The date of the blind date is set by the matchmaker in advance and notified to both men and women, so both sides should be prepared. The man should prepare a little gift according to the hobby of the woman's parents; The woman wants to clean the courtyard and prepare to receive guests. As parties, both men and women should try to dress elegantly and resplendent, so as to leave a good "first impression" on each other.
Traditional marriage customs are the key to the success of marriage, especially for men, which should be treated with caution. Although gifts are nothing more than alcohol, tobacco and snacks, regardless of the quantity and value, you must give them what you like and not violate the taboos of the other parents; Dressing should be generous and fashionable; Be modest and polite in your words and deeds. In ancient times, when men met relatives, they could only rely on matchmakers to create opportunities to secretly see girls. It's different now. Both men and women can talk directly. Both sides have the opportunity to have a preliminary understanding of each other. China is a "state of propriety and righteousness", and it pays attention to implication. The results of visiting relatives are often not directly expressed, but expressed through various hints. In many places, after the man enters the door, the woman's parents first pour the young man a cup of hot tea. Seeing that the girl was amused, the young man drank this cup of tea in one gulp. Then the girl's parents discuss with the girl. If they agree to get married, they will leave the man for dinner with the matchmaker. If they don't agree, they will let the man leave and go home. Some parents even asked the matchmaker to take away the gifts brought by the man.
In some areas, besides visiting relatives, there is also the custom of "observing others". In fact, "visiting others" is also to visit relatives. The man was led by the matchmaker to the woman's home where he had seen the girl, and the woman's parents temporarily refused to express their views on the marriage, and then the matchmaker took him back to the man's home. Qiyang area is called "Kandang". Look at that time, the man's parents should offer a cup of fragrant tea first, and then talk to the woman's parents. The wife's parents visited the man's house and talked with the man's parents. If they agree to the marriage, they will drink all the fragrant tea. The man's parents immediately regarded him as "in-laws" and warmly entertained the guests. Otherwise, the woman's parents should get up and leave, and the man should not stay. In feudal society, men and women "give and receive without kissing", emphasizing that "there is no cloud and rain in the sky and no marriage on the ground". Generally speaking, both men and women should have a good discussion before "tying the knot", "harmonious Qin Jin", "tying the knot" and "living in harmony". This combination is called "matchmaking". After the founding of the People's Republic of China, "matchmaking" was renamed "introduction". People who do this kind of matchmaking work are called "Yue Lao", commonly known as "matchmaker" and later renamed "introducer".
intermediary/Middle Men
"Old Moon" is the abbreviation of "Old Moon". According to the novel of the Tang Dynasty, a scholar named Wei Gu passed by Song Cheng in the evening and met an old man sitting on the side of the road, with a big pocket in his hand, reading a big book in the moonlight. Wei Gu asked him kindly what book he was looking for. The old man replied that this is the marriage certificate of everyone in the world. Gu Wei asked the old man what was in his big pocket. The old man replied, "If you tie men's and women's feet with a red rope, as long as you tie a man's and a woman's feet on the red rope, even a sworn enemy or a stranger thousands of miles away will definitely form a husband and wife." Therefore, people say that "a thousand miles of marriage is a thread." "If the elderly don't need the red line under the moon, they can't go to another place." It can be seen that people are in awe of the matchmaker.
The matchmaker is also called "matchmaker". The biography of Yingying written by Yuan Zhen, a talented scholar in the Tang Dynasty, created a clever and lively image of a handmaid matchmaker. She carefully planned again and again, and finally contributed to the marriage between Zhang Sheng and Yingying. Based on this story, Wang Shifu wrote Yuan zaju "The West Chamber", in which the image of the matchmaker is more vivid and lovely. People call the matchmaker "the matchmaker", which shows their importance and friendliness to the matchmaker.
Matchmaking is not an easy task, as can be seen from the fact that matchmakers are called "Iceman" and "Ice Axe". According to the Book of Jin, I dreamed that I was on the ice, talking to people under the ice. Suo's explanation of this dream is: "You talk to people under the ice on the ice, which symbolizes that you are reconciling Yin and Yang. To reconcile yin and yang is to be a matchmaker, and you will be a matchmaker for others. " But this media is not easy to do. You have to melt the ice with your enthusiasm before both men and women can get married. "It seems that matchmaking requires enthusiasm and perseverance.
