? If the first seven years of a child's life are the most important seven years in her life, then as the first guardian's parents, we are the most failed. The child spent her most important years in various support transitions, and also taught us a heavy lesson with her actual growth status, which made me understand how to be a qualified mother after seven years.
? In the first four years of Tsuko's growth, almost her grandmother raised her. The reason is that I devoted myself to my career when my child was 4 months old, and so did her father. For young people, raising a child is just to make her eat, wear and have fun. So under the all-round care of my grandmother, when I was 3 years old, Tsuko was much faster in physical development than other children of the same age, but she also had poor self-care ability, difficult to integrate into collective life, and loose personality. Although I found some problems, because my career was at a critical period at that time, coupled with the long-term lack of communication and companionship, I didn't establish a close mother-daughter relationship with my children, which often made me unable to correct her problems. In addition, my grandmother was protective from time to time, for Tsuko's education. At this time, the child's sister-in-law graduated smoothly from abroad. As early as one year old, her sister-in-law who was naturally fond of children quickly gained the recognition of Tsuko through various gifts and patient and friendly ways in recent years. Due to the leisure of my aunt's temporary graduation, and living under the same roof, in the next year or so, Tsuko's parenting model will become that grandma will take care of life and my aunt will take care of education, while parents who are still busy will be responsible for playing this activity on weekends. Under the influence of her aunt, Tsuko gradually became independent, knew how to treat people, how to get along with friends in kindergarten, and had her own dream about the mermaid princess, and fell in love with all activities such as making handicrafts. At that time, my aunt almost did all the things that my mother should do, including buying clothes, holding parent-teacher meetings, communicating with parents of children, teachers and classmates, educating girls about the way they should speak and behave, how to protect themselves, and even how to take pictures. The most important thing is to lay the foundation for the educational method of standing up and reflecting on what I did wrong and being frank and reasonable afterwards. In this process, all the children's first understanding of the world includes the influence of aunt. At that time, I didn't find that this kind of parenting style brought more problems except that I felt that when I was alone with my children, the children talked over and over about the loss when they wanted grandma and aunt.
? The problem appeared when Tsuko was about five years old. At that time, I had slowly turned my career focus back to my home, and my grandmother and aunt also lived separately from us. After I focused on my children, I gradually discovered the sequelae that my irresponsible way brought to my children. First of all, the children who entered the big class had some pressure to learn knowledge, and Tsuko was almost poor in mastering these knowledge, and even could not finish the homework on weekends independently. Faced with the knowledge that had been learned, the children behaved badly. Secondly, the child has been with her grandmother for a long time. Most of the time, when her grandmother watches TV, she also watches it while playing. Although my aunt and I have tried to correct it, we still watch a lot of various types of TV dramas that I have never seen, which affects the child's attention. Finally, I deeply blame myself. After the child entered the large class, she changed from a quick and clear way of speaking to a slight stuttering way of speaking intermittently and elongating the sound. After I found out, I quickly found out the reasons and ruled out the influence of similar environment in the class. Finally, I blamed it on the fact that during the child's language development, she was exposed to a large number of adult words that she should not have been exposed to at her age through TV, mobile phones and other means, which caused her vocabulary confusion and confused expression. To tell the truth, at that time, I really felt that the price of parents' failure to do their duty was so great! So I finished the handover of work in the shortest time and started the first serious mother state in five years.
Now, looking back on the past year or so, I really feel a lot. I always feel that I gave up my job to let my children grow up. Looking back now, my children have made me grow up more in this process. I remember that at the beginning, I was too eager to correct my children's study habits and stuttering. I once forced my children to recite the falling initials and finals for two consecutive days in a week. I don't know if the children suddenly entered a state of tension or what. After just a few letters were recited repeatedly, I still forgot the next time. After several hours of patience, I finally couldn't help but start to scold her loudly and punish her. At that time, I looked at my child's frightened eyes, and finally I ran out of control, feeling only a deep sense of frustration and remorse, which I couldn't face and didn't know how to face. When I came back after being calm, I looked at the tired child with my father, took a deep breath and told her seriously that we would not carry it back and go to sleep. When I was sleeping, I apologized to her for my behavior, told her that I still loved her, and expressed that if she really couldn't recite it, she wouldn't recite it, so that the child could sleep in a relaxed and pleasant environment. Unexpectedly, after getting up the next day, the child suddenly told me, Mom, I recited the initials in my dream all night. You listened to me and then recited it skillfully. At that moment, I felt that I was utilitarian as a mother. For a long time afterwards, the child always confidentially mentioned to me that she had something that her initials could not recite, and she also laughed at herself whether she was sick or not. When I found that my actions had a great impact and harm on children's psychology, I began to read a lot of articles on children's psychology, and began to understand how to really get along with children, build trust, form a good intimate relationship, and so on. In this process, I practiced what I learned every day in our daily life. The effect is amazing, and sometimes I am glad for my fear. The fear is that if I return later, many problems of my children will be irreparable. Fortunately, I found the right way at the critical moment and quickly established our unique relationship model and feelings with my children. Although the children's stuttering problem is now noticed by the children themselves because of too many corrections made by the people around them in the early stage, so that she still hasn't improved very well, I believe it will definitely change in the future with the patient company of our parents and the relaxed atmosphere of international primary schools (after consulting a lot of materials, we have decided to take a neglected approach at present, neither correcting nor emphasizing the matter of letting her speak slowly, but only listening patiently when she speaks and giving normal interaction.
