For many people, the most concerning and helpless thing is that they are always unable to control their emotions in life. When they hurt others, they also suffer from regret and guilt in their hearts. torment.
So how to deal with this problem? Today I will discuss with you the issue of emotions.
01.
About emotions
Three characteristics we need to know
1. Emotions are a person’s reaction to events that occur. A sudden reaction that occurs automatically and very quickly, often before we are aware of it.
The advantage is that it allows us to react quickly to the surrounding environment. For example, when we encounter danger, our brains may not realize what has happened, but our emotions have already reacted instantly and kept us away from the dangerous situation in time.
But this characteristic also brings us a lot of trouble. For example, when we have emotions, our brains are often blank at the first moment, and our reason is in a blank period, which also leads to strong emotions such as It is as difficult to control as a wild horse.
2. Emotions are different from rationality.
Rationality considers the objective logic of external things, while emotions point to the self, whether I am happy or not, whether I am willing or not, and whether I have value. In other words, emotions focus on ourselves. Whether needs have been met and whether one's own sense of value has been recognized.
For example, if someone criticizes us, maybe he is right and reasonable, but we are still very unhappy. Because although you know rationally that you are being criticized for a reason, you emotionally think that your sense of value has been weakened, so you feel very uncomfortable. If reason focuses on right and wrong, then emotions focus on pros and cons, whether it is good or bad for ourselves.
So when a woman is angry, no matter how many reasons a man talks about, it is useless. It is not as effective as buying a bouquet of flowers.
3. Emotion itself is also a kind of energy.
Dr. Roy Martina said in "Learning How to Balance Emotions": The most powerful way to connect the natural healing ability of the body and mind is through emotions. Some negative emotions can completely incapacitate people or produce destructive behaviors, while positive emotions can make our actions quick, energetic and constructive.
If we try to eliminate all emotions and live only by thinking and reason because we want to avoid negative emotions, then we will be like people who have lost their feet and cannot move. Emotional richness is not a bad thing; it shows that the person is interesting and living a real life.
Through discussion, we can find that emotions themselves are not what we originally imagined. They can be turned off just like turning off a faucet. Controlling emotions is not an easy task for anyone. Furthermore, even if we can remain calm about emotions and anger, it is not a good thing, because it comes at the expense of suppressing our own vitality and energy, and we can easily fall into a dangerous situation of depression.
02.
What causes us
to lose control of our emotions?
1. Factors of personality traits
When psychologists study the issue of personality, they often refer to several trait dimensions, such as extroversion, extroversion, and neuroticism. This neurosis is not neurosis or mental illness as we understand it in life, but refers to a person's emotional stability and instability.
When we use the dimension of neuroticism to observe different people, we will find that some people are naturally emotionally stable, while some people are very sensitive and unstable, and prone to emotions. fluctuation. Therefore, when we feel that we always lose our temper, we must first understand our own personality characteristics. If we have an emotionally unstable personality, it would be unrealistic to ask ourselves to have no temper at all.
2. The knots and even psychological trauma caused by specific experiences
Sometimes, we tend to find things inexplicable and strange to most people. Very angry.
If we often lose control of our emotions over the same type of things, we need to think about whether there have been any memorable events or bad experiences in our growth experience, when we were getting along with our parents and friends. ?
Generally speaking, excessive emotional reactions are related to specific experiences. Because such emotions are not resolved in time at the time, it is easy to form a knot after accumulation, so that similar situations may occur in later life. When things happen, our mental knots are triggered, causing us to lose control of our emotions.
There is a word in psychology called psychological buttons. If we become furious and furious because of the other person’s unintentional words, expression or behavior, it is probably because they have pressed our psychological buttons. , evokes painful experiences and emotions from our childhood or growing up.
At this time, we must remind ourselves in time that our negative emotions and pain have nothing to do with the person in front of us. He just pressed this button unintentionally.
03.
How should we deal with
our own emotional problems?
1. Treat negative emotions as a window to understand yourself
As we just mentioned, emotions point to the self and reflect our true inner needs and wants. Emotional outbursts and outbursts indicate that some of our psychological needs have been excessively suppressed or ignored. If we can use the window of emotions to deeply explore our hearts and constantly reconcile with the shadows in our hearts, then negative emotions are the energy that promotes our growth and maturity.
