1 The five most annoying jokes by Japanese people. (Not to be missed)
The first doctor said: 'I like to do it for the librarian the most Operation. When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged in alphabetical order. '
The second doctor said: 'My favorite surgery is on accountants. When you open their bodies, everything is in numerical order. '
The third doctor said: 'I like to operate on electricians the most. When you look at their bodies, everything is coded by color. '
The fourth doctor said: 'I like to operate on Japanese people the most. 'The other three doctors looked at each other suspiciously, and one of them asked what. The fourth doctor said it was because they had no heart, liver, or spine, and their butts and heads could be interchanged.
2 A man called a Japanese businessman and said: ‘I’m looking for Mr. Taro. 'The operator said: 'I'm sorry, he died last week. ‘The next day, the man called again and wanted to talk to Taro. This time the operator got a little bored and said: 'I've been telling you he died last week. Why are you still on the phone? 'The guy said, 'Because I just love hearing about it. ‘
3 A Japanese was eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a plate of lobster, the Japanese asked: What do you do with the leftover shrimp shells? "Of course it's thrown away," the waiter said. ‘NO! NO! NO! 'The Japanese shook their heads and said, 'In Japan, leftover shrimp shells are sent to factories, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China. 'After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed at one of the lemons and asked: 'What do you do with the leftover lemon peel? "Of course it's thrown away," the waiter said. ‘NO! NO! NO! 'The Japanese shook their heads and said, 'In Japan, leftover lemon peels are sent to the factory to be made into fruit juice, and then sold to you in China. ‘When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile: ‘How do you deal with the leftover gum? "Of course I'll spit it out," the waiter said. ‘NO! NO! NO! 'The Japanese shook their heads and said proudly, 'In Japan, the chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China. 'The waiter asked impatiently: 'Do you know how to dispose of used condoms in China? ''Of course I threw it away. ‘Japanese humanity. The waiter shook his head and said: 'NO! NO! NO! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum, and then sold to Japan. '
4 A taxi was driving on the road leading to the Chicago airport, and there was a Japanese tourist in the car. At this time, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted: 'Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! ‘After a while, another taxi passed by. ‘Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! Too fast! ‘Another taxi passed. 'Hi! It's Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! So fast! 'The taxi driver is 100% American. He couldn't help but feel a little annoyed when he saw so many Japanese cars passing his own American car, coupled with the Japanese's arrogant language. As the taxi entered the airport parking lot, another taxi passed by. ‘It’s Honda! Made in Japan! So fast! It’s not cured! 'The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed at the meter angrily, and said, '1,500 US dollars. ''It costs $1,500 for such a short time? ! ''Taxi meter! Made in Japan! So fast! It’s not cured! '
5 There was an American, a German, a Japanese and a Chinese on a plane. The plane suddenly ran out of fuel halfway through the flight. The captain announced that one person must jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so Then the Americans showed their personal heroism and walked to the hatch of the plane and shouted: Long live the United States and the nations! ! Then he jumped! The plane continued flying. . . . . At this time, the captain announced again: The weight is still too heavy, so I have to jump off alone! So the Germans stood up, walked to the plane hatch, and shouted: Long live the German Empire! He also jumped down! The plane continued flying. . . . .
At this time, the captain announced again: No, it is still too heavy, one more person must jump out! The Chinese glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the plane hatch. The Japanese quickly came over and held the Chinese's hand tightly: Good brother, I will never forget you! The Chinese people shouted: Long live the Republic of China! ! Then he kicked the Japanese down! ! . . . . . .
Reprinted] Teach you how to make people angry and funny with one sentence. Share this diary
Reprinted from エ－Ⅹ夣倪 on June 6, 2009 at 16:28 Read (3) Comments (0)
Category: Personal Diary Source: Mobile Qzone Report
1. If you push me again, I will pretend to be dead for you!
2. Not only do I have a car, I also drive a bicycle!
3. There are so many people who despise me, who do you think you are?
4. Even if you beat me to death, you haven’t even tried to trick me yet!
5. Not only do I have good luck, but I also have good athlete’s foot!
6. Mirrors always reflect light!
7. Is there a P for handsome? Maybe he will be eaten by pawns!
8. Don’t worry if you leave it to me, nothing can go wrong!
9. Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person...