In the old-fashioned wedding, the matchmaker is also called "Wako", and the matchmaker is "holding Keke", which proves that the matchmaker is an indispensable role. The Book of Songs chants: "How about cutting Ke? There is no axe to cut. How did you marry that wife? Media is not allowed. " It means: "How can I cut off a big branch?" Don't chop without an axe; How can I get my wife? You can't get married without a matchmaker "
Female matchmaker
Matchmaking is a skill. The matchmaker should not only be familiar with the basic situation of men and women and their families, but also make every effort to propose marriage at home. Moreover, he must basically and accurately reflect each other's situation to both men and women and their parents, try his best to hide evil and promote good, so that both sides can fully understand each other's strengths and are willing to reach a marriage agreement. In other words, if you want to live, you must have a matchmaker's mouth. To be a matchmaker, you should be diligent in running errands. From the day you begin to bridge the gap between men and women, you should always shuttle between men and women, exchange information, convey each other's wishes and demands, and prevent accidents. Traditionally, both men and women have the obligation to entertain the matchmaker, and it is not an exaggeration for the country people to say that "the matchmaker has a hundred meals". It can be seen that it is diligent in running.
The matchmaker plays an important role in the old-fashioned wedding. After both men and women have basically reached an agreement on marriage, he should guide the man on a blind date, send a modified Geng sticker on behalf of both parties, guide the man to get engaged, choose an auspicious day for marriage, guide the man to take over the marriage, and assist the wedding ceremony until the couple enters the house, and then throw the "matchmaker" over the wall. The media said it well, and both sides were satisfied. In the future, they often exchanged views and became old friends. If the media doesn't speak well and both sides are dissatisfied, they will often blame the matchmaker and be regarded as passers-by from now on.
As a matchmaker, the matchmaker can get some money, which is called a "thank you gift". Money is usually paid by the man (if the man goes to the woman's house, it is paid by the woman). The day before the wedding, together with chickens, elbows, shoes and socks, and cloth, they are sent to the matchmaker's house. The matchmaker must guide the next day and call it "round media" or "initiating media" or "sending media". The amount of money to thank the media depends on the financial situation of the host family, but no matter how much, it needs to be sealed with red paper, which is called "red envelope" or "envelope". It is customary to write "envelope label" on red envelopes. After "seeing one's relatives" and "seeing one's death", it is necessary to perform the engagement formalities, commonly known as "gift".
The first step of "Li Guo" is that the matchmaker sends the man's birthday to the woman, and the woman's eighth birthday to the man. Some superstitious parents think that they are responsible for their children's marriage, and often ask the fortune teller to calculate after receiving the red post to see if the "date of birth" of both parties is consistent, if not; Marriage will be reconsidered. Fortunately, most modern people don't believe this, so even if red posts are exchanged, they are often just a form, and some even avoid the form of changing posts. Have a big gift
After "changing posts" and "matching eight characters", the matchmaker should choose a good date and get engaged with the man as a gift. Giving gifts is a big deal. Generally, the active person (male or female) who gets married should give each other a heavy gift. The gift should at least include a pig elbow, a pair of wine, a chicken and a duck, and a suit for other parents. A pair of shoes and socks, a package, and some things for girls. How much money to seal in the envelope and what engagement gift to give the girl are generally negotiated by the matchmaker in advance, not as much as the man (or woman) can give. Of course, the parents of the man or woman should also try their best to think of each other, strive to be frugal and accept less dowry.
After the ceremony, both men and women can agree on a date to go to the local government for a marriage certificate and formally confirm the marriage relationship. Modern laws and regulations stipulate that both men and women should go to the hospital for premarital examination before getting a marriage certificate; There are also some areas (mainly cities) that require premarital classes. These are all effective measures to ensure prenatal and postnatal care and ensure the quality of the population, which should be followed. After the marriage certificate is completed, both men and women have legally established a legal relationship between husband and wife. However, in China, this is only the first step in marriage. According to the traditional practice, the parents of the active party should choose an auspicious day to get married, and the matchmaker should inform the other party to get married. It's called "choosing good luck" and "sending the day".
Generally speaking, you can consult an astrologer or fortune teller to choose a suitable date, or you can choose a date by reading an encyclopedia (nicknamed "almanac", commonly known as "family calendar" and traditionally called "imperial calendar"). Those with a high level of education can do their own calculations. It is generally believed that as long as the "Liuhe" corresponds, it is a good day. Such as "Bing Yin Ri".
After the date is selected, the two sides will send out wedding invitations and invite relatives and friends to attend the wedding.
