Some time ago, I played "Truth or Dare" with my relatives' children at home. One of the truth questions was: What's the nickname you least like to hear? Some of the children hesitated, but because they meant it and I promised to keep it secret, they told me. Some children's names are "bed bugs", and some children's names are adapted from their names, such as "son of a bitch". When children talk about these nicknames, frustration and anger flash across their faces.
I was never given a nickname when I was a child, and now I don’t remember whether I gave my classmates nicknames. Now that I see the expressions of the children, I feel uncomfortable. It is not an exception for children to be given nicknames in school. Some parents feel that they were nicknamed when they were children, so they feel that it is not a big deal for their children to be nicknamed. In fact, we parents must be vigilant when our children are given nicknames in school, especially malicious nicknames - a form of school bullying. Malicious nicknames, invisible campus bullying, and explicit accomplices of campus bullying
There are two kinds of nicknames, one is a kind nickname, and the other is a malicious nickname. Kind nicknames are a symbol of friendship, indicating that friends understand each other and have a deep relationship. For example, my friends and I will call each other fat or thin because one is a little fatter and the other is a little thinner. We will laugh and laugh when we hear each other call us this, and we will not get angry.
Malicious nicknames can also be given based on a person's physical characteristics, behavior, deeds, character, name, etc., but the person who gives the nickname has an unfriendly tone and attitude in his words, such as ridicule, contempt, Ridicule, disgust. Just like one of my relatives' children said to me: "I don't like people calling me bedbug at all. I don't stink at all." I understand that although the word "bedbug" is a simple word, there is a difference between the words of my classmates. "Stink" is already a bit complicated. Such malicious nicknames can cause a lot of harm to children and may even become an accomplice to school bullying.
The most typical one is the movie "Sadness Against the River". In this movie, Yi Yao is what her classmates call a "loser," and such a derogatory nickname reflects their disrespect and unkindness towards her. Also because of their own disrespect and unkindness, when rumors about her spread, the classmates "trampled" on her dignity even more wantonly. If her original "nickname" could be taken seriously by teachers and parents, the ending might be different.
Nowadays, campus "malicious nicknames" are classified as a type of invisible bullying on campus. Last year, Guangdong Province and other provinces and cities issued implementation measures to control bullying among primary and secondary school students, which mentioned the classification of school bullying, and classified "giving others insulting nicknames" and "insulting their personality" as campus bullying incidents. As soon as these policies were introduced, many netizens recalled the unbearable past and confided in their sad memories of being nicknamed. More clear data shows that such policies respond to students’ needs. According to a survey conducted by the organizing committee of the "China Children's Safety Action", 81.45% of the primary school students interviewed believed that "language harm" is the most urgent campus problem that needs to be solved. Another survey showed that 40 primary school students encountered language "regularly". According to a survey conducted by the organizing committee of the "China Children's Safety Action", 81.45% of the primary school students interviewed believed that "language harm" is the most urgent campus problem that needs to be solved. Another survey showed that 40 primary school students "regularly" encountered verbal violence. . It can be seen that malicious nicknames are not an exception, and the harm they cause cannot be ignored just because they are common. Malicious nicknames are very harmful, and children will always care about the nicknames given to them by others
Malicious nicknames are never a simple joke. Treating nicknames as a joke among children is a mistake that parents can easily make. After all, the "joke" of a malicious nickname has the potential to harm a child for a lifetime.
1. Hurt children's self-esteem
When we adults are ridiculed or nicknamed by others, we will feel guilty, especially children. Self-esteem can make people strive for self-improvement, but when self-esteem is hurt, children will be annoyed, angry, and resentful. In severe cases, children will either give up on themselves or have a strong sense of revenge.
Some children do not want to go to school because their self-esteem and dignity have been hurt, and they are unwilling to challenge "malicious nicknames". Some children go to school, but their grades plummet. Because their self-esteem is hurt, they feel low self-esteem and no longer love themselves. They feel that learning is meaningless, let alone working hard, and even commit suicide. Some children felt resentful and began to retaliate, beat and kill their classmates. The hurt of words and different looks are as painful as many densely packed knives piercing a child's heart, and as painful as a small needle piercing a fingernail.
2. Influence children's understanding of the world
Children have just come to this world, and their understanding of the world comes first from their parents and secondly from school. Especially when a child enters school to study, the child's understanding of the child mainly comes from the school. If a child is subjected to verbal violence from "malicious nicknames", is often ridiculed and despised by others, and is isolated by a group of people, what will the child think about the world? If parents still say "Don't be so stingy" at this time and the teacher chooses the model, the child will not only feel that he is redundant, but also feel that the world is not beautiful but extremely ugly. With this understanding, children are likely to develop mental illnesses in their future growth.
