Collection of Classic Humorous Jokes and Stories Funny
Collection of Classic Humorous Jokes and Stories Funny 1: A snail can also have a high blue sky
In the summer of 1998, a Chinese boy with yellow skin and dark eyes was welcomed to the small town of Mitchell in central Oregon, USA. He was Yu Zhibo.
The town of Michelle enjoys the warm and moist air brought by the Pacific warm current all year round. It is like spring all year round and has luxuriant vegetation. The town is surrounded by golden beaches, dense forests, towering mountains, and rapids. Rivers, blue lakes, vast grasslands and tranquil deserts, the natural scenery is extremely beautiful. But the town has a population of only 350 people, only one shop, two restaurants, one post office and one school, and there are no traffic lights on the street. This made Yu Zhibo, who came from the bustling Chengdu, feel depressed.
Yu Zhibo came here with no choice. At the age of 16, he failed the college entrance examination in China. In order for him to go to college, his parents went through the admission procedures for him in the graduating class of Michelle High School. .
Within a few days of arriving at school, Yu Zhibo discovered that his original English skills were far from being able to adapt to the requirements of study and life. Needless to say, he had difficulty communicating with teachers and classmates during class, as well as with his landlord. .
The haze of failing the college entrance examination lingered in his heart. Coupled with the unfamiliar environment and language barrier, Yu Zhibo was as depressed as a piece of iron. He was silent all day long and found it difficult to smile.
Teacher Ya Jackson was asked to teach them physics. He was in his forties, smart, capable, and humorous, and was deeply loved by his classmates. One day, in physics class, Teacher Jackson asked Yu Zhibo a question in class. Yu Zhibo didn't hear the question clearly and answered randomly. The students burst into laughter. Yu Zhibo was so ashamed that he rushed out of the classroom after class and ran to a small forest near the school. There was abundant grass and flowers, and Yu Zhibo often sat in silence here. He threw himself on the grass, tears streaming down his cheeks.
At some point, Teacher Jackson sat next to him. He saw Yu Zhibo's shoulders shrugging and stroked his head lovingly. Yu Zhibo stopped crying when he saw Jackson. Jackson pulled him to sit up. At this time, Yu Zhibo saw a snail at their feet. Its shell was delicate and transparent in the sun, and it was crawling slowly and laboriously.
Teacher Jackson asked: Do you know where the snail is going?
Yu Zhibo shook his head. Jackson pointed in front of the snail and said: Look there. ?Ahead is a mountain with numerous peaks and valleys, towering into the clouds.
Teacher Jackson continued: I think the snail is going to the top of the mountain. There is a proverb that says there are two animals that can reach the top of the pyramid: the eagle and the snail. ?Snails also like to choose high places! I believe that as long as it works hard, it will eventually climb to the top of the mountain, where the scenery it sees is the same as that of the eagle. ?
These words made Yu Zhibo thoughtful. He raised his head and saw Teacher Jackson's expectant eyes. He said: "Teacher, thank you, I also want to be a climber." The snail on the top of the mountain!?
Starting from the second day, Yu Zhibo actively communicated with teachers and classmates, imitating their tone and tone of speech. Even when no one was around, he was listening to recordings and imitating them out loud. In two months, he basically mastered the pronunciation of American English and could listen to classes and speak easily.
In addition, his performance has also improved by leaps and bounds. A year later, Yu Zhibo spoke at the high school graduation ceremony on behalf of outstanding student groups. Afterwards, the principal told him privately that if he hadn't said "Thank you everyone" in Chinese at the end, the principal would have almost forgotten that he was a foreign student.
After attending college, Yu Zhibo has been singing all the way. He relied on his own efforts to transfer from a third-rate university to Harvard Business School, and successfully graduated in 2009. As a cutting-edge talent who was one of Citibank's 10 Global Leaders Program members, he was hired by Lenovo Group, a Fortune 500 company, to become a senior assistant to the president.
The sky for a snail is not necessarily low and dim. Although it climbs slowly, as long as it keeps crawling toward its goal, it will also climb to the top of the mountain with an unobstructed view. Like the eagle, it has a broad vision and has A high blue sky.
A collection of classic humorous jokes and stories Funny 2: Seeking Buddha on the Immortal Mountain to form an immortal relationship
During the Wanli Period of the Ming Dynasty, there was an old man named Ren in Renjiazhuang in the northwest of Nanyang Prefecture. The old couple believed in Buddhism. Sooner or later, they would Burn incense and worship, accumulate virtue and do good deeds throughout your life. Maybe good people are rewarded. The old couple were very happy to have a son in their later years. They named their son Ren Shan. They hoped that their son would grow up like me, accumulate blessings and do good deeds throughout the generations and become a good person.
