He used to be the top scholar in Fujian college entrance examination, and killing his mother has been planned for a long time. Later, he put his mother's body at home as a tasteless "mummy". She borrowed 6.5438+0.44 million yuan from relatives and friends in the name of her mother, and resigned from the school on the grounds of accompanying her son to study in the United States.
After four years of absconding, Wu was arrested.
In the coming year of 2020, it is reported that senior three boys killed their mothers in June 5438+065438+ 10 and February 65438+February.
Seeing such news frequently in recent years makes me sigh: When did motherhood become a high-risk occupation?
20 17, obtained the certificate of psychological counselor. From 2065438 to 2008, through further study, I learned about various schools of psychology, and also learned that adolescent psychological counseling is a very promising development direction at present.
Today's children are precocious and the rebellious period of youth comes earlier. 10 children, even 8 or 9 years old, have already started.
The material conditions of children are unprecedented. The world is completely different from 30 years ago and 20 years ago.
But many parents' thoughts and practices are still stuck in the past, following the way their parents treated them when they were young.
Just like a 2G mobile phone, it can't be used in 4G and 5G networks. The unbalanced development of the spiritual world and the material world leads to too many parent-child problems.
Why is there something wrong with children's behavior? There is something wrong with the parent-child relationship.
Parent-child relationship, why is there a problem? Improper family education and unreasonable family system. If we go back, our family and parents' family are too complicated to be realized.
As parents, although we subconsciously still have the shadow of childhood brought by our family background, which affects our behavior, we can start from ourselves, be aware and sober, and give our children a perfect and beautiful family background.
Many parents, especially many mothers, put parent-child relationship before husband-wife relationship after having children. Many fathers, on the issue of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, either do nothing or stand on the mother's side.
They don't realize that in family relations, the relationship between husband and wife is the first and the cornerstone.
Children's external behavior problems-rebellion, not learning, puppy love and game addiction-are actually internal needs that are not met.
Parents have never really "looked" at their children since childhood and have not responded in time. Over time, the problem of alienation and isolation from children broke out in the rebellious period of youth.
There is something wrong with the child, which is a headache. Finally, it is time to get out of control or not know how to manage it.
Some parents are fine and know how to ask for help, such as consulting a psychological counselor and getting professional help. This is also the reason why many people enter the industry of adolescent psychological counseling.
But more parents don't even realize this. Treat children with anxiety and helplessness, or fight violence with violence.
02 imperial doctor Bian Que
We all know the story of Bian Que meeting with Cai Huangong:
When Bian Que first met Cai Huangong, he said that there was a slight disease between his skin, and he was worried that it would get worse if he didn't treat it. Cai Huangong didn't believe it. He not only said that he was not ill, but also laughed at Bian Que, thinking that all doctors like to treat people who are not sick, so as to gain fame.
The second time was ten days later, Bian Que said that Cai Huangong's illness was already in the muscle, and it would be more serious if it was not treated. But Huan Hou still didn't believe it and was unhappy.
The third time, ten days later, Bian Que said that Cai Huangong's illness had reached the stomach, and if it was not cured, it would aggravate the danger. But Huan Hou still didn't believe it, and he was even more unhappy.
The fourth time, ten days later, but this time Bian Que saw Cai Huangong and turned and ran. Cai Huangong specially sent someone to ask him, and Bian Que said: "(The disease) is in the skin, just iron it." Speaking of muscles, acupuncture can do it. When (the disease) reaches the stomach, it can be achieved through (the power of fire agent soup); When (the disease) reaches the bone marrow, (that is) the company is in charge, and (medicine) can't help it. Now that (his illness) has reached the bone marrow, I will stop talking. "
Five days later, Cai Huangong was in pain all over and sent for Bian Que, but Bian Que had fled to Qin, and Cai Huangong died of illness.
When I was a child, I thought Cai Huangong was afraid of medical treatment, but when I grew up, I found that we often lived like Cai Huangong. We didn't believe that we would get sick until the pain worsened.
Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper.