Wedding invitation
Invitations are usually given by married people or their parents to relatives and friends in person. After receiving the invitation to the wedding banquet, relatives and friends should generally come to congratulate them, except that they can only give gifts under special circumstances and cannot attend. Before you congratulate, you should prepare gifts. The number of gifts depends on the relationship between everyone and the host, the depth of friendship, and my financial conditions. Generally, people who send men pay cash and "wrap" it with red paper. Generally, congratulations should be written on the packaging label. The envelope contains cash, and the paper money should be folded one by one, with the bottom facing up. The words "Congratulations to XXX" or "Congratulations to XXX" are written on the bottom of the paper money, which is called "hanging inside" for the convenience of household registration.
Gifts for women are mostly in kind, but they can also be replaced by red envelopes, which is called "marriage assistance". Most furniture is boxes, cabinets, beds, quilts, tableware, clothes and so on. Gifts for women are often given by relatives and friends as soon as they hear the news, without waiting for invitations. Because the woman's parents should decide the scale of "wedding wine" according to the number of gifts given. When the wedding is just around the corner, both men and women will kill pigs and chickens, prepare the wedding banquet, and ask handymen such as chefs, bridesmaids, bearers, accountants and touts to help with the work. After applying, these people should start working in the main room the day before the wedding to prepare for the wedding reception.
The traditional wedding is usually the "wedding reception" at the woman's house in the morning and the wedding reception at the man's house at noon. If it is a husband (recruiting a husband-a man goes to the woman's house), the opposite is true.
After everything was ready, Yanari, a man, played music and sent a sedan chair to greet the bride. The matchmaker took the lead, followed by the groom, bridesmaid, sedan chair, band and gift box team.
The bride's family should prepare the wedding banquet before the sedan chair arrives. A girl needs her mother or sister to comb her hair, twist off the fluff on her face with silk thread and make up, which is called "opening her face". Then, she will be decorated with a crown wreath and covered with red cloth, waiting for the bride's sedan chair.
Traditional marriage customs
As soon as the sedan chair arrived, the girl's family greeted it with music and firecrackers. After the fierce relatives entered the women's hall, the sedan chair fell, and the groom bowed to his parents-in-law and presented a red wedding invitation with his father's name on it. Then there was an interesting party at the woman's house. During the dinner, the matchmaker and groom should be careful, because there are many unwritten customs in China. During the three days of their wedding, peers and teenagers among relatives and friends can creatively make up several small comedies on the matchmaker and groom, called "washing the media" and "hanging red" (commonly known as "welcoming guests" in rural areas). The bride's sister-in-law may ambush the groom with half a bowl of Chili noodles under his rice bowl; The bride's sister will give her brother-in-law a handful of ashes when she pours wine. The matchmaker and groom should tolerate these little farce that can increase the happy atmosphere-although they might as well "deal with a man as he deals with you" and get a little revenge, they must never get angry or get angry, or even quarrel or wrestle with the host and guest.
After the breakfast banquet, the bride and groom, led by the matchmaker, pay homage to the ancestral tablets and elders of the bride, and then the bridesmaids can offer flowers to the bride. On the sedan chair, the bride might as well cry a few times to show her attachment to her parents and family.
Fengguan robes
After the bride got into the sedan chair, she played music, set off firecrackers and got married in the sedan chair. The band is in front, followed by the groom (riding a horse if possible), followed by the sedan chair and others to see the bride off. When the bride opens the sedan chair, she often gives the sedan chair bearer a red envelope to prevent the sedan chair from swinging too much.
When the wedding procession is about to arrive at the groom's door, the man's house will greet it with firecrackers and music. The sedan chair stops in front of the groom's main hall, and the bridesmaids (usually beautiful young women) invited by the man's family will come forward to lift the curtain of the sedan chair and help the bride out of the sedan chair. Bridesmaids will come forward to join in, and guests will sprinkle flowers (usually replaced by red and yellow scraps of paper) to the bride and groom, pushing the wedding to a climax. On the wedding day, after the man's sedan chair is issued, the best man will arrange a place to pay homage in the man's hall.
When the sedan chair stopped in front of the main hall, the maid of honor invited by the man stood in front of the sedan chair and the ceremony began. On the incense table, cigarettes are lingering, red candles have a high fever, and relatives, friends and functional personnel are in their positions.
The two bridesmaids appeared as "Zan" and "Zan" respectively and began to pay tribute.
The bride and groom began to worship the bride according to the praise ceremony.
The procedure of the ceremony is as follows:
Zan: The groom is in place (standing in front of the sedan chair)
Tong Zan: Lift the sedan chair and the couple will get up.
Praise: the groom bows (handing over the bride)
Zan: The bride and groom are in place (before the incense table)
The groom's official hat
Play music and shoot.
