My wife is a very family-oriented person who cares about me and my children.
But he likes playing games very much. When the child was about one year old and needed someone to take care of him, he told me that he would work overtime for a while, but he was actually playing games.
We had a serious communication after this incident. I understood the pressure on his work and life, and reflected on the way I handled things. He also sincerely apologized, but I still felt very disappointed. ——Although we had some minor frictions in life before, life has always been as complete and beautiful as a fairy tale to me.
This incident made me full of doubts about my marriage and love life, and I couldn't get rid of this negative mood.
In the end, my lover’s words saved me. He said: “Have you ever seriously thought about it? It’s my first time to be a husband and a father. I also have the space and right to learn and progress.” — — He changed my very wrong understanding: a good marriage is effortless. If it requires effort, it means our relationship is not harmonious and there are serious problems.
I was reading "Lifelong Growth" recently, and the author Carol Dweck wrote in the book:
These few sentences can be said to be maxims for dealing with intimate relationships.
Carol Dweck is an American psychologist and a professor at Stanford University in the United States. More importantly, she is the winner of the world's largest single education award, the "Yidan Prize". Her groundbreaking research explores the power of a “growth mindset.” Decades of research on "growth mindset" has shown that teaching methods that focus on process rather than outcomes can greatly increase students' chances of reaching their full potential, and the concept has profound influence in the education world.
In the book "Lifelong Growth", Carol Dweck introduced two modes of thinking, fixed and growth, and profoundly revealed the impact of these two different thinking modes on our emotions, The impact on life and career points out that only by establishing a correct thinking model can we better achieve our life and career goals. Finally, Carol Dweck proposed a method of establishing a growth mindset, guiding people to use the most correct and simplest way to build their passion for life and promote our self-growth.
Believing that your talents are set in stone is a fixed mindset—it makes people eager to prove their abilities over and over again.
The growth mindset believes that although people have many differences in their natural talents and qualifications, interests or personalities, everyone can change all of this through their own efforts. In other words, one's basic abilities can be improved through one's own efforts.
The popular Japanese drama "Review Girl Kono Yueko" has attracted many people. Ishihara Rimi's fashionable outfits in the play dazzled everyone, but what really attracted everyone was not how beautiful the heroine was, but the vitality and perseverance reflected in the heroine, who studied hard in any situation. , energetic optimism.
She continues to study and strive to improve her abilities in the proofreading department, and at the same time, she moves towards her dreams step by step.
Kono Yueko embodies a typical growth model in the play: she keeps working hard in the face of her goals, is not discouraged even after seven consecutive interviews, and does not give up even if she is assigned to the unknown review department; When she first faced a new job, she was at a loss, but she was able to rely on her strong willpower to continue learning and complete her work to the satisfaction of her clients; when her junior sister complained about being too boring while doing the editing work that she cherished, she did not shy away from it. Speak your mind: You can’t enjoy work because you never intend to enjoy it. Not only work, but also everything in life. The moment you feel bored at first, it becomes boring. Can you Whether you enjoy it or not depends on your personal mentality.
Inevitably, in the eyes of people with the latter growth mindset, work can gain more rewards and more happiness.
It has to be said that the fixed or growth mindset is a belief, a simple belief, but it can play a great guiding role in a person's life.
Only by establishing a correct thinking model and learning to look at problems from a correct perspective can we better cope with challenges in emotions, life and career.
?Female writer Su Cen once said this: Becoming high-quality is a very tiring thing. Managing your image, improving your education, getting promoted to an important position... you can't do any of it without working hard. Human nature is very strange. We always feel that achievements that are achieved through too much hard work will not be honorable enough. So after success, everyone likes to hide their hard work and pretend to be relaxed and easy. Most people live a mediocre life just because they believe this.
?In the eyes of people with a fixed mindset, genius does not require hard work. Tiger Woods can swing a golf club since he was born, and Tolstoy wrote a masterpiece in one stroke. Working hard means that you are incompetent and not smart enough. , and not having the ability or not being smart enough are shameful. ?
