Warm Tips
Almost everyone will encounter some big or small obstacles when chatting with someone they like. This is because we are talking to people we don’t like. When chatting, we don’t worry about our performance. Anyway, I don’t like him and don’t care about him that much. But when you meet someone you like, you tend to worry about gains and losses, so your performance may not be that good at this time. . My suggestion is this: Generally when you meet someone you like and you don’t know how to chat, don’t deliberately cater to the other person’s conversation.
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1
Female♀
Keywords: Disclaimer, affair on business trip
I am 28 years old, from Wuhan, with 6 years of experience I haven’t paid my boyfriend because I didn’t dare to fall in love again because my relationship was hurt before, and it’s hard to meet someone who is in love with me. It wasn't until I went to Shanghai on a business trip that I met him. He was born in a Gansu county, a boy 4 years younger than me. His parents divorced and both remarried and had children. He lacked family warmth. He also had a good impression of me at first, but he didn't dare to think too much about it. We both worked in finance, and he was the number one in the company's performance at that time, and he was very capable! After chatting a few times, I felt good and I took the initiative to add him on WeChat. This was the first time I took the initiative to add a boy. The day before I returned to Wuhan, I went to my best friend’s house for a drink and he picked me up, and we got together. After we separated, we contacted each other every day, and we all knew that the future would be difficult, but he said that it made him sad that he couldn't be with me, even in a different place! And I also like him... He comes to Wuhan to see me every month, and it takes more than 11 hours to ride the train back and forth. He is never stingy in spending money on me, and he is also very caring and considerate. Except when he is with me, he has never changed his previous ambiguous relationship. He handled the relationship well, although he didn't talk to me much anymore, he lied to me because he was afraid that I would be unhappy, and he didn't express his feelings often. He did other things quite well, he could cook, wash my clothes, and cut my nails. , my aunt will take good care of me... I am very insecure and will occasionally get into trouble over small things. He has a bad temper and is very impulsive. I am also relatively strong, so quarrels are inevitable! But we didn’t really break up in the end. We were together for half a year. This time I found out that he was cheating on me just to play games, so I broke up with him. After all, whether we can get married depends on him. His father wanted him to return to the county and objected to him coming to Wuhan. Wuhan With a down payment of 300,000, he was under a lot of pressure. He said that he was in a hurry, but he still had time to think about it, which made me very hurt. He deleted my WeChat in anger, and texted me after a week without him. He drank too much, and we chatted a few times. He said he wanted to give me a future, but he couldn’t see any hope at the moment. He wanted to I have been working hard to make money this year. If I have hope, I will come to Wuhan to find me. I feel that me chatting with him every day makes him unable to concentrate on his work. If I meet the right one, I will leave him alone and don’t wait for him deliberately. **** I think Ask an emotional expert what should I do in this relationship?
Answer
I read your chat history, and he said, "If you meet the right person, don't worry about me, and don't bother to wait for me." Such words are typical. The disclaimer, coupled with what he said below, "We haven't been very quiet this year, I worked hard," etc. These are a bit similar to the kind: let's break up now, and then agree on how many years later, if You are not married, I am not married, we are together. These things are meaningless to adults. Both of you know that this relationship is fruitless and is simply a stopgap measure to ease the pain of leaving the relationship, which you both know is inappropriate. In love, there is burning passion, but when you actually move from love to marriage, calmness comes into play. Therefore, if both parties cannot handle this matter rationally, you will never get a perfect ending. I suggest that this relationship should end here, treat it as an affair during a business trip, and start your life again.
2
Female ♀
Keywords: twenty-year age difference
The other party is twenty years older than me. When he was in college, he looked very young. He claimed to be half born in the 1990s. He didn't have a big obstacle in daily communication. He liked art just like me. He was a high-quality uncle who paid attention to clothing matching. My conditions I should be around 8 points, I have good looks, height and figure, and I like dancing. There are many boys in school who like me, but I feel like I am not on the same level as them. I don't really like relationships that are too boring, because I think there are a lot of things I can do academically or as a hobby. My uncle thinks that I am a simple and cute girl who is not particularly tacky. He often talks to me about art or life insights. He comforts me when I am not satisfied and tells me that I have the potential to be a golden fighter.
