Why write such an article? It’s not because of how poorly I got married or how miserable my life is now, so while complaining, I also advise you not to follow in my footsteps. It's about being able to get married, and objectively speaking out about the problems you'll encounter when your life is pretty good. This is not to advise you not to marry far away, but to tell you that you cannot marry far away without sufficient confidence and mental preparation.
I got married from Shandong to Hubei. It is not very far, 983 kilometers, and it takes eleven or two hours to drive and rest in between. However, this is not important.
What is important?
? 1. Change everything and adapt to the present
The scope of this "now" is really wide. Someone once said: Marrying far away is actually a rebirth. Yes, because you married far away, you went to another completely unfamiliar place to experience completely different climate changes; to accept a lifestyle that was unfamiliar to you; to understand words that seemed to you to be in a foreign language; to integrate into a place that you completely A strange group, not just a family...
You have to adapt to these, and if a small problem occurs in one of them, it will have a particularly big impact on you. I won’t go into the little things like the language barrier that made me laugh, the fact that I always felt not full after eating their staple food, and the severe constipation in the early stage after eating their food. I will just talk about a few things that tortured me.
In 2014, the first winter I spent in Wuhan, it was really hard to think about it. Lao She wrote an article "Winter in Jinan". At that time, I really wanted to write about "Winter in Wuhan". In my impression, winter came very early that year and was extremely cold, which made me feel gloomy throughout the winter. It started to rain heavily and it continued all day long. Sometimes, even if it doesn't rain, the weather is not good. Anyway, the sun rarely comes out. Sometimes it rains and turns to sleet and turns to snow. At that time, I went to work during the day, wrapped myself up thickly, and put a small sun under my feet, so I could barely get by. At night, I felt sad. There was no heating in the room, and there was always a sense of dampness in the house, even with a 12-pound quilt. It was not warm. Although I knew that using an electric blanket all the time was not good for my health, I really stayed on the electric blanket all night that year.
Another little thing that tortures me more is "moisture". If the impact of winter on me is temporary, it will be fine once the winter is over, but the impact of heavy humidity on me is lasting. Not long after I came here, there were more acne on my face. I just thought it was because I ate too much chili pepper. In addition, I was sometimes very stressed at work, so I occasionally stayed up late at night. Until I got a pimple on my back and went to see a dermatologist. The doctor said it was caused by eczema. At that time, the doctor gave me medicine, and after taking it for a while, the pimple on my back disappeared, but it was still there on my face, and my hair became oily very quickly. From then on, I was forced to embark on a day of dehumidification. Colleagues recommended moxibustion, so I did some on my hands when I had time; the old people said that cupping was useful, so I went to do some moxibustion when I had time; I would also search online and make some health-preserving foods such as barley porridge; In addition, I also learned to cook light meals and finally got used to the humidity problem after a year. Yes, it’s about adapting and getting used to it, not getting rid of it.
2. The spiritual pillar has collapsed and new support needs to be established
What is the greatest support for a person, the spiritual pillar. It can be said that our biggest pillars of support since childhood are our parents. They are not only the pillars of our lives, but a large part of our spirit comes from them. When you completely move away and out of the sight of your parents, and they can't even see your back, you don't dare to tell them about the pain in your heart. The other one is friends. Romain Rolland said, "With friends, life can show its full value."
I have lived in Shandong since I was a child and went to university in Shandong, so almost all my relatives and friends are there. Life is never smooth sailing, and there are bound to be bumps and tumbles between couples. Once, my husband and I had a disagreement over a trivial matter, and then we refused to give in. This led to the biggest quarrel in our history. That night, I rushed out of the door and ran out of the community as fast as I could in my life. After calming down, I found that I had nowhere to go.
I wanted to call my parents, but it was after nine o'clock in the evening, and I had cried again. I was afraid that I would burst into tears after hearing their voices, leaving them "thousands of miles away" to worry, because I also knew that they could not help at all. Nothing to do. I called my best friend. After the call was connected, my best friend's place was very lively. It turned out to be her childhood sweetheart's boyfriend's birthday, and many friends I knew were called to celebrate. When I called him, they thought I was calling him specifically because it was his birthday. After all, I was one of the friends who celebrated his birthday a few years ago. After expressing my blessings, I hung up the phone as if I was running away. I felt disappointed. It turned out that I was already so far away from them. Silently, I didn't know whether I was angry because of the quarrel, or sad because of the past of my relatives and friends. Although my husband came soon and we reconciled quickly, the sadness at that time, the loss at that time, and the feeling of "homelessness" at that time will probably be difficult to forget in this life.
Later, my husband was worried that I would always stay at home on weekends. After discussion with me, we bought a Rottweiler and named her Captain so that she could accompany me and protect me. From then on, he became my child, my treasure, and my strong support. I am happy that she makes me happy, and when I am sad, she stays with me silently, and sometimes licks away my tears in a sensible way. Later, there was Xiaomi, a teddy dog. Of course, while walking them, I made many like-minded friends. I am lucky to have them.
? 3. Marry far away when your parents are around
There are many articles on the Internet that say "Marry far away when your parents are around", but when love really happens, when two people When the two places are separated, when your thoughts of "I am willing to go with you to the ends of the world, I know it will not be easy" are about to overwhelm your brain, please think carefully about your parents.
Only by raising children can you realize the kindness of your parents. Although I am only pregnant with the baby now, my understanding of this sentence is obviously different because it has become concrete. From the moment I found out I was having a baby, I think my mother was also novel and cautious about feeling me just now, and my father was also as happy as my husband. I went for a prenatal check-up that day, and one of my indicators was low. The doctor said there was a possibility of miscarriage. I was really scared. I took the medicine prescribed by the doctor more actively than anyone else. I listened to people's advice online every day, and luckily it was solved. In the more than ten or twenty years of our lives, it goes without saying how much our parents have done for us, because what they care about is not this. What they care about is, will you live well in the future? They are afraid, they are afraid that we will suffer, and they are even more afraid that we will not speak out about the suffering, break our teeth and swallow it in our stomachs; they are afraid that we will suffer, and they will not be able to get justice for us, over the phone. What effect can a scolding have? They were reluctant to let go of the little princess who they held in their hands for fear of breaking into pieces and holding in their mouths for fear of melting, so they went to wash their hands and make soup for a man who seemed to them to be a distant man.
When I was young, my sister and I were naughty and our hands got cold in winter. This also developed the habit of my mother touching our hands from time to time. Last time my sister sent a message saying that it was a cold day and my nephew's hands were very cold. My grandma suddenly sighed with tears in her eyes when she was warming his hands, "Your aunt's hands are often cold in winter. I wonder if your uncle knows how to warm his hands." She is warm." I burst into tears after watching it. Sometimes, the distance is too far, and she just wants to touch your hand, which is a luxury. Marrying far away is no better than traveling far away, and the return date is far away after thousands of miles!
Tu Lei said in "Defense of Love": I have always opposed a woman leaving a foreign country for a man. Judging from the performance of the data, very few are successful. Yes, there are really very few, and even if it is a successful marriage, do you think you have gained more or lost more?
Finally, I would like to remind you that if you have read so much and think it is okay, then think about "If your daughter wants to marry far away, can you bear it?" If your answer is " YES", then, get married!