It’s just food and wine
A certain Confucian official was about to ride out to greet his boss. Someone happened to come to visit. The Confucian official said to his wife: “It’s just food and wine.”
He hurried on his way.
The wife thought about it but couldn’t figure out what “just” was, so she went to ask the maid and slaves. After everyone discussed it, they thought that “Ji” was the “last” character. There happened to be a big sheep at home, so she slaughtered it. The sheep prepare wine to entertain guests.
When the Confucian official came home after finishing his work and heard what his wife said, he sighed anxiously and was depressed about this matter for a long time. Later, whenever I go out, I always have to take care of my wife: "If there are guests again today, only 'vegetable and wine' will be used, and no more 'just'."
Luoshanluoshui
< p>There is a teacher who is ignorant and incompetent. A visitor came back from the capital and visited him in the academy.A student took a book and asked about the word "Jin". The teacher didn't know it, but for the sake of face, he excused himself from waiting for the guest and left to ask again. He also picked up a red pen and clicked next to the word "Jin". a mark.
After a while, another student came to ask about the word "Wei", and the teacher circled the word "Wei" with a red pen, citing the same reason. < /p>
The students left, and the teacher asked the guest: "Is there any news in the capital?"
The guest said: "Yes! When I left the capital, I saw Duke Wen of Jin being shot. Duke Ling of Wei was surrounded by a red scarf."
The teacher hurriedly asked: "I wonder what happened to the subordinates of the second master?" The guest said with a smile: "Luoshan, Luoshan. "The one who fell into the water fell into the water."
Arguing over dreams
A poor scholar dreamed that he had found 300 taels of silver. When he woke up, he said to his wife: "If I really find it, I will kill it." Use 100 taels to buy a house, 100 taels to buy a field, and then use 100 taels to marry two young wives. How happy will you be then?”
The wife cursed: “I will die of poverty and freeze you to death.” ! He only has some money and wants to beg his wife!" The couple quarreled so much that they actually got into a fight in bed.
The neighbors heard the noise and came to try to persuade them. After asking about the reason for the quarrel, they all laughed loudly: "Fortunately it was a dream! If your family really had money to ask for a wife, wouldn't they have to file a murder case and implicate us?" ?”
Fifty Still Crazy
A villager became a government official and asked an old man for advice on the provisions of the criminal law. The old man introduced the various punishments of flogging, cane, and migration: "If you use a small thorn stick to whip, the number from 10 to 50 is called 'whipping'; if you use a large thorn stick to beat, the number from 60 to 100 is called 'stick'"
The villagers were greatly surprised and shouted: "I don't believe it. Is it possible that when you reach 50, you are still stupid (a homophone for "whipping") and ignorant?"
A Malaria Poetry
Jinling Chen Quan suffered from malaria, and he wrote a limerick to describe his illness, which is very funny: "When the cold comes, it's so cold that I lie down on the ice; when the heat comes, I'm so hot that I sit in a steamer; when the pain comes, it hurts so much that my whole body trembles. The season is so trembling that my teeth are bruised, it’s so sad to be killed by you, it’s so sad to be killed by you, it’s so sad when the weather comes and goes.”
Leaping over the dragon gate
< p>There was a scholar who was ferrying a boat and accidentally slipped and fell into the water. Others hurriedly rescued him. He was dripping with water, but he was very interested in poetry.He recited a poem: "As soon as I stepped on the boat, the bow suddenly opened, and God washed away the dust for me. At that time, everyone just wanted to go home." East China Sea, one jumps from the dragon gate and comes back."
The reason for this
Two people accidentally kicked a scholar on the head while playing football. The person who was kicked reported it to the government. The two were caught by the government and whipped 40 times on the buttocks. Their confessions were: "Having nothing to do but having enough to eat, they were just wandering about leisurely; they were not doing their job, and they were learning to kick balloons. They started from the feet of a villain, mistakenly offended a gentleman, and were severely punished by an official for forty years. There are many reasons for this."
An interesting poem from sister-in-law
A newly married woman was bullied by her sister-in-law. She then wrote a poem to her sister-in-law: "Sister-in-law, don't bully your sister-in-law. My sister-in-law was once a daughter. The boat in front is like the boat in the back, and my sister-in-law also got married." After reading the poem, my sister-in-law was full of shame.
