Dedicated to Army Day: "The Story of Veterans One to Twenty-one"
The Story of Veterans One: "Three Not Draws"
I A few years ago, I stopped smoking due to vocal cord surgery. Later, the scar healed and I forgot about the pain, so I started smoking again.
This reminds me of a platoon leader who served in the army. If smokers could "smoking" like him, it would be almost the same as "quitting smoking".
This platoon leader has "strict" requirements for his smoking, which he summarizes as "three no-smoking": one is to spend money on cigarettes - if you don't smoke, that is, you don't buy them yourself; It's not good - don't smoke, that is, if someone gives you a cigarette, it has to be a good cigarette; Sanyue is not tight - don't smoke, which means the person who gives you the cigarette has to cry and beg him to smoke.
Listen, it’s okay if you don’t buy it yourself. If someone else buys it and asks him to smoke it, it has to be a good cigarette, and you have to beg him to smoke it with a dead letter and cry. Isn’t this a disease?
Just think about it, how many cigarettes can he smoke in a year?
According to my four years of observation, I only saw him smoke once. It was Zhonghua brand cigarettes that a comrade in Beijing brought home from home. What a wonderful "Greater China"! It can be seen that the standard of "good cigarettes" he requires is really high enough.
Dear smokers, if you can also do the "three no-smoking", you can almost "quit" this cigarette.
As evidenced by the couplet: "The father quits smoking, the son quits smoking, the father and the son do not smoke; the mother is happy, the wife is happy, and the whole family is happy."
The second story of the veteran: "Just have a bowl of meat ”
After reading this title, it is difficult for you to think that this is a person’s nickname. This happened shortly after our army implemented the military rank system in 1955.
Three Shandong fellows stationed in a certain unit in Tonghua, Northeast China, were awarded the rank of captain at the same time - that's how happy they are!
"Let's go to a restaurant," one of them suggested. "Okay, it's time to satisfy your craving!" The other two agreed.
The three of them came to a decent restaurant in Tonghua City and sat down. The waiter saw the three officers and enthusiastically presented them with a "recipe": "What do you three want to eat? Please take a look at the recipe first and I'll be right over!"
The three of them were big-eyed. Stare at those three illiterate people! I can't even recognize a few words together. How good is this? You can't tell the waiter: "We can't read"!
One of them pointed at the two biggest words on the "Cookbook" and said: "These two words are the biggest, and most likely they are 'stewed meat'. Let's just order it?" The other two He also said "Okay!"
The waiter returned to the table in a blink of an eye and asked politely: "Comrade of the People's Liberation Army, are you ready? What do you want to eat?"
Our officer stretched out his hand With his big hand, he pointed to the first line of the "recipe": "That's it!"
The waiter smiled: "You're so funny, you can't eat this, it's the word 'recipe'."
The three people looked at each other, dumbfounded. At this time, I couldn't think any more, but this old man had an idea and thought, I can't eat the ones in the front, so I'll order from the back. Then he pointed to a line of small words at the back and said: "Want this!"
The waiter asked: "What else do you want?"
I wanted to order something more, but I was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Fortunately, the waiter didn't say "cannot eat" this time. A man replied: "That's it. I want three bowls!"
The waiter left.
After a while, the waiter served three bowls of radish soup.
In front of the waiter, the three of them looked at each other, wanting to laugh but not daring to, and lowered their heads to drink the soup.
After three bowls of soup, the waiter came again and asked: "What do you guys want to order?"
Our man, full of confidence, thought: Next to the cards, Location, I can't believe I can't get the stew. Thinking of this, he pointed under the line just now: "That's it! I also want three bowls."
The waiter brought back three bowls of soup after a while, this time it was egg soup. None of the three people said a word. They lowered their heads to drink the soup again, thinking in their hearts: We won't be able to eat stew today!
At this time, the waiter seemed to have noticed something. He hesitated and did not walk away immediately, so he asked again: "Are you guys going to have something to eat? Are you guys going to have something to eat?" Everyone drank two bowls of soup.
"
The man who just ordered us food, no, should say "ordered soup", finally couldn't hold it in any longer this time and thought to himself: "If I don't tell you, I won't have a chance today!" "
I saw him, he seemed a little excited. He slammed the table hard and shouted to the waiter: "Why don't you have a bowl of meat! ”
The waiter completely understood this time. He had been making trouble for a long time just because he wanted to eat meat!
