Etiquette of women getting married in Han Dynasty

Ancient women are often "born in a boudoir, but no one knows whether they are beautiful or not". After the matchmaking, the man often asks to have a look. This kind of activity is called "seeing relatives", in which the man visits the woman's house for the first time under the matchmaker's non-staple food. It is nicknamed "blind date". The date of blind date is set by the matchmaker in advance and notified to both men and women, so both sides should be prepared. The man should prepare a little gift according to the hobby of the woman's parents; The women should sweep the courtyard and prepare to receive guests. As the parties, both men and women should dress as gracefully and resplendent as possible in order to give each other a good "first impression". Seeing relatives is a key link in the success of marriage, especially the man, who should be treated with caution. Although gifts are nothing more than alcohol, tobacco and snacks, they don't care about the quantity and high value, but they must be given to their liking and should not violate the taboos of the other parents; Dressing should be generous and fashionable; Be modest and polite in your words and deeds. In ancient times, when seeing relatives, men could only create opportunities by matchmakers to secretly look at girls. Now it's different. Both men and women can meet and talk directly. Both sides have the opportunity to have a preliminary understanding of each other. China is a "state of propriety and righteousness", which pays attention to implication. The results of visiting relatives are often not expressed directly, but expressed by various hints. In many places, after the man enters the door, the woman's parents first pour a cup of hot tea for the young man. When the young man sees the girl and finds it interesting, he drinks this cup of tea in one gulp. Then the girl's parents discussed with the girl. If they agreed to get married, they would leave the man and the matchmaker for dinner. If they didn't agree, they would let the man leave and go home. Some parents even asked the matchmaker to take away the gifts brought by the man. In some areas, besides visiting relatives, there is also the custom of "observing others". In fact, "visiting others" is also about visiting relatives. After the man is led by the matchmaker to the woman who has seen the girl, the parents of the woman will not make a statement about the marriage for the time being, and then the matchmaker will lead them back to the man's house. Qiyang area is called "Kandang". Look at that time, the man's parents should first offer a cup of fragrant tea and then talk to the woman's parents. The wife's parents visited the man's family and talked with the man's parents. If they approved of the marriage, they would drink all the fragrant tea. The man's parents immediately regarded it as "in-laws" and treated the guests warmly. Otherwise, the woman's parents should get up and leave, and the man should not stay. After the ceremony articles "seeing the relatives" and "seeing the pawns", the engagement formalities should be performed, commonly known as "ceremony". The first step of "guoli" is that the matchmaker sends the man's birthdates to the woman, and the woman's eighth birthday to the man. Some superstitious parents think they are responsible for their children's marriage, and often ask the fortune teller to calculate after receiving the red post to see if the "birthdates" of both sides is consistent, if not; Marriage will be reconsidered. Fortunately, most modern people don't believe this, so even if they exchange red posts, it is often just a form, and some even avoid the form of changing posts. After "changing posts" and "matching eight characters", the matchmaker should choose a good day and take the man to "gift" engagement. "Gift-giving" is a big event. Generally, the active person (male or female) who marries should send a heavy gift to the other party. The gift should at least include a pig elbow, a pair of wine, a chicken and a duck, and a set of clothing for the other parents. One pair of shoes and socks, one wrapped, and some things for the girl. How much money to seal in the envelope (called "pocket money" locally) and what engagement gifts to give the girl are generally negotiated by the matchmaker with both parties in advance, and it is not up to the man (or woman) to give as much as possible. Of course, the parents of the man or woman should also try their best to think of each other, strive to be frugal and accept less dowry. After the ceremony, both men and women can agree on a date and go to the local government for a marriage certificate to formally confirm the marriage relationship. Modern regulations stipulate that both men and women should go to the hospital for premarital examination before getting a marriage certificate; There are also some areas (mainly cities) that require pre-marital classes. These are all effective measures to ensure prenatal and postnatal care and ensure the quality of the population, which should be followed. After the marriage certificate is completed, both men and women have established a legal relationship in law. However, in China, this is only the first step in the marriage activity. According