1. Lies are hard to tell
In the morning, the wife asked her husband, who was a cavalryman: "In your dreams, you often talk about Jesse. Who is she?"
< p>Husband: "Oh, that's my horse.""But", the wife said again: "Yesterday you were not at home, and your horse called you twice."
2. Poor dog
In the morning, two neighbors met, and one said: "I heard that your wife had a big fight with you last night?"
"No, she was angry at the dog."
"Oh, poor dog! I think I heard your wife even threatening to take away the key to the door."
3. Self-defeating
At the dinner, John’s female secretary got drunk, so John had to drive her home. After returning home, John was afraid that his wife would not understand, so he did not tell his wife about it. The next afternoon, John drove his wife to watch a movie. Suddenly, he found a woman's shoe next to his wife's feet. While his wife was looking out the window, he picked up the shoe and threw it out the window. He breathed a sigh of relief. Unexpectedly, at this time the wife turned around, touched John with her foot and asked: "John, have you seen my other shoe?"
4. Someone has to stay
The husband was reading the evening newspaper. After he finished reading an article "Women live longer than men", he asked his wife: "I really don't know why men make the first move?"
The wife explained: "Someone has to stay and pack the clothes!"
5. Human and dog are upside down
Jesse finally had a long vacation and was going to travel to the Swiss mountains. He couldn't bear to leave his puppy Harry alone at home, so he wrote a letter to a hotel in Switzerland asking if he could let the puppy stay.
He quickly received a reply: "Dear Mr. Jesse, our store has been in business for more than 30 years and has never kicked any unruly dogs out, nor has any dog ??been brought to us. If there is any trouble, the dog will be warmly welcome."
"Also, if your dog can guarantee your good behavior, you can come with it."
6. Business experience
A couple opened a hotel next to the station. They always stayed open until 12 o'clock in the middle of the night every day, waiting for the guests to finish their drinks and take the last train before closing the hotel.
One day, it was already two o'clock in the morning the next day, and a male guest still hadn't left. He fell asleep on the table and was still snoring. The landlady was so sleepy that she asked her husband to wake him up. Her husband went into the hall and back, and after a while he went out and back again, going back and forth many times. The landlady became impatient and said, "You have gone out 6 times, why haven't you woken him up? It's too late, please ask him to leave."
"No, don't let him go." The boss said proudly: "You see, every time I go to call him, he always thinks I'm asking him to pay the bill, so he takes out a 50 yuan bill and gives it to me, and then goes back to sleep. Now I have collected six bills, and it's still early in the morning. ! "
One day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, do you have carrots here?"
The boss said: "No."
The little white rabbit left.
The next day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, do you have carrots here?"
The boss said: "I told you. No, no!"
The little white rabbit left.
On the third day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, boss, do you have carrots here?"
The boss was anxious: "I told you How many times?! No!!! If you are annoying again, I will use pliers to pull out all your teeth
!"
The little white rabbit got scared and ran away .
On the fourth day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, do you have vise pliers here?"
The boss said: "No."
p>
The little white rabbit asked: "Well, do you have any carrots?"
The boss was really angry. He took out the vise and pulled out all the little white rabbit's teeth. .
On the fifth day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, boss, do you have carrot juice here?"
Three little white rabbits
In a mental hospital, one day the director wanted to see how the three mental patients were recovering, so he put a little white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the white rabbit's bed. On top, he grabbed the two ears of the little white rabbit and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head; the second person turned his back to the little white rabbit, patted its butt and said, "Chase me." ", the dean sighed; the third one squatted there and kept touching the little white rabbit. After looking at it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, and only heard him say: "Young man, I will let you go 300 meters and wait for me. Clean the car before I chase you! "The dean fell to the ground and fainted...
The discussion between the little white rabbit and the bear
The little white rabbit and the big bear were squatting under the tree. shit.
The big bear said to the little white rabbit: Although you little white rabbits are good-looking, you are troublesome! You can see it if you get some dirt on it, which is quite disgusting!
Little white rabbit Said: Look what you said! Isn’t that right!
The big bear said: Isn’t it! As he said that, the big bear picked up the little white rabbit, wiped his butt and walked away
The Little White Rabbit and the Big Bear (2)
The Little White Rabbit and the Big Bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a pot.
A spirit came out of the pot and said it could grant them three wishes each.
The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish came true.
The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish also came true.
The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish came true again.