But I felt that he was very anxious to have a relationship. I was a virgin and I was a little scared and worried that having sex after three meetings would turn into a short-term partner, so I told the uncle that the relationship might not end. A day later, the uncle said that it was because I was afraid. , so he was also afraid of hurting me, afraid that I would get too involved, so he decided to calm down temporarily. ****Is he going to break up? And I want to be with him, but I'm afraid that having a relationship too early will affect my relationship. I'm already in college, and I still have sexual desires, but I'm holding back. I don't know what to do now, so I can only ask Leng Da. In addition, I was always chased by people older than me, and had a crush on little boys, but it didn't last long every time. My ex-boyfriend also said that I was too naive and was afraid of hurting me. Men's hearts are really like needles in the sea. Also, uncle has never been married, will we have feelings? Uncle **** asked me overtly and covertly what I wanted to buy and said I didn’t want to do anything with him. Was he trying to support me? I had already decided not to want anything from him, but he told me not to be polite to him, but that I wanted feelings. I may know what he thinks, but I want to change the status quo, but I don’t know what to do. How to change a short choice into a long choice.
Answer
It’s useless to say so much. This chat record is short-selected at first glance, and the identification is completed. You said in the chat history, "I want to go to your house, but I don't want to have sex with you. I want to watch TV, cook, and walk the dog with you." But the other person responded with "Go to sleep, baby," and you didn't treat you like this at all. There was no echo in the words, even if it was just a pretense. Isn't it clear what he wants to do? In addition, he has two other points:
First, he is twenty years older than you and has never been married. Do you think about why this is? He's not gay, so why is that? It’s nothing more than a love of fun and a desire to enjoy this life;
The second point is that when he buys you this and that, he just wants to provide you with something that his peers can’t provide. He is twenty years older than you, shouldn't he buy you something? To sum up, I actually despise people in their forties who try to trick college students. He will talk to you about art and life insights. It's all about the same thing. Can't he find a peer or someone with whom he has a good match to have a good fight? To deceive such an inexperienced little girl can only show his own inner fragility. It is nothing more than that he cannot control those very outstanding girls at the same level and age as him. He can only deceive people like you. A little girl who is new to the world will show you the prosperity of the world, nothing more. Therefore, you should not think about changing short-term choices into long-term choices. Such a person's character has been here for decades. Can he change it? It cannot be changed. Little girl, to him, you may be a pebble on the road ahead, but to you, he may be a storm in your life. I seriously advise you to be cautious.
3
Female ♀****
Keywords: Husband is worth hundreds of millions, is he divorced?
Follow Teacher Leng Ai already It has been two years, and now I feel that there are serious problems in my marriage and I need help. I am 29, my husband is 27, and I have only one sister. His father passed away and he was raised by a strong and capable mother. We have been married for three years and have a two-year-old daughter. My husband is worth several hundred million and my family is middle class. I know I have stepped on many minefields. Moreover, I have a boyfriend when I am with my husband, and my husband did not trust me very much during the relationship. Later, she got pregnant before marriage and entered into marriage. During this period, she was strongly opposed by her mother-in-law, but her husband persisted before entering into marriage. After we got married, I became a full-time housewife. Our relationship sometimes had good and bad times. He had a bad temper and often quarreled over the trivial matters of life and property issues in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. He often said that I was too low-level. My husband has committed domestic violence against me three times and alarmed both parents, so we still don’t have any contact with each other. The last time I was subjected to domestic violence, I went back to my parents' home and firmly filed for divorce. He refused and said he was willing to see a psychiatrist and correct his bad temper. I asked him to put 10 million into my account, but he refused and said I had bad intentions. Now his temper has indeed changed, but I think he is still very guarded against me when it comes to property. He bought a new villa and wrote his daughter's name on it and hid the property certificate in the office safe. I asked him to take it home several times. He even quarreled with me if he disagreed, but he always made a very clear distinction with me regarding money. They will only give me basic household necessities, and basically won’t tell me about all my assets or write my mother-in-law’s name on them. I'm really confused now. I don't know if I was so high-spirited from the beginning. Attached is the photo. Moreover, my feelings for him seem to be slowly fading away, and I often find him boring and like a zombie. I kindly ask the teacher to help me advise whether it is necessary for me to continue this devastated marriage. I can accept it no matter whether it is divorced or not. I am very grateful.
