I have always been an uncertain person, at least in my mother's view.
Since elementary school, everyone ran after me, and I ran after me, but soon I slipped into the river alone to bask in the sun. Everyone began to fall in love in junior high school, so did I, but I soon found it more fun to assemble radios. When I was in high school, I either became a gangster in the rivers and lakes, or I held the idea of "solving difficult problems in extracurricular training in various subjects in high school, focusing on breakthroughs." I rushed to sell cheap socks and greeting cards in various bedrooms, and occasionally emptied a few boxes of instant noodles. When I was in college, I basically did nothing serious. I travel everywhere, buying and selling things. Everyone is seriously in love, and I have talked about it, not very seriously.
My father commented on me that when I should do something, I would never do it. This made him very worried.
This kind of worry runs through the communication between father and son. For example, when it comes to falling in love, we will stop talking about it, and when we get married, we are still wanting more. Although all these things were solved later, he had a long talk with me many times.
But anyway, in my opinion, what I do is actually what he thinks I should do, not what I want to do. Fortunately, although my dad talked to me, he didn't force me to give up, so I don't have much promise now, and I don't have the cheek to blame him. If I don't work hard, the boss won't be sad. I have no brothers or sisters. I am the boss.
After I was about twenty-three, I began to be qualitative. Qualitative means working hard, getting off work, making money and saving money, and jumping around on motorcycles. Later, I sold the motorcycle I bought for 3,500 yuan to Qiu Yao, and 4,000 yuan was replaced by a 2020 Beijing Jeep with a green shell. I had to drive for a year and a half without a driver's license, and then I sold it for 4500 yuan.
Later, I learned that life is about drumming, just like I used to sell gloves, wool hats under the overpass on Nanjing West Road. It's normal for me to have bad luck and meet a plainclothes chengguan, so it's normal for me to lose blood. I borrow money to buy goods and then sell them. It is very important to learn good kung fu. When I saw that something was wrong, I picked up the four-corner rope of the stall and turned around and ran.
At that time, I had no money. I worked in a hot pot restaurant in Baihuazhou for a while, with a monthly salary of 450 yuan. At that time, my greatest ambition was to save enough 200 yuan to have a hard meal in the folk restaurant opposite, and it was best to take a beautiful woman to eat Dole burgers. When my boss kicked me out because I knocked over a plate of quail eggs, I suddenly felt desperate for life.
Later, I got a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan and ran to the door of the folk restaurant with a smug smile. Suddenly, I lost my appetite. There are no beautiful girls around, and Dole burger has long since closed down. Even the hot pot restaurant where I work has become a glamorous fashion shop.
Losing the motivation to eat hard, I suddenly feel that the struggle in previous years is meaningless.
Since then, I have been tossing and turning, working hard, fooling around, starting a company with a fever, going bankrupt, and then repeating it over and over again.
At the age of 30, I suddenly realized that what I call qualitative is that there is no fixed way. Then I decided to work hard and live seriously. This makes my life look meaningful. Everyone praises me as an enterprising, intelligent, diligent, obedient, intelligent, reliable and good young man. Now is a beautiful middle age, and it will soon become a beautiful old age.
They still can't understand my life.
I'm in the field, so I spent 3000 to 4000 yuan to buy a full set of equipment, from PP dogs to camouflage uniforms, and even a German helmet, but the soles of my boots in the field have never been stained with mud.
I fish, one shot 1000 yuan, and I don't know how much the whole set of equipment costs. My mother estimated the price of the fish I caught, which was about 70 yuan in the market. I dare not tell her that it costs money to go fishing on the farm. These fish actually cost 100 yuan. One day, I saw a fish die, and suddenly I didn't want to fish any more, so I gave all my equipment to Ning Kuan. Ning Kuan is still grateful to me.
I played photography and changed several sets from D90 to D300. My dad was worried again and told me that SLR was poor for three generations. So I stopped investing. I bought a lot of books and added more than 100 activity groups to Douban. But I've never really looked at it, read it or studied it. The SLR is regarded as an idiot machine. Zhang Longhui said that what matters is not the lens, but the head behind the lens. I think this head may be of little use, so I'd better forget it.
I have been collecting stamps since I was six years old. I have no money. I often rummaged through trash cans and secretly tore people's envelopes at the doorman. Later, I found that this did not solve the problem, and there were no good stamps in large-scale circulation, so I encouraged the children in the yard to play stamp collecting with me, so I could sell them the stamps from Guangzhou. The stamps in Grenada, Saint Vincent and Dominica are beautiful and exquisite, but the key is that they are not cheap. The key is that they dare to sell eight dollars and ten dollars for one dollar. So I saved a small sum of money and learned how important information asymmetry is. And my information comes from the fact that the county post office gets a magazine of Stamp Collecting every month, and there is only one. I have to steal my dad's cigarettes to honor the fat man who sells books. I remember his name is Ai Niuzi, which is a good artistic name. I bought the magazine, and I can order it according to the catalogue advertisement, but others have not known it for many years, so the original stamps are upside down. At that time, my business partner in Guangzhou was Lu. He poured stamps everywhere on a broken 28. Later, he became the richest man in Guangzhou and one of the top ten richest people in China. Later, he ran away in debt. This name can still be found on Baidu. There were several people on the rich list-Shi Yuzhu, Mou, Lu and Liu Yonghao. ...
