1, in the new semester, the teacher announced the classroom discipline: you can have breakfast in class, but you need nutrition and steak; You can sleep, but cover yourself with a quilt; The only thing I care about is the mobile phone, because I will never allow anyone to disturb others' sleep!
2. A: My wife is really outrageous! Leave a lot of clothes for my mother to wash! B: Then what did you do? A: I really can't bear to watch my mother suffer! Come and play at your place!
3. Dude, where did you get rich recently? When you get paid, when you drive a Mercedes, when you have a big meal, when you want to travel, remember to forget me. One more thing, remember to call me when you go out to find a beautiful woman.
When the barber shaved Lao Wang, he scraped several blood holes. When he left, Lao Wang asked the barber for a glass of water, took a sip and kept shaking his head. Barber: Do you have a toothache? Lao Wang: I just want to see if my cheek is leaking!
Mr. and Mrs. Q found two concert tickets and a note in the mailbox. It said: Guess who sent it? When they came home from the concert, they found their house ransacked. Leave a note on the wardrobe: guess!
6. A patient came to see a psychiatrist. Patient: I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start? Patient: When I was a bird.
7. Grass by the green river, fried eggplant with pepper, one dish is not enough, and a plate of shredded potatoes. The grass, tomatoes and cucumbers along the green river are all big vegetables, and an termites is added. These dishes are really good, really good.
8. Funny version of "Little Donkey" I have a little donkey that never rides. One day, on a whim, the donkey rode me to the market with a whip in his hand. I was very proud. I don't know how to crack my skin with a whip!
9. The cigarette fell in love with the finger, but the finger gave the cigarette to the lips. The cigarette kissed the lips, but gave the heart to the lungs. The lung thought it got the cigarette heart but didn't know it hurt itself! Is it the back plate of fingers that makes the smoke sad, or the greed of lips that makes the lungs sad?
10, this short message is tough in language, full of feelings, long in thoughts, and quietly captivates millions of fans. It is a model of short messages. Be moved immediately after receiving it, or you will turn your face!
1 1. The word geili is popular now. What is awesome? Newton's first law: stop or not move unless you give force; Newton's second law: force acceleration; Newton's third law: I give you strength, you give me strength. What is the best? repost
12、nHZ！ HSOM, do you understand? I know you don't understand. Tip: Pinyin. Don't you get it? There is a limit to your simplicity! Turn the phone upside down and read pinyin!
13, reporter: I fell asleep after watching the movie two months ago, and now it is not only good at the box office. What do you think of this? Film critic: One possible explanation is that insomnia patients all over the country have repeatedly watched this film and decided to collect it.
14. At the corner of the road, it is written that it is forbidden to urinate anywhere, and offenders will be fined, but some people still refuse to listen and urinate there. After a few days, no one peed there after changing the word. It is forbidden to urinate anywhere, and offenders will be fined.
15, a foreigner eats hot pot alone in a Chinese restaurant. His husband swallowed all the dishes, then drank the soup in the hot pot and ate it with relish. Finally, he told the waiter that this dish is good, much like our western food.
16, the autumn wind whirled in the sky on September 9, and you shook your head and looked at the sky in the cool of September 9. It's raining hard. I stood behind you and snickered. What are you still looking at? Give me your blessing quickly. Idiot!
17, I don't want to lament the changes of the world, and I don't want to wait for the unknown growth. On our way, I learned to be strong and independent. You should take care of yourself without me. It's cold, don't use socks as handkerchiefs.
18, in the vast sea of people, my heart is broken for you. Your cold expression makes me feel dull. Your indifference makes me afraid to show my heart, but I can't extricate myself. Now I want you to understand, okay? You stepped on my foot!
19, I heard that you don't have SMS function, so I sent this SMS experiment. If you receive it, confirm that it has SMS function and it is not my SMS, please reply to me; I got it. It's all yours!
20. You are lying quietly in bed, emitting attractive fragrance, soft skin and attractive feeling, which makes my heart beat faster. I am excited to walk up to you, lie on your body and tell you affectionately that I like you? My sheets!
2 1, if awake, always awake; If you fall asleep, go back to sleep. If you take a walk, you should relax; If you take part in the race, do your best. Concentrate on things, have the same goal, persevere and create miracles. Come on, friend!
22. In late autumn, fallen leaves dance with the wind; The cold wind makes people feel slightly sad. It really hurts me to see you shivering in the wind. I walked beside you and shyly took off my coat for you: take it to wash and do something to keep warm.
23. If you like, I will look at you affectionately until you surrender; If you like, I will tell you affectionately until you become a sheep; If you dare, I will support you all the way. Do you dare to admit that you are a donkey?
24. To buy lottery tickets, I asked: Pay the bill or buy a pair? You said: Pay the bill. When guessing boxing, I asked: pay or buy a pair? You said: Pay the bill. I went to buy a diamond ring. I asked, if it were you, would you pay the bill or buy a pair? You said: I'll pay!
According to your date of birth, you are sure to make a fortune today. Comb your hair first, and then wear a patched dress. Holding a wooden stick in his left hand and a porcelain bowl in his right hand, he murmured, Come on!
26. What happened? I called your mobile phone just now, and as soon as the bell rang, I said, The other party is streaking, please dial again later. I can't believe it! Dial again and say: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service area, please redial later.
27. I love your obsession. I miss your fanaticism. When I see your face is red, I can't stop dreaming. Please don't run away. I really want to hug you! Ah! Money, just kidding, don't care!
28, the revelation of finding people: a tattered body, two eyes without god; I didn't eat three meals and my limbs were weak; The five tones are incomplete, and the six gods have no owner; Seven bleeding, wandering around; A narrow escape, much like you!
29. Remember the military training last year? You stand in the first row, and the instructor loudly orders: Count off in the first row! You looked at the instructor in surprise, and he said it again: Count off! I saw you reluctantly turn around and hug the tree!
30. Wang Xiaoer's wife played mahjong until the early hours of the morning. In order not to disturb Wang Xiaoer, she took off her clothes in the living room and then slipped into the bedroom. When Wang Xiaoer woke up, he was shocked and said, "Oh, my God, you lost everything!" " !
3 1. Without you, I would be lost. Without you, my heart will be cold. I will fantasize in my dreams. When I am depressed, I will jump on you. When I turn around, I will look at you. When I wake up, I will go crazy. When I get up, I can fold it well. Dear quilt, I slept soundly because of you!
32. Youth shines on your face. The image of lively love is really handsome, charming and blooming. Romance is like countless stars lighting a lamp for you. People are amazed at your beautiful style: you have a lot of acne!
33. In an exam, A Jun was at a loss and threw paper at B Jun for help. Mr. B threw a paper ball. A gentleman opened it, and the paper was wrapped with an eraser. The letters A, B, C and D were painted on all sides, and there were several small words on the paper: Throw it yourself.