I have given in a lot of times in my life. I especially know what kind of person I am. I know that I have many shortcomings, but I will regard these shortcomings as characteristics and I will no longer enter into myself. Patterns of guilt, self-torture, self-flagellation, and self-judgment.
I feel like I am doing well everywhere. Why?
Because of these shortcomings of mine, I began to give in. I knew I was not good!
I am already bad, what else do you want? You said to kneel down, but I have already knelt down, what else do you want?
I would have this state about myself. I am no longer good. For example, my singing is really not good. I have been singing out of tune since I was a child, so I feel that what I speak is better than what I sing. I don’t Will compete with myself.
I know I don’t sing well, I don’t have any judgment on myself, I admit it!
I have small black teeth when I smile, but I make no secret of it, this is who I am! My teeth have been black and yellow since I was a child, which is my characteristic. I have no plans to get porcelain teeth. I want to have brilliant white teeth when I smile, because I love myself so much.
I feel that tapping and filling on my teeth will make me feel uncomfortable, so I just let my little black teeth continue. Smile brightly!
Since I was a child, I have always had crumbs when eating, so my mother nicknamed me "Gagajing". "Gaga" is when we stew rice in a large pot in Northeast China. , the harder layer of quackers under the rice, its adhesion is relatively strong. When we were young, we would eat quackers, and when it fell on us, it would look like the rice was dry, so my mother named me "quacker essence". Because there were rice grains everywhere on my body, I became a spirit. My mother even conferred a god on me, called "Mitai God".
She thinks I am too sloppy and will always judge me like this. When I was a child, I couldn't resist her. She used insulting words, but I had no choice but to endure it silently.
But I found that for a long time, I really couldn’t change it. It’s really strange. I am now over 40, but I still can’t change it, so I especially like to wear black. clothes, why?
Because it is not easy to spot if it falls on my body, I wore a pair of white linen pants today. I counted about five or six green dots, but I don’t know what they fell on.
I really don’t have any judgment or accusation against myself, because that’s just the kind of thing I am!
02
Later I grew up, in my twenties and thirties When I was young, I would still drop vegetable soup, and my mother would scold me. She said, "Are you embarrassed that you are so old?" The ones that fell off the clothes looked like recipes.
Because I have grown up, I will contradict my mother. I said: Mom, do you know? You have been educating me for more than 20 years and I have not changed. This only means that I am the same type and cannot change, so there is no need to waste any more efforts.
Then she would laugh at me.
She said: You are so thick-skinned! You are not ashamed of still indulging yourself in this way, but feel proud of it.
To be honest, I am really not ashamed, but proud.
Although it is a bit exaggerated, I really don’t think this is something to be ashamed of, because I am the type of person I am and I can really let myself go.
I still have a lot of shortcomings like this. When I was young, my eyes were very small. When I was 18 years old, one eye changed, and when I was 19, another eye changed. Eyes, so I was miserable. I graduated from high school at the age of 18, with one big eye, one small eye, one single eyelid, and one double eyelid. At that time, it caused a deep psychological shadow. I felt that I was too ugly. .
But I really don’t resist, I give in!
I know that I am not good-looking enough, and I also know that my figure is not good enough, but I really feel that I am pretty good, and I feel embarrassed about myself.
Every time I attack myself and feel that I am not good enough or that I am not good enough, I will go to the road to see the disabled people, or even go to the hospital to have a look. Those patients, like Ah Q in spirit, immediately felt that I was really good. I could run, jump, eat and sleep. Aren't I much, much happier than them?
There is nothing to criticize, I really have nothing to do, so I really feel infinite satisfaction with myself, I am full of praise for myself, I feel like I am really good at everything!
03
In an emotional relationship, it is really easy to get along with someone who is timid. model.
A friend of mine, her husband is a very otaku and very controlling. When we were chatting together, she said: This is what happened to me, so I’ll admit it!
She said: When I recognized him, I found that he was really good, and he was good at home, at least he didn’t touch flowers and weeds; Don’t think about it, you don’t have to take care of anything anymore. You can take care of whatever you want. You can take care of me and the children. Whatever you say is fine.
You must know that my friend turned out to be very powerful and was also a backbone and elite in the unit.
We all find it super strange that she can say this. It turned out that she could admit it like this, but when she found out that their life was really happy, she just accepted it!
04
A friend of mine, her son failed to pass the high school entrance exam this year. , I took the exam to a private high school.
I asked her: How did her son do in the exam?
She said: My son is just an ordinary child, I admit it! If you get into a private high school, go to a private high school. As long as he is healthy and healthy, peace is the greatest satisfaction in my heart.
I was deeply moved in my heart. This moved me to be able to respect the child’s soul, not to force him, not to insult him, not to Blame him, give him a lot of peace of mind, and tell your child that you are safe.
She said: I have this kind of variety and this kind of child, I admit it! I don’t force my children, nor do I force them.
She said: We are not particularly smart to begin with! Why do we want our children to excel? Why do we let our children do it if we don’t do it ourselves?