10. Don't thank me, how can I have the nerve to collect money from you after thanking you!
11. Don’t tell me to come here—I am Afanti!
12. If you don’t pay attention to me, then I will become a dog and ignore you!
13. If you can’t reach it, try stepping on the left foot and the right foot.
14. Some people are alive, but she is already dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died long ago!
15. You said...you like me? Actually...at first...I actually...well, let me tell you, I actually like myself quite a lot.
16. Do you want to drink water, water, or water? It’s up to you!
17. Say what you should say, and whisper what you shouldn’t.
18. Can you say that a scholar is stealing?
19. Zi once Said: Don't regard my tolerance of you as your shameless capital!
20. Don’t think that just because I am handsome, you think I am unattainable and unattainable. In fact, I am open to all rivers.
21. The weather is good today, windy and rainy. .
22. As a typical failure, you are so successful!
23. I really want to get rid of this little bug, but my tongue is not long enough...
24. The feet of three cobblers stink as much as one Zhuge Liang.
25. If you bother me again, I will tie you to a straw boat and borrow arrows!
26. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. You have to pay back the money you owe!
27.A: Where to eat? I have no money.
B: Let’s go to a restaurant, I’ll pay for the water pipe.
28 .See if there is anything that should be left behind?
29. I have a green dragon on my left and a white tiger on my right, with a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my waist.
30.A: It’s hard to swallow this revenge without revenge. Such a bad breath.
B: Then how can I let you die?
31. There is a road in the mountain of books, so start by doing it, and learn from the boundless sea of ????eight treasures to make porridge. < /p>
32. The world belongs to us and our sons, but ultimately it belongs to the grandchildren.
33.A: Have you done your homework?
B: Sit down! Well, it’s still warm under the buttocks... You want it? Here you go.
34. Who is in charge today? They don’t even wipe the blackboard!
35. How much does this shoe cost per pound?
36. My dog ??eyes were really blinded back then...
37. Is this blind man a blind man? ?
Funny 1
Summer vacation is coming. Due to the pressure of life and the need to make a living, I have opened the following business:
Writing summer homework for primary school students
p>Bullying other students on behalf of primary school students
Conducting parent-teacher conferences on behalf of students’ parents.
Charging standard:
Summer homework:
(62 pages for grades 1-3) 32 yuan
(62 pages for grades 4-6 Grade) 40 yuan
Bullying classmates:
(Height 1.3m-1.4m) 45 yuan
(Height 1.4m-1.6m) 55 yuan
p>
(Height 1.6m-1.8m) Price negotiable
(Height above 1.8m) No negotiation required
Ghostwriting of love letters:
p>
About 500 words 40 yuan
500-1000 words 60 yuan
1000-2000 words 100 yuan
Price negotiable for words above 2000
p>Smashing glass:
RMB 10 for the first floor
RMB 15 for the second floor
RMB 20 for the third floor
Four Prices are negotiable as you go upstairs (if there are dogs in the community or strong security guards, no need to negotiate)
Those who spend 200 yuan or more can get a free membership card.
