Why is it getting harder and harder to fall in love?

It is getting harder and harder to fall in love now. Young people influenced by various values are looking for safe answers about love. Quantifying the right person has become their new strategy. ? Wen | Wu Yuchen Editor | Chu Ming's quantified love feels like a little devil escaping from his heart. Lu suddenly realized that when it really came to the stage of talking about marriage, "fantasy would be swallowed up by reality a little bit." She took out her laptop and drew an Excel form. As a teacher of editing, she is familiar with this operation. Every time she corrects the test paper, she has to register the students' scores. Now, she wants to quantify her fiance. This man who has been in love for a year is presented in this form: 1.8 meters tall, only son, within the system. My parents have a harmonious relationship and run a small business. The annual family income is about 200,000. There is a house and a car, and the total price exceeds 2 million. At the same time, he added, "cheerful personality, earnest and practical work, patience and perseverance, and all-inclusive housework." From the description, I am satisfied with this person, but the problem still appears as the wedding day approaches. A year ago, when they met, the man introduced himself as a "well-off family", but "my well-off family seems to be very different from his." As the only child in the family, 30-year-old Lu has enjoyed the best treatment at home since childhood. Father has his own career, and mother is in the system. She roughly calculated that the total income that the family can earn a year is 800 to100000 yuan. In contrast, the annual income figures of boyfriend's parents are thin. "Life is such a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, is it worthy of a person with better (material) conditions? She posted the form on the social platform, and the essay was marked as "The door is right. "Although she is more willing to hear voices supporting her to' keep going', within a few days, the comment area was full of messages:' It can be better' and' the conditions are too bad', and some even had only one word-'fen'." "Love Forms" is a hot post on social platforms recently. Starting from some standards, young people draw a table and compare their "indicators" with lovers or potential contacts, so as to consider whether it is appropriate to continue to develop marriage and love relationships. Interviewee Photo courtesy of the Love Form in Little Red Book When the form appears, it often means that someone is shaken, that is, lost in a marriage relationship. There is no answer to feelings, but compared with the so-called conditions, it seems that we can clearly see the advantages and disadvantages. This seems to be a way to solve the problem. Liu Li, a girl from Sichuan, listed five male guests in the Excel table, all of whom were anonymous, and the labels were "male 1", "male 2", "male 3", "male 4" and "male 5" respectively. She listed their date of birth, height, weight, education, occupation, annual salary, provident fund, loans, parents' practices and personal personality, and shared the choices she had faced on social platforms. A handwritten "list of lovers" lists ten requirements of Chen Hu, a Guangdong girl, for a future lover: a boy with double eyelids whose height is at least 178cm, looks fresh and clean, smells good and tastes comfortable; Respect and love me, have a house, a car and a stable job ... She took this paper to worship in the temple, hoping that she could meet the right person. The list of Mr. Right interviewees shows that in the practice of love, there is a deviation between reality and expectation. Chen Hu has been dating her current boyfriend for a year, and they have a good relationship. When it comes to marriage plans, she hesitates. Young, she has such a cognition: marriage is an investment, and if she wants to get benefits from venture capital, she must be fully prepared at the research stage. "It's not good to be too emotional." She said flatly. More and more quantitative marriage and love have gradually become a trend. In recent years, more and more young people are saying that "smart people don't fall in love" and "making money is more important than working". "Love the brain" has gradually become a derogatory term. On the Internet, when people "identify" with a relationship, they "always suggest separation rather than reconciliation". Young people seem to be particularly "awake", but they are still confused. Source: vision china framed love with a table. In a series of "love tables", young people's views on marriage and love have also become concrete. There are all kinds of titles, except personal circumstances, family conditions will be listed in a prominent position. The most common requirement is that the other party's family conditions are similar to their own, whether it is assets, occupation or even "class". In the form of love, young people in all corners of social platforms generally think that the feeling of "being suitable for each other" is enough to get married smoothly. For Ai Xiaoting, the intangible form has long been established in my mind. She was born in a first-tier city family, her father worked in the system and her mother was in business. She went to the United