Friendship is a knife that breaks the stones in my heart;
Friendship is a lamp that illuminates the darkness in my heart;
Friendship is a huge box that harvests and shares happiness.
Find a friend in the vast sea of ??people? Disaster! Find a close friend? It’s even more difficult! But all these encounters seem to be arranged by God, so that you can accidentally get a precious friendship. It depends on whether you are willing to cherish it...
Perhaps, friendship is like this, it comes unexpectedly, of course. , I am no exception.
Time seems to be turned back to the day when I got my first true friendship.
"Ring, ring, ring..." As the bell rang, the students "flyed" to the activity venue outside the classroom like birds released in a cage. Soon after, bursts of laughter floated into my ears. Curious, I walked out of the classroom and sat under the tree next to me, watching the game consisting of only two or three people. I wanted to jump with them, but I was timid and did not do so even after a week. When I mustered up the courage to join their game, they accepted me without hesitation. In the game, Zhang Zhao and He Lang became my best friends, and it was also the first friendship I got. And this friendship gradually became clear in the interesting game...
Of course, friendship does not stop there. One serving. When I was in the fourth grade, the whole class changed seats, and a boy named Wang Kun moved next to me. At that time, I never thought that his name would enter my list of "good friends". Because of the seats, our relationship grew day by day, rising to the status of my close friend.
In this way, day after day, year after year, the four of us became inseparable close friends, and I also received the happiness from friends-especially that rainy day.
Which rainy day is a rainy day that catches people off guard.
The rain keeps falling, changing at any time, sometimes heavy, sometimes light. Su Xin and I were helpless in the face of this sudden rain. It was getting dark and the rain was not stopping. Just when Wang Kun and I decided to rush home, an umbrella covered the top of my head. I looked back in surprise and saw that it was He Mingbin. He seemed to know what I was thinking, and before I could say anything, he asked: "You also go to the east, right? Then let's go together!" I smiled happily, and the warmth was like a fire, and the time took over. My cold heart. At some point, He Mingbin appeared between Wang Kun and I. He opened his umbrella and said, "Let's go together. I'll take He Mingbin to the vegetable market."
Just like that, the four of us were chatting and laughing all the way. It broke the silence of the campus at the moment.
That moment remains deep in my heart, because at that moment, I understood what true friendship is - lending a helping hand when you are a friend, and when you need help. , friends will also cheer you up, but no matter what, don't abandon friends and friendship at the last moment.
Elementary school life is about to say goodbye as time goes by. We only have a few months left with our friends. After graduation, maybe God will let our fate continue, but maybe not. I think that only by cherishing the present time, cherishing the current friendship, and leaving deep memories among friends can we make friendship a true friendship!
Friendship is the angel that makes me happy;
Friendship is the happiness sweeter than cherries;
Friendship is the thing that makes the boat of life incomparable Wonderful important parts!
Isn’t friendship worth cherishing?
Friendship is such a familiar word! An ancient saying goes: "There are close friends in the sea, and we are as close to each other as we are to the end of the world." Who among teenagers doesn't want to have a few true friends! But how to build a bridge of friendship? It requires mutual understanding and trust between friends; it requires heart-to-heart exchanges and communication between friends.
Birds of a feather flock together, and people flock together. There is no one who has not had friends, but who have truly tasted friendship? Only sincere people cherish friendship and use it to raise the sail of life.
A true friend in life will be happy for you and celebrate you when you succeed, without cheering. As long as you experience a true friendship in person, you will be very happy.
A thousand pieces of gold are easy to get, but a confidant is hard to find. Who among the vast crowd of people can be called a close friend? With your best friend, when you are lonely, he or she will accompany you to relieve your boredom; when you are happy, he or she will accompany you to share your happiness; when you are sad, he or she will guide you and make you happy. You stand up again. Having your best friend can not only understand and trust each other, but also have the same interests and ideals. Just like Guan Bao's friendship, they supported each other, understood each other, and trusted each other, leaving a lasting legacy. From this we can know that it is not an easy task to find a friend who treats you sincerely.