3. It makes children condemn themselves for a long time
Xi Rui, one of the contestants of "Qi Pa Shuo", was also teased as "too naughty" when he was a child because he liked to be with girls during recess. Jumping rubber bands. He couldn't stand the ridicule of his classmates, so he asked the teacher for help. However, the teacher just said lightly: "Why don't they laugh at others, only you? Why do you have to jump rubber bands with those girls? Why can't you change?" Now it seems that there is nothing wrong with jumping rubber bands. But until now, Shirley is still worried about this incident. He said: "What is more painful and twisted than the ridicule is the self-condemnation in his heart for many years." Such self-condemnation is equally painful. Self-condemnation may not necessarily urge children to change themselves, or even never change themselves. Some psychologists say that long-term condemnation can only create hypocrisy. Because of self-condemnation and knowing that the real self is not the ideal self, the child tries to pretend to show that he is not the real self. Then the child will create a split within himself, and he will have a false face, and an unreal person will be born, and he will become a self-repressed, inferior, critical, and nervous person. Be wary of children's nicknames and help them deal with the shadow of malicious nicknames
It is inevitable for children to be given nicknames. This is our understanding of children as their lives gradually become more centered around school after they go to school." There will be less and less control. It is impossible for us to personally help children eliminate any obstacles, and it is impossible to help children shield themselves from "malicious nicknames" and strange looks, but we can help children solve the shadow of malicious nicknames.
1. Understand children's attitudes and emotions towards "malicious nicknames"
The impact of "malicious nicknames" on children is definitely negative, but the negative effects are in many aspects. We need to understand whether the child is frustrated, angry, or self-defeating, so that we can better "apply appropriate medicine" to effectively resolve the child's emotions. This requires children to be vigilant when mentioning nicknames. Because generally speaking, children don’t often talk about embarrassing things at school. When children do, they may be asking us for help. At this time, we can understand the child's emotions through communication, and we can also observe the child's behavior after returning home, as well as his behavior and expression before going to school, or call the teacher to find out. If your child appears abnormal, you should take it very seriously.
In addition, we can usually talk to our children more about life at school and learn about their children's life in school in a timely manner. For example, ask your child: What made you laugh at school today; Who did you play with during recess today; What happened today...
2. Tell the teacher and negotiate a solution with the teacher
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If the situation is serious, you must tell the teacher and actively communicate with the teacher. Sometimes one communication may not be enough and multiple communication is needed. If necessary, you can also call the police and let the police handle it. Parents should not come forward to teach their children's classmates a lesson, as this can easily lead to their children's classmates retaliating against their children.
When parents calm their children's emotions, they should also actively guide their children to learn to actively seek help from the teacher. If the teacher does not understand or cannot explain clearly, parents can also help communicate with the teacher and let the teacher help solve the problem the child encounters. question.
3. Guide children to be positive and optimistic in facing "malicious nicknames"
When a child is given a "malicious nickname", the attitude of the parents is very important. Qian Sanqiang's previous name was not this, it was given to him by his classmates in junior high school. Because Qian Sanqiang ranks third at home and is relatively strong in sports. Qian Sanqiang's father heard about it and simply changed Qian Sanqiang's name to this name.
In addition, we must teach our children to deal with silence. Because children like to joke (children don’t know the importance of things), they lose interest when they see the person being nicknamed ignore them, and over time they stop giving nicknames. This silent response is calmness, not sulking. This requires us to guide our children to face things optimistically at home. For example, when Uhm told his father about his nickname "Navel", his father didn't ignore it, but said, "I was also called Navel when I was a child." Uhm realized that it was his classmates who called him that because of his last name. I felt relieved instantly.
Finally, we can also teach children to overcome their own strengths, encourage them, and give them ways to overcome them. Whether it is a natural flaw or an acquired flaw, overcoming it is a mental victory. When the mentality wins, the impact of malicious nicknames is reduced.
We all know that campus bullying is not a trivial matter, but we often don’t have a sense of preparedness. The first is that parents do not understand their children's emotions and their causes in time, the second is that parents lack the awareness to educate their children against bullying, and the third is that parents lack the awareness to educate their children not to harm others. Education is indeed not simple, but we cannot relax for this reason. Even though bullying in schools is impossible to prevent, as long as we know more about accompanying our children and complain less and preach less, we will be able to help them face difficulties in time.