? If you want your child to be an excellent person, you must have such qualities first. In the process of establishing a relationship with children, I have set myself three principles. First, I should control my emotions in front of children and stop letting them dominate the education process. Second, I should make a promise and do it. Anyone who makes a promise to children must fulfill it and not deceive them, so as to build trust and influence them. Third, learning with children who don't understand and can't, not only requires squeezing children, but also respects their interests.
? As a pair of unqualified parents, we grew rapidly in this year, and I was deeply touched by the idea of the beauty of the whole person that I came into contact with Nanming Education by chance. After many twists and turns, I just hope that in an environment with scientific educational ideas, I can take fewer detours and let my children grow up easily and happily, so that at some point in the future, when my child becomes an adult, I can say with a clear conscience that I have never delayed a life.
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Postscript: Two key nodes in the process of children's growth.
The first one was when I was five and a half years old. At that time, I had lived alone with my mother for more than half a year, and my grandmother went to Hainan in winter. One month before the winter vacation, Tsuko's kindergarten caused our parents to strike on a large scale because of food safety problems, and the sudden rest at home excited the children. At this time, grandma put forward the idea of letting the children go to Hainan. Considering that it is the last year of kindergarten, it is relatively easy, and there is no such opportunity after primary school. We agreed. But how to get to Hainan became a problem. Dad was busy at that time, and I was pregnant, so it was not suitable to travel back and forth. So my grandmother contacted a friend of my grandfather who was just about to go there and asked him to take the child by plane. After the other party agreed, I tried to communicate with Tsuko on this matter. After Tsuko knew that there was no family to accompany her, she hesitated for a moment and agreed. There was only one requirement, that is, to write the mobile phone numbers of my grandmother and my parents and aunt on paper and put them in her satchel. After fulfilling her request, her aunt and I brought her enough clay to play on the plane, and set off for the airport. From the time we met each other's uncle's family at the airport, we left at last. Tsuko showed her calmness and composure, which surprised both of us, and waved goodbye to us quietly, unlike the shy one at ordinary times. To tell the truth, at that time, she still didn't understand the concepts of how long the plane would fly and how her grandmother would meet her at the airport. But the child had a rational choice for the first time with the belief that he wanted to see his grandmother. Bravely took a big step in growth.
? The second is when the child is 6 years old. At that time, her sister was just born. I am recovering every day. Most of the time, she sleeps with her grandmother, but she often expresses her attachment to her mother. I also try my best to accompany her. In the process, I chose the right time to chat with her about the fact that she needed to sleep alone. After her slight refusal, I stopped talking about it. After a while, we changed to the mode that she slept in her room and I stayed with her until I fell asleep. I remember the first night, worried that she couldn't sleep well, and went back and forth to see it several times. Fortunately, Tsuko slept through the night. The next day, after I told her the fact that she slept alone last night, I looked at her proud face, and my heart was extremely proud. Later, from time to time, I will convey the fact that I never dared to sleep alone when I was a child, and she was many times better than her mother. Slowly, the child found that sleeping alone was not as terrible as she thought, although in the process of sleeping, she occasionally woke me up in the middle of the night, let me go to accompany her, and then I continued to come back. But the effort is always rewarding, and Tsuko shows her brave and independent side in sleeping alone. By sleeping alone, this thing evolved, and then I went shopping alone, and I waited by. Go alone and ask the waiter in the restaurant about something and a series of independent events. This is completely different from the shy girl who wriggled before she was five years old. In this process, I will look at her with encouraging and surprised eyes, and make the child not forced even if she doesn't meet expectations, so that she can easily and happily experience the joy of every step of growth.