01
There are still many girls around me who stepped out of society after graduating from junior high school, got married and had children within a few years.
When I go home during the holidays, I always hear that so-and-so has gotten married again, or so-and-so has given birth to a second child. Then my neighbor would tease me and ask me to find a boyfriend quickly, and we would have two in two years, and we would live happily ever after.
I just laughed.
I don’t think early marriage and early childbearing is a good thing. I don’t envy others who have already had their second child, but I haven’t even changed my horoscope yet.
After reading many articles and seeing many examples in life, I gradually became a late-marriage advocate.
Most people who get married early are not mature enough and irrational. They blindly follow their inner feelings and feel that as long as I love that person, that is enough.
But marriage and love are different. Love is about two people coming together if they like each other. Marriage is about two people living together. All the money, rice, oil and salt must be taken into account in the future.
Never make a decision when you lose yourself too much.
Today, a friend said that he should go to more places now, otherwise he would have no chance of getting married.
Especially women, once they get married, they are bound by their families. All time is devoted to men and children.
Sometimes when I think about the days after marriage, it is a very sad thing.
To be honest, I am a little afraid of marriage.
02
During the Chinese New Year, I met a classmate from elementary school. On the street, she ran over to me with a child in her arms and introduced me that it was her daughter. , just turned one year old.
I looked at the child in her arms. He looked a lot like her, except that his face was a little cracked by the cold and the clothes he was wearing were a little dirty.
I exchanged a few words with her on the roadside. I said, long time no see, your daughter is one year old. She said that she was forced by life and had no choice but to do so.
I said how could it be, the right to live is in your own hands, you can live how you want to live.
She said, if you were married, you wouldn’t say that.
I smiled and said nothing. In fact, I am thinking in my heart that I can still live a decent life even after getting married.
She asked me how I was in Beijing, and I said it was pretty good. I was getting used to it, but I didn’t know anyone.
While we were chatting, her husband came over with a bag of things and shouted loudly from a distance: "Go home quickly. My buddy will come to the house for dinner at noon. He will cook later. "
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When she came over and saw me, she didn’t ask who I was, so she took her wife and left.
I thought to myself, this man is really rude and ungrateful at all.
After meeting that day, we added WeChat, but we hardly chatted.
Occasionally I see her posting some depressing posts on WeChat Moments. For example: "Hey, I can't live this life." "If you accumulate too much disappointment, you will leave." "An outsider is an outsider after all, and your heart is cold..." and so on.
I feel very sorry for her when I see her circle of friends. It's quite sad to marry a man who doesn't love her.
Today's situation was also caused by herself.
She stopped studying as soon as she graduated from junior high school. The girl only identified with him as a man and followed him all over the country. She went to factories, worked in sales, and also set up a street stall. The husband’s family’s conditions were not good, so my classmates’ parents always helped out.
My classmates’ parents paid for them to open a breakfast shop, thinking that if they worked hard, they could make a lot of money. After all, the shop was in a prime location.
However, the boy spent two days fishing and three days drying nets. He also liked gambling and often went to nightclubs. In the end, the breakfast shop also closed down.
03
One night, she sent me a message saying that she really didn’t know how to live her life. She felt that there was no place for her in that home.
She said that she accidentally dropped a bowl while washing the dishes, and her mother-in-law and husband talked about it for more than half a month; she bought two clothes online and sent them to her home, and her mother-in-law saw them and said, She was prodigal and not frugal at all.
She said that she felt like she was living a useless life. This was not the life she wanted, but now that she had no job, she really didn’t know what to do.
She asked me if she should get a divorce? She couldn't bear to leave her one-year-old child.
I just replied to her: "Life is in your hands, you can do whatever you want. If you break out of this circle, your life will get better and better."
In fact, The deeper meaning of my words is: If you get divorced, you will live a better life. If you tie yourself up because of your children, your life will really be over.
But I will not tell her a clear answer. Life is always her own, and I cannot walk the rest of her life for her.
And I think she has realized that there is no hope in this marriage and is thinking of divorce. So why should she deceive herself now that she has the answer in her heart?
Do you still love him? Are you reluctant to let go of your children? Will you live for them from now on? Do you want to live in a home full of resentment?
Women are like this. If others don’t expose it directly and clearly, they must continue to deceive themselves and comfort themselves.
What you said about loving him and being reluctant to let go of the relationship for many years were all lies. You just refused to let go of yourself.
What happens if you get divorced? There are so many singles nowadays, and as long as you continue to add value to yourself, I don’t believe you will be unattractive.
04
Most girls who get married early have no good results. Marriage is not a child’s play. If you marry a man who doesn’t know how to make progress, your marriage will be a disaster and you will be harmed. It also harms the children.
In the final analysis, women still have to continue to invest in themselves and increase their own value. Only if you are capable can you be worthy of someone better.
When your words and deeds are gentle and elegant, are you worried that no one will want you?
I have always believed that the influence of the original family on people is quite large, and their concepts have been formed as early as childhood.
It’s like my classmate’s mother-in-law and husband. They have been talking about it for half a month because they dropped a bowl. If it were someone else, no matter how big the problem is, they would just drop a bowl and replace it with another one. That's it.
But can we blame them?
It’s strange, but it doesn’t make sense, but it’s not strange, because I feel stuck in my heart.
Therefore, I think that men who have too different ideas should never marry.
05
A friend once told me a story: There was a middle-aged woman next door who was very talkative. Her son fell in love early when he was in school and married the girl as soon as he graduated. When she got home, the woman was very dissatisfied, so she scolded her daughter-in-law every day, pointing fingers everywhere, saying this and that. Usually, she would get into a frenzy over a trivial matter and have no peace. If her son didn't listen to her, he would dare to do something. Cry, make trouble, and hang himself.
The man has to listen to everything and scold his wife in front of her. His wife has no job and works as a full-time wife at home. She has no status. She has all the grievances every day, and there is no bitterness. The ground fell. Finally, his wife couldn't bear it and decided to divorce him.
After the divorce, she packed a bag and went traveling alone. She met many good people on the road, and they took adventures and learned new things together. It had been two years since she left. During those two years, she felt that she had lived as long as more than ten years and had accomplished many things she wanted to do.
Two years later, she returned to her hometown and opened a cafe of her own, which she ran well. It is said that she had many suitors, but they were all rejected by her.
She said that being alone is quite good. When you are free, you can make a cup of coffee and sit by the window and watch people coming and going. When you are busy, you can work all night until dawn.
A person's life can have many kinds. The key depends on how you live it. If you want to be wonderful, it can be wonderful; if you continue to be content with the status quo, it will be like a pool of stagnant water.
But I still have to say, when you get married, please be sensible. Love alone is not enough. You have to find someone who has similar views, can add value to yourself, and can grow together.
Only a man like that is worthy of being entrusted with his life.