Ask for a cool umbrella
Liu Ziyi always hoped to be promoted, but failed to do so, so she took care of her illness and rested at home. Friends and colleagues came to check on his condition, and he replied: "Deficiency heat attacks the upper body."
Shi Wending was present at the time and responded humorously: "Just take Qingliang San (the name of the Chinese medicine, homophonic for "San") "Umbrella") the disease will be cured." It turns out that only those with an official position of prefect (positive fifth rank) are qualified to use parasols.
Tea and Wine Compete
Tea said to Wine: "I have accomplished a great deal in defeating the Sandman, and I am even more proud of my contribution to the prosperity of music. I lost my family and my country all because of wine, how can I only entertain guests?" "Drinking tea?"
Jiu retorted: "Yaotai Zifu recommends fine wine, which means a lot of peace and friendship. I am the first to serve the guests at the banquet. Why did I talk about light yellow soup (tea)"
While the argument was going on, Shui came out to persuade and said: "Drawing tea from wells and returning it to the stone cauldron, using springs to make wine and pouring it into silver bottles; the two families must not compete for leisure, as there will never be harmony without self."
A monk marries. Misfortune
A wealthy family lived next to a temple. A monk climbed over the wall at night and entered the rich family's house. He was discovered as soon as he started stealing. The master chased him out.
The monk was so frightened that he fell into the mud while escaping and his head was covered with mud.
The monk hurriedly got up, fearing that his master would see that it was a bare-headed monk who had committed the crime. He hurriedly put the mud on his head with the mud from his fist, made a shape of a hat worn by a Taoist priest, and said to himself: "What the Taoist priest said Give it up!"
Mr. Nanfeng
There was a rich man who was extremely stingy. When his son got older, he wanted to hire a husband. The only condition for recruitment was that he would not eat or drink. One person recommended to him: "There is a gentleman who does not need food and only eats southern food."
After hearing this, the rich man quickly discussed it with his wife. The wife thought about it, shook her head quickly and said:
"If the north wind blows one day, what will you give him to eat?"
The greedy official in charge of the toilet
There is a greedy official who takes everything he sees. No one is harmed by him.
A friend said, half jokingly and half sarcastically: "I think you will have nothing to take if you are asked to take care of the toilet."
The corrupt official said: "If I let you take care of the toilet, I'm in charge of the toilet. If you want to go to the toilet, I won't let him go. If you don't want to go to the toilet, I will force him to go. In this way, why don't you worry about no one giving me money for food and clothing?"
A county magistrate took office, and the people came to complain. The county magistrate happily put down the ink pen of judging the case, walked down the hall and bowed deeply to the complainant. The officer asked in surprise: "He is just a citizen under the rule of your county magistrate. He comes to complain when he has a grievance, and I hope you will make the decision for him.
Why does the master respect him so much?"
< p>The county magistrate said: "You don't know that the person who came to complain is my parents, how can I not respect him?"The corrupt official swears
An official He was imprisoned for corruption and was later released after an amnesty. So he swore: "If I accept other people's property in the future, I will get malignant sores on my hands." Soon, a man came to file a lawsuit and gave him money, hoping to win the lawsuit. The corrupt official thought of the oath he had sworn and did not dare to take the money with his hands. After thinking for a while, he said: "Since you are so enthusiastic, let's put the money into my boot for now!" patient. The patient was furious and insisted that the doctor, his wife, and his son's whole family sing dirges and carry the coffin out of the funeral before they could give up. The quack doctor had no choice but to comply.
When he was buried, he sang: "My grandfather has been an imperial doctor for three generations, ha ha cough!"
The wife then sang: "The husband's actions have hurt his wife, ha ha cough!"
The younger son was small and felt his shoulders were heavy, so he sang: "But the dead are very heavy, hehehe!"
The eldest son was full of resentment and sang: "From now on, I will only choose thin doctors, hehehe!" ”
Meet the scum
A certain quack medicine killed the patient, and the owner locked him up in the corridor and prepared to kidnap him to the government.
The deceased’s brother was very sad. Weeping: "My brother, my brother, how can we meet again?"
The quack doctor responded: "If we want to meet, it is very easy."
Asked how to meet each other again? See, the quack doctor said: "Is the dregs of the medicine your brother took still there? If you take another dose, we can see each other in the underworld."
The medical servant responded
The quack doctor After repeatedly hurting the patient, the servant began to hate the master, so he only played and did not obey orders. The doctor scolded:
"I teach you to die! I teach you to die!"