At the age of twenty-four, I suddenly felt like doing something meaningful, so I gave all my collections to my eight-year-old cousin. I thought I could cultivate his elegant taste and inherit my mantle. Later, I learned that he changed all my clothes into game coins. Now I have gone to China Ocean University, and my interest is collecting all kinds of shells, seaweed and bikini girls. I bought a lot of stamps at a high price last year, but I haven't got a clue after three days of sorting them out. I stuffed them all in the bookcase and never touched them again. I miss the stamps I picked up in the trash can, although I have thirty or fifty identical stamps now.
However, since collecting stamps, I realized that information is very important, so I started reading books-books that have nothing to do with reading, that is, books that I don't study hard. I have been reading books on humanities and social sciences since the fifth grade, so when Feng said that she loves reading, it was just a fucking confidant.
I am reading Das Kapital and taking notes while reading it. I will create a subject I call "idealistic economics". I don't know what this is for. I read the original flowers of war. Previously, it was "Shi Hanbing on China Economy", which was pirated. Before that, A Brief History of Everything and The First Chaos in History were interspersed with 15 magazines every month. I seem to have no orientation, no goal, no choice. I choose which book to read. I don't know why I watch it. I take notes while watching, and occasionally Baidu, but after reading it, I forget, forget, and don't want to think about it.
Before writing these unintelligible words, I practiced piano and violin for two hours. I bought two pianos, one is an ordinary piano and the other is an electro-acoustic piano. The electric piano is flashy in appearance, big red S-shaped, like Chen Meila's. Unfortunately, I don't have Chen Mei's hot figure. Playing the piano in pajamas is more like a down-and-out artist playing in the street, but my mother thinks my piano skills are "similar to sawing firewood" I am very calm about this, because I began to learn the piano at the age of 25. I studied four classes for a month, and then I felt cold, so I stopped going, stopped going, stopped practicing, stopped going for ten years, and stopped practicing. Miss Huang didn't remember me until I did. One day I remembered that I had paid my tuition for a quarter. I wonder if I can keep practicing? But I think even the color TV is only guaranteed for one year, so I guess I can't continue my studies. So I turned the moldy piano out of the closet and began to practice self-study again. I am delighted to find that my level of chopping wood is almost the same as that of ten years ago. My whole family can't hear it anyway. I played a happy birthday song.
Now I practice with the electro-acoustic piano every day, because I can't have time until after nine o'clock, and the piano is too loud. Although it sounds good, it will inevitably affect the 80-year-old grandfather next door. The electro-acoustic piano has no speakers, so it should not affect the audience below the third floor. But I think I played too beautifully, and no one shared it. It's a bit lonely for anyone to listen, so I recorded a Schindler's List on my mobile phone and sent it to Shi Tingting. She texted back and said, can you make this sky city more reliable?
Sometimes I break my fingers and find that I have really done a lot of things in my life, such as astronomy, geography, vastness and martial arts, but it seems that nothing can make me settle down and prosper, even if it is to support my family. As XXX and XXX asked, do you play the piano? What's the point? You take pictures? What's the point? Read these useless books? What's the point?
It really makes no sense. Judging from the current situation, based on the cumulative trend analysis of data in the past 35 years, I think the possibility of becoming a musician, economist, politician, photographer and strategist should be no more than 0. 1%. The only thing that may make sense is that I bought too many philatelic magazines, all for studying advertisements. Later, I engaged in the advertising industry, which is a very important part of my career. I wonder if there are any advertisements in those philatelic magazines. But I miss Lu, the poor boy who broke into the rich list on his 28th bicycle. He used to be my friend, and now he still owes me 1 15 yuan stamps.
In this way, it seems that neither I nor I, whether I am a rich man or a little chop suey now, have no practical significance. The only truth is that I'm still alive, strong, unhealthy and mentally drained.
My father tried to persuade me to create a meaningful life since I was a child, but he really couldn't explain the meaning of meaning clearly, so he gave up this effort. Yesterday, he chatted with me and said, now think about it, why can't people do one thing with their heart all their lives? Do what you want to do, do what you like to do, and do what you are happy about.
I said, yeah, haven't I been doing it? Fortunately, you also let me stick to it.
From the point of view of success, my life is really terrible-lazy, enterprising, spending a lot of time on meaningless and worthless things. While reading Das Kapital, I was thinking, how can I be like a surplus value?
In fact, when I was a child, I was chased by meaning. I was educated. The meaning of my existence is to be the successor of * * *. Someone told me that the meaning of my existence is to be a person who is beneficial to the people, a person who serves the people, and a person who stays away from low tastes. I was asked to be a good man, a good man, a good boy, a good employee, a good boss, a good husband and a good father.
It's just that no one ever told me how to be myself.
Before, I thought I might be running away. Now, I think I may have come back.
The truest self is the other side that can be infinitely approached but never reached. It looks as messy as my unreliable piano. But I like to hear it with my own ears.
In this world, the meaning is always so profound, the views are always so rich, and there are false nobleness everywhere.
If there is more meaning, you want to escape, escape to meaningless corners, extinguish meaning and arouse meaningless meaning.
What's the point of saving the world if I can't even save myself?
I talked with my dad for a long time and was a little silent. Since you won't have a meaningful life, you might as well have an interesting life.