I have experienced: Xiyang generally needs to give the woman three kinds of money, engagement money, housekeeping money and money for purchasing the bride's clothing and jewelry. An engagement usually ranges from 6,000 to 10,000, and housekeeping money is better than booking money. Be less intimate, the money for clothing and jewelry is usually about 20,000, and now there are one-time all-inclusive packages ranging from 30,000 to 50,000, but all the money is used to purchase the bride's clothes, jewelry and other dowries. Others sound respectable, girls Find a well-to-do husband's family
An engagement is an engagement. The boy goes to the girl's house to have a meal with her relatives and get to know each other
It is the girl and her who look after the house. When an elder from the family goes to the groom's house to recognize relatives, it used to be to see how the groom's family is doing financially (a red envelope should be prepared for the elder who comes, usually 168 or 268 yuan)
Others are the red envelopes needed when getting married. , 6 or 8 yuan each
There is also money for the wedding. The red envelope wrapped by the bride's mother's family in the bride's clothes, how much is in it, and how much the mother-in-law puts in (this money is reserved for the young couple, so you usually ask in advance How much) .
Actually:
Since ancient times, marriage etiquette in Shanxi, like all parts of the country, has followed the "six rites" established in the Zhou Dynasty, namely "accepting gifts, asking for names, accepting There are six rituals and etiquette in the process from marriage proposal to consummation: auspiciousness, acceptance, request for date, and personal welcome. With the development of society, the procedures of the "Six Rites" have been continuously simplified. Although marriage customs vary from region to region in Shanxi, their general evolution trend is from complex to simple. Since modern times, the marriage etiquette in various places in Shanxi has been roughly divided into the following stages:
---Marriage negotiation---
Marriage negotiation, also known as "marriage negotiation", is The initial stage of negotiating a marriage between a man and a woman in the old days included several procedures such as "proposal", "approval", "blind date", etc., until preparation for engagement. In this process, it is often the parents of both men and women who decide whether the marriage will be successful or not based on each other's family background, family background, appearance and other conditions. The male and female parties do not have much say.
"No marriage without a matchmaker". At the beginning of the marriage negotiation, the man's parents usually entrust a matchmaker or ask relatives, friends and neighbors to go to the woman's home to propose marriage, which is also called "proposing marriage". This procedure is equivalent to "accepting" among the "six rites".
---Engagement---
After the marriage negotiation stage, when both men and women agree on the marriage, they can officially get engaged, that is, "promise" or "engagement" . The man solemnly sends a betrothal gift to the woman's home. The amount usually depends on the time, place, and the family's wealth. This procedure is equivalent to the last part of "Naji" and "Nazheng" in the "Six Rites". It is called "Xia Cha" in Yanbei area and "Guo Dali" in southern Shanxi area.
When a man and a woman get engaged, they usually choose auspicious days such as the third, sixth, or ninth day of the lunar calendar. The parents of both parties must hold a banquet to entertain relatives and friends on the selected day, which is called an "engagement meal." The staple food is usually noodles, which means that the male and female families have become a loving family, so it is also called "eating noodles". In Xiangfen and other places in southern Shanxi, dumplings are a must-have at banquets in the man's family, which means "pinch the mouth", expressing the hope that he will not ask for financial gifts; when the girl's family holds a banquet, they will respond with "spicy noodles", whichever is better, indicating that there are less financial gifts. But no. In Yicheng area, "eating noodles" is limited to the girl's family, which is called "eating Xukou noodles".
On the day of the engagement, in Lingchuan and other places in southern Shanxi, the man’s family will send flour to the woman’s family. The girl's family would use the flour given by them, add millet and fry them into pancakes, and then give them to the boy's family. The man distributes it to relatives, friends and neighbors, which is called "notification". In Wenxi in southern Shanxi, the betrothal gift given by the man to the woman included various clothing materials, gold and silver jewelry, wine, meat and candies, as well as 90 steamed buns. In addition to clothes, shoes, hats, and various stationery, the woman's return gift also includes dozens of steamed buns. Both men and women cut the steamed buns into thin slices and distribute them to relatives, friends and neighbors, which is called "Sanxi steamed buns".