The three officers naturally returned to the barracks well-fed and drunk, but since then , that guy got a nickname: "Why don't you just have a bowl of meat!" ”
When I was a soldier, this man was already the deputy commander of our regiment. Of course we didn’t dare to call him that, but his comrades (some of whom were already higher-level leaders) ), I still called him that when I met him.
This is a specific story from a specific era. Today’s soldiers will never have such a “shot”
Veteran stories. Part 3: "I am an exhaust artilleryman"
In 1975, a new recruit came to our mortar squad. He was from Tianchang County, Anhui Province. It is said that he had studied at home during the "Cultural Revolution" for several years. Of course, it’s not strange to read it.
After the first live-fire training, I saw him writing a letter very excitedly, but I ignored him for only a few lines of the letter. He showed it to me and asked if writing it like this would be considered a leak.
I read it very hard (although it was only five or six lines), and there were about ten or eight typos, such as. Some people say that mistakes like "pinning Chairman Mao's portrait squarely in front of your head" (should be "pinning it squarely in front of your chest") are inevitable. What I will never forget is this. After working as a mortar soldier for several months, he actually didn’t know the pronunciation of the weapon he used every day was called “mortar”, and told one of his relatives in a letter: “I was assigned to pour an exhaust cannon. Class, I was shooting with live ammunition today. It really shocked my ears to the point of being deafened."
Seeing this, I actually don’t care about some typos. , but this "exhaust cannon" made me very angry. I asked him: "Who told you that our cannon is called an 'exhaust cannon'?" But he plausibly said: "I heard that you don't all call it a 'platoon'." "Air cannon" means "exhaust cannon"?
When I heard it, it turned out that it was probably because we usually spoke too fast, and he did hear it as "exhaust cannon". I was speechless. Yes.
Originally, this matter would have ended here, but unexpectedly, the squad leader who had been silent on the side got angry at him: "You don't even think about where this cannon comes from. , what a fart! "
The recruit was not ambiguous and said slowly: "Squad leader, this fart is exhaust! "
Woohoo!
Veteran Story No. 4: "I am stepping on Liu Bei"
In 1976, our troops were engaged in "earthquake relief" in Tangshan.
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One day, we had just buried a dead person in the suburbs. Everyone had not put down their tools. Some were holding shovels and some were holding pickaxes, and they were resting on the roadside.
At this time, one of them was resting. The soldier from Anhui seemed to have made a major discovery. He poked the ground with a shovel and said to his comrades present: "Guess where I am standing now? "
When everyone heard this, they thought he had some illness, because he usually made some jokes from time to time. I also said: "Are you drunk? "
Seeing that no one understood what he meant, he became anxious and announced to everyone a big news: "Let me tell you, the person I stepped on was Lao Liu! "
I became anxious when I heard this, "Don't make fun of me! "
Seeing that I had misunderstood, he explained to me, also wanting to be more detailed: "Hey, Old Liu, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about Liu Bei being stepped on. "! He could also bite the word "Liu Bei" very clearly.
Everyone was happy. They were all criticizing him. Some people said: "You still step on Liu Bei? You don't step on Zhang Fei. ah? ”
Only then did he realize that it was his southern accent Mandarin that was to blame. So, he saw him moving up and down in place, and the ground under his feet seemed to be really moving. But everyone still didn't understand what it meant, so he used a shovel to pull away the floating soil where he was standing, revealing the yellow fur. Only then did we know that what he was stepping on was a buried animal. Scalper.
The truth is revealed: What he just said, "it is Lao Liu who is stepping on his feet" is actually "Ox"; "Liu Bei" is actually "Ox's back".
“We all come from all over the world,” but language exchanges in different regions sometimes lead to misunderstandings. Fortunately, this is not a big deal. It would be terrible if a Shenyang-based scout discovered a person in front and reported to the commander that he had found "a silver", but the southern radio operator heard that there was "a battalion in front"!