The little white rabbit said, give it a bicycle. Its wish came true again.
The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches!
The little white rabbit got on the bicycle and ran while saying, turn this bear into a homosexual...
Don’t make the little white rabbit anxious
The beginning of the matter is like this:
One of my cousins ??had to work overtime on Sunday, and my cousin’s husband had to work overtime on Sunday. When I went to take my driver's license test, I sent my 5-year-old son Nao Nao to my house and asked me to take care of him for a day.
I was afraid that Nao Nao would be disobedient, so I went to the market and bought him a cute little white rabbit.
Nao Nao asked me what rabbits eat, and I told him to eat carrots and all green vegetables. I had a lot of fun watching Nao Nao and the rabbit play, so I went to read a book.
The rabbit finished the carrots in a while, and Nao Nao went to the refrigerator to look for green vegetables. Who would have thought that the only green peppers left in my refrigerator are some. Nao Nao broke the pepper into pieces and fed it to the rabbit.
The rabbit refused to eat, and Nao Nao insisted on eating it. The little white rabbit was so anxious that it kicked up the fine sand spread in the nest into Nao Nao's eyes. Nao Nao hurriedly rubbed it with his hands, but his hands were burning, and he immediately cried out in pain.
I heard him crying extremely hard in the study, so I hurriedly ran out and asked him what was wrong. He covered his eyes with his hands and kept crying: "The rabbit kicked me, the rabbit kicked me."
I thought the rabbit really kicked him in the eyes, and I was scared to death, thinking that there was someone What happened? How should I explain it to his parents? I rushed to call 120.
At this time the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, I saw it was my brother’s classmate. I didn't have time to greet him, so I ran back to comfort Nao Nao, but accidentally stepped on a piece of watermelon rind that he had thrown away, hit my head on the door frame, and fainted.
My classmates hurriedly dialed 120, then remembered some first aid knowledge they learned during military training, and knelt on the ground to pick me up.
At this moment, my brother came back. When he saw this scene, he thought his classmate was going to molest me, so he picked up one of my mother’s pointed shoes and pointed it at the unlucky guy’s head. , blood gushes out immediately.
When the younger brother rushed into the kitchen to get the knife, his classmate tried to explain and ran downstairs as hard as he could.
At this time, Grandma Wang downstairs heard the screams and hurriedly looked out from the peephole of the security door. She saw a man running down with his face covered in blood. The brother was holding a knife. After chasing him, he was so frightened that he immediately called 110 to call the police.
She had suffered a slight stroke, but due to the panic, her hands and feet became even more unruly, and she suddenly sat on the ground, right on top of the kitten's tail.
The kitten jumped out with a squeal, knocking over the soup pot and causing flames to fly wildly. Grandma Wang picked up a bottle of water and poured it over. Unexpectedly, it contained the Erguotou secretly hidden by her husband. So, the whole family put out the fire and called 119 for the fire alarm.
When my brother’s classmate tried his best to escape, he bumped into the emergency doctor who was walking upstairs. Because both parties were in a hurry, they rolled into a ball and fell down the stairs.
At this time, my brother’s classmates explained everything to him. But two doctors broke their arms.
After I woke up, I hurriedly called my cousin and cousin-in-law. My cousin was drinking water. When she heard the news, she choked on a mouthful of water and immediately rolled her eyes.
Her colleagues were busy calling 120; when her cousin-in-law heard the news, he drove his car crazily to my house and ran three red lights in a row.
At this time, two ambulances and two fire trucks had gathered downstairs. When the firefighter was about to open the fire hydrant, his cousin's car suddenly drove over and hit it. The water immediately turned into a river. He turned the steering wheel again and hit the police car that had just arrived.
Behind, several traffic policemen on motorcycles were speeding towards them, and behind them were municipal facilities emergency repair vehicles.
That day, it was like a Hollywood blockbuster being staged downstairs in my house. According to statistics, five ambulances were dispatched. I called for one, my brother's classmates called for one, the two injured doctors called for one, my cousin's colleague called for one...
You said there is still one more to go? Don't worry, didn't my cousin-in-law come back in his driving school's car? The old coach in the car was so frightened that he had a heart attack. Didn't he have to call for another one?
Smile for Bo! !
A and B went camping together and slept until midnight. A shook B awake and asked: "Look up, what do you think?"
B: "The sky The sky is full of stars, the world is so vast, and the sky is so vast, how small people are!" After saying this, B looked at A and stared at the sky without saying a word, then asked A: "What do you think?" A said solemnly: "I I feel like our tent has been stolen.”