Answer
I looked at the photos of you two carefully, but in order to protect privacy, I will not release them. You are a very good-looking girl, but your husband is relatively poor-looking.
However, I saw that you said in the case that your husband is worth several hundred million and your family is only middle-class. This seems to be a balance. You entered this marriage by getting pregnant out of wedlock, which is a bit forced, and you are crossing a single-plank bridge. It is really a pity that you are now a full-time wife and have not been able to manage your marriage to a point where you are satisfied. Your relationship is both good and bad. He often says that you are too low-level, which I think makes sense. Now it’s not that he is very guarded against you when it comes to property, but you have not shown or may not have the ability to control wealth. For example, if you ask him to put 10 million into your account, what’s the point? Can you control this million of wealth? Can you maintain or increase the value of this tens of millions of wealth? From his point of view, you definitely can't do it. From his point of view, this is nothing more than your greed and your desire to get these ten million. You have to know that in the homes of people who are a little rich, this kind of short-sighted behavior is very taboo, and this kind of behavior that only wants to take the money in front of them is very taboo. Therefore, when you ask for 10 million, he will think that your way of handling finances is not good.
Of course, you or anyone else may say: This ten million is compensation for domestic violence. However, these are two different things. I don’t know the reason for the domestic violence between you, and he also mentioned that he is willing to see a psychiatrist to correct this behavior. I think, maybe for him, this is the compensation he can give you, and his newly purchased villa also has his daughter's name written on it. To be honest, this is not bad. I have never seen anyone say that when ordinary people marry into relatively wealthy families, they can control the financial power from the beginning. It is only after the daughter-in-law slowly becomes a mother-in-law, and the girl slowly learns or has the ability to control wealth, that she will gradually control the family's money. You have only been married for such a short time, how can you possibly get financial power? Maybe he is not a wealthy person with a net worth of several hundred million, but considering your background, you have already crossed many levels. If you have never started a business yourself, you may not know how much hardship you have to go through, how much risk you have to go through, and how much hard work you have to put in to get to this point. It is not that easy. Therefore, my suggestion is to look at what you want in life. If you want a good material life and even more wealth in the future, then this marriage is still worth keeping. However, You must manage well, otherwise you will not get the material things you want. If you are pursuing spiritual things, you don’t need fine clothing and fine food. Food and drink are enough, but you must have a good husband. Then your husband is obviously not suitable, because it is obvious that he cannot give you emotional value, and he cannot take care of you like an ordinary boy. Considering your beauty, I think it's totally fine to find an ordinary boy to be your pick-up guy. Someone will naturally like you. Therefore, the key point of whether to divorce or not is to see what you want. .
4
Female♀
Keywords: breaking up, getting back together
After we broke up, he didn’t take the initiative to contact me. If I contacted He, he didn’t refuse, what’s going on?
Answer
Let me tell you, the most annoying thing in the world is this situation where you contact him and he doesn’t refuse, doesn’t take the initiative, doesn’t refuse, and doesn’t take responsibility. . And this situation is very simple, he doesn't really want to get back together with you. So, I think it’s better to let it go.
5
Female ♀****
Keywords: Today is different, polygamy
Hello Lengda ! I am 32kg, 165kg, 51kg, and my husband is 32kg, 180kg, 80kg. We met in 2009, were together in 2011, got married in 2013, and gave birth to a daughter at the end of April this year. When we got married, our income was about the same, ****1.5W/month. Now that I have returned to work after giving birth, he is 4.5W/month after tax, and I am 7K+/month. He has been very busy in the past six months and often comes home late. In late June, I accidentally checked his mobile phone and found that he was chatting with his subordinate. He was single, from Beijing, and 1 year older than us. I communicated with him at that time, whether to divorce or to Either way, one of the two must leave the company. It has been more than 5 months since June. During this period, he promised to break off the relationship many times, but I repeatedly found out that the two were still hooking up. After work, I had a date to have dinner. My phone lock screen password and various APP passwords have been changed. Now he also has the idea of ????divorce, resorting to cold violence towards me, and ignoring the children; I also have the idea of ????divorce, after all, his heart is no longer at home, but my best friend and classmates advised me that the child is too young, so I should try my best to maintain it. If the marriage reaches the stage of divorce, the children will belong to him. I am very hesitant about whether to divorce at this time, and there is also the issue of the ownership of the child after the divorce. The child is only half a year old. If it belongs to him, I do not believe that he can take good care of the child, so I ask Leng Da for advice.
