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How to give people a good impression
Hubei Yang Jihong (compiler)
Think Think about the meetings in your life that you will never forget: your first date with your future partner; a career-changing job interview; or meeting someone with a profound personality. Focus on those first 7 seconds: What did you feel? Have you "read" the information revealed by others before they even open their mouths? Do you also think that others are "reading" you?
1. Body Language
Over the past 25 years, I have dealt with countless successful business elites, political leaders and media stars. I have coached many people on how to fully express themselves, how to answer tough questions and how to One of the secrets I discovered to communicate effectively with people is: when interacting with people, you must regard your entire body as a being that reveals information. You must always remember that every move you make speaks. .
If you use your body language well, others will be willing to accept you and work with you. You must know that appearance, emotion, words, tone, eyes, posture, and the ability to capture other people's interest are all capital available to you, and others are forming their first impression of you.
Recall three times in your life that made a good impression on others, and think about what factors helped you succeed? I think it is nothing more than these: sincere words, clear thoughts, dignified behavior, and concentration until selflessness.
2. Be the same on the outside
Many practical brochures on social interaction always advise you: you should walk in with your head held high and show off your brilliance to the people around you. They teach you to use a "vice-like handshake" "To give people a blow, and secretly teach them secrets, saying that you must stare at others with an aggressive gaze like a hypnotist. If you do this, you'll drive everyone crazy - including yourself.
The real secret to networking is this: You should always put your best foot forward. The most influential people never change their personalities depending on the situation. Whether they are having a cordial private conversation, speaking to the public, or attending a job interview, they are always consistent and show no pretense. Their true selves, they use their whole body and mind to communicate with others, and their tone and gestures are always in harmony with the expressions in their mouths, everything seems so natural.
Yet some public speakers often send confusing messages to their audiences. One of my acquaintances was like this. When he said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad to be here," he looked at the shoes of the audience. In fact, this showed that he was not very happy. He looked depressed and timid. , even a little depressed.
The audience is not stupid at all. They value what they see with their own eyes rather than what they hear with their ears. They will think that this person is not honest at all, does not mean what he says, and is full of clichés.
3. Make good use of your eyes
Whether you are talking to one person or 100 people, you must remember to look at them when you are talking to them. Some people looked at the audience when they first spoke, but after saying a few words, they turned away and looked out the window, which made people feel uncomfortable.
When you step into a room with people, your eyes should be free and easy, look directly at the people in the house and smile at them. This shows that you are relaxed and easy to be accepted. Some people say that when they walk into a house full of people, they feel as nervous as walking into a lion's cage. I don't think that is necessary. Even if I agree with this metaphor, then when I walk in, I will not just look at my feet nervously, or look up at the ceiling inexplicably, but I should look at those "lions"!
Smiling is important, but a fake smile glued to your face is just as unpleasant as not looking at the person talking. The best smile should be natural, relaxed, and make people feel like they are taking a breath of spring breeze.
4. Listen first, speak later
My father once taught me the principle of "listen first, speak later" in social interactions. He said: "Boy, you must know that you can't hear anything when you talk."
When you attend a meeting, a party, or talk to someone, don't be too impatient to express your opinion. Wait for a minute, feel the atmosphere of the scene, and understand whether people are excited and happy at that time, or depressed and wait-and-see? Are they eager to get to know you? Are you welcome? If you can feel this, you'll be better able to approach them without acting inappropriately.
5． Concentrate
Jack Berry once taught me another life lesson. In his later years, the great comedian was a guest host on a famous TV show. At that time, I was assigned to be the producer of this show. people.
When I saw Berry for the first time, I found that he was a thin old man sitting on the corner of the sofa. I couldn't help but mutter in my heart: Oh my God! Can he fulfill this role?
The live broadcast started. I was sweating. The band played the melody of "Love in Youth". I saw Berry take a deep breath and walk towards the front stage with his vigorous steps that are familiar to the audience. , there, he seemed to be full of strength and full of energy, and a real Jack Berry appeared in front of me radiantly.
Investing energy and enthusiasm will leave a deep impression. Whenever I want to meet someone, I always think for a moment, think about what to say, consider the purpose of the meeting, and then make a Taking a deep breath, or taking a stroll, once I step through the door of the interview room, I stop thinking about myself and focus on the other person.
Concentrating on interacting with people can show your sincerity. When you speak to people with your full attention, it shows that you believe in what you are saying. A person who uses all his strength to interact with people is like a powerful magnet. , will firmly attract others. People may disagree with your views, but they cannot doubt your beliefs and sincerity.
Another important principle is that words must be sincere and certain. We often see some people starting out impassioned and then becoming more vague in tone. You know, no one wants to trust an erratic person. Your voice can be soft and cautious, but it must not be ambiguous.
6. Don't forget to relax
I once attended a gathering in the media industry. The chairman was a "tyrant"-like figure that everyone feared. He knocked everyone down with tricky questions, and then said smugly. Intoxicated with his formidable authority, when he saw me, he exclaimed arrogantly: "Alas! You, Alis, what are you doing?"