It’s a tongue-in-cheek joke that will make you laugh!
1 A colleague asked me: Is Clinton's wife Chirac?
2 Once I borrowed money from someone, what I originally wanted to say was "I will pay you back when I withdraw the money." "
Said "I will take it from you when I have the money."
Khan
3 A classmate named Yu Jingbo received a letter one day. The dormitory guard was in the dormitory. The door shouted: Gan Liangpi, Gan Liangpi’s letter!
4 Our Chinese teacher: Please turn the book to 120 yuan
The whole class was stunned, and the teacher was nicknamed "Money Fan" haha
5 One time, a friend was watching a CD at home, and the quality of the CD was not good. A friend said: "Why are there so many Marxes?" It took a while to realize that he meant Masek!
6 When a buddy gets married, give him a red envelope. My friend politely said no.
I said: That’s okay, it’s only once a year, you must take it.
7 The character read "The White-Haired Girl" in junior high school
A boy (Yang Bailao): Pulled two kilograms of red hair rope and tied it up for my Xi'er...
< p>Teacher: It's not like mummies...8 When I was getting rice, I pointed at the cauliflower and said: "Here are some potatoes."
Auntie asked: Cauliflower?
I continued to point to the cauliflower and said: Potatoes
The aunt asked again: Is it a potato or a cauliflower?
I said anxiously: This is not a potato...oh, cauliflower?
Now that I think about it, it’s enough to make me vomit blood, sorry, the rice seller
9 When I went to buy pastries, I originally wanted to say, “Two pineapple pies and an egg tart. ", but it turned out to be "Here are two orioles singing egg towers"
What's even more depressing is that the shop owner actually understood...
10 In college, our class had A girl named Liu Yun. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope, there is a horizontal line above the lower half of the word "Yun" in her character "Yun". Because the writing was too sloppy, the horizontal line turned into a dot. As a result, the classmate took the letter and shouted in our corridor, "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? I have a letter from you." Everyone in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang (the gangster). As a result, the girl named Liu Yun was helplessly called a gangster for four years.
11 There was a time when there were rats in the house, so my mother bought rat medicine to keep the family peaceful, but not a single mouse was killed by the medicine. One day, very early in the morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat medicine in the corner of the door, and said to herself, "Why is no one taking this medicine?~~~" The whole family fainted. . .
12 The English teacher taught grammar and asked everyone before get out of class: "I have finished speaking, does anyone still understand?" We answered in unison: "No!"
13 Raise your glass to welcome the bright moon, bow your head and miss your hometown.
14 Once while playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, the heat became unbearable, and one person said: "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's so hot." Another person said: "Can't open it, it will blow out the candle."
15 As the saying goes: If you kill someone and set fire to it, you will pay back your debt.
16 In the physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements and said: Radioactive elements are very dangerous, and you humans must stay away from them! !
17 I vomited grape skins when I couldn’t eat grapes
18 I got a call at the company. It was from a clothing company. They kept saying that they had done unified work for a certain big company. Clothing and the like. I caught the other party talking and blurted out: "We don't wear uniforms in our company!"
The other party whispered for a few seconds and then said "Excuse me" and hung up.
19 Our university teacher: I am looking for three classmates, a boy and a girl...
The whole class started to look around, looking for Li Yuchun.
On the 20th, I was returning to the dormitory from self-study in the evening, and I met a fairy girl on the road, so I followed her
I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but had no courage to approach until the fairy girl was about to walk into the girls' building
Clenching his teeth, he stepped forward and asked the girl loudly: Classmate, are you a woman?
Later... later I enjoyed the supercilious looks of that fairy sister for two years
21 When Deng discussed the class, the teacher was very excited: How many heroic children are lingering underground...
The graduation project of 22 students is made of red cloth in the shape of a phoenix and sewn on a black robe-like garment.
The defending teacher asked: Why does the phoenix use red instead of other colors?
p>
When the classmate got excited, he blurted out: Because the Phoenix is ??burning with desire!! (I guess he meant to say that he was reborn from the ashes). Three seconds later, the classmate who came to watch the defense laughed wildly, and my stomach twisted with laughter!
23 When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked me to carry Mulan Ci (the teacher was more BT), and I was nervous
... When my brother heard that his sister came, he sharpened his knife and went to his parents (pig and sheep)... .....