The servant smiled easily and said: "If I don't take your medicine easily, how can I die casually?"
p>
Quack Doctor’s Response
A quack doctor killed someone and was kidnapped and taken to the government. The quack doctor denied it and falsely claimed that he was a Confucian scholar.
The county magistrate said: "Since you are a Confucian scholar, please meet two couples." The quack doctor had no choice but to say yes again and again.
The county official said: "Silver-topped umbrella with three eaves." He said to him: "Gold Thread Wanying Paste." The official had already heard the clues and continued: "Thousands of plums and thousands of peach trees, when encountering the situation, And open it." The quack doctor thought for a long time and finally replied: "Two slices of ginger and three dates, take it with warmth."
The county magistrate already knew the man's occupation and laughed loudly. Said: "Nonsense!" The quack doctor quickly grabbed the topic and said: "It's just because I took too much that I became sick and talked wildly."
Shallow needle singing in a low voice
An acupuncture doctor, The patient was stabbed to death because the needle was inserted too deep. The owner angrily forced the doctor's family to carry the coffin to the funeral and sang elegy all the way to insult the doctor.
The quack doctor said to his wife: "You can sing in a low voice, so as not to make me humiliated and sad."
The wife complained and replied: "If you want to sing in a low voice, why not just sing a little shallowly in the beginning?" Needle."
The poet monk chants the umbrella
The chess-playing monk Wu is good at poetry. Once, an innocent person was implicated and sued. The monk kept complaining, explaining that he didn't ask anything about it and only liked to write poems.
The county magistrate pointed to an umbrella in the hall and wrote a poem. The monk replied casually: "Ten thousand bones are gathered together and collected in one handle. The walking treasure is so long that it is close to the princes. Gently support the horse and go forward. It's really awesome." There is no sun in the sky. "
The monk is silent
There is a monk named "Buyu Zen" who has little knowledge and usually relies on two attendants to answer questions for him.
One day, when the waiter was out, a traveling monk happened to come to pay homage and ask for advice. Question: "What is a Buddha in Silent Zen?" How can I answer the question in Silent Zen? He looks east and west for a while. He asked again: "What is Dharma?" Without saying anything, he just looked at it. He asked again:
"What is a monk?" He said nothing and had no choice but to close his eyes and not answer. Asked again: "What is blessing?" Buyu Chan stretched out his hands anxiously.
The wandering monk left with satisfaction. When he met a waiter on the road, he told them: "I went to see the elder and asked him about the Buddha. The Zen master looked here and there, which means that people have things, and the Buddha has no north or south. Also; I asked the Dharma, and the Zen master looked up and down, meaning that the Dharma is equal, no superior or inferior; I asked the monk, he closed his eyes and told me: Lying deep in the clouds, there is an eminent monk; when I asked for blessings again, he stretched out his hand Coming out means to attract all sentient beings. This master is truly enlightened!”
The waiter returned to the temple and yelled, “Where have you been and you haven’t come to help?” Me. He asked the Buddha, who taught me that when I look eastward, you don’t see me, and when I look westward, you don’t see me;
He asked for blessings again. I feel ashamed that I don’t know everything. Why should I be an elder? I might as well reach out and beg for help along the door.”
The monks and birds faced each other
Dongpo. Chatting with the old monk Foyin. Dongpo Opera said: "The ancients often used monks to talk to birds, such as: 'The bird stayed in the tree beside the pond, and the monk knocked on the door under the moon', 'When I heard a woodpecker, I suspected it was the monk knocking on the door.'"
p>The old monk of Foyin smiled humorously and said: "Now the old monk is talking to Xianggong, and Xianggong is like a bird."
Calligraphy talismans repel mosquitoes
A Taoist priest claims to be able to write Someone wrote a talisman to repel mosquitoes, so someone paid for the talisman. As a result, the mosquitoes continued to cause harm as before. The man questioned the Taoist, and the Taoist asked: "Where did you stick the talisman?"
The answer: "On the wall."
The Taoist blamed him and said, "What did I say? It doesn’t work! You have to stick the talisman on top of the curtain to have an effect.”
