Answer the Lord by Yi's psychology.
& gt& gt& gt A psychological mushroom problem;
(Click "Learn more" at the end of the article to see the details of the original question)
I can't communicate with my husband and want a divorce. Every communication is always despised and accused?
My husband always thought he was right. When my children get bad grades, they always accuse me of being irresponsible and careless. Every time I want to communicate with him, I am always despised and accused. I really want a divorce, and I think this marriage is a great torture to my self-esteem.
Occasionally experience each other's working environment, learn to take care of yourself and love yourself.
A Responder of Psychological Essence @ Feifei
Psychological Counselor II/National Senior Human Resource Manager
If husband and wife don't work in the same environment or similar environment for a long time, it's really not easy to get to know each other and find a topic with common sense.
Long-term "going your own way" has led to the status quo of "unable to communicate with your husband", which may be the root of the "problem". Therefore, we can try to have nothing to do with self-esteem for the time being and not make self-denial judgments. Just look at the present situation, discuss it together and see what we can do.
Admit the "injustice" to women and accept the advice with an open mind: take me for example. The biggest gain I got in these years is that I didn't stand up to myself.
For example, when I really can't do well because of my lack of ability, I will admit that my ability is limited, and then humbly ask someone with strong ability and experience.
Even though I may feel despised, I know my goal is to finish it well, so I try to ignore its attitude and pay attention to its language content and specific operating procedures and methods.
Back to the topic, I think, first of all, we should really admit that we are "unfair" to women, or that in the current reality, the requirements for women are really "high". This reminds me of the movie "Finding You" released some time ago. I sum up this movie in one sentence, that is: whatever you do, it's your fault ~
Well, in that case, I admit, it's all my fault ~ so, tell me, what's the right thing to do? You said that I would do it without any prejudice or hostility. I just ask you sincerely: please tell me what is right.
If you change the subject, or you don't know, it means that you may not have thought of a better way to do things than at present, so you should do it in my way for the time being, and I will do it in yours when you think of a better way.
If you say your method, I think, no matter good or bad, right or wrong, as women, we can try it with an attitude of acceptance and tolerance ~
As long as you give me a specific method, I might as well try it for a while according to your method and see how it works. If it is good, stick to it; If it's not good, then discuss it.
Occasionally change the scene and experience each other's working environment: As the current situation is caused by different working scenes for a long time, in order to better feel each other's situation, we might as well try changing the scene at the weekend, so as to enhance the relationship, increase the common language and exchange topics.
You can also find a part-time job to go out on weekends. It is better to buy this job not simply by selling physical strength, but by giving full play to one's own advantages or specialties.
For example, if you are good at finance, you can find a part-time cashier job on weekends; If you are good at cooking, find a part-time cooking job on weekends; If you are good at chatting, find a job as an online writer on weekends; If you are good at trading, find a part-time job in WeChat business on weekends.
In a word, this job is best to have some technical content, contact with people and have a certain work intensity.
What about the husband? On weekends, you can be a full-time father at home, buying vegetables, washing vegetables, cutting vegetables, cooking, washing pots and bowls, wiping tables, washing clothes, scrubbing floors, playing homework, sending your baby to remedial classes, taking your baby shopping to buy snacks after class.
When you encounter a problem that your baby can't understand, explain it patiently in a language that your baby can understand; See the baby procrastination, quote classics and picture books, and combine life cases to make the baby suddenly realize; The baby talks back and his face doesn't change color; When the baby can't do the problem, she will still laugh when she still can't do it countless times.
In the evening, when you come home after a hard day's work, you'd better let your husband cook the meal and wait for you to come home as usual. The baby's homework has been completed, and the home is as clean as ever, as if nothing happened that day ~
After insisting on exchanging scenes for a period of time, I believe each other can understand each other's feelings, needless to say ~
Learn to take care of yourself and love yourself: As a stay-at-home mother, we may not have many opportunities to show our faces, or we may gradually forget that we also need skin care and makeup, dress appropriately and eat regularly.
If you say that the above two items are in our home, it is still impossible for the time being. Then, let's start with this one. Try to be kind to yourself, love yourself, learn to care for your skin, learn to eat well, buy new clothes, and ask some friends to go shopping, chat and read books.
Not to match anyone's level, but to be more progressive, better, more beautiful and more elegant.
Perhaps, when we try to insist on doing this, we will be surprised to find that when our daughter reaches puberty, there may be something to ask for our advice; Husband may also find that we have been quietly changing.
Not to please others, just to please yourself.
Think of the present marriage as a school and accumulate wisdom. Arrange a growth path for yourself.
A Responder of Psychological Essence @ Wu Zixi
God speaks, three feet to interpret dreams, intractable diseases
Give the landlord a hug first. Based on personal experience, I can understand this feeling very well. Most of the time, it's not about communication at all. Different communication methods have different effects, but changing communication methods can't solve the fundamental problem. To put it mildly, it is a bit like a beggar talking again, and the king is not tired of listening.