to the traditional practice, the parents of the active party should choose the auspicious day to marry, and the matchmaker should inform the other party that they are ready to marry. It is called "choosing good luck" and "sending a day". Generally speaking, you can consult astrologers or fortune tellers to choose the right date, or you can choose the date by reading the General Book (nicknamed "almanac", commonly known as "family calendar" and traditionally called "imperial calendar"). Those with a high level of education can make their own calculations. It is generally believed that as long as the "Liuhe" corresponds, it is a good day. Such as "Bing Yin Ri". After the date is selected, the two sides have determined the wedding date, so they should send out wedding invitations and invite relatives and friends to attend the wedding. Invitations are usually delivered to relatives and friends personally by the married person or his parents. After receiving the invitation to the wedding banquet, relatives and friends should generally go to the door to congratulate them, except for special circumstances where they can only give gifts without attending. Before you congratulate, you should prepare gifts. The number of gifts depends on the relationship between each person and the host, the depth of friendship, and my economic conditions. Gifts given to women are mostly in kind, but they can also be replaced by red envelopes, which are called "marriage assistance". Most of the furniture is boxes, cabinets, beds, quilts, tableware, clothing and so on. Gifts for women are often sent by relatives and friends when they hear the news, without waiting for the invitation to come. Because the woman's parents should decide the scale of "wedding wine" based on the number of gift givers. The wedding ceremony is just around the corner. Both men and women should slaughter pigs and chickens to prepare for the wedding banquet, and they should also invite chefs, bridesmaids, flower convoys, bookkeepers, touts and other handyman who help them with their affairs. After applying for the job, these people should start work at the main house the day before the wedding and make preparations for the wedding banquet. The traditional wedding is generally a "wedding wine" in the morning for the female family and a wedding banquet at noon for the male family. If it is a husband (recruiting a husband-a man to a woman's house), the opposite is true. After everything is ready, Yanari, a male, plays music and sends a sedan chair to greet the bride. The matchmaker takes the lead, followed by the groom, bridesmaids, floats, bands and gift box teams. The bride's family should prepare the wedding banquet before the float arrives. The girl should comb her hair by her mother or sister, wring the fluff off her face with silk thread, put on makeup, and call it "opening her face". Then she will be decorated with a crested chaplet and covered with a red cloth, waiting for the float to greet her. As soon as the float arrived, the female family greeted it with music and firecrackers. After the fierce relatives entered the women's hall, the groom bowed down to his parents-in-law and presented a red greeting note written in his father's name. Then the women's family had a fun party. During the dinner, the matchmaker and groom should be careful, because there are many unwritten customs among the people in China. During the three days of their wedding, the peers and teenagers in their relatives and friends can creatively make up a few small comedies on the matchmaker and groom, which are called "washing the media" and "hanging red" (commonly known as "greeting new guests" in the countryside). The bride's sister-in-law may ambush half a bowl of Chili noodles in the lower floor of the rice bowl for the groom (Xiao Y, just accept your fate! Eat as authentic Sichuan cuisine); The bride's sister will give her brother-in-law a handful of ashes when pouring wine ... The matchmaker and groom should tolerate these little farce that can increase the joyful atmosphere-although they might as well "deal with a man as he deals with you" and take a little revenge, but they must never get angry, get angry, or even quarrel or wrestle with the host and guest. After the breakfast banquet, the bride and groom, under the guidance of the matchmaker, salute the ancestral tablets and elders of the bride, and then the bridesmaids can help the bride get on the float. When getting on the bus, the bride might as well cry a few times to show her attachment to her parents and family. After the bride got on the bus, she played music and firecrackers, and opened the sedan chair to make a kiss. When the bride starts, she often gives a red envelope to the driver (sedan chair bearer) in order to make the sedan chair bearer drive steadily. When the wedding procession is about to arrive at the groom's door, the man's family will greet it with firecrackers and music. The float stops in front of the groom's house, and the maid of honor invited by the man (usually a beautiful young woman) will come forward to open the car door, help the bride out of the car, and the best man will come forward to pay tribute. The guests will scatter flowers (how many ribbons and snow sprays) on the groom and bride, which will