Veteran Story No. 5: Stalin said: "Chinese soldiers are amazing"
This is a real veteran, a volunteer combat hero. In the early 1970s, he was already a member of our army. The leader of the group. At the end of 1950, in a battle to intercept and annihilate fleeing enemies during the Second Battle to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, he led a platoon of soldiers to create a record of annihilating more than 200 enemies, capturing 6 artillery pieces, and 58 vehicles, without any casualties in the platoon. For this reason, he was awarded special merit, the title of first-class hero, and in June 1952, he was awarded the third-class national flag medal of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
There is a legend about this comrade: He once visited the Soviet Union with our military delegation. There were many fighting heroes in the delegation, and he was one of them. Stalin was still alive at that time. After arriving in the Soviet Union, Stalin invited the Chinese delegation to watch the Soviet military performances, including a paratrooper parachute performance. I heard bursts of thunder rolling across the blue sky, and several aircraft formed a downwind formation, flying lightly over the viewing area with a distance of only 5 meters and a height difference of only 1 meter. The planes kept changing formations in the sky. Various formation movements form a beautiful "air ballet". Suddenly, from an altitude of 800 meters, a dozen Soviet paratroopers floated down, like spring buds blooming in the wind, like fairies dancing gracefully, umbrella flowers flying all over the sky, and fireworks shooting out in the blue sky. The Soviet paratroopers' stunts made the Chinese soldiers present applaud and cheer.
Stalin asked proudly through the interpreter: Are there any Chinese friends who can parachute?
The whole audience was silent. At this moment, our brother (forgive me for calling him that) first wanted to earn some face for the Chinese soldiers, and also thought that this thing might be quite fun, right? Just say rashly: I'll give it a try!
Every member of the delegation present was shocked and thought: When did you learn to skydive? But since they were all from various units and not very familiar with each other, everyone remained silent. Stalin asked someone to take this guy to the plane, put on his parachute bag and parachute, and the plane returned to the sky.
When the plane flew to the specified height, the paratroopers accompanying the Soviet army began to jump down one after another. The Soviet officer in charge of commanding the team signaled that it was okay to jump. Our man looked out from the cabin door: he was dizzy - it was not as romantic as he thought just now. Due to the language barrier, he shook his head and did not jump. The Soviet officer thought that he was not flying high enough, so he ordered the plane to continue to rise. Finally, only he and the commander were left in the cabin. Seeing that he could no longer jump, our old man gritted his teeth and closed his eyes—— Falling into the blue sky and white clouds, he had only heard that he had to open the parachute bag after jumping, but he really didn't know how to open it - just scratch randomly!
I saw him dashing past all the Soviet paratroopers who had jumped down before him. Countless pairs of eyes on and off the stage at the auditorium had already recognized him: This one jumped the last and jumped down. The fastest are the Chinese soldiers! People started to get restless. I wonder when this guy is going to open his umbrella? Who is so anxious?
Sooner than later, when our hero was about less than a hundred meters above the ground, the parachute bag suddenly opened! ah! Everyone present on both sides breathed a sigh of relief.
When the hero landed, the audience burst into applause. Comrade Stalin said: The Chinese soldiers are indeed powerful! He is a "fighting hero" after all!
Veteran's Story No. 6: "Watching Movies"
When I was a soldier, there was a division chief in the company who was from Sichuan. This comrade always liked to use "watching what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-what-to-watch-movie-watching" when he was a soldier. "Such a sentence pattern.
Once, a movie was shown in the regiment’s playground, and our company happened to be led by the division chief on duty. After everyone gathered, he also talked about the precautions. At the end, he couldn't help but said in a serious manner in Sichuan dialect: "Next, we will go to the playground and watch the movie." When he said this, he paused, maybe because he felt that There was something inappropriate, but since I had already said the sentence pattern "for what", I just gritted my teeth and continued to say "go on, see".
After that, I often used this nondescript sentence pattern when joking.
Note: When reading his entire sentence, you must read it with a Sichuan accent, otherwise, the taste will not be authentic!
Veteran Story No. 7: Is it warmer to turn on the stove or not to turn on the stove?
A comrade-in-arms loved to argue. One time in the winter when the stove was being lit in the dormitory, he didn't know what illness he was suffering from. He asked everyone: "Do you think it would be warmer if the stove were lit or not?"
Everyone knew that he didn’t hold back his good words, so they ignored him.