Family affairs and children's education are two bottomless pits. How much time and energy you spend and how tired you are, the effect is often like hitting Shui Piao. Don't say that others can't see it, and they often can't tell one from another.
My husband sometimes asks me what I have done all day and tells me that I am very angry myself. I haven't touched the sofa all day, and I can't come up with a whole set of clothes if I want to talk.
You made sacrifices to achieve them, and in the end you got nothing, not even a little respect.
# But in this case, do you want a divorce? My advice is never to leave.
Self-esteem and self-love come from yourself. It is true that the husband is busy at work and the children are not doing well. It is probably true that he has made greater progress than you over the years. It is a fact that housework and children take up a lot of your time and energy for you.
But at the same time, the family economic pressure should not be on you, and the husband can grow naturally in the working environment. He may not need extra arrangements, but this does not prevent you from arranging a growth path for yourself.
It is better to think of the present marriage as a school.
Actually, it's quite similar to being a student. When I was a student, I spent my living expenses at home, and my main business was learning. Excellent grades are of course the best, but you can retake the exam if you fail. Finally, the diploma is your own and can be used as a stepping stone for the next step.
Now some people bear the living expenses, but the main business content is different, but we can also consider how to improve the score (including his evaluation and self-evaluation), and the accumulated wisdom of life can be used as a paving stone for the next step.
Marriage is not a woman's destination, but self-growth is more important.
A psychological quality responder @ Zuo Zuo
People who know why they live can live.
I can feel your grievance and pain, work hard for my family, and finally be accused and despised. You and your husband can't communicate at present, you need to find out the reason first.
It is difficult for women to strike a balance between work and family after marriage, especially after having children. We can look at ourselves and see if the changes after marriage have really not improved.
Marriage is not a woman's destination, but self-growth is more important.
If there is no progress, it is not too late. Developed information, self-planning, a little progress.
If you have growth and reserves in your work, you can re-examine your feelings and whether your husband is suspected of cold violence against you before making a decision.
Misunderstanding may be caused by improper organization and acceptance of language. A good relationship between husband and wife needs understanding, tolerance and empathy.
A Responder of Psychological Essence @ Beyond the Cloud
Love psychology
Teacher Li Zhongying analyzed the five fatal injuries in intimate relationship in detail, and insisted that he was right is the first key to the failure of intimate relationship.
The idea that I am right can be distilled into: I am right, I am right, and I am right.
There are two kinds of people who insist that I am right. One is blind self-knowledge and the other is clear self-knowledge.
Clear self-awareness usually gives people a feeling of self-confidence, stability, tranquility, harmony and strength. Blind self-awareness usually gives people a feeling of arrogance and narcissism.
The counterpart of my correctness is that you are wrong. According to the premise of nLp 12, no two people are the same.
This assumption holds that the results of your fault being seen by different people will have different results, because no two people can have exactly the same view on the same thing, so no two people can have exactly the same attitude and reaction to the same thing, so your bad results can be divided into:
There is something wrong with the way you educate your children. You don't know how to teach (choice, ability). Some of your actions are careless and irresponsible (belief value). You are an irresponsible and careless person. Similarly, you read some contempt for you from some words and deeds that your husband denied you. Like your husband's reaction above, you read it directly from his words and deeds (contempt).
Whether you and your husband really misunderstand what you want to express and what the other person understands, really try not to make a decision with the answer of self-thinking. It is recommended to really understand each other through communication.
A good relationship between husband and wife needs understanding, tolerance and empathy.
When you emphasize that your husband is busy with work and doesn't care about his family, your language is invalid. In fact, what you want to express is:
It is not easy for you to take care of the children at home alone, but it is even more difficult for your husband to see and understand.
When the husband focuses on your failure to educate your children, his language is also invalid, because all he sees is that he is busy working outside, regardless of his family.
Maybe what my husband wants to express is:
I hope you can take care of the children at home, so as not to worry about yourself.
But the organization and acceptance of language, as well as my own understanding of the meaning of words, are all wrong, which has caused misunderstanding between you.
I am not a woman, but because I have been at home for many years, I can really feel that it is not easy to take care of children. Although I am a man, sometimes it is not easy to think that my wife can take care of her children at home.
Having said that, I suggest that the subject should not make a decision in a hurry, and try to give her husband some opportunities to make him feel that it is not easy for you to be at home. Whenever he is strong, it is only his own strength, let him see your value and importance.
For blind self-esteem, the best way is: you can cheer up, if not, don't yell.
Click "Learn More" below to see the rest of the answers.
Life question and answer hall
Your community of psychological mutual assistance and growth