Buy Pig Thousand Mouths
A certain county magistrate’s writing is too sloppy and he always dances with his hands. . Once when I was preparing to entertain guests, I wrote a list and sent the officials to buy vegetables. The word "tongue" in the list was so long that the officials thought they were buying thousands of pigs. After going to the market, where are there so many? I went all over the country to buy some, but only bought 500 of them, so I had to bite the bullet and go back to report. The county magistrate laughed and said, "I asked you to buy pig tongues, but why did you end up buying thousands of pigs?"
Each of them carried their luggage
The three brothers went out on business and stayed in an inn. Bought a fish, cooked it and put it on the table. The eldest brother sang a line from "Zhu Yun Fei": "This fish, I want the middle part."
The second son sang: "I want the head and the tail, who dares to argue."< /p>
The third brother said, "The soup is mine."
The servant wanted to wait for some fish flavor at first. After hearing this, he stepped forward quickly, bowed and sang: "Let me tell you, tomorrow we set off, each carrying his luggage. Who will blame you for your hard work at that time?"
The old man lied
Tai Shang Laojun said: " "Recite the sutra a thousand times, and your body will soar into purple clouds." A certain Taoist priest believed this very much, so he started reciting the sutra for 999 times, then began to take a bath, bid farewell to relatives and friends, and climbed to the high platform to wait for the clouds to soar. After he recited it devoutly for the 1,000th time, he closed his eyes and waited every second for his body to rise up. Unexpectedly, he could not lift up half an inch until dark. The Taoist priest pointed at the statue of Taishang Laojun and lamented: "Who knew you could lie at such an old age?"
Laughing at being drunk and crazy
A mouse was hiding in the oil house. A mouse hides in the wine room. The two mice come and go frequently and eat each other's possessions.
One time, after the wine rat finished eating oil, he invited the oil rat to the wine room to drink wine, and held the tail in his mouth, hanging down to eat secretly. The Oil Rat ate happily and repeatedly said to the Wine Rat: "Good wine!
Good wine!"
The Wine Rat was polite and replied: "Don't dare! Don't dare! "Unexpectedly, as soon as he opened his mouth, the oil rat fell into the wine vat and rolled over for a long time before being able to get up.
The Wine Rat sighed and said: "You can drink less, why don't you get so drunk?"
How dare you eat it
A man returned from a business trip and talked about the affairs of the rivers and lakes: "After crossing Huangniu Gorge, the mosquitoes were as big as ducks. Goose."
After hearing this, the merchant's wife blamed her husband and said, "Why don't you bring some back and cook them?"
The merchant replied, "I'm lucky that the mosquitoes didn't come to eat me." Awesome, how dare I want to eat it?"
Homophonous to save people
A noble official invited a banquet. The cook was beaten and imprisoned by a noble official because the pancakes he fried were uncooked.
The next day, the noble officials hosted another banquet. Two people wanted to save the cook. One person pretended to be a fortune teller, and the other person pretended to be an old man and asked for fortune telling at the banquet.
Fortune teller: "In which year do you honor Gengjia?"
The old man deliberately said loudly: "Bingzi is born."
The fortune teller kept shouting Exclaimed: "No, no, no."
The old man pretended to be unhappy and asked: "It has only been a year and there is no time, why can't it be said well?"
The fortune teller said: "Yesterday, the boy born in Jiazi was still in prison, not to mention you were born in Bingzi (homophone for "cake boy")?"
The guests all laughed. The noble official realized what he meant and released the cook.
Bamboo Shell Face
The doctor and the fortune teller often drank in the restaurant, and one of them always bumped into him and ate for free. Both the doctor and fortune teller hated him.
Once, when the doctor and the fortune teller were enjoying a drink, this man bumped into them again and sat down to drink. The doctor deliberately laughed at the man and said, "Let's each give an order." Then he said: "There are stars in the sky, bones and skin on the earth, and there are twenty-four flavors of fluid drink. You need to add them." Yes, you have to reduce it.