At this time, a comrade-in-arms just said to him: "Of course I can light the stove to keep warm!"
He said seriously: "I said: It's better not to light the stove to keep warm."
Everyone was anxious this time, and several people rushed to ask: "What's going on?"
The guy replied: "Look: there are no babies in the summer." When the stove is on, people are wearing pants and vests; now that the stove is on, you are still wearing cotton-padded jackets and cotton trousers, so I say – it’s better not to light the stove to keep warm.”
Hey! What a fallacy! ?
Veteran’s Story No. 8: Passwords
When the troops first moved to Hebei, standing guard at night was quite tense because they were all armed with live ammunition. A Henan soldier stood guard at the barracks gate in the middle of the night.
The sentry post was very close to our camp house. Suddenly he heard a noise. He looked around very alertly and found a dark figure standing by the stable next to the camp headquarters house, walking towards him. Come.
He thought: I can’t see you if you stand in a dark place? He asked the shadow shrewdly: Password?
The other party did not answer. Time passed by second by second, and the black shadow was still moving forward. Our buddy picked up the gun and asked again: "The command? If you don't answer, I'll shoot!"
The black shadow still didn't answer and continued to move forward. Our comrade finally pulled the trigger. Trigger: There was a "bang" gunshot, and the black shadow did not fall down, nor was it silent anymore. Instead, it neighed and ran towards the training ground!
All the cadres and soldiers of the battalion who were awakened by the gunshots also ran out. The battalion commander came out with a pistol and asked loudly: What's going on?
Not good! He understood: This was the donkey raised by the administrative team at the battalion headquarters!
Just wait and enjoy! Fortunately, I was too nervous - I missed it!
Veteran Story No. 9: Opportunity
More than three months after we arrived at the company, the division designated our company as the "training advance company" of the entire division, which is now called a "pilot company" Company" right? The chiefs of staff at both levels of the division and regiment stayed in our company - in order to sum up their experience and promote it to the whole regiment and the whole division.
A very close comrade-in-arms of the new recruits is from Sichuan. He is taller than the average Sichuan soldier - about 1.76 meters, right? He looks very smart and has a talented appearance. His nose is like a nose and his eyes are like eyes. I call him "Little S".
At the end of more than a month of training, the regiment chief of staff took Little S away - preparing to serve as a guard. Unexpectedly, I didn't expect that Xiao S would be asked to leave by the regiment leader that day, and he told the chief of staff: You are familiar with the third company, pick another one.
The regiment leader took Little S to the division for a meeting the next week. The division commander took a fancy to him. Little S came back to tidy up and then went to work as a guard for the division commander.
The division commander was happy for a few days, but when he took Xiao S to the army for a meeting, he was left behind again by the army commander.
Man, if you are lucky, there is really nothing you can do to stop you.
The story is not over yet: Less than a month after Little S left the regiment headquarters and went to the military headquarters, a deputy commander of the military region (who was transferred from our army only half a year ago) came to our army to inspect the work and found that The army commander changed the guards. When asked about this, the army commander even boasted to the commander: How could I, a guard, jump to the "third level" in a row? I "robbed" it from them!
The deputy commander heard: OK! I'll take it this time!
The commander was green: Why?
The deputy commander said half-jokingly: Why do you Shandong people use us Sichuan people as security guards? You’d better find someone from Shandong!
Yes, little S entered the compound at Badachu in Beijing and was never seen again. I don’t know how he will fare in the future.
Veteran Story No. 10: "Thirty-eight-two-and-a-half cents"
The company's chief executive, a native of Sichuan, is very narrow-minded. Once I saw green onions being sold on the roadside for 8 cents a pound. He was standing at the back of the queue, and when there were two or three other people waiting in line before him, he took out the money from his pocket, and it turned out that it was all steel bangers, counting: two and three cents. It’s still a penny short of buying three kilograms!
Difficulties cannot help the Secretary General.
Spread the steel bunger in the palm of your hand and count the money while chanting: three hundred and eighty-two cents, three hundred and eighty-two cents.
Everyone around thought there was something wrong with this guy! The onion seller also heard it, and no one ignored him. It's already scheduled.
The onion seller asked: "How much do you want?"
The Secretary: "Three kilograms!"
