This custom is rare in ancient times, and the mutual understanding between men and women mainly depends on the words of matchmakers. If the man wants to find out more about the woman, he often uses the "peek" method. Peeping is mostly done by parents and elders, or when women go out, they quietly follow and peek; Or hide your true identity, buy pigs, cows, etc., and go to the woman's home to secretly observe and attack by innuendo. Most people are afraid that their daughter will be seen by the other party. If the man is caught peeking, the woman thinks it is disgraceful, and the marriage may cause trouble or even break down.
After * *, the wind of blind date gradually became popular, but the parties to the marriage basically have no right to make their own decisions, and most of them are replaced by their parents and elders. There are two main forms:
One is that the man's parents, aunts, aunts, etc. come forward and visit the woman's house on another day. The woman's parents usually let her daughter show her face, such as pouring tea and lighting cigarettes. The man's family takes advantage of the situation to look at the woman's appearance, figure, posture and manners. In Quanzhou, Liancheng and other places, there is also the custom of looking at women's palms. Seeing the palm of a blind date is not as elegant and mysterious as fortune-tellers. Usually, a woman's happiness is judged only by the hardness of her palm and the thickness of her skin. Soft palms and delicate skin are good looks, while those with prominent bones, stiff muscles and rough skin are bad looks without good fortune. Fujian folks also generally taboo women's "palm-breaking" (also known as "horizontal palm", that is, there is a thick and deep line on the palm from left to right across the center, such as crossing the palm from it), thinking that this kind of woman is "hard" and doomed to kill her husband (a man's palm-breaking is regarded as the life of a high official).
The other is that the man himself is taken by a matchmaker or an elder to a woman's house for blind date, and he is also examined by her while observing her. But the men and women didn't sit and talk for a long time. The woman just showed up a little and then hid in the inner room. In Zhangping, blind date is commonly known as "seeing the bride". Generally, the man stands in Daping (patio), and the daughter walks from the left alley (slant hall) to the right alley after dressing up, which is only a short time. At the same time, the woman's parents and other relatives are watching the man. In Jianning, when the man goes to the door for a blind date, the woman peeks at it first. If there is no objection, she goes out to pour tea. The man takes the opportunity to glance at it. If he agrees, he takes the tea.
no matter what form of blind date, if the man is satisfied, he will show it. Generally, a woman is given a small red envelope, commonly known as a "meeting gift", or even other members of her family have to take a ride. In Qingliu and other places, the man's family will stay for dinner before leaving. In Puxian area, if the blind date eats the snacks cooked by the other party? Eggs, noodles, that is to say, I like it. In Jianyang, before the young men leave, the girl will personally make a bowl of sugar boiled water for the young men to drink. If the young men finish this bowl of sugar water, they will be satisfied. If you drink half a bowl, it means that you still need to ask the matchmaker to negotiate, leaving room for manoeuvre; If you just touch your lips symbolically, it's out of courtesy to show that you don't agree with the marriage.
In Longhai, it is different for men to send "meeting gifts" on blind dates. When the man came to the woman's house, the woman asked her daughter out of the hall to hold tea, and also invited relatives to meet the man. Does the man need to prepare a meeting ceremony? "Red envelopes" are presented one by one according to the size of relatives and friends. A blind date often costs thousands of yuan in red envelopes. After the blind date, if one of the men and women is not satisfied, the marriage proposal can be suspended. Whether the marriage is negotiated or not, the red envelope of the man's blind date should still be paid.
after the man goes on a blind date, the woman will also visit the man's house. But the woman herself can't go, and the elder will come forward. Mainly to see the man's family situation, such as family members, environment, houses, furnishings, etc., but also to see the man's appearance, the man's family should hold a banquet to entertain guests and give gifts. In Putian, the woman stayed for dinner only if she was interested in this marriage.
Nowadays, old-fashioned blind date is rare in the marriage etiquette of urban youth. * * Lovers don't need blind date. Although they usually bring their lovers home for their parents and family members to consider, the final idea is basically their own. Those who are arranged by an introducer, etc., have a certain meaning of blind date when they meet for the first time. If you have a good impression at the first meeting, you will have a good start, otherwise it will be difficult to talk any more.
In rural areas, the custom of blind date is still popular, but its form and content have changed greatly. Blind date is not all about visiting each other's homes, but some are met by matchmakers or introducers at another place; When going on blind date, not only parents, relatives, matchmakers, etc. are accompanied, but also some people only invite close friends as companions or even go alone; In the process of blind date, the parties themselves have been in contact for a long time, and they will observe each other in relative detail, and through conversation, they can further understand each other's quality and cultivation. Of course, with the improvement of living standards, the cost of blind date has also increased. However, in a few areas, when dating, you come and go, the old and the new are mixed, and the etiquette is more complicated and costly. In Liancheng, in the past, the "meeting gift" given by the man to the woman was generally 2 silver dollars. Now, young men go to the woman's house to "see the new couple". If they agree, they have to give the girl a red envelope, about RMB 12 yuan. This is just "underestimating". In addition, there is a "big look", mainly by parents. For the sake of "looking big", the weight of red envelopes naturally increases, and the names increase. In addition to giving the woman a big red envelope around 24 yuan, the woman's family, young and old, and close relatives should also be given consideration. The red envelopes for the woman's parents are 42 yuan, uncles and aunts, 12 yuan, brothers and sisters, 12 yuan, and their children, 2.2 yuan. At this time, the woman will entertain the man to eat snacks (eggs, wine, noodles). Since the 198s, even the expenses of women's snacks have to be paid by the man out of 12 yuan. After the man looks at the woman, it is followed by "seeing others" and "seeing the son-in-law", that is, the woman's parents go to the man's house to see. The man himself has to wait at the gate first. When the woman's family arrives, they will be greeted by firecrackers and have to take the umbrella from the woman's mother. The woman then returns a red envelope to her future son-in-law, commonly known as the "umbrella-receiving gift". When "looking at others", the man must hold a banquet to entertain him.