The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a man's eyes
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a man's eyes. When it comes to the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, men and women have different views. For women, the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a very contradictory and complicated issue, but for men, the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very simple. So do you know what the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is like in a man’s eyes? Let me take you through it below! The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a man's eyes 1
First of all, let me introduce myself: I am a male, 29 years old, and have been married for 5 years.
I came to this forum by chance and discovered that there are quite a few families with a relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I can’t help but want to introduce my family’s successful experience to everyone. There are not many, and it is for your reference only.
My wife and I got married after knowing each other for more than two years. How should I put it, my wife has a typical only child personality: willful, squeamish, introverted, doesn’t have many friends, is not good at housework, and doesn’t know how to cook. Spending money lavishly... In short, she is the type that is not liked by the elderly, but I really love her because my wife is very kind and cute, haha.
I also thought a lot about how my wife and my mother should get along before marriage. Think about it, the two have no blood relationship, no emotional basis, and are from different eras. , women with different lifestyles and different concepts came together just because of their love for me. It can be said that the key to the quality of their relationship depends entirely on me.
Recognizing this point of view, a sense of responsibility arises spontaneously, so when there is a conflict between them, I first look for my own problems. Am I unobjective and impartial? Are you only seeing the surface but not the essence of the problem?
My mother will always be the person closest to me. It can be said that I will never be able to repay her kindness in my life. My wife is also the person I love most. I respect my parents and my wife. She is also very filial to her parents, but she has never forced me to do anything to my father-in-law and mother-in-law. I will not force her to serve her parents-in-law, and because I am a man, I try to do as much housework as possible. Come, they will not have conflicts over some daily trivial matters.
Actually, my mother had some thoughts about her daughter-in-law at first, for example, she was afraid that she would act like a young lady, and that she would not be able to endure the hardships and take care of me... But I thought, my wife is not a nanny, and I am also very talented. I am self-aware (first of all, I am not like Pan An, and secondly, I am not rich enough to be an enemy of the country), and now we are both only children, and both of them have to work. How can I find a nanny-type wife who has to work and take care of all the housework? Isn't it like looking for a needle in a haystack, so easy to find? (Haha, don’t take pictures of me, I’m quite pragmatic) So I chose my current wife, and kept talking about how good my wife is in front of my mother, and finally my mother accepted it, haha
After marriage, I will take some measures from time to time to cultivate the relationship between them. For example, I often say to my wife, "Mom misses you again and talks about you all the time. Let's go and see?", and says to my mother, "What the hell!" It’s cold, so I want you to wear more clothes.” “**I said I have the flu again recently, so I want you to be careful!”… As time went by, the two of them became more friendly. But I won’t let my wife live with my mother. The reason is very simple: women are more petty, sensitive, and love to hold grudges (females, please don’t slap me). My wife usually loses her temper and it makes me confused, so I say It's a wise choice not to be together, otherwise my wife's temper will make my mother very angry, haha.
I don’t understand the way some men insist on their wives living with their mother-in-law. It’s okay if the relationship is good, but if there are already conflicts, you still let them get together. This is not right. Throw a torch into a powder keg? And if you don’t do housework, should you let your wife serve your mother or your mother serve your wife? Can you bear to let your mother take care of you? Let your wife serve you. Even if your wife loves you again, over time, she will inevitably have thoughts: "Your own mother, why don't you serve me and let me serve you? Can you serve my mother like me?" If you do this Your mother will feel sorry for you again. If your mother does it, it’s hard for your daughter-in-law to do it. If your daughter-in-law does it, the problem remains the same. This cycle... As time goes by, conflicts will arise even if there are no conflicts. Mom will not enjoy the blessings in her later years. , but you caused such a mess, and in the end you ended up with two different people, haha, if you had known it, why would you do it in the first place?
That’s all I have thought about for the time being. In short, the mother-in-law’s attitude towards her daughter-in-law depends entirely on the son’s attitude towards her. The son failed to play a good role in coordinating the situation, causing the balance to tilt, and he could only adjust his own fulcrum. Rebalance the scale, otherwise it would be unfair to just add weight to one side.