If the hearts are in harmony, a casual relationship can become a life-or-death acquaintance, and a congenial word may also become an old friend. Sincere friendship makes life full of passion. Just as Marx said: "Friendship is as pure as the morning fog. Flattery cannot win it. Friendship can only be consolidated with loyalty." Friendship is beautiful and precious. When a person maintains friendship, it is no less than the third pillar of life.
Friendship lasts forever!
Friendship;
1gt; Friends are the ones who share happiness with you when you are happy; they are the ones who double your happiness when you are happy; they are the ones who decompose your difficulties when you are in trouble; they are the ones who share your happiness with you when you are lonely. Help you get rid of it; the person who encourages you when you are down.
Friends are the people that everyone wants to have and the people that everyone wants to be. In order for everyone to become friends and to continuously consolidate the relationship between friends, something called friendship is needed to water it.
We in China attach great importance to friends. Traditional Confucianism attaches great importance to "sincerity", "faithfulness", "benevolence" and "loyalty", which have always affected us, penetrated into our lives, and affected our behavior. Become our guide to making friends. A series of stories such as "Searching for a close friend in high mountains and flowing water", "We are far away from each other, but we are still holding the cup in our hands" are profound expressions of friendship.
"Rely on your parents at home and rely on your friends when you go out." This sentence illustrates the importance of friends, and also explains that the role of friends lies in reliance, and more importantly, mutual reliance. It is not the kind of behavior that blooms flowers of evil in the name of friends and watered by friendship for personal gain. The difference between the former and the latter is that: the former relies on each other and helps each other, especially when friends are in trouble, they rely on each other, encourage each other, and help each other to get out of trouble; while the latter "waters" friendship when friends are happy; when friends are in trouble, It is wise to protect oneself and abandon it, and what is worse is to add insult to injury and add insult to injury.
“A friend in need is a friend, and a fire is gold.” This is what we ask of our friends, and it is also a criterion for judging the authenticity of friendship; it also shows that friendship needs to be refined and sublimated. The friendship that calls you brothers at the wine table and supports you when things are going well is not true friendship; but the friendship that gives you words of concern when you are proud and gives you sincere words of concern when you are down is true friendship. Because not only is it not flattered by the temptation of fame and fortune, but it is also verified and sublimated in difficulties.
“The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water”, indicating that making friends should require nothing. Only in this way will we be alone and not alone, making life warmer and more comfortable.
In fact, friends who ask for nothing are rare. You might as well close your eyes and delete the friends who ask for nothing one by one. How many are left in the end? Because true friendship is "asking for nothing", she should not ask for anything, rely on nothing, reject all contracts, and is always pure and fragile. Therefore, it is always so easy to be confused and broken. Various books also introduce various methods to prevent friendships from falling apart, but those methods are all technical. Once technical means enter the emotional realm, there will always be no good results. Friendship needs to be watered with heart and cultivated with life in order to bloom the brilliant flower of friendship.
In short, we must not only cultivate right feelings. Because we can live without merit, but we can never live without friends; we need friendship, but we also need to be wary of evil, guard against hypocrisy, and oppose betrayal.
Regarding friendship, let us end with Mr. Yu Qiuyu’s words!
Is it easy to come to this world once?
Have an encounter, is it easy?
Is it easy to call a friend?
Still the same sentence -
Learn to cherish and be cautious
People often say that the purest friendship in the world only exists in childhood. This is an extremely sad statement, but so many people agree with it. One can imagine how lonely and difficult life is. I don't agree with this statement. Friendship in childhood is just a pleasant play, and what adults add to it through memories is unreal. The true meaning of friendship comes after adulthood, and it cannot reach its best state before it has acquired meaning.
In fact, many people suddenly find themselves growing up during a sudden change in friendship feelings. It seems that one day at noon or evening, the difficulties encountered by a good classmate made you feel an unshirkable responsibility. You slowed down and began to think about it, and began to understand the weight of life. At this moment, you suddenly grow up.
My mutation occurred at the age of ten. I went to Shanghai to take the high school entrance examination from my hometown. Facing a strange city, I only had my friends from the countryside in my heart, but I could no longer find them. One day, out of boredom, I went to a small bookstall to read comic books and happened to see this one. My whole body seemed to be covered by a strange spell, and I turned over the pages again and again. It was not until dusk that the old man in charge of the bookstall tapped my shoulder with his finger and said that he was going home for dinner. Close it and place it respectfully in his hand.
