1. One day when I was in school, I received a phone call. After receiving the call, my classmate handed it to me and said, "Your mother is calling for you!" I picked up the phone and casually said, "Male or female." ?” Everyone laughed wildly, and I was laughed at for 4 years! ! !
2. When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me what year I graduated. I originally wanted to say 2000, but I got excited and said, "Two thousand years ago!" What's even more embarrassing is that the examiner He actually yelled and said: "A student of Confucius, right?"
3. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted: "Teacher!" -
4. Yes Once the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me. I was used to saying "He's not here" but this time what I wanted to say was "He's gone out". The result was: "He's... gone" - -
5. A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much and then made a cold remark: "If you drink too much urine, you will have too much wine." -
6. Buy oranges, Boss: One yuan and five pounds. Me: It’s too expensive. It costs five yuan for three pounds. Boss: No, no. -
7.gg handed me a piece of ice cream, I took a bite and shouted: "It burned me to death!" -
8. I went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. The elder sister asked: "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?" -
9. Once the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "dismissal", but in a moment of urgency , I forgot my words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: "Retreat!" -
10. Someone came to my aunt's house as a guest before, and she just walked in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said: "You guys sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" -
11. One day, she went to a classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. Oh, I originally wanted to call uncle, but I made the mistake and said, "Dad, come sit down!" Han! A lot of classmates laughed to death -.
12. A colleague I didn’t know well was chatting with me. The content of the conversation was extremely boring. He only talked about what was going on with his girlfriend, what was going on... I was speechless - after he talked for a long time. , looked at me... It may mean that after he said so much, I should express my opinion... For a moment, I really didn’t know what to say, so I blurted out and asked: Is your girlfriend a woman? - I felt cold for a long time. !!!! -
13. We were buying pot helmets to eat together. A certain man came forward and said: Boss, here are two steel helmets! (If your teeth are good, your appetite will be good, and it will taste good when you eat it...) -
14. In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girl behind took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." "Yes." As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine." The whole class was shocked...
15. Another time, I went to buy breakfast, and when I was waiting in line, I found the usually stern boss. I was also queuing up, so I was very nervous. After saying hello, I mustered up the courage to say to the chef: "Master, please give me a cup of steamed buns with two breasts!"... Wow, this is the first time in two years that I heard the boss laugh so loudly... Depressing! ! ! --
16. One evening, when I met an acquaintance, I said: "Morning" -
17. In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly: "Today I Watch the midnight version of The Ring!" --
18. One day when I went shopping and needed to pee, I found an Internet cafe in front of me. I rushed in and shouted to the network administrator: Where is the toilet in your hut? -
19. When I was buying food in the canteen, I saw the tofu skin that I had been coveting for a long time. I got excited and told the waiter that I would like some potato skins, which shocked everyone around me. -.
20. The politics teacher once said during a lecture: "Let me give you an example." Then he felt it was wrong and said again: "Let me give you an example." --
21. Remember In "Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty", Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions and brought new iron-making materials to make a good sword. Liu Che brought it to Li Guang, and Li Guang kept repeating: -
Your Majesty, What a good sword (cheap), Your Majesty, what a good sword (cheap)... Speechless...--
22. What a good donkey to be my heart, liver and lungs-
23. When I was in junior high school, The teacher asked the translator: Who is this man? A classmate translated: Who is this man? The whole class laughed, and the teacher was speechless -
24. During the midterm exam, the girl behind me had a pants-shaped pencil case on the table. When I turned around, the pencil case fell off, and I said: "MM, your pants." "It's gone"
25 I remember meeting a dog on the road, and the woman next to me shouted in surprise: Oh, there's no dog in that tail! ! -
26. In politics class, we talked about Sino-Japanese political issues and talked about Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher introduced: "Japanese samurai gave birth to caesarean sections before they died!" -
47. Yesterday, someone said he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I originally wanted to ask "Is she beautiful?", but I said "cheap". ?”. Sweat yourself to death!
48. The teacher told us: "Be careful when riding in the car during spring outings. Don't throw your heads and arms out all the time!!!" -
49. My husband is very thin, and I was anxious once. He said, "Husband, you are as skinny as a pig!"
50. One day I went to the famous Daqiao Road Food Store in Tianjin to buy food. I have to buy wife cakes almost every time! As a result, that day I saw a new type of cake that was slightly smaller in size. It looked basically the same, but I was not sure, so I asked the salesperson: "Is this a little wife cake?" Everyone turned their eyes.
52. Original broadcast script: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and fled -
The announcer read: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and fled (Wong Fei-hung reincarnated!) -
p>53. When I was in high school, I was in the same class with my brother, and he was sitting right behind me. One night our geography teacher asked us: Which of you is the sister? Who is the younger brother? I was stunned at that time -
56. Just now a colleague was reading the newspaper and asked, "Yesterday, how many games did the Chinese team win?" /p>
59. Once, my husband and I had an argument, and he scolded me: "Pig!" I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig!!!" After the scolding, I really felt like a pig.
61. I remember one time, I went to KFC with a girl, and while we were waiting in line, I heard her mumbling, a chicken drumstick burger, a pair of chicken wings..., and finally it was her turn. , she made everyone laugh as soon as she opened her mouth. She wanted to say "Miss, let's have a chicken drumstick burger", but when the words came out of her mouth, she actually said "shank, let's have a hamburger" -
62. A college classmate is here There was a party in the forest park. When the time came and everyone was ready to have dinner, two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The squad leader wanted to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they had been chatting about international affairs, the squad leader stood up and shouted: "I want the beer to come from Iraq!!!" We all poured it down, and the two boys went crazy -
63. MM told me that KFC had a new "bone and bone" (meat skewers with crispy bones) and asked me to take her to eat it. It was extremely hot in Beijing in those days and I was groggy. When I got to the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady Here comes the sentence: Please give me two "bloody and bloody", thank you! Shameless!
64. Once, my classmate asked me which department another classmate was admitted to in the hospital. I couldn’t remember clearly. I thought it was both the internal medicine department and the acupuncture department, so he said she was in the “guilt department.” "of.
65. A boy saw his uncle and said, "Buy uncle, two dishes!" The uncle said, "This kid is talking so big, he can't even talk to others!" -
66. -When I joined the Youth League at school, there were only one other girl and me (a miserable kind). When our Youth League secretary presided over the meeting, he said without hesitation: "Today is a happy day for two classmates..." The other students burst out laughing.
67. Everyone in high school is given a name badge.
Before coming for an inspection once, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted loudly, everyone, put on your bras quickly, come and check! ! ! The whole place was completely silent
70. Once my sister introduced a song to me. She said it was called "Girl's Underpants". I was surprised. I took the CD and saw that it was "Girl's Prayer"...
71. The primary school teacher "soothed" our nervousness before the open class and said: "Don't be nervous, everyone. Don't look around when you enter the classroom. Not all people sitting in the audience are adults. With two noses and one eye!"
72. English class, teacher: "Good morning, teacher!" Student: "Good morning, student!" The whole class burst into laughter.
73. When I was a child, people selling popsicles and ice cream usually pushed bicycles to sell them. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: The new ice cream is hot. (I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks)
74. When my colleague was arguing with someone, he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he ate to grow. Big ones.