States to attend high school, and the annual tuition fee was about 654.38+10,000 yuan. In her memory, in the early years, her mother took real estate speculation as her hobby, and she could immediately win the house in Zhujiang New Town in the central area of Guangzhou in full. The idea of defending the family class is deeply rooted in her mind. Her parents once told her, "find someone with similar conditions to yourself, so that you won't climb on others, but you won't make them inferior." She agrees with her parents. "Everyone says I'm rich but three generations. I should at least save my own generation. In her form, the requirement is simple-finding a person with similar material conditions is a family's anti-risk behavior. Ai Xiaoting fell in love with a boy through a game at the age of 20. She got simple support and happiness from boys. But when I learned from the other end of the screen that the other person was a college graduate and a single-parent family, my mother frowned and quickly denied saying "no". Ai Xiaoting did not argue or fight. " Since my good conditions are given by my family, I shouldn't let my family take risks. "So she chose to break up. After that, she gave priority to international students from the United States, because she felt that the family conditions in China who could study in the United States were generally good. More than one person will mention the ability of family members to shape their own views on marriage and love. In Liu Li's form, the other party's education must be good, and the family's education can't be bad. She was born in a high-level intellectual family. Her grandparents, grandparents, uncles and fathers all graduated from key universities. Her knowledge, conversation and living habits are all high-level demeanor in her eyes. Only she failed in the college entrance examination and graduated from three universities, so she was obsessed with finding someone to make up for her shortcomings. "Unsurprisingly," within the system "has recently become a hot hard currency. Most of Liu Li's family members come from the system, and in third-tier cities, the work within the system is the most stable-in addition, due to the limitations of the surrounding environment, she has not seen other possibilities. The "universal concept of society" tells 27-year-old Chen Hu that to get married, you must have a house-this seems to be a truth without verification. She has two properties in a fourth-tier city in her hometown, and she feels that the conditions are not bad. Between bread and love, she feels that she will always give priority to bread. Let the past stable days continue, and now it is a high expectation. Young people will shift their strategies to intimacy in the face of changes in the outside world, and choosing to frame a clear outline of mate selection with a table will make people feel safe. In order to find the right person, young people have also developed a skill to make the response accurate and detailed, and try not to offend each other. When I first met my fiance, Lu stared at him like Sherlock Holmes: clothes are mid-range brands, consumption is frugal, and she has her own car. Her judgment is that the material conditions are good, but she also knows how to manage the family diligently. Liuli's ability to observe with the naked eye is perfect. Since 20 19 blind date, she can see each other's height and even weight at a glance. Concerned about education, she has an experience that she can quickly find out each other's background and ask them, "Where do you go to school?" If they answer "Harbin", then she can ask, "Is it Harbin Institute of Technology? "Others will deliberately talk to the man about the recent house price to see if he knows. After the test, it will soon be judged whether the other party has the ability to buy a house. If you want to know about your family, you can ask them if they do housework at home. If you have brothers and sisters to help you, you can continue to ask, "How many brothers and sisters do you have? Through these forms, we can also see that young people are not materialistic or only value material equivalence. In addition to those standards in the traditional sense, it will also include personality, hobbies, family atmosphere, characteristics in intimate relationships and so on. Contemporary "matching" has undergone new changes in its connotation, and the standards are not reduced, which needs to be carefully crafted in all aspects. In Chen Hu's "Ten Articles of a Happy Husband", the description of material conditions is the least, while other requirements are very specific. For example, take her to travel for at least five days and four nights every year, and there will be no economic pressure; Friendly parents, warm and lively family atmosphere, preferably brothers and sisters; They are optimistic about the difficulties in life, easy to cope with, and have a sense of humor ... They also have their own language system for personality and even personality traits, which is difficult to generalize. In one form, the woman's evaluation of the man is: "sincere, independent, gentle and traditional, but willing to tell each other the truth." The man's description of the girl is "neat and crisp, not dragging its feet, being" silly and greasy ",relatively strong, and willing to be cold and violent when angry". An easier way is to use MBTI test to outline a person's personality. Respondents' standards for comprehensive love forms, including MBTI tests, always vary from person to person, especially young people. The maker of a love form will only feel "big head" because the suitor ordered a plate of stew on a date and then deleted the other person from the form and stopped contacting him. The intra-table competition in vision china makes the intra-table relationship unbalanced, and it is usually something secular. The bride price, a seemingly ancient thing, still occupies a place in the marriage and love world of contemporary young people. Liu Feier inquired about it when she was in her boyfriend's hometown. 