1. Nanyang folk marriage customs in the old days
1. Early marriage
In ancient times and even during the Republic of China, the age at which folk got married in Nanyang was relatively wide. People advocated early marriage, and the age at marriage was generally Men are around 16 to 20 years old, and women are around 14 to 16 years old. Influenced by the feudal Confucian ideology, many children are valued and blessings will be achieved. If you get married early, you can have children early. In addition, people believe that "there are three types of unfilial piety, the worst is not having offspring." In order to ensure that the family has heirs and renew their incense early, they promote the phenomenon of early marriage. Early marriages under the age of 16 are common. Late marriage is almost non-existent. In the public mind, it is ideal for a man to be one to three years older than a woman. There is a saying among the people that "men are three years older than women, and they hold gold bricks, and women are one year old (men), and they cry." However, there are also some families who are willing to marry an older wife for their son in order to enable their daughter-in-law to take care of the housework and engage in farm work. Couples in which the woman is more than ten years older than the man were not uncommon in Nanyang in the old days. ?
2. Pulp marriage
If two families of relatives and friends have a close relationship and the parents get along well with each other, the housewives of the two families can get engaged to their unborn babies when they are pregnant at the same time. After a certain age When the couple gets married, this phenomenon is commonly known as "finger wedding". This marriage custom disappeared after liberation. ?
3. Child marriage
In some relatively poor families with many sons, in order to reduce the financial pressure on parents, they often adopt a girl for their son at a low price when he is still young. , after the man and woman reach the age of marriage, they will get married. This kind of marriage is commonly known as "child marriage". "Child marriage" is a disguised form of selling off the sons of poor families with many children. After a woman is bought by her husband's family, during the period before marriage, the man and woman will refer to each other as brother and sister, and to their future parents-in-law as father and daughter, and mother and daughter. Outsiders call her a child bride. This marriage custom lasted in some remote rural areas until it disappeared after the liberation of the country in 1949. ?
4. "There are six rites in marriage, including accepting gifts, asking for names, accepting gifts, accepting levies, asking for dates, and personally welcoming."
These six rites include mentioning matchmakers. to the whole process of marriage. The folk wedding etiquette in Nanyang in the old days followed the six rites. However, depending on family conditions, each link may be complex or simple.
1) Nacai
Nacai means that if a man likes a woman of the right age, he will ask a matchmaker to propose marriage to the woman. If the woman feels that she is a good match and agrees to propose marriage, the man will Then he proposes to the woman with a gift. ?
2) Asking for names
Asking for names is commonly known as "Guo Ba Zi", "Exchanging Geng Tie", "Exchanging Dragon and Phoenix Tie". The two parties formally exchange birth dates to see if there are any differences. The conflict. On the Geng Tie, the names, official titles, and places of residence of the three generations of both parties must be noted. After this post is exchanged between the man and the woman, it is equivalent to a rough draft of the marriage contract. ?
3) Naji
Naji is the man who seeks divination from his ancestors in the temple, and the divine power determines whether the marriage is appropriate. After the man gets a good omen, he prepares a gift and informs the woman's family that they have decided to get married. Later, this etiquette gradually evolved into a small gift of wealth, commonly known as a small benevolence. The man gives the woman some belongings, usually jewelry, clothes, etc., and the woman responds with shoes, hats, etc. as a thank you. At this point, the engagement is completed and generally cannot be changed. Both the man and the woman each issue a formal engagement letter. ?
4) Nazheng
Nazheng, also known as Nabi, is commonly known as "throwing things" in Nanyang. After the man and woman have concluded a marriage contract, they will hold a banquet on an auspicious day and exchange betrothal gifts. The man has to give a certain amount of property to the woman, and the woman responds with a certain amount of property, commonly known as the "betrothal gift". The size of the betrothal gift depends on the financial status of the family, ranging from tens to hundreds to several. ?
5) Application period
Application period is commonly known as "send-hao" among the people in Nanyang. That is, after the man chooses the wedding date, the matchmaker will bring the man's contract letter to the woman's house to negotiate the date of marriage. . This date is an auspicious day selected by the fortune teller based on the birth dates of both men and women.