More importantly, once you work hard, there are no excuses anymore.
But if you don’t work hard, you can say "I could have [fill in the blank here]", "If I study/work as hard as he does, I can also [fill in the blank here]"...
1. Believe in change
In practice, psychiatrist Alan Baker discovered that it is patients’ beliefs that cause their problems. Before patients feel negative emotions such as anxiety or depression, there are Some thoughts that had been deeply controlling them flashed through their minds. These thoughts may be "He thinks I'm useless" or "This treatment won't work at all and I will never be cured." These thoughts often appear in their daily lives. It is the beliefs behind these thoughts that control them and make them face life and work negatively.
Simply learning a growth mindset can bring about huge changes in people’s perceptions – “People with a growth mindset don’t label themselves or lose confidence in themselves. Even if they feel frustrated, they are ready to take the risk, face the challenge, and continue to fight for it."
2. Develop a growth mindset plan
But we. When you want to change, you usually make a plan to learn certain knowledge or face a certain problem.
First, the goal must be clear, and secondly, make a plan. The important point is that the plan must be specific: when will the plan be implemented? Where to make plans? How to implement the plan? What are the possible interferences? Only in this way can you maintain efficient mobility and increase the possibility of success.
3. Respond correctly and not be affected by bad feelings
Imagine that the graduate admissions results for which you have worked so hard to prepare come out. Although you are full of confidence, you still choose the school of your choice. Missed.
What would you think?
I comfort myself that the competition is too fierce and there are too many excellent people, and then I unconsciously start to doubt myself: I am not good enough, my ability is not high enough - I am not worthy of this. school.
It’s better to reflect on yourself and consider your goals. Maybe you can apply to a few more schools next time. Maybe at the same time, you should collect extensive information: What students do they hope to recruit? What quality experience do you value most?
Here’s a true story of a rejected student who took some growth mindset advice and made a call to the admissions director at that college: I don’t want to question your decision. I just want to know, if I want to apply to this school next time, how can I improve my application?
A few days later, the person in charge called her back: The school accepted it her application. It turns out that rejecting her was just a thought. Now they appreciate her initiative and decide to recruit one more student.
If this student is affected by emotions and wallows in the disappointment of failing the exam, he will miss this precious opportunity - even if he is disappointed, we can still adopt a growth mindset, be painful, but continue to move forward. Gather information and keep improving.
4. Correctly handle the relationship between thinking patterns and willpower
The best way is not to isolate willpower, but to combine it with methods and strategies.
To give a simple example, with the improvement of living standards, everyone is increasingly pursuing a healthy lifestyle. Recently, many relatives around me have started to quit smoking: my uncle, my dad and my wife.
When my wife decided to quit smoking, he believed that he could resist temptation through strong willpower. The first few days were really good, and he could only smoke three or two cigarettes a day at most. But after a few days, there were more things at the company, and he started to stay up late and work overtime, and the number of cigarettes he smoked rebounded to one pack a day.
Later, he thought of a way, starting from smoking e-cigarettes and slowly quitting them. So far, he has smoked very little e-cigarettes, and his pharyngitis has also been greatly improved.
People with a fixed mindset usually think that if you are strong and have enough willpower, you can succeed, but willpower also needs help. Only by combining willpower with methods can we be more successful. Achieve your goals well.
In the book "Lifelong Growth", Carol Dweck elaborates on the impact of the fixed mindset and the growth mindset on our learning, emotions and life, and guides us to use the most effective methods. The easy way to build a growth mindset. A growth mindset can not only have an impact on a person, but also have a huge impact on families and children. As individuals, a growth mindset can change our thinking patterns, encourage us to keep working hard, and help us better achieve success in life and Career goals, running our families well, as parents, a growth mindset is a lifelong gift we give our children.