Multiple hilarious variant versions of Feng Xiaogang's "Big Shot"
Original lines
You must choose the best prime location
Hire a French designer
You must build the highest-grade apartments
Elevator access directly into your home
The minimum apartment size must be 400 square meters
What kind of broadband Yeah, optical cables, satellites
Everything that can be connected to him will be connected to him
There is a garden upstairs and a swimming pool inside the building
The building There is a British butler standing inside
Wearing a wig, he is a very gentleman
As soon as the owner comes in, he has to tell others whether there is anything wrong
may i help you sir
An authentic British London accent
Beer has face
Build another aristocratic school in the community, and the teaching materials will be from Harvard
The tuition alone costs tens of thousands of dollars a year
Build another American clinic and provide 24-hour treatment
In one word - expensive
p>It will cost you 18,000 yuan to treat a cold
The neighbors around you either drive a BMW or a Mercedes-Benz
What if you drive a Japanese car
You are too embarrassed to say hello to others
How much does an apartment like this cost per square meter?
I think it costs two thousand dollars no matter what
Two thousand dollars? ! That’s the cost
Starting from $4,000
Don’t discount it if it’s too expensive
You have to study the owner’s shopping psychology
Homeowners who are willing to spend two thousand dollars to buy a house
Don’t care about spending another two thousand dollars
Do you know what a successful person is?
Successful people are like
Everything they buy is the most expensive, not the best
So, our slogan in real estate is
Don’t seek the best, but seek the most expensive
Internet Goulang Edition
You must have the most attractive name
Learn from Qiong Yao’s novels
Just go to the chat room with the most men on the site
Just whisper hello
I am very familiar with the action instructions
What//kiss, //love, //ai
Give him all you can use
Get out of his mailbox and ask him to add you on QQ
QQ avatar is required Choose the right one
Big eyes, very innocent kind
I want to talk about anything and everything
Why did you come here? I am so boring
I also want to add a kiss symbol: *
Beier is sensational
I have a world with him from time to time
I have to use a headset to chat
p>I have to say "I miss you" dozens of times a day
And then send him a photo, a hazy artistic photo
It's just one word - —Beautiful
The photos alone make him drool a lot
Everyone else has photos of celebrities, photo albums
If you get a one-inch barehead
You are too embarrassed to tell people that you have photos
How many people can such a beautiful woman seduce in a day?
"I think it should be thirty or fifty no matter what"
Thirty or fifty? ! That's for you to kill your wife and children, starting from 150
Don't think it's too much, it doesn't include saying "hello"
You have to study the psychology of men online
The master who is willing to go online to find a girl
What he wants is to find a beautiful one
Do you know what it means to have nothing to do?
The best thing to do is find 8 girls to chat with at the same time
They are all looking for the most beautiful ones, not the ones they love the most
So, our slogan is to hook up with wolves online. That’s it
Don’t ask for your favorite, but the most beautiful one
Looking for a wife
You must choose the one with the most status
No matter what beautiful
Graduated with a master's degree from the National Classical School
Look for the most beautiful and well-shaped one
She is the campus beauty in school
The height must be at least 1.70 meters
Piano, dancing, karaoke
Plenary sessions that ordinary people can master
You also have to have a unique temper
It’s like lecturing your third grandson at every turn I’ll teach you the same lesson
To find such a master
You have to get up at 5:00 in the morning to prepare breakfast, and you have to come back early in the evening to cook
When the meal is ready, she will stand at the door of the building
Wear an apron and be very respectful
As soon as she comes in, she will tell everyone whether she has something or not
may i help you dear
An authentic Cockney accent
Be'er has face
Go out to play when you have nothing to do
Staying in the presidential suite
Just staying in the hotel alone costs tens of thousands of dollars a year
My wife is so ostentatious and socializing
Spending money 24 hours a day
In one word - expensive
Perfume alone costs 18,000 yuan
If you don’t act like this in this industry, you will be looked down upon
The neighbors around you are either movie stars or pop singers
If you are looking for a Japanese girl
You will be embarrassed to say hello
You say How much do you have to pay for such a wife in a day
I think it should be two thousand dollars no matter what
Two thousand dollars? ! That was ten years after marriage
Starting from four thousand dollars
Don’t discount it if it’s too expensive
You have to study the psychology of bachelors in choosing a spouse
A man who is willing to pay two thousand dollars a day to support his wife
I don’t care if he pays another two thousand dollars a day
Do you know what it means to be a bitch?