I think she has so much softness and tolerance in her heart, and I am really happy to be her child!
This friend of mine graduated from a prestigious university and works as an attending physician in a very famous dental hospital. She is a very strong and very She is a dedicated person; but she can be so timid towards her children. I think it is really not easy for her to turn this corner in her heart.
What a blessing for a child. He does not have to be humiliated or scolded when he is growing up. He may have deep wounds that are difficult to heal. There are deep wounds that are difficult to heal. She has a deep inferiority complex; she didn’t even say how much money she spent on you and how our family is doing because of you. He doesn’t have such a heavy burden, so for the child, this is such a lucky thing.
For children, parents’ acceptance of coercion actually gives them more freedom and liberation, as well as greater spiritual support and comfort. They will I feel very safe.
That competitiveness comes from insecurities and what others think.
05
Including my best friend, my friend, and other children who took the exam Everything was very good, including my son’s exam. She had no envy at all. She didn't go back to take it out on her child, or feel embarrassed. She was really calm and calm, and even joyful. He could be himself peacefully, and even go to a technical school in the future and do what he likes. Things will be fine!
In fact, giving up is really a great wisdom, because you can let go and no longer compete with yourself, or even stop yourself. I have stopped hiding from myself. I no longer have any self-judgment on this matter. I already know that I can’t do it. What else do you want?
I already know that the child is not this material, what else do you want?
If he is safe and happy, that is my happiness!
Accepting one’s inability is a view.
Observation is seeing. It means I can see and be aware of what it is. It is renunciation. I can stop the original thoughts and start to turn. Recognition is the true inner awareness. With wisdom.
I decided to let go and started to turn. If I don’t keep hitting the south wall and the south mountain here, can’t I accept it?
When we stop embarrassing ourselves and others, we actually start to let go. Letting go is a way of letting go of ourselves.
We have begun to let go of our own imposition. There is suffering in life, and the suffering of not getting what you want is suffering. Forcing is also a kind of suffering, and forcing is also a kind of ignorance!
When we start to be aware of ourselves, start to turn around, and know what to do and what not to do, I know that I just can’t do it, I know that this is how I am. variety.
When I was in the speech therapy class on Level 1 or 2 on the ground floor, I would laugh out loud when I talked about something happy, and the monitor would give me advice. He said: Teacher, as a female teacher who talks about spiritual practice, it is very inappropriate for you to smile like this. People talk about Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism in a dignified way! Although what you are talking about is not Confucianism, Buddhism or Taoism, you should still be dignified. It is unbecoming of a teacher for you to smile like this, and for you to laugh like this and laugh so loudly, you are not decent as a woman.
I couldn’t help but want to laugh, and then I told him: I can’t change it.
Because my laughing point is too low, I just feel that I am so happy and happy that I can’t help laughing.
Then he said: You laugh, please lower your voice! Change it!
I said: I can’t change it, I can’t change it, like Lin Chiling’s charming smile, or even the majestic teacher’s smile, I can’t change it, I can only show my little black teeth. , and then kept laughing to himself!
I even like the naughty ones. They tease our students in the ground class and chat class. Every time I interpret the mandala, I feel like my sister is hurting. , making them cry, just talking about the pain point deep in their souls. Every time they have such inner pain, it is like being awakened by ringing a bell.
The feeling of being awakened was painful at that moment, but I never thought about changing it. In fact, I always felt very happy and joyful. I didn’t. I don’t feel like a teacher or anything, no.
I have a deep understanding that I am this breed. I know this is who I am, so I will let myself go and not compete with myself at all.
06
When I was talking about manifestation, why didn’t your order appear? change?
It’s because when you place an order, your mind will enter a game theory. This game theory is:
Am I not good? Am I not good? Am I? If I can’t do it, can others do it? What will others think of me?
In this game theory, we enter more into the energy of self-entanglement. In the real choice, we enter more and more into that intuition. In fact, there is no entanglement.
If I can do this, then I will definitely do it 100%. I will do it as soon as I think about it without thinking about it.
If you say this is something I am not good at, then I will immediately give in. I am wrong, I am not good at it, this is not my thing, this is not my strength, I no. You see, whoever goes first gets better, okay?
If I can't do it, I will immediately feel that I just can't do it. I don't have any pull at all. I don't think about what others think of me or what others think. It's his business and it really has nothing to do with me.
In my cowardice, I have less self-attack and less self-judgment. I will not judge myself at all. I feel that I am inferior to others, that I should be ashamed, ashamed, and self-repentant, but there is none of these.
Because I know that I am this type and I can no longer do it. Why do you want me to repent! This is not my strength, I know this is my frequency, I know I am not good enough, so be it!
I decided to let myself go! Sometimes when things are not completed, I take a look at my thoughts. If the order is not completed, then I sigh. That’s just me, so I’d better go to sleep!
Don’t do too many self-harming things. I don’t have self-harming because I recognize it quickly.