The whole class burst into laughter, and I laughed too, but I forgot all about it later. Fortunately, the teacher didn’t punish me~~
24 Heaven, Earth, Dou E More unjust than me!
24 I bought WSJ for LP, but after looking at the store for a long time, I didn’t know what to buy, so I just took a pack and asked the store owner: "Boss, is this useful?" The boss (male) was dumbfounded. He looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I've never used this before!"
25 When I was a child, my father watched me write essays. There was a very simple word written wrong. My father smiled and said to my mother: "I found your son is very stupid." I became anxious and said loudly to my father: "Your son is stupid!" -_-b
26 Soldiers come to block the water with soil and water
27 My mother once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After I paid the money, the person from the bank said, "You don't have enough money. There is a second page here, and you have to pay this one as well."
My mom: What’s on the second page?
Staff: sewage
My mom: My family never drinks sewage.
28 When our high school director once again angrily scolded us for not paying attention in class, he said: "If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for turning against me!"
29 Mathematics The teacher's signature move
Raise two fingers and say to the students: "Students, the key to learning mathematics well is three words!! 'Practice more!!'"
30 That day I said my girlfriend was as stupid as a pig, so she pinched me. It hurt so much and she never let go. I got anxious and said, "I'll sue your mother for abusing a pig!"
31 One day, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and younger brother
I didn’t wake up for much, so I walked forward and said:
The suffering Guanyin Bodhisattva...
< p>Parents: -____-|||Brother: -____-||||
Bodhisattva: T_____T||||||
32 When I was taking FoxPro class in my sophomore year, a teacher started to count how many people we had in class,
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick... (Suddenly stopped
33 One day, my dear mother asked me to buy peppercorns.
Mommy: "Go and buy a pound of peppercorns."
I: "One pound! Why buy so much?"
Mommy: " Nonsense~for cooking!”
I went out to buy it in frustration, and asked specifically when I was leaving: “Are you sure you want to buy a pound?”
The old lady who answered Oudi rolled her eyes! Sweat...
After arriving at the vegetable market, the more I thought about it, the more wrong I became. Why should I buy a pound of pepper? It’s too much, right? ! Take out your phone—confirm again!
The answer was still the same: a pound of pepper! ! !
A pound of Sichuan peppercorns cost 28 yuan. The boss weighed and bagged them for me. When I was about to pay, the phone rang~~~Mom? !
Just listen to the roar on the phone: "Wrong! Wrong! It's not a pound, not a pound, it's one or two!!!"
Breaking sweat! ! ! !
34 When I first handed over the apartment, there were many people coming and going, and the security guard would question me every time.
I originally wanted to say that I was the owner, but in the end, I often said that I was the landlord...,
I ran away while the security guard's brain was short-circuited.
Reference: Baidu Tieba
Answer: Xiao Kun - First time entering the Jianghu Level 2 4-13 00:23
A migrant worker couldn’t defecate. He went to the hospital for a check-up; after the check-up, the doctor gave him a roll of paper towels. The migrant worker wondered, "Why did you give me this when I came to see a doctor..." The doctor said with a smile, "Don't use cement bags when applying PP in the future..." .........Haha (I don’t mean to slander migrant workers, it’s just a joke. Just laugh it off)............
I hope you Satisfied!
The Gengbao family and the Mouse family
Characters
The Douhua family: Father: Haohao/Mouse---U-know Yunho
Mother: Huahua---hero Zaizhong
Son: Xiaobing---max Changmin
Princess family: Father: Geng---Han Geng
Mother: Princess---Kim Heechul
Son: Baby Fan---Kim Ki-Bum
1. One day the princess and XQ’s Huahua were chatting in the bar, and Huahua was right The princess said: "Our Haohao family doesn't understand me less and less. Where is your Geng?"
The princess replied: "I don't know, Geng has never mentioned you." (= =// / Sweat~)
2. One day the princess said to Baby Fan: "If you are good today, I will take you to the cookie house and let the cookie watch you eat sweets."
3. The princess traveled to China alone one day. He took a lot of luggage and asked for a taxi. The driver told him that it would cost 7 yuan and the luggage would be free.
The princess hurriedly said: "Then please take these luggage to the hotel, and I will come on foot." (Waterfall Khan~)
4. One day the princess accidentally walked on the stairs He fell down, said something bad, and then got up as fast as he could. Looking around, fortunately, Geng and Fan didn't see it.