Tong Zan: The bride and groom put incense sticks (to the shrine and ancestral tablet).
Zan: kneel down and offer incense. Light candles, burn incense, burn incense, crawl, stand up and stand back.
Tong Zan: Kneel down, kowtow, kowtow again, kowtow three times, and you will be happy.
Then the traditional "three worships"-"one worships heaven and earth, the other worships parents, and the husband and wife worship each other", and finally "introduces the bridal chamber". This is the end of the ceremony. On the day before the traditional wedding, the man's home has been decorated with lanterns, and its layout is roughly as follows:
Main room:
1, a pair of couplets in front of the door, plus a horizontal batch.
2. There is a square lantern hanging in the center of the main hall, and the four sides of the lantern are painted with patterns such as "Couple Chorus", "Goddess of Mercy", "Champion" and "Family Fun" respectively.
3. A pair of huge red candles on the incense table.
Stick a photo of "companion" on the opposite wall on both sides.
5. After the "golden wall is brilliant", there are six characters of "heaven and earth are related, teachers are teachers", which are written straight from top to bottom. The writing of these six words is particular: the sky should be flat, that is, the two horizontal lines of the word "sky" should be written flat and cannot be bent; To be wide means to write the word "land" wider, not too narrow; Don't speak, that is, the word "jun" should be completely closed, and there can be no gap; If you don't close your eyes, that is, write the traditional Chinese character "pro", the word "see" on the right can't seal all the last horizontal lines of the word "eye" above; The teacher has no other meaning: the traditional word "teacher" should be omitted and the word "teacher" should be written.
New house:
Wedding banquets in rural China.
1. Put a pair of couplets on both sides of the door frame, and add a horizontal batch (horizontal batch generally writes "husband and wife are harmonious");
2. Put a big red double happiness on the door;
3. Hanging lanterns in the middle of the new house;
4. Paper-cut big red double happiness characters are posted on the window, and paper-cut butterfly patterns are posted on the four corners;
5. Put couplets on both sides of the window;
6. Calligraphy and painting are hung on the wall.
Kitchen: There is a couplet in the front door, with the word "Xi" on the door.
Others: all rooms have the word "hi" on their doors.
After seeing the bride, the bride sat in the new house for a while and never came out. The groom will go out of the new house to meet the guests. If guests are invited in a hotel or hotel, both husband and wife must go out to meet the guests and propose a toast to them.
Seats at the wedding banquet should be arranged according to the qualifications of the guests, which is called "treat" or "diners". The principle of seating arrangement is to respect the upper and lower, respect the right and respect the left. Guests are sorted from high to low according to age, identity and status.
The chairman should be placed in the center above the hall, and the "big relatives" should be invited to sit at the right head, the groom's father or uncle at the left head, and the others should be seated accordingly.
In addition to the main seat in the main hall, a second distinguished seat was placed in the new house. The bride's mother was invited to sit first, accompanied by the groom's mother or aunt. The seats of other seats should also be arranged in order.
After arranging the seats, the best man announced that the banquet would be held with music and firecrackers. The groom will first propose a toast to the Chief Executive and say a few words of thanks. Then, the first course was served in the kitchen to push the wedding banquet to a climax.
All tables and drinks should be the same except the seats where "male relatives" and "female relatives" are located. Generally speaking, there must be a steamed pork elbow. Moreover, the groom should always wait at the table to pour wine and send hot towels to "relatives" to show respect.
Anchuang
The matchmaker has already left before the wedding reception is over. This is called "running away". If he doesn't leave, the "washing media" will wipe his face into the bottom of the pot. After the wedding reception, "Shangqin" went to the back room to rest, ate some snacks, and was accompanied by the man's elders to say some polite words. The handyman moved his seat and swept the floor, so it was time for Shang Qin to get up and leave. At the beginning of the day, men should "send away" clothes, shoes and socks and pay attention to red envelopes. "Farewell Kiss" is another lively scene. All decent men in the family should be sent to the door and set off firecrackers to show their respect. The groom and his parents should send the guests to the village entrance. China has the custom of getting married. In the past, many new couples were asked to live in the same space on their wedding night because they were strangers or even strangers before marriage, which may cause psychological discomfort. Making trouble in the bridal chamber can undoubtedly help newcomers to bridge the gap and pierce the shy "enough" through public games. Today's bridal chamber is mainly to express blessings to the new people.