The title of the comic book is: "Yu Boya and Zhong Ziqi".
It is a pure adult story, but it elevates the difficult to simple, allowing me to fully understand it. It is clearly saying that no matter how important you are in the future, there will always be a day when you escape from the bustle, ride alone in a boat, and just want to meet the mountains and flowing water. If you go far, you may meet a person, like a woodcutter, a hermit, or a passerby, who appears between you and the mountains and rivers. In just a few words, you will be shocked and pale, and you will never turn back for the rest of your life. However, heaven cannot tolerate such perfection and beauty, and you are destined to lose him, and at the same time, you will lose most of your life.
The story is led by music, which leads to thousands of miles of loneliness, then to the eternal bosom friend, and then to the broken string fragments of the lyre. A wordless starting point, pointing to a wordless ending, this is friendship. People cannot use other words to express its loftiness and rarity. They can only retain the four words "high mountains and flowing water", which have become a strong and ethereal common expectation in Chinese culture.
Of course I didn’t know the status of this story in Chinese culture that day. I only knew that yesterday’s friends had all been eclipsed, and none of them could be considered “close friends.” I haven't produced a decent sound yet, so how can I find a good friend? If he was a close friend, how could he give up his hard search among the vast clouds and water and happen to land next to him, in his own class? These questions made me raise my head seriously for the first time and stare at the streets and people in confusion.
After watching it for almost forty years, it has reached an age where frost leaves are everywhere. If someone asked me, "Did you find it?" my answer would be a bit difficult. Maybe I can only say that my lyre has not been broken yet.
I think I am not the only one who is having difficulty. In recent years, I have attended the memorial services of several seniors, and I have noticed one detail: the elegiac couplets hanging in the middle of the mourning hall often refer to mountains and rivers, but I know that the deceased did not feel that way towards the writer of the elegiac couplets. But what's the use? Just a few days after the deceased lost his ability to argue, in his only life-summing ceremony, these words of friendship were black and bright, so strong that they could not be modified, making everyone who participated in the ceremony bow their heads to accept them.
When the lyre could no longer be played, Zhong Ziqi came, and there were more than one. Or maybe, the lively Yu Boya people all cried in front of the tomb, and the crying became "high mountains and flowing water".
There is no malice, just misplacement. But malice can be subverted, but misalignment cannot, so misalignment makes people more sad. Among the many absurdities in life, the first one to bear the brunt is the dislocation of friendship.
2
The dislocation of friendship comes from our own confusion.
There seems to be a huge imbalance here, but the true love of the world is not conditional on balance. Even if Li Bai no longer misses him, Du Fu has also made a unilateral commitment to good things. Li Bai asked for nothing from him, and he asked for nothing from Li Bai.
Friendship is profound because it requires nothing, no matter whether they are balanced or unbalanced. The poet Zhou Tao once described a profound balance: "Two trees chatted noisily for a long time in summer. They saw each other's yellow leaves falling in the autumn wind. They were quiet for a moment, and said goodbye to each other: See you next summer!"
Chu Chuze wrote with an unbalanced depth: "I really want to live a good life for you, but I am extremely exhausted. Before the end of my life, you did not arrive. Just to see you for the last time, I fell Here." They are all falling without seeking anything, and they are all poetic and noble.
Three
True friendship is always pure and fragile because it does not seek anything or rely on anything. All lonely people in the world have also encountered friendship, but they don't know how to identify and maintain it, and they are broken one by one.
In order to prevent fragmentation, the seniors have thought of many ways.