Suddenly, the princess discovered a problem and wondered, were she going upstairs just now? Or go downstairs?
5. The princess had to go out in the morning, but she returned home several times. The reason is:
"Geng, my hat"
"Geng, my wallet"
"Geng, my mobile phone"
< p>"Geng...""What did you miss again?"
"Geng, today is Sunday, right?"
"Yes" < /p>
"Then I don't have to go out today"
... ...
"Boom..." Geng faint
6, 6 The year-old baby Fan said to the princess: "Give me some pocket money? Tomorrow, the teacher will take us to the zoo to see pythons."
The princess said angrily, "Why spend that unjust money? You take it Isn’t it okay to go to the river with my magnifying glass to look at earthworms?”
7. After the announcement, the princess kept crying because Geng didn’t come to pick him up.
"Don't cry, Che!" MC Hu Dong's brother said, "I'm going to call Geng now. Do you have a phone at home?"
The princess sobbed and said, "Yes, But I didn’t bring it at home!” (= =+黑线 Khan~)
8. One day the princess took Fan and Huahua to the zoo. Everyone stood by a large pool.
"Baby Fan, look, this is a whale." The princess said,
"Hey, Po Che, this is a crocodile." Huahua, who was standing next to them, corrected.
"No! This is a whale!" insisted the princess.
At this time the animal struggled to climb to the shore.
"Hey, what else are you talking about?" Huahua shouted proudly, "Whales never come ashore!"
"Nonsense, you saw it yourself, they Sometimes we go ashore too!" said the princess
...
(Surrounded by: Fan, Huahua, and Xiaobing are dizzy)
9. Fan Baobao said to the princess: "Shameless is licking his own hand."
The princess corrected Fan: "Baby, shameless hands are called claws, and human claws are called hands."
10. Geng Che led Fan back from watching a show in the circus.
Geng asked the princess: "When you are watching the circus, if two tigers suddenly run out of the cage, what are you going to do?"
The princess said: " I quickly got into the tiger’s cage and locked the cage door.”
11. The princess was frothing at Shenqi’s Huahua and scolded her husband Geng, who happened to have her lovely son Fan. Go out and come back.
The princess thought that Fan was most interested in her, so she asked Fan: If your father Geng and I had a fight, which side would you take?
Fan thought for a while and said: "Stand next to it."
12. One day, the princess took her 6-year-old son Fan to XQ Huahua's house to play. I heard 5-year-old Xiaobing crying loudly, and I saw a squirming caterpillar crawling on Fan's hand, and he was very impressively trying to scare Xiaobing. When Huahua saw the caterpillar, her whole body trembled, not to mention that the caterpillar scared Xiaobing to tears. Huahua said to the lovely Fan: "Fan, get it outside quickly, the mother insect must be looking for it." < /p>
Fan turned around and walked out. Huahua thought she had achieved her goal, but unexpectedly Fan came in again with two caterpillars crawling on his hands, and then Fan said seriously: "I brought the mother caterpillar."
(Falled. Haha , it seems to be another noisy day...)
13. Geng went home after giving the notice and found something wrong with the fan, so he said to the princess: "Honey, it was you who turned the fan off "It's broken!"
The princess said: "It's not broken. After I modified it, its functions have been increased. The fan used to only shake its head, but now it can nod!"
14. SJ and two boys from Shinqi were talking:
——I heard that our ancestors had no electricity, no radio, and no television. I don’t understand how they lived. (Small Biscuit said)
——So, they are all dead. (Fan Baobao said)
15. "Fan, you got 18 points in arithmetic. Now your princess will have to punish you, right?" Xiaobing said happily.
"Take care of me? On the contrary, I have to go back and teach him a lesson! This is all done by the princess.
"Fan said.
16. One night in a certain room.
"Is it true that the earth always revolves around the sun? "The princess asked Geng.
"Of course it is true, otherwise how could we see the sun every day? Geng said
“I understand this, but what I don’t understand is where the earth stops at night. "The princess said.
17. One day, the princess was walking alone in the small park. There was a young couple walking in the park with their puppy. After a while, the young couple was very happy to see the princess. Walking towards the princess, the princess thought they recognized her, and she was filled with joy. She thought they were fans again, ha, my expansion ability is really big.
To the princess’s surprise, this pair. After the couple handed the camera to the princess, the man stood in the middle, the woman stood on the right, and the puppy was on the left.
