The reason why children are not confident, self-confidence is very important to anyone, whether adults or children, but self-confidence is not an innate experience. To solve the problem of children's lack of confidence, it is necessary to understand the reasons for children's lack of confidence.
Reasons for children's lack of self-confidence 1 (1) Overprotection and arranged substitution by adults.
Early childhood is an important stage for children to learn various skills and cultivate their development ability. A large amount of information from outside stimulates children's physiological and psychological functions all the time, and constantly promotes their functional operation. Nowadays, the vast majority of children are only children, and many parents spoil their children and do everything instead. Some children are too slow to do things, all by themselves; Some pay too much attention to intellectual education and ignore the cultivation of children's ability; Some children are afraid of being bullied by their peers, don't let them go out to play with other children, and ignore the normal needs of children to communicate with their peers, resulting in children feeling strange, uneasy and helpless in the new environment. Many teachers have the same behavior, thinking that children are weak and need our help, so they try their best to do all kinds of things for children and solve all kinds of problems in teaching. This kind of excessive care and protection actually deprives children of the opportunity to exercise, making them lack not only the necessary ability to take care of themselves and play, but also the ability to exercise and solve problems. They will not associate with others, lack independence, rely on others, and will encounter difficulties.
(2) Adults' negative comments or excessive negative comments on children.
Children's self-evaluation often lacks independence, and it is easier to trust and accept the evaluation of adults. Many adults do not pay attention to the influence of their own evaluation on children's development, and often criticize and deny children at will, and even accuse and reprimand them. Influenced by incorrect views on children and education, adults habitually think that what we give our children is reasonable and correct, and children should accept what we give unconditionally. Excessive demands will also affect the formation of children's self-confidence. Many parents put too high demands on their children because their wishes have not been realized or because of the influence of social trends, regardless of their actual situation. Children often fail to meet the high requirements of adults because of their age characteristics and various abilities, and are criticized, denied or even reprimanded for this. This constant frustration and negative negation will make children feel inferior, and they will not get the successful experience necessary for the formation of self-confidence. On the contrary, they will experience failure.
(c) Adults expect too much from children.
Many teachers are influenced by educational concepts, their own educational ability and other factors. When designing educational activities, they do not consider the needs of children at different levels of development, but put forward a common goal for all children, which makes many children with weak abilities often fail to reach the set goals, lack successful experience and often feel depressed. In addition, many adults habitually compare their children horizontally, comparing the advantages of other children with their own shortcomings, such as "Look how well you draw, look what you draw!" "The somebody else has eight five-pointed stars, you only have three. I am really disappointed! " "You see, the children all went to play, and so did you. Children can do nothing. " This comparison will make children feel stupid and poor, doubt their self-worth, and seriously affect the formation of their positive self-image and self-confidence.
Self-confidence is a person's full understanding of himself, which is closely related to the development of children's self-awareness, especially the level of children's self-evaluation, which is the key to the formation of self-confidence. Self-confidence is an important aspect of children's social development, which can promote children's physical and mental health and harmonious development. As an important social psychological quality, it is an important part of children's good psychological quality and healthy personality, and it is the basic requirement of talent quality. Therefore, cultivating children's self-confidence and developing children's good personality and psychological quality is one of the important topics of children's social education.
Reasons why children are not confident 2. The root of children's lack of self-confidence.
Childhood is an important period to form self-confidence, and bad environmental factors in the family are an important reason for children's lack of self-confidence.
1, label effect
There is a "label effect" in psychology, which says that a person is attracted to a certain conclusion by others, just like a commodity is labeled. When you are labeled, you will make your behavior consistent with the content of the label.
Some children are naturally sensitive to unfamiliar environment and social behavior, and need time to adapt and integrate. If parents are too impatient at this time and label their children's behavior as "timid" or even "stupid", then children who often hear such repressed words and criticisms will really become stupid and timid.
Children's character and behavior are more and more like parents' evaluation. The so-called "label effect".
2. Too modest
Implicit politeness has always been a traditional virtue advocated by China people, but it is not so applicable to children. Most parents always humbly shirk a few words when others praise their children, but listening to them is undoubtedly the biggest blow. Children who are sensitive and introverted will think that their parents are not satisfied with them.
Children who have not been affirmed by their parents for a long time will form the inner impression that "I am always inferior to others" and lack security, self-confidence and courage, thus forming a strong self-defense and protection psychology.
3. Overrearing
Many parents "do everything" for their children, underestimate their abilities, distrust their children and make them lack self-confidence.
It is not only an "action arrangement" that takes care of children too carefully in life; When things happen, children are not given full trust, giving them the opportunity to think and make their own decisions, and making "spiritual arrangements".
Parents should give their children a broad space of trust, let them find solutions to many problems themselves, cultivate their independent ability and enhance their self-confidence in solving problems.
4. Insufficient cognition
The younger the child, the less clear he has about himself. What he knows about himself comes from his closest relatives, and the most direct influence is his parents' evaluation of them.