A harder way is to tie up friendships, that is, forming a gang. No matter how grand the ceremony is and how strong the power is, in the final analysis, forming a gang is still based on distrust of the stability of friendship, so blood oaths and heavy punishments are required to prevent deviation. Gangs alienate friendship into a kind of organizational violence, which is exactly the opposite of the original meaning of friendship, freedom and independence. I think that friendship begins to deteriorate once it is tied up, because no one in the relationship can tell how much of the partners' loyalty comes from the heart and how much comes from the gang rules. Loyalty that does not come from the heart is certainly not friendship. Even if it comes from the heart, how much personal content is left under the influence of group actions? And if you lose a person, how can you still call it friendship? All combinations that devour individual freedom will inevitably lead to large-scale fratricide. It is not difficult to understand that most of the gangs in history that hoisted friendship flags eventually became a barren land for friendship, and even bloodstained and barren graves. Cong Cong.
A softer approach is to downplay friendship. Also out of distrust in the stability of friendship, we can only use dilution concentration to obtain extension. If it doesn't condense into a solid body, how can it still be broken? "Gentlemen talk like water." This wise saying contains a kind of witty helplessness. Unfortunately, it has been used by people who have no wit and only helplessness. Afraid that all promises cannot be fulfilled, so no promises are made; afraid that all happy encounters cannot be continued, so no happy encounters are made, and only smiles and nods are maintained between shadows. Some people once borrowed the mysterious Eastern aesthetics to support this attitude: it can only be understood but cannot be expressed in words; without a word, it can be romantic; the antelope hangs its horns and there is no trace... In this way, friendship has become a A kind of freehand ink painting, if there is something there, if there is nothing. However, when things have reached this point, what is the difference between friendship and acquaintance? This is not so much maintenance as suffocation, and a dying friendship is worse than no friendship at all. We all know this deeply. On the street, an acquaintance politely held the corners of his lips and gave us an overly reserved smile. Why is it so annoying to us that we would rather turn our heads and shout good morning to a statue? At a banquet, a guest extends his hand to show friendship but straightens his fingers to show indifference when shaking hands. Why is it so disgusting to us that we want to wash our hands by the sink?
Another more vulgar method is to paste friendship. They neither form cliques nor pretend to be elegant, but significantly lower the standards of friends and expand the scope of friendship. They need friendship very much, but they don't trust it very much. They try to resist desolation with the accumulation of quantity. This is a very tiring job. You have to accept every invitation, respond to every greeting, and don't dare to offend any brother. As a result, no friend regards him as a confidant. With such a large contact network, various troubles inevitably arise. He doesn't know how to express his position, and he has no ability to coordinate, so his eyes often wander, his tone flickers, and he is ambiguous. He has to be doubted and looked down upon by everyone.
Most of these people are not bad people and do not do bad things. If there is a rift between friends, they will stick to it. If a friend has a gap with him, he will stick to it. In the end, he will also have bitter doubts about this kind of friendship in his heart. The other way is to paste and paste in your own heart. Always smiling, always in a hurry, but never clear: what exactly is friendship?
Strong people tie up friendship, elegant people downplay friendship, and vulgar people stick to friendship, all in order to prevent friendship from being broken, but it seems that none of them is a good way. The reason may be that these methods rely too much on technical means, and once technical means enter the emotional realm, they will always have no good results.
I believe that what we need to guard against in the field of friendship is not the breakage of the friendship itself, but the intrusion of heterogeneous people. The heterogeneity mentioned here does not refer to differences in the general sense, but to confrontation in the fundamental sense. Once invaded, the entire friendship system will undergo a fundamental transformation, and the consequences will be far more serious than fragmentation. Obviously, this is not a technical problem.
Heterogeneous invasion touches an ontological paradox in the field of friendship. Friendship by its very nature lacks defense mechanisms, and this is precisely the problem. A few cups of strong tea and light wine, talking about the ancient ways and the present in the middle of the night, we met each other late and became close friends. Of course, the so-called close friends should be behind closed doors. The speaker dare not speak in front of the speaker, and it is inconvenient to talk about it in ordinary days, the more gloomy it becomes. The more secretive it is, the more intimate it is. How can you be considered a confidant if what you speak is all in upright and plain language? How can you be considered a man if you only treat family chores and street gossip as private matters? Therefore, this seems to be a naturally whimsical space, where many people and things that are not willing to be contacted under normal circumstances are twisted together. It turns out that once it becomes twisted, it is very difficult to get rid of it. Why did a very intelligent scholar finally become a traitor because of the visits of several groups of old friends? Why is it that a great businessman who never miscalculated ended up in jail just to show something to a friend? And more often than not, one wrong encounter will cause a mess, a bad friend will suffer for the rest of his life, and one wrong move will lead to losses every step of the way. There are many reasons for these consequences, but one of them must be the tolerance of foreign invasion for the sake of friendship. I was also uneasy, but I was afraid of being blamed for alienating friends and abandoning friendship. As a result, friendship became a crutch leading to ugliness.
