost no positive result.
Those who don't want to get married, even if you support them, they don't necessarily want to get married themselves. If you object, maybe his stress reaction will rise-you say I am wrong, then I have to prove that I am right.
He really wants to get married, and you may not be able to stop him.
Parents' opposition will have a great influence, often those who hesitate.
Your opposition has increased his psychological burden and his sense of guilt and sacrifice. When his marriage is unhappy one day, he will complain, "I stayed with you regardless of my parents' opposition, but you did this to me." "I'm sorry my parents, and I don't know why I didn't listen to them. "This kind of marriage can be good?
As mentioned above, the persistent opposition of parents is an interference in the child's life, so how can his marriage be happy? The psychological suggestion brought by parents' opposition makes children lack the heart to help each other in the same boat. When there are contradictions, their husband and wife are no longer comrades-in-arms, but enemies. Is the enemy, how to resolve contradictions?
Therefore, parents who oppose their children's marriage are selfish and stupid, and this kind of behavior is harmful. Even if you object to success, he gives up his feelings under your coercion. In the future, he will find someone else. When he is unhappy, he will miss the person who gave up because of his parents' opposition, which will also have a great impact on his marriage.
I hope that parents all over the world can respect their children, trust them and believe that they are smart and have judgment. Besides, what age is it? If he is unhappy, won't the divorce be over? If you object, he will be unhappy in the future He didn't even have the courage to divorce, because he was afraid of "slapping himself in the face" and being laughed at by his parents-"I told you at the beginning, but now I know, and I don't listen to the old man." ...
Parents should know how to authorize. What's your purpose against children? Is it really for him?
Actually, it's not. In life, we are against others almost at any time. The primary purpose is not to be good for others, but to prove that you are right. Parents' opposition is no exception-this is the most important thing in this article.
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The above is about why the marriage of the dragon girl is not good, and about the sharing of marriage. Seeing that both husband and wife belong to dragons, I hope this will help everyone!