In the old days, people mostly set wedding dates in the three seasons of spring, autumn and winter, especially autumn and winter. First, because the busy farming season in autumn and winter is over, the crops are harvested, and people have more money on hand, making it easier to move around with funds; Because the autumn in Nanyang is cool and the winter is cold, the food used in the wedding banquet is not easy to spoil and is easy to store; thirdly, according to the principle of yin and yang and the five elements, there are many good days in autumn and winter, especially in the twelfth lunar month, so every day is basically a good day. The eighth day of the twelfth lunar month and the days after the twenty-third day of the twelfth lunar month are good days that anyone can choose, and there are no taboos. After choosing a wedding date, the man should prepare generous gifts for the woman, and the woman should thank her in return and actively purchase dowry to accompany her. Wealthy families often send a complete dowry, half a dowry, or four major dowry items: a box, a table, a cabinet, and a chair. Those with poor family economic conditions arrange the wedding more simply. ?
6) Personal wedding
Personal wedding means getting married on the date agreed upon by both men and women. This is the final act of an old wedding. In the evening of the same day, the groom will personally lead the honor guard and sedan chair to pick up the bride from the bride's house as a solemn sign. ?
5. Child brides and widows remarry
In the past, widows remarried, which was regarded as a scandal. Therefore, in order to cover up the public’s eyes, the bride was picked up by the groom in an oxcart at night, and the wedding was not allowed.
6. "Big Marriage"
The wedding lasts three days. Invitations are used in advance to invite matchmakers, relatives and friends to celebrate the New Year, lights are decorated, wedding couplets are posted, and drums and music are played. When getting married, Mr. Yin and Yang will choose an auspicious time to get up from the sedan chair, and sit inside the sedan chair to hold the weight of the child.
In front of the sedan, someone placed a blanket and lit firecrackers. Behind the sedan, there were two lanterns, two torches, two three-eyed guns, gongs, colorful flags, suonas, etc. When they arrived at the girl's house, everyone came out to greet her. The bride wears a formal dress, covers her face with a red hijab, sits on a chair, and is carried into the sedan by the brothers. It is still the etiquette and custom of the time that the bride's red hijab is put on the sedan from her parents' house. Before arriving at the groom's house, she is not allowed to take it off on her own no matter what happens along the way. Only in the bridal chamber and after the wedding ceremony is over can the groom take off the hijab, which is commonly known as "removing the hijab".
When the sedan arrives at the groom's house, one person from the groom's family will hold a plowshare that has been heated red on one side and pour white wine on it, making three forward and backward turns along the sedan, which is commonly known as "holding back one's temper". After that, the groom comes out to greet the bride and bows to the sedan chair, which is commonly known as "worshiping the sedan chair door". After the ceremony, the two bridesmaids helped the bride out of the sedan chair with both hands, and walked to the Heaven and Earth Table - a square table covered with red cloth for worship. ?
7. The worship ceremony
is the most solemn etiquette in Nanyang’s traditional wedding customs. Usually there are three bows in the hall, one to heaven and earth, two to the high hall, and the third is for husband and wife to bow together to get married. Then the bride and groom enter the bridal chamber together, drink a glass of wine, and become the legal couple.
Although the ritual of worshiping in the church originated very early, there are also some factors that are inconsistent with the current world trend. However, it cannot be simply classified as feudal dross, nor can it be eliminated blindly without analysis. It is as a A symbolic behavior can be passed down through the ages because it has rich cultural connotations.
Heaven and earth are the space for human existence, and worshiping heaven and earth embodies human beings’ desire for survival and desire for a better life.
When men and women get married and stand on their own feet, they should thank their parents for their upbringing. This is both in accordance with ancient etiquette and in line with today's morality. The couple's worship can better reflect the connotation of traditional wedding ceremony.
In the long road of life to come, the couple will be in the same boat through thick and thin, and they need to love and understand each other, and worshiping each other is the beginning of this relationship. After that it was time to entertain the guests. ?
8. Making a house noise
In the evening, everyone plays and fights, commonly known as "making a house noise". ?
The next day, the bride and groom kowtow to their parents, relatives and elders, and the person who receives the head will give money on the spot. There is no limit to the amount of money.
9. Returning home?
Three days later, the groom and the bride return to their natal home for a visit, commonly known as "returning home". The custom of returning to the door in Nanyang, also known as worshiping the door, was popular in the Song Dynasty. When returning home, the man should prepare a gift for the woman. On the day of return, the son-in-law should return home after the banquet and is not allowed to stay at the bride's house. The bride's decision to return home or not will depend on the actual situation. This custom has been followed for thousands of years without any change. The wedding is now complete. ?
