Whether in daily life or in psychological counseling, there is a motto that must be remembered, that is, "support, encourage, inspire and guide."
Support and encouragement are to establish good relationships. People are all characterized by "self-serving bias". From this human perspective, even people who feel bad about themselves still urgently need or more urgently need others. understanding. Note that the so-called "understanding" here does not really require you to conduct rational analysis and guidance. In many cases, what we need to understand is to give more "support and encouragement."
Support and encouragement are perceptual, rich in emotion, showing warmth and comfort.
However, just as people grow up, more often the purpose of our communication is not only for a good and comfortable relationship, but also to "promote the mental maturity of both parties", which requires the use of another four-word motto "enlightenment and guidance" ".
If support and encouragement is like "giving a sweet date", "enlightenment and guidance" is equivalent to "a slap in the face". If you can understand the intention of this slap, it is called growth after setbacks.
Growth is always accompanied by setbacks.
A good communicator makes this slap so natural that it even makes you feel "pain" and "happy".
Today I will share how teacher Li Kefu communicates with patients with depression. In just a few words, he can turn the conversation around and it is very fruitful.
The conversation was not formal, but took place in a group of depressed patients established by a psychiatrist. Some patients have been sharing their psychological pain, which is basically a "perceptual reaction". It is difficult for others to interrupt. To use the description observed by Teacher Li,
So the "guidance" began. Teacher Li interjected and asked:
The answer is undoubtedly the patient’s answer of promoting recovery and helping to cure depression. This is natural.
For fear of causing misunderstanding, he added:
Let’s hit the blackboard here and highlight the key points. After successfully guiding the patient to discuss the purpose of treatment, remember that “to discuss the problem, we must first understand the purpose. What", and then give an "enlightenment": Who knows better about depression?
The answer is a psychiatrist. There are two explanations. First, doctors are qualified and are professionals who use diagnostic standards, similar to judges who decide cases. This metaphor is very appropriate; second, disease diagnosis is a social or legal phenomenon. Patients and diseases do not exist before diagnosis. The so-called labeling is a socially recognized behavior and actually has nothing to do with the doctor himself.
Obviously, "guiding" to understand the doctor's authority is not the purpose of the conversation, but further "enlightenment" is needed.
Here is the real inspiration. It is okay for a person to say how he feels, but It cannot replace other people's feelings, nor can it "treat" others. This is actually a conceptual issue that has been repeatedly emphasized: "psychology" is not equal to "psychology", concepts are not equal to entities, and personality comes from personality but is no longer equal to personality.
For example, when we talk about "hometown", it is actually a conceptual term, but the specific image of hometown experienced by everyone who hears it is different. Some are happy, some are happy. Some are grateful, some are disappointed, and some are speechless. The same word does not mean the same feeling, let alone the vastly different understandings. We ourselves all give different explanations for the same phenomenon in different situations.
Therefore, only when it comes to diseases can we "look, hear, ask and care", for education can we "teach students in accordance with their aptitude", and can we "respect the right to speak" for others.
A depressed patient can tell his feelings, but this cannot be considered to be the feelings of countless depressed patients, let alone a treatment method. Even if in reality the doctor prescribes the same prescription and the patient takes the same medicine, existence does not mean it is reasonable, let alone science.
The most fundamental thing is that human psychology is completely different and people are fundamentally different. It is difficult enough for us to know ourselves well without misleading others.
So next, "my psychiatrist friend spoke":
In fact, it is not terrible to be unable to guide more people. All kinds of people in the world are originally There are all kinds of absurdities, but all we have to do is be like "children picking up starfish" and just work hard.
As for the classification of depression, this is very professional knowledge. We need to roughly "keep in mind" this important point: more patients with depression are not as simple as psychological depression, but more endogenous. Physiological diseases like pneumonia and gastric disease!
It goes without saying that depression is like pneumonia and gastric disease. Do you need to see a doctor seriously?
As a final reminder, don’t confuse “depression” with “depression.” The former describes a fragment of psychological state, expressing depression, bad mood, and depression. This experience is common to everyone. However, the latter is not simply a label. It requires diagnosis and confirmation by a specialist and formal treatment. Even psychological consultation is not the first choice. It must be taken seriously according to the physical condition and regular treatment is carried out.
In other words, depression must have a depressive state, but depression is far from depression.