Answer
I can only agree with the persuasion of your classmate and best friend that the divorced children belong to him. As for the so-called point of trying to maintain the marriage as much as possible, I personally disagree. , because whether you can maintain a marriage depends on whether you need this marriage and whether you want to stay in it.
It can be seen from the wording of your case that you have not actually admitted that some changes have occurred in the relationship between you and your husband. Especially since you are still emphasizing that when you were together, your incomes were the same, but now the income gap may be a bit large, which has no reference significance to your current situation. What you want to say is that when you were with him back then, you didn't mean to do anything with him, but the problem is, he is no longer what he used to be! His income after tax is 45,000, so he is still a small leader. Now his life may have undergone a qualitative change, but you may still be in the same place. Therefore, it is now certain that your husband will not change, and it is already certain that he must be polyamorous. You cannot listen to what your best friends or classmates say to maintain your marriage as much as possible. You have to ask yourself, do you Can you accept him like this? If you can't accept it, you have to leave.
6
Female♀
Keywords: Mismatched horoscopes
What should I do if my horoscopes do not match? Can you believe it?
Answer
I'm sorry, I believe that my fate is up to me. I don't believe in this. If the eight characters are not compatible, the sixteen characters are more compatible, and the thirty-two characters may also be compatible. The key is that the horoscopes are not compatible, maybe the zodiac signs are compatible? The zodiac signs are not compatible, but maybe the blood types are compatible? The blood types are incompatible, maybe they are compatible elsewhere? There is always a match, it just depends on whether you believe it or not, right?
7
Female ♀
Keywords: Doing bad things with good intentions
Today I want to ask Leng Da about my own qualities. ~Two examples to get to know myself: 1. I received a scholarship of 10,000 yuan. I was very happy and thought I could buy some. Secondly, I invited a familiar classmate to dinner and planned to take no more than 500 yuan. But when I was called stingy, I didn't think so at first, but recently two girls kept saying it to me, which made me feel very uncomfortable. Am I really stingy like this? I feel that I can buy a lot of things with 500 yuan, but I gave up these things and invited them to dinner, but I got this comment~~ 2. I was walking on the road with my friends at noon, and another girl came over and squeezed me out. She and I My friend was talking to me, and I felt like she was being disrespectful. I told her, but she said that I was petty~ I couldn't accept such a comment, but I felt that maybe I had a problem too, that I was too narrow-minded. It was a trivial matter, so I could just ignore it? I really don’t know what’s right or wrong right now, please criticize and correct me
Answer
The two things you listed are actually not big things, but I can understand your pain. When I was in school, I also encountered the same pain as you. This pain was feeling excluded. I think the only thing you can do about this is to make yourself better. You have no other way to play scheming. You will find that it is a waste of time. Moreover, after you graduate, you will find that the time wasted on such ineffective social interactions in college is the thing that you will regret the most. However, this first thing is worth pondering, because there is a profound truth in it: you either don’t do something, or you have to satisfy everyone if you do it. Then I think you established a wrong expectation at the beginning. This is your scholarship. There is no need for you to use it to treat others to dinner. You don't need to do this at the beginning. If I were you, after I took the money, I might not treat anyone to dinner at all. "I originally planned to treat a few familiar classmates," then I would give them some relative gifts on their birthdays or other occasions. For better gifts, the total budget may only be a few hundred dollars larger.
When you are a student, you have to understand one thing: many times, what we do is thankless. Just like when I was in college, I did something as stupid as you. I spent hundreds of dollars on two of my classmates to have their hair cut, but they were not satisfied after the haircut. Since then, I have understood that good intentions do not necessarily lead to good things. After that, I will never do such a thing again.
I suggest that instead of using the five hundred yuan to treat them to dinner, you might as well collect the money. If you really have a good impression of some classmates and want to express your gratitude, on their birthdays or other times, you can use There are other ways to express gratitude, and they won’t even miss your meal.
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