One of the games, take chopsticks. Put a pair of chopsticks in a wine bottle, showing only a short section, and let the bride and groom take it out with their lips. In fact, they were invited to perform a kiss. The second game is eating bananas. Tie bananas with elastic ropes and hang them at the highest place where the groom can jump. The groom pulls them down with his mouth. The bride and groom peel off the skin with their mouths and eat together. In order to prevent the rope from retracting, one person has to do the action and the other person has to bite the banana, which depends on the cooperation of two people.
Scene 3, light a match. Insert matches into red dates, tie a lighted cigarette in the middle of a red line in a basin full of water, and both ends are bitten by newlyweds respectively. You go in and I go out, and you light the matches in the basin with cigarettes together. Hold your breath and use solid "dental skills" and vision to succeed.
Game 4, clip marbles. Prepare a plate of glass marbles, let the bride and groom each take a chopstick, and the two of them will clip out the marbles together. May wish to invite several couples and newcomers present to compete, and the laggards to perform the program.
The fifth game, the poetry competition. If the bride and groom love literature, please invite them to participate in the poetry competition. First, the groom recites a poem, and then the bride recites it. At least one word in the sentence required to be recited is the same as the last word. In this cycle, those who don't accept it will be judged as negative, and those who don't accept it will be executed.
Game 6: Couples can read. This kind of "literacy" means letting the groom hold a "word" (or a phrase), and then asking the groom to do various actions (no talking, no gestures) to show the bride, so that the bride can "recognize" the word. When looking for words, choose those that are in line with the wedding atmosphere, such as "love", "love" and "husband and wife".
Game 7: Say nicknames. The bride and groom come up with ten nicknames to address each other, such as heart, baby, dog and meat. The more disgusting, the better. If the guests are not satisfied, they can ask to speak again.
Scene 8, kiss sweetheart. The groom lies on his back in bed, and then sticks the sliced bananas on his face and neck, so that the blindfolded bride can use her mouth to find those banana slices.
Game 9: Kissing. Ask the bride and groom to kiss for three or five minutes.
Scene 10, Shashi bed. Saxi Bed is a kind of song and dance game performed by the groom and sister-in-law when the bridal chamber is in trouble. Sister-in-law is holding a plate covered with red paper, on which are chestnuts, dates, peanuts, longan and other things. The bride sat on the bed, and her sister-in-law grabbed the dried fruit and sprinkled it on the bed, singing as she sprinkled it. Everyone who made trouble in the bridal chamber listened to the song of the eldest sister-in-law, and the voices echoed. The laughter in the bridal chamber lasted all night, and the laughter and slapstick were getting louder and louder. "Saxi Bed" game is a group folk game. All the actors have sex, the sister-in-law is the protagonist, and the others are supporting roles. Because the protagonist has a great responsibility to undertake the task of invigorating the atmosphere of the bridal chamber. Therefore, the protagonist has to be carefully selected by the married family. It's as important as choosing a wedding emcee. Before getting married, the groom's family chose one by one from the sisters-in-law of the same clan and neighbors, one in some places and two in some places. The protagonist of this Sassi bed selection must first be a "lucky man" with two children; You must also be able to sing and make up words; Furthermore, you should be articulate, flexible, good at reading words and observing emotions, and improvise. In addition, because it takes a long time to make the bed and the lyrics are long, it is sometimes necessary to improvise according to the specific situation, so the person who makes the bed has a strong memory and can correctly describe what he sees, hears and scenes with lyrics. Limited by these conditions, the screened sister-in-law is naturally better. As a sister-in-law, I am very proud of being valued by married people. They will try their best to help the groom's family adjust the atmosphere of the new house. According to the custom of marriage in China, after three days of marriage, the bride and groom should go back to their parents' home together, which is also called "going back to their parents' home". This is an indispensable etiquette.
The bride's old man attaches great importance to returning home in three days, so the groom should make ideological and gift preparations in advance and try to leave a happy and beautiful impression on his parents-in-law.
Gifts are prepared in advance. Buy gifts that the bride and the old man like. There are generally four kinds of gifts. Huimen usually leaves at nine or ten in the morning. The bride and groom should dress up as well as at the wedding, and keep a beautiful and handsome image at the wedding. When going back to their parents' home, the bride and groom should greet the old man first. At this time, the groom should change his mind and call his parents-in-law like the bride. He should be natural and kind, and be kind and polite to his relatives, friends and neighbors. He should greet people first and treat them with courtesy.
At dinner, the bride should accompany the groom, propose a toast to parents, relatives and neighbors, and thank everyone for their wishes for their wedding. Don't rush home after dinner. You should chat with your parents for a while, listen to their teachings, and then leave and go home. And should take the initiative to invite two old people and brothers and sisters to their homes, or invite relatives, friends and neighbors.