In the Xiangfen area of ??southern Shanxi, a man must give a woman a total of ten items, which means "perfect". Among the things the woman "returns" to the man are ten packets of wheat bran mixed with powdered salt. These ten packets of bran and salt should be sprinkled on the heads of the future parents-in-law and sisters-in-law respectively, which means that everyone is blessed (bran) and destined (salt). In places such as Qi County in central Shanxi, men and women also send "four-color gifts" to each other. The man gives the woman "engagement clothes", rings, earrings, bracelets and other items, and the woman returns the man's four treasures of the study, a fan, a purse, and a trouser belt. Among them, the trouser belt is especially indispensable, which is a metaphor of "I will tie you from now on", or "I will serve you with a turban and take off my clothes".
In many areas of Shanxi, when getting engaged, they also pay attention to exchanging "dragon and phoenix stickers", which are large red paper stickers printed with dragons and phoenixes. The "Dragon Tie" written by the man to the woman has the word "Qiu Ji" written on it, also called the "Pleasure Tie". The rough content of the writing is: "I am ashamed of the jade field, I pray for your promise. XXX bows". The "Feng Tie" written by the woman to the man is often written with the word "Yunji", also called "Yun Tie". The rough writing content is: "I am ashamed to be more virtuous than the phoenix, and I am willing to ride on the dragon. The foolish brother (brother) in marriage bows." The "dragon and phoenix tie" is usually made of red and gold-painted Cambodian flowers. In Taiyuan and Datong, it should be folded into nine folds to express that the marriage will last forever (9). In Qixian and Pingyao areas, it is folded in half. The birth year, month, day and hour of men and women are written on the left and right sides of the middle seam, and they fit together when folded.
On the day of engagement, in some places in southern Shanxi, the woman will be accompanied by relatives to the groom's house. When returning, the groom's family will not only give the girl a certain amount of money, but also give her a bundle of cotton, which is called "sticking cotton" or "sticking flowers", which means that the relationship will last forever.
---Marrying---
After the engagement, if both the man and the woman have reached the locally recognized age for marriage, the man’s parents will hold a banquet and invite the woman’s parents and the matchmaker to make a selection together. The wedding day is called "Huichou" in Shouyang area, and "choose date" in Datong area. In the past, it was usually necessary to ask Mr. Yin and Yang to read the auspicious days of the zodiac in advance. Since the people believe that the marriage period spans the life of both men and women, they are very cautious. Parents of both parties often negotiate with each other, and it often takes more than a year or even longer from the engagement to the marriage.
After the wedding day is finally chosen, the man must formally write a letter to notify the woman. The Yanbei area is called "Tongshu", while the southern part of Shanxi and other places are called "Send Good Day" and "Xia Zhitie". This procedure is equivalent to the "request period" in the "Six Rites". In some places in Luliang, it is only at this time that financial gifts are officially given to the woman. In the past, it was a "small gift" to get engaged and betrothal; now, "paying money" before getting married is a "big gift".
In most areas of Shanxi, a few days or the first day before the wedding, and in some cases on the morning of the wedding, the man will send people to give the woman gifts such as hairpins, jewelry, clothes, wine and meat. This ceremony is called "pressing makeup", which means to urge the woman to get ready for marriage. In Taigu and other places, "dowry sending" is called "sunsun"; in Shouyang area, it is called "sending dowry". At the same time, the dowry given by the woman is called "accompanying". Before getting married, in Datong area, the man must Send flour and meat to the bride's family. The flour is called "Li Niang Noodles" and the meat is called "Li Niang Meat".
The day before the wedding, the woman will send the dowry for her daughter to the groom's family, which is called "Li Niang Meat". "Send a dowry". In the old days, dowries usually consisted of tables, chairs, cabinets, clothes, bedding, and dressing utensils, all of which were affixed with red happy characters or tied with red cloth. Xinzhou, Yanbei and other places were particular about putting walnuts and dates in the basins included in dowries. Then cover it with red paper-cut; in Xiangfen area of ??southern Shanxi, people put chopsticks and walnuts in the pillows, bran in the shoes, and sewn dates and peanuts on the four corners of the quilt. These customs express the hope that the newlyweds will have children soon. Both parties and the couple are happy and blessed.
After receiving the dowry, the man will give the woman some gifts. In Taiyuan area, the man will give the woman sake, pig's head and steamed rolls, which are called "top boxes".