10. In marriage customs, both men and women pay great attention to harmony and auspiciousness.
He occupies an important position in Confucian philosophy and has a profound social foundation in the history of our country. Harmony is the essence of the humanistic spirit of Chinese culture. "Poems and books are the most valuable in the world, and harmony within the family takes precedence." The diverse ancient Chinese culture believes that harmony is the condition and foundation for the existence of all things in the universe, and is therefore the highest goal pursued by humanity and the basic principle for dealing with all human affairs.
Nanyang’s wedding culture is filled with a strong philosophical concept of harmony and an ethical atmosphere of harmony. In terms of specific manifestations, it is harmony, virtue, and harmony. ?
1), Shunhe
means that the behavior and state of mind of the people involved in folk marriages must be in a natural state with the ecological environment, and do not conflict with natural ecological ethics. , it pursues calmness of mind and calmness of behavior, and handles various problems that arise in marriage in a natural way and attitude. It is a form of "action" adopted by people based on nature as the law, rather than inaction. Being natural is a kind of "doing nothing".
Laozi said, "If you want to take something, you must keep it." In folk marriage culture, the second meaning of being submissive is to do nothing for nature. Specifically speaking, it is kindness, thrift, and humility. Compassion means loving-kindness, which emphasizes that a person must have love and empathy, and must not have an indifferent or impartial attitude towards things. This is the source of motivation for people to live in harmony with the natural ecological environment.
2) Dehe
Dehe in folk marriage culture means that both parties to the marriage must not only continue to thrive but also renew their virtues day by day when dealing with the ethical relationship with the natural ecology. Nanyang folk weddings attach great importance to the high degree of harmony between people and the natural ecological environment, the sun, the moon, the four seasons, and the wonderful exchanges of bends and extensions. We use words such as "carefully choose" and "fuyi" before the set date in the wedding invitations. This can give you a glimpse of the parties' carefulness in choosing the day, so as not to violate the nature of heaven and earth and to be in harmony with morality, time and ghosts and gods. This kind of harmonious and orderly coordination is a dynamic display of human beings and all things in the world.
In the eyes of Nanyang people, people’s marriage behavior can easily conflict with all things in nature. In addition to the coordination and harmony between the parties involved, the most important thing is to respect each other with all things in nature. Only in this way can the harmony of life of both parties be realized. It is a "harmony creature" that is endless. At the same time, it is not enough to have "harmony and real life"; one must constantly improve his virtues. The purpose of the harmony of heaven and earth is to give birth to new things. This is the intrinsic reason why some old customs in folk marriage customs are gradually replaced by new customs. ?
3) Human harmony
The desire and hope for harmony between the parties and between the parties and other relatives and friends are also fully contained in folk wedding rituals.
On the one hand, it explains how to shoulder responsibilities by voluntarily doing various things stipulated in various marriage customs, that is, the fair share and burden that each person should bear in this marriage activity. On the other hand, it also puts forward the customs and etiquette involved. The rules must conform to the ethical spirit of Confucianism. It is a principle and value orientation that not only reasonably regulates human life, freedom and equal rights, but also protects the integrity of everyone's personality and dignity. It contains rich content of politics, economy, ethics and morality.
Everyone's love for each other, universal love and fraternal love are the inner moral basis for people to be able to reconcile and form a marriage, and are the external cultural characteristics for human beings to leave the family and become a society. If both parties in a marriage denigrate and resent each other, it will only intensify conflicts and create estrangement. The relationship between people is an important structural factor in the marriage relationship network. Only by placing it in the broad context of harmony and in accordance with the relevant spirit of harmony can we coordinate the relationship between the parties to the marriage as well as the body, family, country, etc. relation. For example, in Nanyang folk marriage customs, the man chooses the wedding date through divination. In order to show respect for the bride's family, he still asks the matchmaker to go to the bride's family and ask the bride's family to decide the wedding date. With this courtesy first, the girl's family will usually happily express that they will take orders from the boy's family. ?
2. New society, changing customs
Nowadays, young people in Nanyang have integrated into the entire society, and new wedding arrangements have become a common practice, and they are no longer bound to the old complicated etiquette. .
According to Lao Zhou’s observations in the province, the wedding procedures in Nanyang Xin are basically the same as those in other areas, so I won’t go into details here.