Please remember: Mom cannot choose, she finds her own wife, and men are responsible.
Not long ago, I went out for a party with my colleagues and forgot the time. It was already early in the morning when I got home, and my wife ignored me. If I fell asleep at this time, the consequences would definitely be very serious, and I would become someone who doesn’t love my wife. One of the crimes, and what I do is: explain clearly to my wife the importance of this party, how deep my love for my wife is (haha), pretending to be a puppy for my wife... In short, keep the conversation away from my wife until Only when my wife smiles can I sleep peacefully. Although it's a little harder, it happened because of me. There's no other way, haha.
For example, at my mom’s place, I agreed to go visit her with my wife on a certain day, but my wife had something to do and I had to go alone. My mom inevitably had some ideas, even though she just asked her a simple question. I asked, "** is very busy." If I said, "Yes, she has something to do," my mother would definitely be a little unhappy. In her opinion, what could be more important than her daughter-in-law visiting her mother-in-law? Didn't what I said clearly cause a misunderstanding between them? Add up a little and make a big thing. Isn't this how conflicts arise? So I would say, "** also wants to come and see you, but that client is quite troublesome, and it annoys ** so much, but there is no other way. For the sake of my job, ** is getting angry thinking about you!" After saying that, I saw my mother smiling from ear to ear, and finally bought a lot of apples for my wife to bring back. Haha, another little thing was settled for me.
Some men are careless and blame women for having too many things, but women are like that, otherwise they wouldn’t be women. For the same thing, if a man says less, he will not be able to communicate well, but if he says more, he will save a lot of trouble in the future. Why not?
Thank you, Xiaoruhuahua. The reason why I analyzed it so thoroughly is because I have experienced these pains. Maybe most people have experienced it, but I think as a man, I should live smarter and find ways to make my life easier in the future. After the pain is over, will everything be fine? You should think about how to prevent the pain from happening again. Women like to get into trouble, but men should keep a clear mind and not let themselves fall in the same place.
When husband and wife quarrel, I won’t blame my wife too much, because I know very well that I am not young anymore. If I get divorced, it is still unknown whether I can find a wife as good as now (very pragmatic, right? Haha), and my mother will also get upset. Since you have decided to spend the rest of your life with your wife, you should know more about her and treat her well, which means being kind to yourself.
The turning point of the matter actually started with a TV program. I remember it was the Central 8 series "Man and Nature (or the Animal World?)" which described the life of a fox. The fox was called: Dunlop. Sir, it has two wives (don’t shoot me, I only love my wife, haha). It lives with the wives in an open-air waste tire processing plant in London. It is busy looking for food for the wives and children every day. (At this time, a fast shot was used. Mr. Dunlop quickly shuttled between the woods and his wife’s lair. I was stunned at the time.) I only ate some of the leftovers of the ladies until the sun went down, and then went to another open-air restaurant. Resting on a simple "bed", the next day was as busy as ever...
Although we all found it funny when we watched it together, I couldn't sleep that night. I kept thinking, as a man, What kind of life do I need? What should I do to live this life? Which is more important: continue to have a rough and tumble relationship with your wife until you grow old, or find ways to let your wife and children live a good life? Of course it’s the latter, is it difficult to do? Isn't it difficult? Am I worse than a fox? So I decided at that time that I would never quarrel with my wife again. In fact, this is not difficult for me, especially recently, I basically nip "Mars" in the bud, haha. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a man's eyes 2
I think the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not caused by who has done something wrong, nor by who cannot handle interpersonal relationships. Its universality stems from human nature. More accurately, It is said to be derived from female characteristics. I think there are three main reasons for conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: one is to seize the child; the other is to be jealous; the third is to be jealous.
In Qiong Yao’s love novels, there is a stylized description, that is, the core of the contradiction in many stories is the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The hero and heroine love each other very much, but the man often has a mother who has been widowed for many years, and she is always against the heroine. The hero is kind and filial, unwilling to hurt his mother, and at the same time he loves the heroine deeply; the heroine is infatuated with the hero, but can't stand his mother making things difficult for her. This dilemma makes it difficult to separate the male and female protagonists, which drives the development of the story; in the end it often has a tragic ending. The heroine suffered so much from this inextricable contradiction that she chose to run away from home or die sadly. Such stories make innocent girls and fantasy-filled young women shed tears while watching them, unable to stop.