On the eve of the wedding, the girl's family will also give her daughter a "top head" and "open face", which means changing the style of her hair and braiding it into a bun. In fact, the bride undergoes beautification and shaving to signify the end of her girlhood. Usually, she invites a "full blessing person", that is, an older woman who has her parents-in-law, husband, and children, to be twisted with thin silk threads. After trimming the hair on the girl's face, shaving her eyebrows, and trimming her temples, the woman will entertain the elders of her clan and neighbors, and entertain her soon-to-be-married daughter. Folks believe that as soon as her hair is raised, she becomes a family member. As a married woman, her mother's family must treat her as a guest, so the banquet was very sumptuous, and the daughter was placed at the head of the banquet. In addition to congratulating the married girl, the elders and neighbors also asked her to respect her parents-in-law, serve her husband, and handle matters well. The principle of the relationship between sisters-in-law and sisters-in-law
---Marrying---
Marrying is also called "welcoming a bride" or "marrying a wife", which is equivalent to "six rites". "Welcome in person". Usually the groom goes to the bride's house to marry the bride in person, but in some places in Xinzhou and Luliang, there are also matchmakers or brothers-in-law who lead the wedding team to the bride, while the groom waits at home.
Welcome to the bride In the old days, the team used various ceremonial guards. From front to back, there were gunners, gongs to clear the way, flags to clear the way, "silence" and "avoidance" Zhupai, palace lanterns, gourds, axes, stirrups, dragon and tiger flags, group fans, and sun masks. ...The music of playing and drumming is indispensable. The sedan chair is usually two-carriage, one for the bride and the groom. In some places, a little boy who has the same zodiac sign as the bride and whose parents are still alive sits on the sedan chair, which is called the "Palanousher".
In all the wedding teams in Shanxi, there must be someone accompanying the groom. In the Zuoquan area, two people are found from older relatives and friends, who are called "ice men"; then one person who is about the same age as the groom is found from Yanbei Pinglu and other places. The emphasis is on "one woman, one man and two men", and the groom's sister-in-law and two brothers are required to go with the sedan and return together; when they come back, the woman will naturally accompany her as "one woman and two men" to see off the bride. Marrying and sending off relatives in Datong requires the accompanying of the female relatives of both parties who are skilled in etiquette. Those who accompany the groom are called "accompanying guests" in the Taigu area; those who accompany the bride are called "seeing off guests". In addition to "seeing off guests", when the woman goes to see others, she is "eating guests".
Before a daughter gets married, there is a custom of "crying for marriage" in most places in Shanxi. It is said that "if the daughter-in-law cries, the mother's family will be rich." According to the research of folklore experts, the origin of this custom is related to the "robbing marriage" in ancient times. Later, the cry of a woman when she was robbed gradually evolved into the "crying marriage" in marriage customs. This is neither extremely happy nor sad; it often has real content. Usually, they lament the end of a carefree girl's life, thank her parents for their upbringing, miss her brothers, sisters-in-law, and the friendly relationship with her girlfriend. At the same time, they feel very confused and uneasy about the turning point in their life as a wife and daughter-in-law. If you are not satisfied with your marriage and feel aggrieved, you should take the opportunity to express yourself and cry loudly. The bride's mother, girlfriend and female relatives of the family usually cry with her.
After the wedding team arrives, the door of the woman’s house is often closed and locked by the bride’s sisters or girlfriends.
On the one hand, it shows the dignity of the woman's family, on the other hand, it deliberately teases the bride-to-be. The bride-to-be was afraid of missing the mark, so she had no choice but to pay the "opening fee". In the Liulin area of ??Luliang, when the wedding procession arrives at the door of the girl's house, a sheep must be driven in front, which is commonly known as "crash the door."
After the wedding team entered, the woman hosted a banquet and entertained them hospitably. In places such as Yuci in Jinzhong, when entertaining a son-in-law, in addition to the wine and food, there is also a staple food like pancakes. The new son-in-law must "steal" more than a dozen pancakes, a few pairs of chopsticks and some wine vessels. The locals call this "de". Wealth". In the Xiangfen area of ??southern Shanxi, it is customary for the groom and the bride to eat "wedding cakes" together. In Qin County, southeastern Shanxi, and other places, daughters will eat egg pancakes before leaving, which is commonly known as "three eggs and a pot of wine before sending the daughter off in a sedan chair."
After leaving the table, the groom kowtowed to his father-in-law and mother-in-law again to say goodbye. In the Qi County area of ????Jinzhong, the father-in-law will wear red and hairpin flowers for his son-in-law at this time. Then the music started to play loudly, and the wedding procession, together with the woman's escort, set off with even greater grandeur. "Marriage" and "hundred" have the same pronunciation. In some places in southern Shanxi, the ancient custom of the bride getting married at night is still retained. The bridegroom is invited to a banquet by her parents' family, and the daughter is not sent out until the first watch.