After weighing three kilograms of green onions, the Secretary held a handful of green onions. He put the steel jumper into the onion seller's hand and said: "Three eight and a half cents!"
The onion seller thought that he was taking advantage this time, so he threw it into the money box without counting.
People in line looked at this "idiot" and laughed.
But at this moment, our chief secretary said: "Oh! No, it should be 382 cents."
Everyone heard that he just said "382 cents." Five, three, eight, two and a half cents were counted, which must be an extra penny. At this time, the onion seller had to take out a penny from the money box and give it to him in change.
Hey! It was obvious that he was short of one penny, but he was still given one penny in change. He was short of two cents inside and outside!
Attached: The jingle compiled by the soldiers for the platoon leaders of each platoon:
The first platoon leader——work hard;
The second platoon leader—— Talk and do at the same time;
Third platoon leader - all talk but no action;
Secretary chief - beer and eggs.
Veteran Story No. 11: Popsicle Eating Competition
Next to our barracks is the chemical factory of our regiment. In the summer, the popsicles made to prevent heatstroke and cool down the workers are also good for the cadres in the camp. , soldiers for sale.
One summer, a few of us discussed going to eat popsicles. I don’t know who suggested it: setting up a popsicle-eating contest. The rules are: the contestant pays for himself (buys and eats himself), and the one who eats the most As the champion, the person ranked first can ask the person ranked lower to buy popsicles for him at any time in the future, and the person ranked lower cannot refuse.
Ula! Everyone was very happy, some signed up to participate, and some wanted to watch the fun.
About a dozen people came later. There were six or seven people who participated in the competition at the beginning, but after eating four or five, some people couldn't stand it anymore and one after another announced their withdrawal from the competition (otherwise, they would have to pay for others in the future! ), I only ate 7 sticks.
In the end, I was deeply impressed by the results of the competition:
The first place was the third platoon leader (from Beijing): 53 roots;
The second place The first name is the squad leader (from Beijing): 51 guns;
The third machine gun squad leader (from Changchun): 21 guns.
The most unjust one is the squad leader, who is only missing two! I have to be called by the third platoon leader to buy popsicles at any time! There is no way, who told him that his stomach is not up to expectations?
Veteran Story No. 12: Is it the family’s cow? Or...
In the mid-1970s, life in the military camp was boring. Once, I was chatting with some comrades, and I told a bragging story between a Beijinger and a man from Shenzhou, Hebei:
The Shenzhou man asked: "How high is your "overpass" in Beijing? ah"?
Beijing people: "That's really high! If you throw an iron ball from the overpass at night on New Year's Eve, it won't hit the ground until the morning of the first day of the new year. Do you think it's high?"
The Shenzhou people were dumbfounded after hearing this!
The Beijinger then asked: "They say your Shenzhou's 'big peaches' are big, how big are they? When you have the chance, bring me two to try!"
The Shenzhou people laughed when they heard this: "What? Bring two for you? During the war, tens of thousands of troops didn't even finish a single peach, and the remaining half of the peach was rotten. The peach juice has flooded several villages! Humph!"
This time it's the Beijingers' turn to be stupid!
It sounded like two people were "bragging", but the topic among the comrades really turned to "cow".
A comrade in Shaodong, Hunan said: "Our hometown treats cattle very well"!
Everyone asked: "What is a good method?"
He said: "For example, my cow has to put on straw sandals before going to the fields every day!"
"Huh?" Everyone was dumbfounded!
At this time, a warrior from Sichuan Jiange was unconvinced ("The road to Shu is difficult, it is difficult to reach the blue sky" refers to Jianmen Pass located in Jiange): "What's the point of wearing straw sandals? My cattle, every day You have to drink two ounces of wine before going to the field!"
At this time, a veteran who had been silent next to them said slowly to them: "That's your cow you just mentioned. ? Or your father?" He paused: "You still have two ounces of wine?"
Veteran's Story No. 13: Encountering Dialects
I am a soldier. One year I went to a tank regiment training somewhere in Yixian County, Hebei Province, and lived in a commoner's home near the barracks. It rained the next day after I got there, so I didn’t go out to practice. In the afternoon, the landlord's children came to play in the house where I lived.