It turned out that they just wanted the princess to take pictures of them and the puppy.
After taking the photo, the princess was not happy, and she was pouting. The couple recognized the princess at this time, and said happily, "Oh, it turns out to be SJ's beauty, we didn't recognize her just now." Well, I'm sorry, can you sign this photo for us? "After that, the couple gave the princess the photo they just took.
The princess made a stroke of her pen and wrote the words 'dog man and woman'. (- -#)
18 , In boredom, the princess called her friend Huahua. When the call came through, the princess suddenly realized that she had forgotten which friend she was calling, so she had to ask: "Who are you?"
< p>Huahua said angrily: "Then who are you looking for? (Where do you think you are crazy?!)"Princess: "Yeah...I don't know..."
The next day in Shinqi and SJ’s lounge. Huahua asked the princess, "Poche, did you call my home yesterday?"
Princess: "?...Yes? Oh, it turned out to be your home!"
Hua Huaxun: "Apart from you, who else in the world made a phone call and asked who the other party was!"
---------------
The following are other types
I was born in a very poor family. I remember that when I was a child, my father’s life was very boring and he could only count money all day long. The same goes for my mother, who scanned money all day long. Money; my family lives in the mountains, and every time I have to go shopping, it is quite troublesome. It takes 5 hours to drive a Porsche and 4 hours to drive a Mercedes-Benz. Although there is a helicopter at home, it is difficult to find a parking space when driving there. It is quite difficult. It’s inconvenient; I occasionally go out shopping. My parents are afraid that I will be kidnapped, so they have more than 20 bodyguards to protect me. Everyone is scared to run away when they see me, so I have been ostracized since I was a child...
< p>Because my family is in the mountains, it is very cold every winter. My father also said that it is very troublesome to go shopping, so there is no heater in winter...no quilt...I can only spend money with my parents to keep warm every day...and When I go to bed, I can only sleep with money as my cover (I think pounds are warmer).I remember when I was a child, one time, because the room was too big, I peed my pants before I could run out of the room in a hurry. Therefore, my father put a little sheep motorcycle in my room so that I could Within 10 minutes, I rushed out of the 1,000-square-foot room, walked through the 5-kilometer corridor, and reached the 800-square-foot toilet (I often get lost in the corridor); my father also asked people to build 20 additional 600-square-foot rooms with small toilets of 250 square meters inside. room, and said: If you wet yourself in the future, just change the room. If the room is not enough or too small, tell dad, and dad will ask people to build more rooms. Our life is very hard, you have to be patient! !
Now that I think about it, my father is such a kind person! !
I still remember one time when my family was attacked by a thief. He used explosives to blow up my dad's safe, causing the gold coins inside to roll out. As a result, the thief was crushed to death... I think That thief is so pitiful... It hurts to be crushed to death by gold coins! ! He was not as lucky as the previous thief who was suffocated by money.
My mother also often told me that life in our family is very difficult... and she asked me to learn to endure hardship... So I developed a hard-working spirit since I was a child. My future ambition is to find 200 money-eating monsters so that I can take care of the family. Eat all the money and avenge those poor thieves
@It’s really hard to raise
Xiaowei and Xiaozhang were drinking and chatting in the PUB...
Xiaowei: "With the economy in recession, it's hard to support a family..."
Xiao Zhang: "How many children do you have?"
Xiao Wei: "Five."
< p>Xiao Zhang: "Wow, it's really hard to raise five!"Xiao Wei: "The children are fine, but it's really hard to raise five children."
Xiao Zhang: "..."
@I'll lend it to you
One day in class, the teacher bluffed me again...
Teacher: "There is no word "failure" in the dictionary of my life..."
Suddenly, a shy voice came from below...
Student: "Teacher, I will lend you mine..."
Teacher: "..."
@Additional punishment
One day Xiao Ming and Xiao Ming Hua Qi was stopped by the police for speeding on his motorcycle.
The police said: "You are not afraid of death if you ride so fast~"
Xiao Ming said: "No way~ because God is with me. Here!"
The police said: "Then I want to issue an additional ticket."
Xiao Ming said: "Why?"
The police said: "Three "Pedestrians, overloaded!"
@Good answer
Class C of the second year of elementary school was in a science class.
The teacher asked: "Who knows why people die?" Will your body feel cold afterwards?"
No one in the class answered...
Teacher: "No one knows?"
At this time, behind the classroom Someone said: "A calm mind naturally cools down..."