When Ren Shan was seventeen years old, his family suddenly suffered a disaster. His parents became seriously ill at the same time, and various treatments failed, and they died one after another. Ren Shan felt that the sky was falling and the earth was falling. With the help of his neighbors, he hastily buried his parents.
The lonely Ren Shan looked at his family, which stretched from the east wall to the west corner, and was so poor that he had nothing to offer. He thought, it is said that good people are rewarded. My family has accumulated virtues and done good deeds for generations. How did it end up like this? Could it be that the Buddha and the gods have fallen asleep? Some people also said strange things: Don’t look at Ren Shan and Laozi’s accumulation of virtues. Maybe this kid committed something in his previous life. What sin? He was repaid right now! After hearing these strange words, Ren Shan felt extremely angry. He suddenly remembered that his father once said when he was still alive that there is a living Buddha on Penglai Island in the East China Sea who knows everything about the world and heaven. Why not go to Penglai Mountain to ask Living Buddha, what sin have I done to cause this disaster to my family? Ren Shan simply packed his bags and hit the road.
Ren Shan got up early and went to bed late all the way, wearing stars and the moon, and hurried to Penglai Fairy Island. That day he came to a roadside shop. The owner saw that he was covered in dust and his shoes were tattered, so he knew that he must be a visitor from afar. I asked the young man where he was going. Ren Shan told the truth. After hearing this, the shop owner let out a long sigh and said, "Oh, there are so many things in this world that are really unclear and unexplainable!" Then, the shop owner said to Ren Shan that his family also believed in Buddhism and did good deeds. He only had an only daughter who was twenty-eight years old. He looked smart, but he couldn't speak! He begged Ren Shan to see the Living Buddha and ask what was going on, and Ren Shan agreed. The next morning, the shop owner gave Renshan a pair of shoes and a bag of dry food and personally sent him on his way.
Ren Shan walked and walked until he came to a Tutu temple with a Buba village in front and no store in the back, so he had no choice but to stay in the Tutu temple. Lord Tutu already knew that Ren Shan went to Penglai Fairy Island to seek the Living Buddha. He begged Ren Shan with a miserable face: "My poor old man has stayed here for so many years, but he never waited for the opportunity to go to heaven. Please ask, little brother." What happened to the Living Buddha? Ren Shan readily agreed.
Ren Shan bid farewell to the Land Master and continued on his way, with a big river lying in front of him. Ren Shan was unable to cross the river and was anxious when a big carp swam over and wanted to send him across. Ren Shan rode on the back of a carp and successfully crossed the river. Before leaving, Big Carp said to Ren Shan that he had been practicing in the river for thousands of years, but he could not become an immortal or a dragon. He wanted to trouble Ren Shan to ask the living Buddha how he could become a dragon? Ren Shan kept nodding in agreement.
Ren Shan said goodbye to the carp, climbed over 7749 mountains, and crossed 9981 rivers. After walking for 303 days, he finally arrived at Penglai Fairy Island. He ignored Penglai's paradise on earth and climbed directly to the smoke-filled Great Buddha Temple to see the Living Buddha.
The living Buddha opened his wise eyes slightly and said to Ren Shan: The donor has come all the way from afar and the poor monk should respond to his requests. However, the rules of this temple that have been established over the years only allow the donor to ask a maximum of three questions. , please forgive me, donor!?
Ren Shan was dumbfounded. He thought about the things entrusted to him by the shop owner, the landlord, and the big carp, plus his own things, which happened to be four things. What should he do? When he was in trouble, he suddenly thought of his parents who had accumulated blessings and done good deeds throughout their lives and were willing to help others. They often asked him to If you don't have any selfish motives and want to save people in danger, you will grit your teeth and keep your heart straight. You will only ask the Living Buddha three things about others, then bid farewell to the Living Buddha and rush back.
Ren Shan came to the river, and a big carp swam over and asked: "Brother, you have worked hard! Tell me how can I become a dragon?" Ren Shan said: "The Living Buddha said, you put your mouth up If you spit out the bead in it, you can become a dragon. The big carp was very happy. While carrying Ren Shan across the river, it handed the bead in its mouth to Ren Shan and said: "This is a water-proof bead. Just give it to my little brother!" Ren Shan was about to refuse, but the big carp said ?Suddenly it turned into a green dragon, swaying its head and tail and flew away in the air.
Ren Shan walked to the Tutu Temple, and the Tutu Lord came up to him and asked: "Young man, you have met the living Buddha, what is the Buddha's purpose?" Ren Shan said to him: "The Buddha asked you to hand over the two hands you are pedaling on." A vat of gold and silver can go up to heaven and become a god!? The land man's face turned red to his neck. He obediently handed over the gold and silver that he had been bribed for many years and was reluctant to spend. He must give it to Ren Shan as a reward. Ren Shan refused to accept it, and the Land Master said, "This is all the hard-earned money of the villagers, so please give it to the villagers." Saying this, he turned into a breeze and went up to heaven.