This makes it clearer that preventing the breakup of friendship must not be regarded as a goal. Let what should be broken be broken without any pity; even though it is not broken but it is found that it is seriously inconsistent with the noble inner quality of your life, it must be broken. Rodin said, what is sculpture? That is to remove unnecessary things from the stone. Our own sculptures must also be chipped away at those foreign impurities that are attached in the name of friends. If it is not chipped away, there will be no decent self.
For me, these principles have been clear for a long time and I have learned a lot of lessons. However, it is still difficult to recognize the differences before things happen. The only thing I can do now is that when I hear the call of friendship, whether it is a young and enthusiastic voice or an old and kind voice, if I also hear a vague whisper or smell a strange smell, I will quietly stop and never stop. forward.
Four
Friendships that should be broken are often tied up and glued together by us, while friendships that should not be broken are often crushed by us. Both situations are tragic, but the friendship that should not be broken is so precious, but it is crushed by our own hands. This is an almost fatal blow to human conscience.
When we mention this sad topic, a series of sad scenes far and near will appear before our eyes. These two great writers who wrote about human friendship have made countless readers in the world understand the true meaning of mutual love. However, they themselves also supported each other in difficult years. Who would have imagined that their last years would be the complete breakdown of their friendship. I had a long conversation with one of them more than ten years ago. The literary master who was so good at arranging words and sentences could only tell angrily in front of the strange circle of friendship, completely losing his ability to analyze. I thought at the time that friendship seems to be the most difficult thing to explain clearly in the world.
There are two literary seniors at the same time as them, one of whom is my hometown. They have a thousand reasons to be friends, but they actually become enemies under the same flag. They have you but not me, fighting for life and death, affecting the government and the public, and making a big impact. After traveling thousands of miles, it was not until a devastating disaster struck that both parties realized something. But when they met again, the man from my hometown was already on his deathbed. Two pairs of old and dim eyes faced each other. Did they ever understand the meaning of friendship? problem?
There are thousands of similar examples.
The reason can be attributed to misunderstanding, character, or history, but they are all well-informed and noble people. Why can't they ask, explain, and coordinate? Some of these barriers are as trivial as sesame seeds and mung beans. Why are so many magnificent souls locked away? Seniors I admire, what’s wrong with you?
The attempt to solve these problems may last throughout my life, because in my opinion, this is actually the exploration of life. What I can barely answer now is: Friendly interactions between noble souls may also encounter psychological traps.
For example, psychological allergies caused by knowing each other well.
We are so familiar with each other that we no longer experience displacement when considering each other. We just follow our own thoughts and make speculations and expectations. As a result, we are very sensitive to small differences. This difference arises from a kind of common character, which is completely different from the heterogeneous intrusion mentioned above; but in terms of feeling, it is due to the large number of common characters that there is an extraordinary sensitivity to differences. Like having sand in your eyes. He could tolerate the sand dunes thousands of miles away, but he could not allow anything to get embedded in his body. He regarded his friends as himself. In fact, how can there be two identical leaves in the world, even if the two leaves are very close to each other? There are differences but there is no preparation for differences. They regard differences as betrayal and ask the other party to correct them in exaggerated terms. This is a mutual grievance, and the memory of friendship adds weight to this grievance. Carrying such a weight, it was impossible to correct themselves. Both parties were furious and embarked on the road of no return. Anyone who values ??friendship and uprightness will have this kind of anger, and only villains will not be angry. Therefore, it is often difficult for gentlemen to escape from this psychological trap once they fall into it. The noble soul struggled in the trap swallowing the unspeakable little reasons.
Another example is the psychological black box created by mutual trust.