If parents always give their children negative comments, then children are prone to learned helplessness's psychology.
In the daily parenting interaction, children get the feeling that I can't get help and my needs can't be answered. I can't control it. I must obey others.
Then in the future communication with others, it is possible to adopt the strategy of giving up-shrinking-escaping.
So, how to cultivate children's self-confidence and what are the methods to cultivate children's self-confidence?
1, learn to appreciate children and accept them.
Don't label your child negatively, find out the advantages of your child, and don't just modestly deny others' praise, but give a positive response. Parents' affirmation and recognition give children love and attention, which is the cornerstone of children's self-confidence.
2. Encourage and praise children correctly.
Like appreciation and acceptance, it is also important to encourage and praise children. Adults need respect and recognition from others, and so do children.
However, encouragement and praise need to pay attention to methods and skills, so that children can develop growth-oriented thinking and have the internal motivation to actively change themselves.
3. Take children's demands seriously.
When children ask their parents, don't blindly agree or deny, let alone ignore their needs.
To analyze right and wrong with children according to the actual situation, first treat children as adults and listen patiently as friends. Don't let children lose confidence because they are not valued.
4. Give children the opportunity to choose for themselves.
Learn to let go and let children do what they can. Try to practice step by step, experience certain setbacks and successes, let children understand the correctness of their choices, and cultivate their self-confidence in facing things and problems independently.
5. Cultivate children's sense of purpose
According to children's development characteristics and individual differences, put forward suitable tasks and requirements, and establish a goal that can be achieved through hard work. Children will have a sense of maturity and self-confidence after trying to achieve their goals. When I encounter difficulties, I don't want to retreat directly and want to give up.
6. Bring love and positive energy to children.
Actively express our love for children, let children feel his importance and exercise their practical ability. When the child does something wrong, guide him how to solve the problem and let the child have confidence in himself.
Give children a positive explanation of what happened in life and help them establish a positive and optimistic outlook on life and values.
There is a saying: the best time to plant a tree is ten years ago, followed by now. The same is true for cultivating children's self-confidence. Now is the best time.
Reasons for children's lack of self-confidence 3 1. Overindulgence or something.
Today's children are basically only children, the darling of the family. Parents, grandparents and grandparents focus all their love on their children. Overindulgence is not conducive to the healthy growth of children. After the child is born, when breastfeeding, most parents are reluctant to let the child struggle to get food by himself, and use milk powder to feed, so that the child can get used to it easily and give up the opportunity of breastfeeding. This is a typical arrangement. When children grow up to about two years old, they often feel very capable and like to express themselves in languages such as "I'll do it" and "I'll do it myself". This is the bud of self-confidence. At this time, if an adult helps him operate, he will get a pleasant experience and his self-confidence will begin to develop invisibly. On the contrary, if adults do too much, children's self-confidence will gradually weaken or even be completely lost. They not only lack the necessary ability to take care of themselves, but also lack the ability to act, solve problems, communicate with others and actively acquire knowledge. , the formation of a lack of independent, dependent on others, timid character, easy to form inferiority after failure and frustration.
Second, there are too many negatives and the requirements are too high.
As adults, we should know how to stimulate children's intrinsic motivation, encourage children to actively participate in various activities, show their abilities in activities, and establish their self-confidence. Because children's abilities are influenced by many factors, there are differences. However, some parents or teachers, because they are too demanding of their children, criticize them if they are slightly dissatisfied, and their attitude is extremely calm. Excessive demands and denials of adults will hurt their self-confidence over time. In the process of education, parents and teachers should be good at discovering the bright spots in their children, helping them build up their self-confidence and let them feel "I can do it" and "I am great".
Third, horizontal comparison and unification of goals
Children's self-evaluation lacks independence and is often evaluated by adults. Therefore, adults' evaluation of children has become the basis for children to know themselves. Often, most adults do not realize this correctly in the process of educating their children. Among the parents I know, I often hear them compare other people's children with their own children and say, "Look at xxx, how smart he is, why are you so stupid?" "See if people will do much better, and you will do nothing." "You really make me angry" ... I have heard too many such words, but I didn't know that parents' horizontal evaluation of their children would dampen their self-confidence. In the process of education, parents and teachers should put forward different educational goals, unified requirements and the same standards according to the actual situation of each child, which will lead to inferiority complex of children with weak ability due to lack of successful experience and affect the formation of self-confidence.
In the process of children's participation in activities, as long as there is progress compared with the previous period, both teachers and parents should immediately give affirmation, so that children can feel their own abilities and experience the happiness of success, thus helping children to establish self-confidence.
Fourth, children's own negative attitude.
The lack of children's own conditions also has a great impact on their self-confidence, mainly in the following aspects:
1, the child's congenital genetic factors cause some kind of physical defect.
2. Disability caused by accidents while growing up.
3. The poverty of families leads to the difference of material conditions.
4. Mental defect or dullness.
5, personality defects, introversion, incompatible with peers.