It can be traced back to 1968 at the earliest, when EricWeber, a famous director and writer, wrote a best-selling book, HowToPickUpGirls! ",later adapted into a movie, is considered to be the originator of PUA.
In the late 1980s, Ross Jeffery published a short story about PUA skills, How to Get the Woman You Desire to Sleep with.
PUA was first introduced to China by some foreign students, who translated a best-selling book "Game: Penetrating the Secretariat Society of FPICKUPARTIES" by neil strauss into "Picking up Girls".
From the perspective of development, PUA begins with systematically learning love skills and psychological knowledge, constantly improving emotional intelligence, and approaching and chatting up people you like.
But it gradually evolved into a means of cheating money. At the same time, a large number of PUA organizations claim to be love mentors, and start enrolling students, with high tuition fees. These PUA organizations not only teach boys how to seduce girls, but also train girls how to seduce Kai Zi.
With the exposure in recent years, PUA, a kind of recessive knowledge that only spreads among a few students in the so-called emotional training class, has become a shame for people in today's society.
In fact, many puas in China are bad puas, which is a genre developed by people with ulterior motives later.
Briefly describe the definition of PUA in China at present, that is, subjective malice, hunting or controlling the feelings of others in order to satisfy one's own desires.
PUA in marriage is more horrible than physical violence, just like being in a dark stagnant water, all the injuries are hidden underwater, and the spiritual world of the victim is swallowed up bit by bit in hallucinations.
The film Under the Kerosene Lamp is a typical psychological manipulation case of PUA case. Aunt Alice, a relative of beautiful girl Paula, has been living in the shadow since she was killed. Later, she inherited a large inheritance from her aunt and met Gregory Anton, a handsome and considerate young pianist, before she felt that she was back in the light.
Paula's heart is fragile and sensitive. She used to worry about whether she should fall in love with Gori Anton. Finally, she listened to her heart and agreed to Anton's proposal.
After getting married, at Gory Anton's insistence, they returned to Alice's haunted house in London. Returning to London has caused great psychological pressure on Paula, and the shadow left by menstruation's bizarre murder has been lingering for a long time. But for the sake of her beloved, Paula agreed.
Soon after, Anton kept Paula indoors in the name of protecting her. Moreover, many strange things happened at home after marriage, which made Paula feel very uneasy and scared. Especially at night, the gas lamp in the room flickers on and off, and there is a strange and creepy sound on the roof. When the light came back, it was the time for Gregory Anton to go home.
Paula was so scared that she began to be in a trance and was on the verge of madness, but Anton said she was mentally ill.
In order to find out the truth, the young detective Berlin and Miss streeter, who knew Paula's unfortunate transformation, made a detailed investigation on this beautiful woman.
When they came to Paula's home, they were surprised to find that the real reason for Paula's fear was her beloved husband.
Anton killed Paula's aunt for a gem 10 years ago. And 10 years later, he tried his best to find the little girl Paula who witnessed the murder scene at that time, and deceived her and married her. The purpose is just to put on a legal coat for him to find the jewels he lost in that year.
But when he found out that his letter to Aunt Paula was discovered by Paula, his attitude changed greatly. He began to quietly use Paula's fear of the murder case to create a ghostly illusion, and intensified his public framing of Paula as a psychopath to cover up his plot.
But all his actions did not escape the eyes of Berlin detectives. The conspirators committed many unjust acts and hanged themselves, and finally the murderer was brought to justice.
On the other hand, PUA is an abomination both inside and outside marriage.
Anyone who hurts others in the name of love should not be understood and forgiven.
I still remember an old saying: only the most incompetent people will bring harm to their families.
The most powerful thing about PUA is to make the other side helpless, then break through the bottom line of the other side a little bit, and finally do whatever you want.
It basically includes the following features:
1: Suppress the other party: accuse the other party of shortcomings, accuse the other party of not being modest and without shortcomings, or simply make something out of nothing. Similar to accusatory personality, such as PUA in the workplace: being told by the leader, I think you are a failure and so on.
2. Raise yourself: emotional PUA, I am so good to you, you should cherish it; Although you are not excellent at all, I married you anyway. You should be grateful or something.
3. Cut off contact: prohibit all diplomatic activities of the other side, create an isolated environment for the other side, and regard yourself as the whole and lifeline of the other side.
4. Use cold violence: deepen each other's dependence on themselves. I will ignore you for three days. Without outside help, you will be paranoid and become more dependent on me.
5. Make the other person feel terrible, then blame the other person's small mistakes, infinitely enlarge them, and then show that they have been greatly hurt, and use the other person's inferiority and strong sense of guilt to further control each other.
6. Repeat the above process, constantly "strive for rights", constantly ask the other party to promise more excessive demands, and even completely lose dignity and rationality step by step.
What should we do if we meet PUA?
If you want to solve the problem, you must first learn to identify the problem: compare the above PUA routines and observe and analyze whether you are in PUA mode.
Controllers are very good at controlling their thoughts by brainwashing, words, threats and so on. Although they often draw big cakes, which are fragrant and big, they should be vigilant. This is also a routine.
Be brave, say no to them, or ask someone you trust for help. If it really doesn't work, you can call the police.
Beware of those "insults" that are only emotional and have no specific improvement details.
If someone in your relationship accuses you of not giving enough, then they'd better do it themselves.
If someone interferes with your professional ability in the workplace, it depends on whether they are professional in this field.
If they can't do it well, you don't have to follow their advice. On the contrary, people who can give specific suggestions and let you know how to correct yourself are worth listening to.
Secondly, I am no longer a "humble person" in my work and life.
"People with low self-esteem" often have "please personality".
They dare not express their opinions at work for fear of being rejected. As a result, they always do things they don't want to do.
Although the surface is friendly, but the heart is very contradictory, the results are not good enough, being criticized, and then denying yourself.
It is better to learn to refuse, say no to things that you are not good at, and dare to take responsibility for your decisions.
Try to communicate with leaders and put forward your own ideas and requirements, so as to establish a positive feedback.
There is also the opening of social circles. Listen to the opinions of all parties.
Controllers often block the information channels of the accused, making them mistakenly think that they can only obey their own arrangements, which can keep you emotionally away from other members of the opposite sex and prevent you from contacting other leaders at work.
Therefore, we should open our emotional circle and professional circle, and try to contact people with different backgrounds, instead of sticking to the immediate controller.
The more information you have, the more you can distinguish right from wrong, and learn to get out of the strange circle of PUA with the help of others.