Students with membership cards can apply for the following special membership services:
Parent-teacher conference:
40 yuan for one hour or less
70 yuan for one to two hours
p>Two to three hours 90 yuan
Price negotiable for more than three hours
Teacher: Female teacher (75 yuan)
Male teacher (100 yuan)
Physical education teacher (no need to discuss)
Please help introduce the business to all group members! With commission
Funny 2
Who is the King of Beasts? ●Zoo Director
2 What kind of person will appear after death? ●People in the movie
3. What kind of hats cannot be worn? ●Nut
4 What books can’t be bought in the bookstore? ●Suicide note
5. What does the elephant’s left ear look like? ●Right ear
6 What water can never be used up? ●Tears
7 What has five heads, but don’t people think it’s weird? ●Hands, feet
8 The family asked the doctor about the patient’s condition. The doctor only raised 5 fingers, and the family member cried. What’s the reason? ●Three long and two short
9 If you put a chicken and a goose on an iceberg at the same time, why does the chicken die but not the goose? ●A goose is a penguin
10. Which English letters do people like to hear and are listened to by the most people? ●CD
What is the secret of 11 people’s longevity? ●Keep breathing, don’t stop breathing
12 The more angry something becomes, the bigger it becomes? ●Temper
13. What flower blooms all year round? ●Plastic Flower
14 Why does Chang'e like to live on the moon? ●Chang moth loves to eat rabbit meat
15 Where is the narrowest road? ●Enemies often meet on a narrow road
16 What is the name of farting before death? ●No sound
17 When someone knocks on the door, you will never say please come in? ●In the toilet
18 What is the smallest island in the world? ●Safety island on the road
19 When the earth explodes, which place is the safest? ●Hell
20 A group of henpecked men were gathering together to discuss how to restore their virility as men. Suddenly they heard that their wives were coming. Everyone ran away except one person. Why? ●I fainted from fear
21 What is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? ●The character is Ping
22. What character is used all over the world? ●Arabic numerals
23 A child and an adult are walking in the dark night. The child is the adult's son, but the adult is not the child's father. Why? ●Because they have a mother-son relationship
24 Two pairs of father and son went to buy hats. Why did they only buy three hats? ●Grandpa, father and son
25 Why can’t eggs be broken with a hammer? ●Of course the hammer won't break
26 A man was being chased by a tiger. Suddenly there was a big river in front of him. He couldn't swim, but he passed by. Why? ●Fainted
27 The world boxing champion is easily knocked down by what? ●Sleepy
28 There is an idiom with one or four characters for a lady who has been divorced several times? ●The ex-gong (gong) exhausted his energy (abandoned)
29. What is the worst thing for a person who stutters? ●Making long-distance calls
30. What did Columbus do next after he stepped into the New World? ●Step on the other foot
31 Is "Kiss" a verb, an adjective or a noun? ●Conjunctions
32 After the heart transplant operation failed, the doctor asked the patient who was about to expire what he wanted to say last. What do you think he would say? ●Actually, you don’t understand my heart
33. Why do men have to fistfight when they drink together? ●If you don’t eat the toast, you will be punished with a drink
34 If you divide 8 into two halves, what is the number? ●0
35 When will the sun rise from the west? ●When swearing
36 There is a newborn baby. There are two children born in the same year, the same month and the same day as him, and they were born to the same parents, but they are not twins. Is this possible? ●Maybe, they are triplets
<p> 37 What is the first thing everyone does when they wake up in the morning? ●Open your eyes
38 A new hospital has opened in the city, with advanced equipment and considerate services. But the strange thing is: not a single patient is admitted here. Why is this? ● This is a veterinary hospital
39 In winter, how can we turn ice into water immediately without heating? ●Remove two points from the ice
40 A hungry cat walked past a fat mouse. Why did the hungry old cat remain indifferent and continue walking on its path without even looking at this? A mouse? ●A blind cat encounters a dead mouse
41 Why does the peacock fly to the southeast instead of the northwest? ●Because there is a high wall in the northwest
42 A truck driver and a motorcycle rider collided. The truck driver was seriously injured, but the motorcycle rider was fine. Why? ●The truck driver was not driving at the time
43 Xiao Ming’s mother has three sons. The eldest only son is called Da Ming, and the second son is called Er Ming. What is the name of the third son? ●Of course my name is Xiao Ming
44 There was a young man who wanted to cross a river to do something; however, there was no boat or bridge in this river. So he swam across the river in the morning, and he swam to the other side in just an hour. That afternoon, the width and flow rate of the river had not changed. More importantly, his swimming speed had not changed either, but it took him two It took half an hour to swim to the other side of the river. Why do you think it was? ●Two and a half hours add up to one hour
45 There was a large ship on the sea. Its original capacity was 60 people. As a result, when the 59th person was on board, it sank. Into the sea! Why is this (there are no pregnant or overweight people on board; there are no heavy objects on board)? ●Don’t be nervous, it’s a submarine
46 What is it that God doesn’t know and the earth doesn’t know, but you don’t know and I know? ● The soles of the shoes are torn