push the wedding to a climax. Visiting the church is the climax of the wedding. On the wedding day, after the departure of the male family, the best man will arrange a place to pay homage in the male family's hall. When the float stopped in front of the door and the bridesmaid asked by the man got off the bus, the ceremony began. On the incense table, cigarettes are lingering, red candles have a high fever, and relatives, friends and functional personnel are in their positions. The two bridesmaids appeared as "praise" and "praise" respectively and began to pay tribute. The bride and groom began to worship the bride according to the praise ceremony of praise and praise. The procedure of the ceremony is as follows: praise: the groom's arrival, praise: the newcomer. Praise: The bridegroom bows (hands over to invite the bride). Praise: The bridegroom and the bride are in place (before the incense table). Praise: The bridegroom and the bride (to the shrine and ancestral tablet) enter the incense sticks. Praise: kneel and offer incense sticks. Light candles, burn incense, burn incense, prostrate, rise, and stand back. Tongzan: kneel, kowtow, kowtow again, kowtow three times, and be happy. Then, it was the traditional "three worships"-"one worships heaven and earth, the other worships parents, and the husband and wife worship each other" before finally "introducing the bridal chamber". This is the end of the ceremony. On the day before the traditional wedding, the man's family has decorated with lanterns and decorations, and its layout is roughly as follows: room: 1. A pair of couplets in front of the door, plus horizontal approval. 2. A square lantern is hung in the middle of the hall, and the four sides of the lantern are painted with the patterns of "Husband and wife singing together", "Guanyin seeing off the child", "No.1 scholar" and "family fun" respectively. 3. A pair of huge red candles on the incense table. 4. Stick a picture of "Companion" on the opposite wall on both sides. 5. After the "Golden Wall", the six characters of "Heaven and Earth's Kinship and Teacher's Position" were posted, and they were written straight from top to bottom. The writing of these six words is particular: the sky should be flat, that is, the two horizontal lines of the word "sky" should be written flat and cannot be bent; The ground should be wide, that is, the word "ground" should be written wider, not too narrow; If you don't open your mouth, that is, the word "jun" should be completely closed and there should be no gap; If you don't close your eyes, that is, write the traditional word "pro", and the word "see" on the right can't seal all the last horizontal lines of the word "eye" above; Teacher has no other meaning: the traditional word "teacher" should be omitted, and the writing "teacher" should be written. New house: 1. Put a pair of couplets on both sides of the door frame, and add a horizontal batch (horizontal batch generally writes "Husband and wife and Ming"); 2. Put a big red double happiness on the door; 3. Hanging lanterns in the middle of the new house; 4. Paper-cut big red double happiness characters are posted on the window, and paper-cut butterfly patterns are posted on the four corners; 5. Put couplets on both sides of the window; 6. Calligraphy and painting are hung around the wall. Kitchen: there is a pair of couplets at the main entrance, with a horizontal batch, and the word "Xi" is posted on the door. Others: All rooms have a word "hi" on their doors. After meeting the bride, the bride took a seat in the new house and never came out. The groom will go out of the new house to receive the guests. If a guest is invited in a hotel or wine house, both husband and wife have to go out to meet the guests and propose a toast to them. Seats at a wedding banquet should be arranged according to the seniority of the guests, which is called "treat" or "hanger-on". The principle of seating arrangement is to respect the upper and lower, and respect the right and lower the left. Guests are ranked from high to low according to their age, status and status. The chairman should be placed in the center above the hall, and the "big relatives" should be invited to sit in the first right seat, while the groom's father or uncle should sit in the first left seat, and the rest should be seated accordingly. In addition to the main seats in the main hall, a second distinguished seat is placed in the new house, and the bride's mother is invited to sit first, accompanied by the groom's mother or aunt. The seats of other seats should also be arranged in the order of precedence. After the seating was arranged, the best man announced that the banquet would be held with music and firecrackers. The groom would first pour a toast to the chief executive and say a few words of thanks. Then, the first dish was served in the kitchen to push the wedding banquet to a climax. All tables and drinks should be the same, except for the seats where the "male relatives" and "female relatives" are located. As a general rule, there must be a steamed pork elbow. Moreover, the groom should always wait at the table to pour wine and send hot towels for the "relatives" to show respect. Before the end of the wedding banquet, the matchmaker had already slipped away, which