So, how can we control our emotions so that we don’t lose control easily?
The answer is that when you no longer feel hurt, your emotions will naturally disappear. The best and only way to do this is to continue self-exploration and growth.
2. Deal with emotions first, then deal with things
Don’t deal with things when you are emotional, let alone make decisions. The principle at this time should be: deal with emotions first, then deal with things.
Steps to deal with emotions:
1) Be aware that you have emotions. After all, awareness is the first step to change.
2) Use the question "What's wrong with me?" to quickly identify the source of the emotion? Since it’s easy to find bias, ask several times, “What’s wrong with me?”
3) Name the emotion. Naming is the first step in recognizing it.
4) Find where in the body the emotion appears? Psychological problems can also take a physical form in the short term. For example, irritability will make you feel stuffy, anger will make your breathing speed up...
5) Gently pat this area and try to use soft language to express "You have seen changes or reactions in your body..." Promise that you will take care of yourself .
6) Let yourself leave the current physical environment. If you can't leave the physical environment, then use your mind to think about the new environment... Think of some scenes that make you comfortable... Of course, enjoy it when you have nothing to do What kind of scene do you feel most comfortable and relaxed in?
7) If the above cannot solve or alleviate the problem, then do some things you usually do, such as eating, watching TV dramas, watching jokes, drawing, or even playing mahjong. But you can't directly adjust to this step as soon as your emotions come up, otherwise it will become an escape.
8) Tell yourself over and over again that you will wait until your emotions calm down before talking about things or making decisions. This relief may only take 3 seconds, or it may take days or longer. The amount of time you spend can also reveal how well you handle your emotions.
9) After the emotions have completely left, you must review the entire process, and it is best to write it down. Reviewing allows you to think like a bystander, or you can use voice to tell the process to yourself. . Controlling emotions is also an ability, so it requires more deliberate training.
3. Several methods of emotional control
1) Diversion of attention
Random thinking is usually accompanied by anxiety. In an anxious mood, we cannot allow ourselves to When emotions spread, we should shift our attention to a certain aspect
For example, doing housework. When doing housework, we need to think about how to decorate things,
how to clean, and how to organize. This can put part of Dissipate bad emotions.
Slowly and slowly you will find that the things you just thought about have been forgotten. When the housework is done, you are already immersed in the joy of cleaning up the house.
2) Self-pleasure
I believe that most young people often enjoy themselves, especially under the tremendous pressure that today’s work and life puts on us, it is really important to find a way to self-regulate. important.
When we are having fun, our brains are in a blank and relaxed state. We play high-pitched music and dance for a while. Friends who have pets at home bring their pets to have fun together.
After a few minutes of jumping around, your bad mood will have flowed out along with the sweat. Now take a shower and your mood will surely stabilize.
If you don’t believe it, try it! ?
3) Conceive a trip that can just go away
This is difficult to realize for most people when they are emotional. After all, there is no way to completely abandon the things at hand and go crazy. .
But I have to admit that traveling is really healing.
We can regard this as our beautiful plan, but it is also a way of diverting attention.
Plan where and how you want to travel next, go to Taobao and add all the things you need for your trip to your shopping cart.
Search online and collect the guide. When you do this series of things well, you will find that your mood will really be much better at this time.
The rest is to work harder, earn money, and find time to have fun!
4) Dress yourself up
No one doesn’t like to dress up beautifully.
When you are in a bad mood, open the closet.
Wear the clothes you like, no matter spring, summer, autumn or winter, and match them with exquisite makeup, and you might even find different ways to match the clothes hidden in the corner.
Look at your beautiful and confident self in the mirror. Your bad mood has already been taken away by the beautiful clothes, and now only your rational self is left.
5) Find someone to talk to
There is a saying: "Just say it and it will be fine."
In fact, it is really good. Emotions need to be relieved. Needs to be digested.
It may be simpler and clearer to find someone to talk to to digest our bad emotions together, and analyze the problem from his perspective.
Before we solve the problem of random thoughts, we must first know why we have this bad mood, find the right way to solve it, and face it with optimism.