What else should we be wary of among friends? Based on this idea, many people handle many matters related to friendship neatly and silently. Regardless of whether it is done or not, there is no explanation or explanation. Friendship is like a magical infrared detector that can clearly illuminate all hidden corners. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand or not, understanding is everything. Friends can always understand. If you don’t understand, can you still be considered a friend? However, when the misunderstanding finally inevitably arises, all the original ambiguities become doubts. For the party under suspicion, this is nothing more than an unjust case. There is no way to appeal, and his behavior must be abnormal. Abnormal behavior is only Can arouse greater suspicion, and mutual friendship will immediately become difficult to deal with. Up until this point, the inertia of trust had prevented both parties from openly confessing their feelings, and the darkness was still passing through the darkness, and the anger was superimposed on the anger. This forms a terrifying psychological black box, in which the cables of friendship are twisted and twisted, forming dead knots and short circuits. Disastrous consequences are inevitable.
These two psychological traps, the allergy trap and the black box trap, mostly overlap with each other. The two extremes of being too clear and too unclear are cause and effect for each other, increasing dangers for each other, and changing emotions is Enemies turn friends into enemies, and they all happen between good people, which is really sad.
For several nights, I repeatedly discussed a difficult problem with some psychological researchers: why some people can get back together after causing huge losses to their friends, while others just say a few words. But your words make your friend unforgivable for the rest of his life? Why do some enemies become friends after a long period of fighting, while some friends become worse than enemies once they get into trouble?
I think, don’t always look for reasons from basic qualities. One of the keys is that some disordered psychological programs create psychological traps.
I don’t know how far we can avoid these pitfalls, but I feel like it’s always good to study them more. The wealth that truly belongs to the soul will not be deprived by external forces. The only thing that can deprive it is the problems of the soul itself. But the problems of the soul will eventually be discovered, analyzed and cured by the power of the soul, not to mention that what we are talking about is a noble soul. .
Five
Having said so much, it may create the impression that it is not easy to have true friendship in this world.
In fact, to sum up the above, the problem lies precisely in the fact that human beings have added too many other things to friendship, added too many obligations, added too many impurities, and added too many The shadows that come with intimacy. If these additions could be removed, everything would become easier.
Friendship should expand the space in life, not shrink it. Unfortunately, all the above-mentioned paradoxes show that the expectation and practice of friendship can easily shrink our life space, thus producing the opposite effect.
To expand the space in life, the ultimate driving force should be broad love. This is the true meaning of friendship. On this issue, thinking too much will be self-defeating.
As the sage said, people create various boundaries due to wisdom, and break these boundaries due to fraternity. The obstacles to friendship are often caused by excessive wisdom. Fortunately, there is still the desire to love to overcome the obstacles.
Friendship is the wings that transcend obstacles, but it will also bear the weight of obstacles. Therefore, when it relaxes humans, it also relaxes itself, and when it purifies humans, it also purifies itself. The result should be twofold perfection: when human beings enjoy friendship most profoundly, friendship itself is most fully realized.
Now, even if we have a lot of friendship, it is still incomplete because we ourselves are still incomplete. The world should give us more love, and we should give the world more love. This was a cautious hope in youth, and in the autumn of life, it is still a cautious hope. However, autumn is autumn after all. Life has withstood the frost, hope has been sprinkled with cold dew, and the desire for friendship is as bright as maple leaves, but it has also begun to fall.
In the next quarter of life, will wisdom be stronger than fraternity, or will fraternity be stronger than wisdom? How many signals of friendship will our still immature hearts send out, and how much will they be nourished by friendship? This is an almost fatal problem that cannot be answered hastily. In autumn, we can only pray. The wind blowing through my heart is a bit cool.
I am reminded of a sketch written by a distant friend of mine: Two ants met and just touched each other's tentacles before crawling in opposite directions. After crawling for a long time, I suddenly felt regretful that in such a vast space and time, such tiny people of the same kind met unexpectedly, "But we didn't hug each other."
Yes, there should not be more Such regret. But with the new expansion of space, our body size has become smaller. When will we still encounter a few ants that can touch our tentacles?
——Leave your expectations to the next generation and let them climb happily