was called "running away". If he doesn't leave, the "media washer" will wipe his face into the bottom of the pot. After the wedding banquet, "Shangqin" went to the back room to have a rest, eat some snacks, and was accompanied by the man's elders to say some pleasantries. After the handyman removed the seats and swept the floor, it was time for the Shangqin to get up and leave. At the beginning of the day, men should "send away" clothes, shoes and socks, and pay attention to red envelopes. "Seeing off the big kiss" is another lively scene. All decent men in the family should be sent to the door and firecrackers should be fired to show their respect. The bridegroom and his parents in the countryside should send guests to the village entrance. China has the custom of having a bridal chamber. In the past, because many new people were unfamiliar or even strangers before marriage, they might feel uncomfortable psychologically when they were asked to live in the same space on their wedding night. Making trouble in the bridal chamber can undoubtedly help newcomers to eliminate barriers and pierce the shy "enough" through public games. Today, the bridal chamber is mainly to express blessing to the new people. One of the games, take chopsticks and put a pair of chopsticks in a wine bottle, only showing a short section, so that the bride and groom can take them out with their lips. In fact, they are invited to perform a kiss. Game 2: Eat bananas, tie them with rubber bands and hang them as high as the groom can jump, and the groom pulls them down with his mouth. The bride and groom peel the skin with their mouths, and then eat it together. In order to prevent the rope from retracting, one person has to do the action and the other person has to bite the banana, which depends on the cooperation of the two people. Game 3: light a match, insert the match on the red dates and float in the basin filled with water. A lighted cigarette is tied in the middle of a red line, and the two ends are bitten by the couple respectively. When you enter and I retreat, you can jointly light the matches in the basin with the cigarette. Hold your breath and use solid "dental skills" and vision to succeed. Game 4: Pinch Marbles Prepare a plate of glass marbles, let the bride and groom each hold a chopstick, and the two of them will clip out the marbles together. May wish to invite several couples and newcomers present to compete, and the laggards will perform the program. Game 5: Poetry Contest If the bride and groom love literature, please invite them to a poetry contest. First, the groom recites a poem, and then the bride recites it. At least one word in the sentence that requires reciting is the same as the previous one. So on and on, those who fail to accept it will be judged negative, and those who fail will perform the program. Game 6: Couples can read. The word "read" is to let the groom hold a word (or a phrase), and then ask the groom to do various actions (no talking, no hand strokes) for the bride to see, so that the bride can "read" the word. When choosing words, choose those that match the wedding atmosphere, such as "love", "love", "husband and wife" and so on. Game 7: Say Nicknames The bride and groom want to call each other by ten nicknames, such as darling, baby, dog and meat, and the more disgusting the better. If the guests are not satisfied, they can ask to speak again. Game 8: Kiss the sweetheart. The groom lies on his back in bed, and then sticks the sliced banana slices on his face and neck, so that the blindfolded bride can find those banana slices with her mouth. Game nine, kissing directly requires the bride and groom to receive a long kiss, three minutes or five minutes. Game 1: Saxi Bed Saxi Bed is a game of singing and dancing performed by the groom's sister-in-law when the bridal chamber is in trouble. The sister-in-law holds a plate in her hand and spreads red paper on the plate, on which chestnuts, dates, peanuts, longan and other things are placed. The bride sat on the bed, and her sister-in-law grabbed dried fruits and sprinkled them on the bed, singing while sprinkling them. All the people who made trouble in the bridal chamber listened to the singing of sister-in-law, and echoed the voices. The laughter and laughter in the bridal chamber continued all night, and the laughter and slapstick were higher and higher. The game of "Saxi Bed" is a kind of group folk game. All the people who have sex are actors, while sister-in-law is the protagonist and others are supporting roles. Because the protagonist has a great responsibility to take on the task of invigorating the atmosphere of the bridal chamber. Therefore, the protagonist has to be carefully selected by the married family. Its importance is as cautious as choosing a wedding emcee. Before getting married, the groom's whole family chooses one by one among the sisters-in-law of the same clan and neighbors. Choose one in some places and two in some places. The chosen protagonist of this Sahi bed must first be a "lucky person" with both children; You must also be able to sing songs and make up words; Furthermore, you should be articulate, flexible, good at reading words and feelings, and improvise. In addition, because it takes a long time to spread the bed, the lyrics