@Scary book
Xiaoxue asked her dad: "Dad, are there any scarier books?"
"Yes, of course there is." Dad said: "There is a book your dad and I have read for more than 20 years, and I still find it scary."
"Huh? No way?" Xiaoxue asked : "Which book can you read for more than 20 years and still find it scary?"
Dad said: "Marriage certificate.
”
1. Ernong plays with pigs
2. If you kill the birdman, I will be an angel!
3. Being handsome is useless! In the end, he is not a pawn Eat!
4. Live well, because we will die for a long time!!
5. We should keep quiet when listening to sermons in church. It is rude to disturb others' sleep.
6. My girlfriend asked me what would happen if she died. I firmly said: I will not live alone (find another job). She was very happy...
7. People are not smart, and they still imitate others and become bald.
8. You are electricity, Li Siguang, you are the only myth!
9. I always wander between Cow A and Cow C .
10. There are so many people who despise me, who are you?!
11. At noon on the day of hoeing, bend your bow and shoot at the big eagle.
12. The hair will be smooth and smooth, and the scalp will be more outstanding.
13. Don’t come to me if you have nothing to do, and don’t come to me if you have something to do.
14. Rather fight with someone who understands Let's have a fight and don't say a word to SB.
15. A big woman can't be without power for a day, and a little woman can't be without money for a day.
16. A garden full of spring cannot be shut down. , I lure Hongxing out of the wall.
17. Since ancient times, no one has ever died, and no one can poop without paper!
18. The greatness of life is to die under the flowers.
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19. Women are tools for making human beings, and men are human beings who use tools.
20. No matter how awesome Chopin is, he can’t express the sorrow of Lao Tzu!
21. Zhuge Liang had never led an army before he came out of the mountain. Why do you want me to have work experience?!
22. Nonsense is the first line of interpersonal relationships
23. As long as If you dance well with a hoe, there will be no corner that you can't dig down!
24. You don't have to study hard, but you have to review hard.
25. The reason for constipation is that the earth's gravity is too small.
26. I don’t know if I went to college or if college went to me.
27. The more you spend, the closer you are to bed.
28 .If you want to hang out in the world, it is best to be a bachelor.
29. The plug is inserted into the hole, and the socket is plugged into the hole.
30. Pick a lady and a skirt. So annoying.
31. Rich people eventually get married.
32. I am Jesus’ son, coconut!!
33. College is just about studying Study.
34. I have a blue dragon on the left, a white tiger on the right, and a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my shoulder.
35. BMW means don’t touch me, MSN means touch you to death.
< p>36. Other people’s money is something outside my body.37. I am the most honest person and never tell lies, except for this sentence.
38. The sky is bright and the earth is smooth. Lingling, let’s have another ice cream.
39. Senior brother, I heard that the second senior brother’s meat is more expensive than the master’s.
40. I hope one day I can double-click with the mouse My wallet, then select a 100-round piece, hold down ctrl-c and continue ctrl-v
41. The professor was talking about organic chemistry polymers on the podium, and he first drew a "Peptide Bond" said to everyone, "This is a 'eunuch', let's give him a 'methyl' button"... Oh no!
42. You bald donkey, dare to fight with a poor man Master!!
43. The inner beauty that men refer to refers to what’s inside the bra, not the heart.
44. It’s gold, but it will eventually be spent..
45. Who can go 90 minutes without cum?.. The Chinese National Football Team!!
46. Being handsome is useful. Can you use your face to swipe your credit card at the bank?
47. They say that men become bad when they are rich, but I have been a good man for more than 20 years.
48. A woman said to a man: Come to my house, I will feed you.
49. It’s not that you don’t smile, your fans will fall off as soon as you smile.
50. Tall is tall, but you are a straw bag, short is short, you can stand being stepped on, and you are thin, you have muscles.
51. Women and English are the only things that are difficult, but jobs and a wife are hard to find.
52. Driving is easy, except for new people.
53. Listen Say women are clothes
We believe that brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I have been running around naked for more than 20 years.
54 The ring of the can is in love with the can, but the psychology of the can is filled with Coke.
55. I would rather believe that there are ghosts in the world than believe in a man’s bad mouth.
56. Today a group of Japanese people came to visit our school. To be honest, this is the first time I have seen people wearing clothes. Japanese.
57 After studying for more than ten years, I still feel that kindergarten is easier to mix.
You can find so many!