I had an idea and said casually: "Are you referring to what I am doing tonight, or what I am doing at other times in my life?" The venue fell into silence. Others opened their eyes wide and did not dare to express their anger. Suddenly, the chairman raised his head and burst into laughter. Everyone laughed, and the humor immediately resolved the suffocating tension in the scene.
You must have seen many people who value themselves too much when interacting with others. They are either depressed or talk about themselves endlessly. This is all because they are not relaxed enough, but you must know that they always use themselves People who are centered cannot relax. Take a closer look at your performance: Do you often start your sentences with "I"? Do you always talk about your problems? Are you complaining all the time? Do you try to interrupt when others are making a new point? If you say yes to even one of these questions, you have to relax. Otherwise, you will be a bore to your family, friends, and colleagues.
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Three kinds of friends should be avoided
Sichuan Qu Zeren
As precious as gold, as pure as gems, as blazing as flames, as broad as the sea... There has always been no shortage of beautiful words of praise for friendship. However, there are also haze and storms in the blue sky, not to mention that the world is complicated and people's hearts have changed. Friendship, sometimes, may be humiliated. When we look at friendship, we must not forget that there are three types of people who must be treated with caution, namely, bad friends, humble friends, and noble friends. If we are not aware of these three friends, we may fall into misunderstandings in communication.
1. Avoid losing friends. Loss means benefiting oneself at the expense of others. Its distinctive feature is that it tries its best to harm the interests of its friends in exchange for its own comfort, reputation and status. Lake, a senior American official, had a disgraceful record of harming friends despite his prominent official position. When he was in college, for the convenience of personal activities, Lake persuaded his classmate and roommate Taylor to take turns using the public dormitory alone. However, when it was Lake's turn to use it, he deliberately painted the walls yellow. Taylor was very sad and said afterwards: "I have always been allergic to yellow. He knew this clearly, but he deliberately painted the wall like that. It turned out to be the purpose of monopolizing the dormitory." Taylor's sadness was not so much because he could not enter. Living in a dormitory is more about what your classmates and roommates do. During the Warring States Period, Li Si and Han Fei were also classmates and had a good friendship. When Li Si was assisting the King of Qin, he also suggested sending Han Fei as an envoy to South Korea to seek merit. Later, he was worried that Han Fei would be more important than himself because of this, so he slandered his classmates in the name of "violating the law" and put Han Fei in jail. It stands to reason that since Lake and Taylor, Li Si and Han Fei are classmates and friends of each other, they should look after each other and support each other. Unexpectedly, people like Lake and Li Si regard their friends as their opponents, as if the existence of the other party is an infringement and threat to their own interests. If you think this way, you will of course act this way, thus performing a farce of betraying your friends and betraying them. Since there have been such bad friends in ancient and modern times who are "faced with oral sex and with thorns in their belly" - how can we be careless and guard against them?
2. Avoid humble friends. Humble person is too humble.
Although humility is a virtue, for those who are humble, it can only be a gesture of genuflection. Between friends, if you are overly modest or humble, you will be the opposite of frankness and frankness, becoming hypocritical and pretentious. Of course, it will be impossible to truly be honest. In ancient times, there was a man named Yu Kou Shanzi. Once, he was sitting around the fire with his friends. My friend, who was leaning on his desk and concentrating on studying, was caught on fire by the fire from the brazier. At this time, Yukou Shanzi stood up calmly, walked to his friend, stood up with his hands in his hands, saluted, and said: "I have something to tell you. Because you have an impatient temper, I am afraid of irritating you if I say it, so I dare not I said it. But if I don’t tell you, I feel disloyal to my friend, so I hope you can be more tolerant and don’t get angry.” After hearing this, the friend could only say, “Please tell me if you have anything to say.” Tell me, I will listen to your advice respectfully." Yu Kou Shanzi repeated his humility, bowed and apologized, and then said hesitantly: "The fire burned your lower clothes!" The friend quickly stood up. A large piece of his lower clothes was burnt, and his face suddenly changed: "Why don't you tell me quickly, why you are so lazy!" But Yukou Shanzi said: "Look, people say you are irritable. Originally I don’t believe it. I just found out today that you are really like this.” Can a person who is so humble that he is quick to save others still be considered a friend? "Don't complain, but you will bully others if you are afraid of others." Pretentious humility and humility can be said to be the ultimate form of bullying friends. After a poet met Xiao Difei, an expert in Du poetry, in his early years, when he wrote to Xiao, he always humbly called him "teacher". In fact, Xiao Difei was only one year older than him. Therefore, Xiao declined. Later, the poet also called him "teacher". "You" match each other, but Xiao still said he couldn't accept it. He wrote to the poet and said: "You and I match each other, why bother with this!" This is really humility and unflattering, because it adds a kind of separation and separation between friends. feeling. The ancients said that "friends are the second self". In this case, is it necessary to be so humble and humble in front of "self"? In short, a friend who is too humble will make people doubt your sincerity just like being too proud. In fact, when a humble person becomes a friend, because there are more pretense, it takes a lot of effort on his own part, and it is quite tiring for his friends to accept him. It’s okay to avoid such a friend.