1.28 million yuan bride price is already the highest treatment in the local area. My boyfriend's family is also very polite, and he took out 300 thousand at once. "Not enough." She thought to herself. The "scientific figure" she expected was 500,000 yuan, but she swallowed it back and said "yes". Could that be a small hidden danger? Why am I a little unbalanced? She asked herself. Now, this basically qualified boyfriend seems to be shaken. She feels that she is not feudal, but still wants to get the guarantee of marriage through bride price. Compared with the bride price, her "dowry" is more generous: 500,000 cash, plus a car of around 1 10,000. Once the two sides are quantified in the table, comparison is inevitable, and competition lurks in intimate relationships. Li Zhijiang and his girlfriend were admitted to the civil service when they graduated from university, but they had different standpoints, one in Beijing and the other in Harbin. After graduation, the two began a long-distance relationship, and they often quarreled in recent years. Whenever they talk about the future, they will start to compare whose future is better. It seems that people who have a better future have the right to decide where they belong in the future. Li Zhijiang, who has settled in Beijing, said that he can buy a house with a total price of 45 million yuan and 60-70 square meters in the sixth district of the city, with a monthly payment of 65,438+3,000 yuan. He can pay it back after hard work, and his children's schooling and medical care are not a problem. He still has some ambitions, and thinks that he may be promoted faster in Beijing, which is not good at all. "When he is old, it should be a minor course anyway." But my girlfriend thinks the future can be more stable. She said: "When you go back to Harbin, the car and house can be implemented immediately, and we can get married immediately. More than 100 square meters of houses are by the river. " In this relationship, the most prominent problem seems to be a different place, but Li Zhijiang also knows in his heart that the unequal family conditions of the two are the root of the problem. Girlfriend and parents are retired cadres in the system, while Li Zhijiang's father works outside the home, and his mother has no old-age insurance and can only rely on herself. The sense of weakness brought by this difference can't give Li Zhijiang the courage to give up the present future for love and start another future. He's a little worried. "In case there is emotional risk after going back, the final result may not be very good. When the intimate relationship changed from cooperation to competition, neither of them gave in. Their quarrels often end with Li Zhijiang turning off his cell phone to calm down and crying with his girlfriend. The balance of power in the table is not static. Ai Xiaoting once rejected others because of family advantages, and now she will be a little uneasy about it. Her father retired, and now her boyfriend's father is still firmly in the system, and her mother is engaged in trade business, with an annual net income of over one million. My boyfriend's mother likes Beijing and wants him to go back to China, but as a native of Guangzhou, she prefers Guangzhou. " I think my family conditions are ok. I was supposed to pick someone else, but suddenly it was the other way around, just like being picked by his mother. "She was afraid that she was" unworthy "and asked her father," Do you think their home is suitable? My father said that he had met many such people, "I never lost my love for my family". A win-lose relationship often makes people feel bad. Li Zhijiang recalled the time when he and his girlfriend were in college. As a friend and lover, the girl gave him different degrees of support. My girlfriend told Li Zhijiang, "I believe in your potential." Li Zhijiang feels so good to be firmly chosen. But in the face of complex reality and flowing emotions, it is difficult for young people to remain firm and unshakable. They are familiar with public examinations, postgraduate entrance examinations, editors and other examinations. However, how to face the differences in the relationship, how to compromise and balance, whether to give up or continue-these thorny issues are still a little "outlined". Li Zhijiang posted a form drawn with his girlfriend * * * on the social platform, and asked the netizens if it was appropriate. In the message area, the most praised message is: the biggest possibility is the score. Problems that can't be solved in the form of Tuyuan drama series "Dating in Society" are all concentrated in this form. In the last column, she will write a summary of this experience. "Both sides feel right, but they don't feel each other. This boy works in a scientific research unit with an annual income of 200,000 yuan. He has a car and a house, and his parents can repay the loan. The most important thing is that the other person's family background fully meets the requirements. But they don't call each other and talk, but they "have no feelings at all." "Then one day, the boy told her," My mother said she didn't think it was appropriate for you to make it up. "In contact, it is good for me, but the academic income of the other party is lower than expected." -this boy, with a college degree, is a little fat. He is very concerned about Liu Li and has many companions, which makes her flattered. She prefers to talk first and not make a decision for the time being. "I'm dating, but the other person's family is lower than expected, and I feel that the other person doesn't value me very much"-the height of the boy is 1.6 meters, with many blind dates and strong purpose. As soon as he touched the table, he began to check the account. "How about the salary? It was not until I learned that Liu Li worked in a bank that I immediately lost interest in asking questions. "Don't think right, don't feel right. This ancient emotional cycle is repeated in Liu Li's experience. More paradoxically, she is screening others and others are judging her. To some extent, Liu Li looks forward to a love more than anyone else. She also loves reading romance novels, and can casually name several ideal types, such as how. She was depressed by the rejection of her relationship, and the indifferent figures and standards on the form seemed to erect a protective wall for her. At the bottom of the form, some netizens suggested that she put aside the standards of education and occupation, but she still has a firm belief in this framework. " Occupation can be relaxed, but education is absolutely not possible. "This year she wants to take an MBA, learn a drum set, meet a friend who came back from abroad, and plan to travel together in April. She wants to explain that she is also very good alone, but she still regrets that "life seems to be predestined." At the age of 23, Chen Hu, who is also "condition-oriented", entered a qualified relationship through the introduction of a friend. That boy is 1.8 meters tall and clean. He has a house in Foshan and a dividend in the village. He lives by collecting rent. The two met several times and confirmed their love relationship in less than a month. But this relationship is not as beautiful as Chen Hu imagined. She found that the boy's circle of friends was "only visible to her", and she was not independent in doing things, so she made plans for everything. Chen Hu still held back from going to his house. When he entered the room, the boy's father never came out. He didn't say a word or even look at Chen Hu until he sat together for dinner. Chen Hu doesn't feel respected. Later, her boyfriend told her, "My father wants to give you a birthday. This made Chen Hu very angry and broke up. Until the love affair outside the frame happened, Chen Hu fell into a new confusion. She met her current boyfriend on dating software, and the other party took good care of her. "Among many suitors, she is a truly proactive person." After getting along for two months, the two confirmed their relationship, but before her boyfriend bought a house, she suddenly jumped out of the "Mr. Right List". At the moment, feelings still seem to occupy the peak. Although she has repeatedly felt that she should not be carried away by love, the balance in her heart is still tilting towards each other. She would ask herself, "Are the conditions too harsh? However, for fear of material risks, she still regularly asks her boyfriend if he has a "clearer plan" and puts pressure on him. The probability of romantic love without accurate measurement is very high. Lu accidentally fucked her ex-boyfriend. When eating in the canteen, she found a handsome boy in the vast sea of people, clean in vain and one meter tall. She immediately concluded that it was him. Coincidentally, the two happened to have cooperation in business and came together in less than two months. This relationship lasted for two years and ended in a breakup. The reason is that the education is not good enough and the parents' atmosphere is not very close-in short, it still comes down to not reaching the best mate selection framework. Experience makes people mature and learn to be considerate. Lou once fell in love with her head, and now she is obsessed with the upcoming marriage. Although she is occasionally unbalanced in her heart, she will not give up this relationship easily, and it is basically carried out under the big framework. She also posted in the hope of getting more netizens' support to dispel her concerns. At the end of the form, she specifically stated, "I didn't know much about my specific situation when I first met. I really love you." "The contest between sensibility and rationality seems to be coming to an end. She said that there is a high probability that she will marry her fiance and be happy. " I just need more peace. After all, there are many imperfections in life.