When a daughter gets married and leaves home, there is a custom in various parts of Shanxi that she does not take her natal family's soil with her. Folks believe that "soil can grow all things, and the land can produce gold." They are afraid that taking away the soil will take away the good luck of growing crops from the mother's family. This is naturally a deeply rooted traditional concept in agricultural society. When a daughter gets married, she has to put on new shoes on the kang, and then her brother or uncle carries her on his back or carries her into the sedan; or she sits on a chair and is carried into the sedan. In some places, the floor is paved with red felt or red cloth. The daughter took off her old shoes and put on new shoes after entering the sedan chair. No matter how you go out, your feet will never touch the ground.
When her daughter leaves, in Qin County, southeastern Shanxi Province, the mother will circle the sedan chair twice with tears in her eyes, silently wishing her daughter happiness and good fortune; the father will symbolically escort the "hundred steps", and then his uncle and Four people, including uncle, brother and brother, accompanied the bride to see her off.
The wedding route generally emphasizes taking a big loop and not walking back the way you came. According to the location of the villages in Qixian County, central Shanxi, there is a saying that Xuanwu (north) enters and Zhuque (south) exits; or White Tiger (west) enters and Qinglong (east) exits. The wedding procession must bring along red felt or red cloth. In addition to being used for the bride to step on and off the sedan, it is also used to cover the sedan windows and the bride when passing by temples, well platforms, stone mills and stone mills, in order to prevent white tiger stars and other ghosts from worshiping evil spirits. Disturb each other. When meeting someone else's wedding procession on the road, the two parties must exchange "needles and threads", that is, the bride's red hair to ward off disasters. Today, wedding teams give each other handkerchiefs when they meet, and this is a legacy.
In the old days, sedans or cars were mostly used for weddings. In addition, in some places in Luliang Mountains, brides get married riding donkeys; in Changzhi, Tunliu and other places, both brides and grooms ride horses. There is also a special means of transportation in the Yanbei and Pinglu area, "mule carrying a sedan", that is, two mules carrying a long sedan, one in front and one behind. On the wedding day, the "muleteers" are the most respected. They wear new black clothes, with white towels wrapped around their heads, and they are dressed smartly. It is said that they can not only drive the "mules and sedans" steadily, but also make people suffer from the bumps, so they cannot give less money when they are happy.
On the wedding day, the groom’s and bride’s attire vary depending on the time and place. The groom used to wear a wide-brimmed black bowler hat and a mandarin gown. Later, he wore a uniform, and now he mostly wears a suit and leather shoes. In places such as central Shanxi and southern Shanxi, the bride's attire is quite special. She wears a phoenix crown, a python robe and a jade belt around her waist, just like the image of a queen on the stage. Later, when I was full, I stopped wearing the python and wore a red cotton-padded jacket. I stopped wearing the phoenix crown and wore brown glasses. They all changed into fashionable clothes.
---Wedding---
After the wedding team returned to the groom’s house, drums were played, firecrackers were fired, and the groom’s relatives, friends, and neighbors came out to welcome the bride. In Qin County, southeastern Shanxi Province, the bride's sedan chair is particular about landing on a red quilt. After the bride asks for "money to get off the sedan chair," she is supported by a "Quanfu man" and walks in on the red felt. The mother-in-law then symbolically sweeps the sedan three times with a broom, takes a handful of soil, takes it home and puts it under the mat in the corner of the Kang in the new house. This is called "sweeping soil from the sedan chair", which is probably in direct opposition to the custom of "not bringing soil from your natal family". You are afraid that bringing soil from your natal family will affect your natal family's planting of crops; I want to find ways to sweep some away to benefit my family's farming.
In some places in Shanxi, after the bride gets out of the sedan chair, large quantities of corn stalks, bran, melon seeds, peanuts, walnuts, chestnuts, etc. are sprinkled on the bride while a eulogy is recited. This custom is called "throwing grass" or "throwing happy fruits". It has a very ancient origin and is said to have been popular as early as the Han Dynasty. It was originally called "Throwing Gudou", which was intended to ward off the three evil gods of green sheep, black-bone chicken and green ox. Later, it gradually evolved from chasing away evil spirits to seeking good luck. The ancient meaning is still retained in southern Shanxi. Yicheng is called "beating five ghosts" and Fushan is called "throwing new people".