Wise parents guide their children to discredit themselves. Some parents want to draw a portrait of themselves What's more, my mother wants to paint rural scenery, but my father loves mountains and rivers.
Therefore, if we think there is something wrong with our children, then we parents should first find the reasons from ourselves.
Don't we know enough about children? Don't we see the inner needs of children? Do you want help? Should we seek help from our children or ourselves? Mom and dad, do you have the same requirements?
For example:
When the child asks you: Dad/Mom, can I play games for a while? What would you say?
How do you react when you see your child immersed in the game?
Will you discuss with him why he wants to play games first? Or will you just refuse and ask him: Have you finished your homework? Have you read this book? How many points did you get in the exam? Do you still have time to play games?
Why do children play games? Why are you immersed in it when you play? Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what?
Change, start from yourself.
Last week at the salon, I heard a mother who had studied psychology for 8 years say.
She said that in 20 13 years, when her son was in the first grade, he was close to dropping out of school. Half of a semester is spent at home. She was very depressed and didn't know what to do.
Confused, she heard that there was a workshop in Zhengzhou that might help her. So she went to participate, and then she learned about psychology, immersed herself in it, and realized her own problems and the root of the problems.
The important thing is that she realizes that she must start from herself and start to change.
Now, her son has gone to college. He is a very beautiful young man. As a mother, she and her son respect and appreciate each other like friends. When my son encounters problems in his life and study, he will always talk to her and look forward to her advice.
She and her husband have been married for more than 20 years, and her husband loves to call her "goddess".
She is the youngest in the family. Because her mother has been living with her since her father died, she once had two sisters, so she can only listen to her arrangement. But now, she puts herself in the position of her sister, and she will take the initiative to ask for and listen to her sister's advice whenever something happens.
The sisters are friendly, and the old mother is happy to see them.
Happiness is a good medicine. When a family system works normally, everyone in it will feel comfortable and happy.
Therefore, change can begin with knowing that we need to build a happy family system model.
The key to solving the problem is in your hand.
Whatever problem you want to solve. Everyone should have a firm belief, and the key is in my hand.
If you want to solve your child's problems, you must first find your own reasons. Through learning and awareness, in family education, we will change from "ignorance without feeling" to "knowing with feeling" and then to "foresight".
From the child's behavior, we can understand his inner needs. It is not easy, but it can be done.
We are a family of children. If our family background has brought shadows to our childhood, then we should realize whether those shadows are still subconscious and affect our attitude towards children.
At the same time, we should understand that we are adults, we have the ability to get rid of those shadows, and we can give our children a happy family of origin.
What is the family system? How to build it?
What does a happy family system look like?
How to overcome the difficulties in communication between husband and wife?
How to solve the problems in parent-child relationship?
How to combine personal dreams with family vision?
How to be a coaching parent instead of a nanny?
……
You must believe that we can find the answers to all the questions.
From June 5438 to February 2020, my psychological counselor and I established a community and implemented the happiness experience room plan.
In this plan, there are
52 compulsory courses for happy families;
Share the essence of 52 personal growth and family education books;
1 free psychological consultation;
Follow-up development of various project benefits.
What you can enjoy is 202 1 year-round, immersive learning and continuous companionship and sharing.
Problems in relationships and puzzles in learning can be discussed together.
We are psychological counselors, and more importantly, we are two mothers, who are the beneficiaries of psychological knowledge and correct family education concepts.
We know that what we have gained is what many parents want to improve. Therefore, we hope to use our meager strength to make more parents understand:
Many times, it's not that our children have problems, they are just telling us in this way that they really want it.
Children need their parents' understanding, guidance and companionship, and are eager for their parents' love and hug.
We hope that at different stages of life, when encountering different problems, everyone can understand theory, know how to fight in actual combat, respond scientifically with a brand-new way of thinking, and live calmly!
Interested friends can ask for details by private letter.
202 1 year, we-
Find the answer to the question, from knowing to doing, become your ideal self and enjoy a happier life.
Forward this article to a circle of friends, pay attention to this official number, and send screenshots to the background to get an e-book on personal growth and family education.
Don't wait, 202 1, give yourself a reason to change.