Even when you are looking for a wife
you always look for the one who is the hardest to raise but not the one who is the best
The pick-up version
You must choose the one who is the best. Beautiful girl
The kind with unique temperament
Pop up the proudest and most reserved girl
Send the love letter directly to her hand
The number of words must be at least eight or nine times more than Das Kapital
What about Nestlé, Dove, Montagnard
Send her whatever you can
Hand hot milk in the morning and fresh orange juice in the evening
There is also a rose hidden in the bag
The kind with water drops that make you feel energetic
Every day Block her
No matter who is around her, no one has to say it
The days are short when I see you, but the days when I miss you are long
An authentic Parisian gangster accent
Beier touching
Hold a candlelight dinner for her birthday
The drinks are takeaway
The tip alone is one hundred and eighty Block
Be completely intoxicated again
Follow her twenty-four hours a day
Just one word - love
Blink I have to look at her hundreds of times
People who come are either leaning on Mazi or straddling Xiaomi
If you bring a classmate here, you will be embarrassed to say hello
How many girls can you pick up with this way?
How many girls can you pick up in a year?
I think it must be six or seven.
Six or seven? ! It was a disaster year
At least twelve
Don’t think it’s too much and it won’t crash
You have to study our quality level
Those who are truly philanthropic
don’t care if they change each other every month
Do you know what a love killer is?
What a love killer is
What are you doing? We only pick up the best girls, not the easy ones
So our slogan for picking up girls is
We don’t ask for easy picks, but the best ones
Postgraduate entrance examination version
You must apply to Peking University and Tsinghua University
Look for the most popular department
Just take the exam and take the major that mm heard ogling about
>Don’t even think about looking for a job
The review time must be at least twenty-four hours a day
What about graduation, internship, gf
You can fool it Let it fool them all
There is Zhang Jinxin tucked under the pillow, and Ren Rufen is next to the toilet
Holding a signature pen in his hand
Three yuan, The kind I bought from Boshi
Whenever I find a place where I can write, I have to practice my composition when I have time
There's no denying the fact that...
One bite Authentic Zhu Taiqi accent
Beier has face
Put another ten piles of notes in the bag
Be sure to find out what the teacher said
The photocopying fee alone will cost several hundred
Order another book of professional course examination questions
Collect all the papers that were available in the year when I had a dog
It’s just one Words - all
English reading is the key
The stupid ones around me either made three mistakes or four mistakes
What if you made five mistakes
You are too embarrassed to tell others that you are taking the postgraduate entrance examination
You said that with such preparation, how many points will you get in the end?
I think it should be three hundred and fifty no matter what, right?
Three hundred and five? ! That's a fool's errand
Starting from 400 points
Don't be too high, this is just enough for the re-examination
You have to study the current postgraduate entrance examination situation
A major that can force you to get 350 points in the exam
I don’t care if I give you 50 more points
Do you know what a successful person is?
Successful people are those who answer the most accurate questions no matter which question they answer
Not the most correct ones
So, our slogan for the postgraduate entrance examination is
Don’t seek the most Yes, but seek the most accurate
Exam version
Be sure to choose the most difficult chapter in the book to teach
Look for the most marginal concepts
Just find the teacher who likes to catch people the most
The course selection list will be sent directly to the school's academic affairs office within three days
If you want to withdraw from the class, there is no way
During the exam, SSB, DSB-SC, PCM, 2ASK
Give him all the questions that can be tested
Ask a retired doctor to come up with a few difficult questions
The test paper needs to be printed for forty or fifty pages at a time, and the font is size 5
Normally, it doesn’t matter if the students finish their homework or not
You have to Leave exercises when you have nothing to do
"You can do your homework - get up"
When giving lectures, all professional terms are used, and Beier makes the teaching assistants admire them
Give me some more The students are given a few computer-based questions
It must be authentic and difficult questions that cannot be solved by graduate students
It will take a long time just to make the students complain
Other teachers will either test the entire book or test 11 chapters
If you only test the first 10 chapters, you will be embarrassed to tell others that you teach this course
How many people can you say you can catch with this preparation?
I think there are only three or four in the end
Three or four? ! That's a guarantee, there must be at least two dozen
Do you know what a teacher with a sense of accomplishment is?
It's the students who have heard of him
Would rather not have enough credits I can’t graduate, and I don’t dare to choose his class
(Post time: 2002-11-03 19:14:53)
Reply (11): Menstrual Edition
Be sure to choose the most X topic in the MOP to talk about
Find the highlight section
Look for the X most topic
Look for it Everyone has seen it, everyone has laughed at it, and no one is embarrassed to mention it again
After choosing it, come up with a topic that everyone has seen
At worst, it will bring others into the dark room
In the post, write whatever is boring and whatever is most familiar to you
Let him use everything from menstruation to naming
Add some jokes and connections with the year <
/p>
Report a few adult and famous people
Add a eye-catching light and throw a bunch of circles and wait for people to fall for you
Wait for people to reply, no matter what they are. Don’t even delete it
Seriously, don’t say that word if you’ve seen it
Anyway, if you have the nerve to post it, don’t care what others say
That’s it Words... I can't say it
If I wait another three to five days, I will post it seventy or eighty times
How many replies can I get for such a post?
I said there should be three or four hundred anyway
Three or four hundred? ! That was a nationwide blackout
At least thousands
Do you know what the word MOP is called?
It means that all MOP knows your post
p>
You can easily get hundreds of replies