Qiong Yao’s story is romantic, but the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law she mentioned is extremely common in reality. Look at our neighbors, relatives and friends. There are more or less conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Those who don't live together still have superficial harmony; those who live together fight like black-eyed chickens.
Why are the relationships between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law not as peaceful as other family relationships, such as the relationship between father-in-law and son-in-law? Why do several mothers-in-law get together and complain endlessly about their daughter-in-law?
I think the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not caused by who has done something wrong, nor by who is not good at handling interpersonal relationships. Its universality stems from human nature, and more accurately, it stems from the characteristics of women. I think there are three main reasons for conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law:
First, the child-stealing.
We often hear mothers complain that their sons are not as kind to them as before after they got a girlfriend, especially after they got married. There are also some good sons who have been very filial and obedient to their mothers since they were young. After getting married, they are obviously alienated from their mothers.
All signs convey a message to the mother, that is, the daughter-in-law controls all of the son's thoughts, and the son gives more care and consideration to his wife, while neglecting his mother a lot; this makes the mother, who has always regarded her son as a child, feel that her son Getting further and further away from myself. The mother feels that the main reason for this phenomenon is the appearance of the daughter-in-law. Therefore, this type of mother will blame her son's alienation on her daughter-in-law. Maybe the daughter-in-law didn't do anything wrong, but because she has such resentment in her heart, she doesn't like her. In particular, some mothers, who were widowed when they were young, regard their sons as their spiritual support. The alienation of their sons seems to have taken away her spiritual support; the mother even resents her daughter-in-law for taking away her son, which makes her mentally lonely. In the Qiong Yao novels I mentioned above, the mentality of this kind of mother is rarely analyzed, but the expression of this kind of mother is vivid. This kind of mother especially doesn't want to see her son and daughter-in-law being intimate in front of her, because in her opinion, the closer they are there, the farther away they are here. Some mothers ask their daughters-in-law to get up early in the morning to do housework, or they are unhappy when they see their daughters-in-law getting up late. It is not because the daughter-in-law has done anything wrong, but because the mother-in-law does not want to see her son and daughter-in-law spending more time together.
The best way to solve this kind of conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is for the son to live separately from his parents after he gets married, right? In addition, a sensible son should not be too affectionate with his wife in front of his mother; if he wants to be affectionate with her, he can be affectionate with her in his own little home. Being more casual in front of your mother will make your mother feel much calmer.
The second is jealousy.
My son is in love and married, and there is a young woman in the family. Generally speaking, young women are more attractive to men than middle-aged and older women. The arrival of a daughter-in-law will most attract the attention of the family, apart from the son, it is the father-in-law. Among our people, the deviant behavior between father-in-law and daughter-in-law is called "grabbing ashes." In the novel "A Dream of Red Mansions", Jiao Dada scolds the Jia family for picking up the ashes, which obviously refers to the incident of Qin Keqing's obscene funeral at Tianxiang Tower, and the scene between Qin Keqing and her father-in-law Jia Zhen. This phenomenon is not uncommon among the people, because if it were an individual case, there would be no special word for it; most people would not have this happen, because the Chinese people have a relatively strong sense of morality. But does that mean that whenever a father-in-law has thoughts about his daughter-in-law, he will be a big hooligan? I don't think so. The words "a gentle lady and a gentleman are good at asking" may not necessarily be expressed in the circle of relatives, but it is inevitable and normal to have ideas. On the contrary, I think it would be inconsistent with human nature if my father-in-law had no feelings at all.
I want to give an analogy. When we passed by the window of a high-end Western pastry shop, we saw a tempting milk cake in the window. If we were hungry, would we want to take a few bites of that milk cake? However, we may be reluctant to spend money, or we may not have any money with us; therefore, if we look at the attractive butter flowers, smell the intoxicating butter fragrance, swallow our saliva, we may leave. But you didn't buy it or eat it. It's not that you didn't want to buy it or eat it, but that you gave up the idea of ??eating it because of other factors. But if it’s the fresh milk cake you bought at home, you won’t be able to restrain yourself when you want to eat it. You can just eat it if you want. But can we think from this that you are only interested in the cream cake at home, but not the cream cake outside?