At noon that day, Ren Shan rushed to the roadside inn, and the owner entertained him warmly. During the banquet, the shop owner asked nonchalantly: "My guest has been working hard all the way and doesn't know what the old man has asked me to do. What does Buddha say?" Ren Shan smiled and said: "Buddha said, it doesn't matter. Your girl will speak when she sees her husband." ?
The shop owner was confused when he heard this: The sky is vast and the earth is vast, and the sea of ????people is huge. Who should be her daughter’s husband? While talking, Ren Shan suddenly smelled the incense of orchid and musk in the room, and saw As soon as the door curtain was lifted, Nana, the daughter of the shopkeeper, walked out. She was really a fairy-like beauty! The beauty first bowed to the guest, then opened her mouth suddenly to the shopkeeper, and suddenly said: "Dad, daddy! My tongue is numb." Damn, I can talk, I can talk!? The shopkeeper was so happy that he shed tears. He suddenly remembered what Ren Shan told the living Buddha and said that he must recruit Ren Shan as his son-in-law. Seeing that the shop owner was sincere and the girl was beautiful, Ren Shan nodded with satisfaction. The shop owner quickly called out his wife and asked Ren Shan to pay his respects to his father-in-law and mother-in-law. Then the shop owner hurriedly found someone to choose an auspicious day, invited relatives and friends, and arranged a happy event for his daughter and son-in-law. After the marriage, Ren Shan took out the gold and silver left by the Land Master and gave them all to the poor villagers. Everyone praised Ren Shan as an upright and kind-hearted person.
In the summer of this year, heavy rain fell continuously for 6636 days. The rain was so heavy that the ditches were all over the river, the crop fields were covered with water, and the village was about to be submerged. Ren Shan was so anxious that he couldn't eat or sleep. On this day, he had a hazy dream about an old man with a white beard coming to him. When he looked closely, it turned out to be the Lord Tu Tu who had ascended to heaven! The old Tu Tu told Ren Shan: The whole country is flooded, and the Emperor has issued a decree. Who can do this? Whoever can control the flood will be made a first-rank official in the court. He also told Ren Shan that this dynasty should be spared this calamity. Among the gods who move clouds and rain, there is the Daqinglong who has friendship with you. He is waiting to repay your kindness! He said, The Earth God attached himself to Ren Shan's ears and explained to him this way.
Ren Shan did not dare to neglect when he heard this. He quickly went to Beijing and presented the water-proof beads given to him by the big carp to the emperor, and explained that he had a way to stop the rain and reduce the water. The emperor quickly issued an order and ordered Qin Tianjian to send people to bring the orbs with Ren Shan to control the water.
Ren Shan and the people came to the wilderness together, with black clouds rolling in the sky and lightning and thunder. Ren Shan braved the pouring rain and followed the instructions of the Lord of the Land. He faced the sky and shouted three times: "Qinglong, Qinglong, don't forget the common people in the world!" Then he put the water-proof beads into the water. Strangely enough, the thunder and lightning stopped in an instant. , the clouds disappeared and the rain stopped, a bright sun hung high in the clear sky, and the flood quickly subsided.
The emperor was overjoyed and wanted to appoint Ren Shan as the number one scholar offering treasures. Ren Shan repeatedly declined, saying that he did not want to serve as an official in the court. The emperor had no choice but to reward Ren Shan with countless gold and silver. Ren Shan could not refuse, so he had to plead with the emperor to transfer the gold and silver reward to the disaster victims all over the world. The emperor was very impressed and asked in detail about the origin of Shuishui Pearl. Ren Shan told the emperor how he went to Penglai to pray for Buddha. It just so happened that the emperor also believed in Buddhism. He was very inspired and wrote a couplet himself to give to Ren Shan and send him back to his hometown in a grand ceremony. The imperial couplet reads:
There will be no good results if you do good deeds.
You should know that respecting the Buddha is related to the Buddha.
After Ren Shan returned home, he framed and hung up the couplets written by the emperor, and studied them carefully all day long. He thought, in the world of mortals, where is the Buddha? The Buddha is in the human heart, and all living beings are Buddhas. To respect the Buddha, you must first respect the people around you, and then respect all living beings in the world! From then on, the young couple respected the elderly and loved the young, helped those in need and those in need, and did countless good deeds throughout their lives. The couple lived a sweet and harmonious life. When they lived to be a hundred years old, the couple still looked as beautiful as peach blossoms and did not look old at all. Later, the two of them went into the mountains to collect medicine and returned without seeing anyone. People said that they had become Buddhas and immortals.
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