47 There are two people, one facing south and one facing north. They are not allowed to look back, move around, or look in the mirror. Ask them if they can see each other’s eyes. Face? ●Of course, they are standing face to face
48 What kind of eggs can’t be beaten, cooked, let alone eaten? ●I got "0" in the exam
49 Which one is more painful to hit the head with coconut or watermelon? ●My head hurts
50 What is the difference between Confucius and Mencius? ●Confucius’ son is on the left. Mencius’ disciples are above
51 What can I borrow without paying it back? ●Borrowing light
52 What is the first animal you see when you enter the zoo? ●Conductor
53 What is something that a magnifying glass cannot magnify? ●Angle
54 What will increase by half when it is inverted? ●6
55 You will destroy it just by calling its name. What is it? ●Silence
56 What often comes but never really comes? ●Tomorrow
57 Xiao Wang and his parents traveled abroad for the first time. Due to the language barrier, his parents seemed at a loss. Xiao Wang did not understand any foreign language. He was not deaf-mute, but he seemed to be in his own way. The country has never felt any inconvenience. Why? ●Xiao Wang is a baby
58 How can I write red letters with a blue pen? ●Write the word "red"
59 When a car turns right, which tire does not rotate? ●Spare tire
60 There is a piece of natural black marble. What will happen if you throw it into the Qiantang River on September 7th? ●Sink to the bottom of the river
61 Under what circumstances do people become smokey? ●Cremation
62 The vixen is best at bewitching men, so what kind of “spirit” can bewitch both men and women? ● Alcohol
63 Why would a healthy couple give birth to a baby without eyes? ● Chickens lay eggs
64 Why do two tigers fight to the death? ●No one dared to break up the fight
65 Mr. Lin had an artificial heart after major surgery. After she recovered from the illness, her girlfriend immediately broke up with her. Why was this? ●I don’t really love her
66 You can do it, I can do it, everyone can do it; one person can do it, but two people can’t do it together.
What is this doing? ●Dreaming
67 Is the black chicken or the white chicken more powerful? Why? ●Black chickens, black chickens will lay white eggs, white chickens will not lay black eggs
68 When you come home in the middle of the night, you realize that you forgot to bring the key and there is no one else at home. At this time, your biggest wish What is it? ● The door was forgotten
69 What are the benefits of having black hair? ●Not afraid of tanning
70 If tomorrow is the end of the world, why do some people want to commit suicide today? ●Go to heaven and get a seat
71 The manager can’t cook, but there is one dish that he is particularly good at. What is it? ●Fired
72 What kind of wine can’t you drink? ●Iodine
73 Why is a bottle of medicine labeled highly toxic but harmless to humans? ●As long as you don’t drink it
74 What can you hit without any effort? ●Doze
75 There is something that people who buy it know, people who sell it also know it, but only people who use it don’t know, what is it? ●Coffin
76 Some people say that a woman is like a book, so what kind of book does a fat woman look like? ●Bound volume
77 What is the difference between being bitten by a crocodile and being bitten by a shark? ●No one knows
78 A cow walks 10 meters north, then 10 meters west, then 10 meters south, backs up and turns right. Where is the cow's tail facing? ●Chao Di
79 "Innate" refers to the inheritance of parents, so what is "nurture"? ●The day after tomorrow
80 What are the main causes of divorce? ●Marriage
81 9 oranges are divided among 13 children. How to divide them fairly? ●Squeeze into juice
82 How to put a pencil on the ground so that no one can step over it? ●Put it next to the wall
83 Why does the Statue of Liberty always stand in New York Harbor? ●She can’t sit
84 Why can frogs jump higher than trees? ●Trees don’t jump
85 Is there anything in the world that can carry people at a speed of nearly 2,000 kilometers per hour without refueling or other fuel? ●Earth
86 What do you call a beautiful woman who does not have children after getting married for fear of losing her figure? ●Peerless Beauty
87 Why do black people like to eat white chocolate? ●Afraid of eating one's own fingers
88 Who never dares to take a bath● Clay figurine
89 Why are most Buddhists in the Northern Hemisphere? ●Nan "Wu" Amitabha
90 What is not illegal to steal? ●Laughing
91 Do you know where modern scientists are generally born? ●In the hospital
92Why do wild geese fly south? ●Because it’s too slow to walk on foot
93 You can eat winter melon, cucumber, watermelon, and pumpkin. What kind of melon can’t be eaten? ●Fool
94 There are 6 steamed buns in the basin. Each of the 6 children is assigned 1 steamed bun, but there is still 1 steamed bun left in the basin. Why? ●The last child took the basin away with him
95 Lao Wang shaved forty or fifty times a day, but he still had a beard on his face. What is the reason? ●Lao Wang is a barber
96 There is a word that everyone will pronounce incorrectly. What is this word? ●This is the word "wrong"
97 What kind of car is difficult to move? ●Windmill
98 Xiao Ming never studied but became a model student. Why ●Xiao Ming is a deaf-mute student
99 How many sides does a box have? ●Two sides. Inside and outside
100 Which month has twenty-eight days? ●There are 28 days in every month
Funny 3
The five most annoying jokes by Japanese people. (Not to be missed)
The first doctor said: 'My favorite surgery is on librarians. When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged in alphabetical order. '
The second doctor said: 'My favorite surgery is on accountants. When you open their bodies, everything is in numerical order. '
The third doctor said: 'I like to operate on electricians the most.
