My child is spoiled by his parents, what should I do?
I once had the same troubles as you. To be precise, all families that rely on intergenerational education should have similar troubles.
I am a typical working mother born in the 1980s, engaged in training-related work, and run a training platform "Weisi Academy", dedicated to helping young people improve their learning and workplace abilities. My husband works for Huawei, and the Huawei system company has a rule, which is the relocation policy, which stipulates that you cannot work in the city where your family is located, where you were born, or where you graduated from university, so our family has always lived in two cities. In this way, I have to rely on the elderly to help me take care of the children, and I don't have much time to accompany them every day.
I am very grateful that the old man is willing to give up the comfortable life and familiar relatives and friends in his hometown to come to an unfamiliar city to raise children for us. Moreover, the old man in our family is educated and has quite good quality, so we There was very little conflict between them, and I wasn't worried that they would treat their children badly or hit them. Instead, after getting along for a long time, I began to worry that they were too doting on their children. It is difficult for the elderly to be rational about their love for their grandchildren. The key is that I don’t have much time to take care of my children.
Later, after some studying and reading (fortunately, the elderly in my family love to read and are reasonable), I compiled some better thoughts and cases on parenting, and slowly and skillfully communicated with them After about a year of communication, I found that the child has gradually changed many of his previous habits, and the child has become more and more reasonable. Now the 5-year-old baby is recognized as a good-tempered and reasonable child in the community.
Here I will summarize a few points for your reference:
1. First of all, you must think clearly about what kind of person you want your child to become, which is your educational philosophy. And model
For example, whether you believe in strict education or open upbringing. There is nothing right or wrong about this. There are successful children in any education method. The key is that your family must have the same philosophy, otherwise the child's cognition will be distorted and he will not know who to listen to.
2. Under the premise of thinking clearly, communicate with the elderly skillfully, clearly explain the points you value most, and strive to reach an agreement (the war of resistance is long-term, don’t worry)
For example, what do you most want to change: your child’s tantrums? Not eating well? Impolite? Wait, remember, start with the most serious point that you care about most.
In the process of communication, stay rational and never blame the elderly. Instead, start by being grateful to them, slowly explain the phenomena and facts you have observed, and express your concerns. I hope they can cooperate with you to change your child's bad habits. At this time, you want to let them feel your educational philosophy (use examples in words they can understand, and the examples should have positive examples, preferably real)
3. Find a way Teach the children to express themselves and not to be overly cared for or pampered by the elderly.
This is the most effective method I have ever used to let the children express their rejection directly. For example, when my child was more than three years old, the old man still used to feed the child. I made an agreement with him when I took care of the child alone that I would reward him for eating by himself in the future. When the old man wants to feed him again, I will remind the child to feed him. After the child refuses a few times and feeds himself, the old man will no longer have to take care of him (this kind of love is natural).
The above is my little experience, I hope it will be helpful to you~
Finally, I sincerely suggest you not to be too anxious. As your child grows up, he begins to come into contact with kindergartens, classmates, After becoming a teacher, the world will be bigger and the dependence on the elderly will gradually be reduced.
On the contrary, as parents, we need to spend more time with them and establish more sense of security and good habits for them.
Most of the children’s problems are caused by their grandparents. What you have to look at now is whether you want your child to change, or whether you just think your child is just being used.
Xiao Ke suggests that if you find that your child has developed bad habits due to being spoiled by the elderly, you should try to take over the child and take care of it yourself. Many of the child’s bad habits will be corrected when they are around their parents. Of course, try to change your child before he goes to elementary school, otherwise he may carry these habits with him for the rest of his life.
I remember reading a sentence: Doting on a child excessively is actually harming the child, because only you in the world will pamper his bad habits, and only you will obey his will. And what are the chances that you will appear again in his future life?
He always needs to face life alone, face society alone, and go out alone. He can't hide behind you forever, and you will all grow old one day, and you can't protect him forever. Do you want to endure your child's bad temper, willfulness, and ignorance in your old age?
A child needs to go through his own life. You can only give him a character that makes it easier for him to enter society when he is young, and give him a character that makes it easier for him to integrate into society. As parents, we care most about our children, but we should also understand that feeling sorry for them does not mean that we have to dote on them.
If he is still young, it is recommended that you take him into your care and discover some of his shortcomings in life. You do not need to order him to change immediately, you only need to guide him slowly. He changes. Taking him seriously now is just so that he doesn't have to suffer from his character in the next few decades.
When a family welcomes a new baby with great expectations, both the new parents and the grandparents will be very happy.
However, the arrival of a little life will also bring troubles to the family. Some parents are too busy, so they have to leave their children with their parents and let them take care of them. However, the problem lies here. Parents love their grandchildren too much, and even become doting and doting without a bottom line. , making the children rebellious and getting to the point where whatever they say must be what they say, and they act like they have the final say.
At this time, parents realized that their parents had spoiled their children and made them develop bad habits. But they don’t know how to deal with it? What else to do? He was troubled in his heart.
First of all, parents should look for the reasons within themselves. They have been busy working and want to give their children better living conditions, but have they ignored their children's feelings and what exactly do their children want? . Then think about what made your child like this.
Although the children’s grandparents are responsible, they just love their children too much. Therefore, if they spoil their children, we should slowly persuade them instead of directly complaining. We should let parents realize that their children cannot There is no bottom line for spoiling children, but there must be a bottom line for spoiling children.
It is impossible for children to grow up smoothly. We pampered them without any bottom line when they were young, making them lawless. This is not for their own good. Such kindness and pampering cannot be responsible for the future of the children. of.
All family members hope that their children will live a better and better life in the future. Therefore, as long as you use the right method, your parents will understand that you are really doing it for the best of your children. They will agree.