I asked him: "How old are you?"
Answer: "9 years old"
Ask: "Have you gone to school?"
< p>Answer: "Not in school."Ask: "You are not in school at the age of 9?"
Answer: "Yes, you are not in school..."
The monitor may have thought that I asked too many questions, so he interrupted me and asked: "Children, have you eaten?"
The child replied: "Eat!"
The monitor: "What do you want to eat?"
Child: "Baozi!" He looked very excited.
Seeing that the child was willing to talk to him, the monitor became more energetic and asked him again: "What kind of filling are there in the buns?"
The child also said simply: "No filling!"< /p>
We almost burst into tears: Are they called steamed buns without fillings? What nonsense! Forget it, forget it, go home!
The child may have said something to his father after he left, and his father came in after a while.
Let’s just say that this kid is quite fond of joking. He actually said he was eating steamed buns and said “there is no filling!” How funny!
As a result, his father was even more amused: "It's a steamed bun, but there is no filling!"
Huh? When I heard it, what happened?
I thought to myself: The ones without fillings are called steamed buns: "Then what do you call the ones with fillings?"
It really didn't bother me, the child's father looked serious. Said: "The stuffed buns are called stuffed buns!"
Hey! Why don’t we know such a simple truth?
Besides, a few days later, on our way back from training, we met primary school students after school, and I saw the landlord’s son in the team at a glance. When I got back to the yard, I questioned him: "I asked you that day and you said you didn't go to school. Aren't you going to school?"
As a result, he told me: "It rained that day, so you didn't go to school!"
I’m so angry!
Veteran Story No. 14: "Dog Roast Chicken"
When the new recruits arrived at the company, they heard someone call a veteran in the company "Dog Roast Chicken".
I thought: This nickname is quite new, how did it come about? Can't imagine what it means. It's over.
Later the company gathered for roll call, and I heard the company commander also call him "dog roast chicken", and the veteran replied: "Arrived"!
I think it’s so strange. How can you call someone a nickname when you call them by name? Incredible.
Ask the veterans in our class, they said, his name is "Dog Roast Chicken"!
Everyone did call it that, and he just agreed.
Because I’m not familiar with it, I can’t ask too many questions.
After a while, I finally had the opportunity to ask him in person: "Your name is..."
He was very happy: "Dog roast chicken"!
I thought silently: Does anyone really have such a name?
I asked tentatively: "What three words are they?"
He smiled: "Did you think I called 'dog roast chicken'?"
Listen, you said I "thought", obviously I just said it was called "dog roast chicken"!
Seeing that I didn't understand, he used a tree fork to neatly write the three words "Gou Shaoji" for me on the ground.
Hey, these three words have been causing trouble for a long time! It turns out that I thought it was called "Dog Roast Chicken" from the beginning, and the more I heard it, the more similar it became.
Through this incident, I thought: the name should be based on your own surname. For the same name, the one with the surname Zhang sounds good, but the one with the surname Li may not be suitable.
Later I got acquainted with the veteran, and I joked with him and said what I meant: "Your surname is 'Gou', it doesn't matter, but you don't want 'Shaoji'!"
< p>This sentence should be kept as it is: your surname is Dog, it doesn’t matter, you don’t want to roast chicken!Veteran Story No. 15: Soldiers Who Grow Vegetables
Every company in the field force has a small "private land" where they can grow some vegetables and subsidize the company's meals. There is a soldier from the countryside in our company who has been a soldier for six years and has been growing vegetables for six years - because he grows vegetables well and grows strong, all the cadres and soldiers in the company praise him for his ability, and he has even been awarded third-class merit. !
What people didn’t expect was that the comrade said something before he was discharged from the army, which made the cadres and soldiers in the company feel very sorry for him and made everyone feel bad.
Before retiring from the army, the whole company held a meeting to bid farewell to the veterans. He spoke on behalf of the veteran soldiers. What he said was good at first, and everyone applauded, but in the end he said: "If I had known that the purpose of being a soldier was to grow vegetables, why not let my father do it? He can grow vegetables better than me. ”
After hearing this, I shed tears.
I think he may have felt a great deal of grievance over the years! After returning to the military, who wouldn’t want to participate in military training?
Hey! My comrade, your grievance is too great!