Laws and morals can only block actions, but nothing can block thoughts, or in layman’s terms, ideas. After understanding this truth, it is easy to understand the delicate relationship between father-in-law and daughter-in-law. On the one hand, she is the opposite sex, and on the other hand, the daughter-in-law is younger, more beautiful, fresh and mysterious than the old woman. She is more attractive to her father-in-law. But in most cases, Chinese people are bound by morality and will restrain their unethical thoughts and act like they are doing nothing.
When people restrain their actions, they inevitably reveal instinctive and subconscious actions. For example, when he glanced at his wife inadvertently, or when he glanced over her body, he stayed on her body for half a second longer. The father-in-law himself did not realize anything, or in other words, he thought it was natural and there was nothing inappropriate; but My mother-in-law accurately captured this phenomenon due to her unique female sensitivity. The mother-in-law felt that her daughter-in-law had aroused her father-in-law's thoughts and attention, and the old man's original focus on her changed. The reason for this phenomenon is, of course, that the daughter-in-law walked into the house. Therefore, he blames his wife for his loss. Even the old man's inadvertent movements and expressions were considered by the mother-in-law to mean that the old man began to hate her and annoyed her, and it was all the daughter-in-law's fault.
After the daughter-in-law walked into the house, the mother-in-law first lost her son and then lost her heart. Can she feel better? It's obvious that all this is out of balance. If you don't blame your wife, who should you blame? But it was difficult to say it clearly, so I used the grandson, the quality of the food, or other trivial matters at home to make excuses. The daughter-in-law didn't understand, because she would have to wait several years later, when she became a mother-in-law, to understand her thoughts. She couldn't understand it now. She thinks why her mother-in-law is looking for trouble for no reason? She blamed her mother-in-law for being unreasonable and an old monster. Both sides have this kind of mentality. Can they live happily together? Can you stop making noise?
As mentioned before, if the son-in-law and his parents-in-law do not live together, and the father-in-law and daughter-in-law meet less often, such worries will be reduced, and the mother-in-law's anger will be much smoother.
The third is jealousy.
We often see this kind of performance in film and television literary works. When a man praises another woman in front of a woman, the woman will say: "Don't praise another woman in front of a woman." Why? If you say nice things about other women, she will sound jealous.
When I was a teacher at Shanghai Normal University, there were two female classmates in my class who liked to come and chat with me. Whenever I talk about the advantages of another girl in front of a girl, the two girls behave in an amazingly consistent manner, with extremely similar expressions, and neither of them wants to listen. Jealousy is easy to occur among women, especially when a girl is beautiful, she is more likely to be jealous of other girls. The closer they are in the same unit and the same department, the stronger the jealousy will be. They may not have any stakes, and being young and beautiful alone will make other women jealous. After middle age, beauty is gone, and this jealousy of beauty will weaken a lot. Because of this, it is especially easy for middle-aged women to make friends. After women reach middle age, it is much easier to get along with each other. Therefore, when a young daughter-in-law has just arrived at her husband's house, her youth and beauty, as well as her beautiful outfit, will make her middle-aged or even elderly mother-in-law jealous. A well-behaved daughter-in-law often buys clothes for her mother-in-law from time to time and helps her dress up, which can also alleviate this jealousy.
The above mentioned three major reasons why conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are easy to arise. I think that from the perspective of human nature, these three causes of conflicts all exist. However, due to the moral level of each person, it is difficult to deal with interpersonal relationships. The ability of each family is somewhat different from the specific situation of each family; therefore, in some families, conflicts may be downplayed and not highlighted, while in other families, they will be more acute. If you understand that kinship is a social attribute of people, and in addition to social attributes, people also have natural attributes, you will easily understand my analysis. Whether my analysis makes sense, you can try to think about the people you are familiar with, but it is best not to analyze it to others in person, just have an idea in your mind. If you specifically point out which family has such a thing, they will be very anxious to you.