When you look at their bodies, everything is coded by color. '
The fourth doctor said: 'I like to operate on Japanese people the most. 'The other three doctors looked at each other suspiciously, and one of them asked what. The fourth doctor said it was because they had no heart, liver, or spine, and their butts and heads could be interchanged.
2 A man called a Japanese businessman and said: ‘I’m looking for Mr. Taro. 'The operator said: 'I'm sorry, he died last week. ‘The next day, the man called again and wanted to talk to Taro. This time the operator got a little bored and said: 'I've been telling you he died last week. Why are you still on the phone? 'The guy said, 'Because I just love hearing about it. ‘
3 A Japanese was eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a plate of lobster, the Japanese asked: What do you do with the leftover shrimp shells? "Of course it's thrown away," the waiter said. ‘NO! NO! NO! 'The Japanese shook their heads and said, 'In Japan, leftover shrimp shells are sent to factories, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China. 'After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed at one of the lemons and asked: 'What do you do with the leftover lemon peel? "Of course it's thrown away," the waiter said. ‘NO! NO! NO! 'The Japanese shook their heads and said, 'In Japan, leftover lemon peels are sent to the factory to be made into fruit juice, and then sold to you in China. ‘When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile: ‘How do you deal with the leftover gum? "Of course I'll spit it out," the waiter said. ‘NO! NO! NO! 'The Japanese shook their heads and said proudly, 'In Japan, the chewed gum is sent to the factory, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China. 'The waiter asked impatiently: 'Do you know how to dispose of used condoms in China? ''Of course I threw it away. ‘Japanese humanity. The waiter shook his head and said: 'NO! NO! NO! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum, and then sold to Japan. ‘
4 A taxi was driving on the road leading to the Chicago airport, and there was a Japanese tourist in the car. At this time, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted: 'Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! ‘After a while, another taxi passed by. ‘Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! Too fast! ‘Another taxi passed. 'Hi! It's Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! So fast! 'The taxi driver is 100% American. He couldn't help but feel a little annoyed when he saw so many Japanese cars passing his own American car and the Japanese's arrogant language. As the taxi entered the airport parking lot, another taxi passed by. ‘It’s Honda! Made in Japan! So fast! It’s not cured! 'The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed at the meter angrily, and said, '1,500 US dollars. ''$1,500 for this close? ! ''Taxi meter! Made in Japan! So fast! It’s not cured! '
5 There was an American, a German, a Japanese and a Chinese on a plane. The plane suddenly ran out of fuel halfway through the flight. The captain announced that one person must jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so Then the Americans showed their personal heroism and walked to the hatch of the plane and shouted: Long live America and the nations! ! Then he jumped! The plane continued flying. . . . . At this time, the captain announced again: The weight is still too heavy, so I have to jump off alone! So the Germans stood up, walked to the hatch of the plane, and shouted: Long live the German Empire! He also jumped down! The plane continued flying. . . . . At this time, the captain announced again: No, it is still too heavy, one more person must jump out! The Chinese glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the plane hatch. The Japanese quickly came over and held the Chinese's hand tightly: Good brother, I will never forget you! The Chinese people shouted: Long live the Republic of China! ! Then he kicked the Japanese down! ! . . . . .