3. Avoid noble friends. The noble one is the one who is high and above. Such friends often rely on their position, power, money, etc. to be relatively well-off, so they often show themselves as feeling very good in front of others, and even have a sense of superiority in front of their friends. Only because of its superiority, there is a psychological gap between friends, making it difficult to continue to have a deep friendship. I remember that Liang Shiqiu told a story about Yan Ziling in an article. He said that before Liu Xiu became successful, he was very close to Yan Ziling and they were sworn friends. Not surprised either. Later, Liu Xiu became Emperor Guangwu of the Eastern Han Dynasty. Yan Ziling wisely retreated and retreated to Fuchun Mountain, taking the initiative to sever his friendship with Liu Xiu. Why is this so? As Liang said: "People's physical and mental structures are originally the same. But once they enter officialdom, mutations may occur." Isn't it? Originally a relationship of equals and uninterrupted friendship, once status and power intervene, the perspectives of both parties change. There are fewer similarities to maintain friendship, and the foundation is no longer solid. Especially interacting with an emperor like Emperor Guangwu was a big taboo. Bacon said it well: "Originally, kings cannot have sincere friendship, because the basic condition of friendship is equality." Although this statement is a bit absolute, it also provides us with something worthy of vigilance in making friends. In the Northern Song Dynasty, Wang Anshi had a friend named Sun Shaoda. Their friendship was better than that of brothers. This can be seen from a poem given by Wang Anshi, which goes: "You should sing a song and look back thousands of times. How many people will you go to the west to talk about your heart?" After Wang Anshi became prime minister, Sun Shaoda never went to the capital to meet with him. Others did not I thought their friendship had ended. However, later Wang Anshi's reform failed and he was demoted to a small local official. At this time, Sun Shaoda took the initiative to ask for an audience, and the two sides restored friendship. Why do the two people mentioned above, Yan Ziling and Sun Shaoda, always praise their avoidance of friendship as a wise move in later generations? That's because social experience tells us that you can get to know and interact with your friends when they are frustrated, because both parties have the foundation of equality; on the contrary, when your friends are proud, you need to avoid them, although this may not be the case for everyone. Everyone understands that the disparity in status, the estrangement of family status, and the changes in honor and disgrace will always affect people's emotional foundation and cause difficulties in understanding and communication between friends. In the lower position, the arrogance and even suspicion of the noble will always show up. The shadow that never goes away; and any prudence of the noble is also suspected of being arrogant. Therefore, Yan and Sun's avoidance is a more practical attitude, although equality of status does not necessarily equate to friendship.
What we call the avoidance of three friends is just a generalization of common phenomena. Like everything in the world, friendships are actually very different. The same can be said about bad friends, humble friends, and noble friends. However, proposing this avoidance strategy is instructive in many cases.
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The secret of gaining friendship
Shandong Shao Zeshui
Love Einstein became a world-famous scientist for proposing the theory of relativity. For the sake of scientific research, he only retained two hobbies, one is walking and the other is playing the violin. Einstein was mesmerized by the melodious melody of the violin.
"Sir, is one of the notes played too high?" The person who said this was a gardener who came to Einstein's house once a week to help mow the lawn and so on. He has a rough appearance, and you can tell at a glance that he is a laborer who lacks cultural literacy. God knows how he can understand music.
Einstein also feels that the violin he plays is out of tune these days. He stopped when he heard the sound and asked the gardener for advice with great interest.
A week later, it was time for the gardener to come to the house again. He walked to Einstein's house as promised, only to see Einstein waiting at the door with a smile on his face. "Listen again to how my violin is doing." After Einstein finished speaking, he took up the bow.
After listening to the performance, the gardener made some serious comments. Einstein nodded like a primary school boy while thinking.
The gardener suddenly realized something.
"Mr. Einstein, I don't know everything about music! You like playing the violin so much, wouldn't it be better to ask an expert to guide you?" The gardener was embarrassed to be a teacher of scientists again. .
"No," Einstein shook his head repeatedly, "I have approached them, but they always praised me..." The two became friends. Once, the President of the United States called and wanted to visit Mr. Einstein. "I have another appointment, please come back another day." The appointment Einstein mentioned was actually the working time when the gardener came to mow the lawn.
The mountains stand tall.
We often feel that we have no chance to get close to great men like Einstein. The above story proves us wrong.
Extraordinary and great people also value friendship, but their friends are not necessarily great. In other words, friendship can span any distance, and there is fate between mortals and big shots.
If two people get along day and night, they may not be true friends; if they go in and out of the same social gatherings and exchange drinks, they may not have true friendship. Friendship is the contract and voice of the soul. True friends should open their honest hearts to each other and listen to the murmur of their hearts. Einstein's music touched the gardener's heart, and his frankness made Einstein accept his sincerity. Thus, the two hearts were connected.
Great men are surrounded by admirers. A worshiper is a worshiper, and before an idol the worshiper always kneels, even though his hands hold one of his own hearts. When the big man looked at this heart, he wrapped his own heart heavily at the same time. This is the crux of the problem that many big people cannot find close friends and are lonely, while small people have low self-esteem and cannot gain friendship.
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