"
The fortune teller said: "The sky has astronomy, the earth has geography, among the twenty-four hundred, the three fates are also connected, and the five stars are also connected. "
The freeloader did not show any weakness, and followed him and said: "Heaven does not give birth to people without wealth, and the earth does not produce nameless grass. Twenty-four layers of bamboo shoots are peeled off one layer after another. layer. "
The actor mocked the official
When a distinguished minister was in the military camp, he secretly sent officers and soldiers to build a private house for himself. When the two actors found out, they pretended to be Confucian scholars and mocked the matter. One First, he chanted a poem loudly and said: "Six thousand soldiers dispersed to the song of Chu. Another man also chanted a poem loudly and said: "Eight thousand soldiers dispersed and Chu sang." "
The two argued over six thousand and eight thousand, but neither one was willing to admit defeat, and finally slowly explained: "You don't know, didn't those two thousand build houses at home? Where in the camp! ”
After the Right Army
There was a man named Wang in Kuaiji (now Shaoxing, Zhejiang). His family was originally very humble, but he was very boastful. Whenever he went to other places, he was always there. He boasted in front of others: "I am a descendant of Wang Xizhi. "
Others heard this and said: "Respectable, respectable, if you didn't say it, we really didn't know you were the queen of Youjun (Wang Xizhi was called Wang Youjun because he was the general of Youjun)! "
The man named Wang was extremely frightened when he heard this. He was afraid that his military status would be implicated, so he hurriedly said: "The army is a different household, the army is a different household! "
Youqian Village Cow
In the Spring and Autumn Period, a unicorn appeared in the west of Lu. The locals did not understand that it was a mascot, so they surrounded it and killed it. Confucius heard about it , rushed to check, crying bitterly.
The disciples were afraid that the teacher would be too sad, so they woven copper coins and draped them on the cow, and said to Confucius: "The Kirin is still there, not hurt at all." "
Confucius wiped away his tears and sighed, "Is this a symbol of good fortune?
It is just a rich village cow.
The meat sinks to the bottom of the bowl.
He is stingy by nature and gets angry easily. One day, I bought four taels of meat. After my wife cooked it, the fat floated on top and the meat sank to the bottom. When the man came home, he thought his wife had eaten the meat. He pointed at his wife and cursed: "You and I were enemies in the previous life, so we have to separate!" When he picked up the chopsticks, he saw that the meat was all at the bottom of the bowl, and the man again He laughed loudly, stroked his wife's back and said, "You and I were married 500 years ago. That's great!"
False, real, real
One person dug it I was raising fish in a pond, and I was afraid that birds would eat the fry, so I made a scarecrow wearing a bamboo hat and a coir raincoat and placed it in the pond. The bird knew it was not a real person. After eating the fry, it flew around on the scarecrow's head and shouted: "Fake, fake, fake." The owner then took off the scarecrow and stood in the pond wearing a bamboo hat and a raincoat. The bird thought it was a dummy and flew in to steal the fry. The owner quickly caught them and laughed: "You call them fake every day, but today they are real!"
Literacy distress
Mei Xun served as a Hanlin bachelor. One day, there were a lot of edicts, and he was having a hard time conceiving them, so he walked out of the study and relaxed in the courtyard. Suddenly he saw an old guard sleeping in the sun, with his limbs stretched out and very comfortable.
Mei Xun said enviously: "How fun it is!" and asked him: "Are you literate?"
The reply was: "I can't read."
Mei Xun sighed and said, "I am happier!"
Poetry to the Thief
There was an old Confucian scholar named Shen Wenqing in Wuzhong (today's Suzhou), and his family was very poor. One day, he was concentrating on studying until midnight. Suddenly he saw a thief entering the house to steal something, but he didn't steal anything, so he greeted slowly: "I'm so grateful to you, how about giving you a poem?"
So He recited: "The wind is cold, the moon is dark, and the night is far away. I have failed you to come here. I only have three or four bundles of ancient books, which are enough to teach my children (children and younger generations)." After hearing this, the eavesdropper left with a smile.
Pretending to invite disaster
There was a man in Dongcheng who was from a poor family, but he liked to wear fancy clothes, eat fine meals, and show off to others how wealthy his family was. The thieves thought he was a rich man and stole everything in his suitcase. As a result, he fell into abject poverty and could not extricate himself.
There was a man in the west neighbor who was very wealthy. He carried a lot of money and traveled in the same boat with others, pretending to be poor. When the boat was in the middle of the river, it was suddenly hit by wind and waves. The boss of the boat thought that he was a poor man and refused to rescue him.
Alas! Pretending to be rich seduces thieves, pretending to be poor brings disaster, and you are doing your own harm. The harm of fraud is indeed very great!
Mocking the Taoist Priest
There was a craftsman who knew a little about the scriptures and had some literary talent. One day, the Taoist temple asked him to do work, and he called himself a Confucian craftsman.
The Taoist said: "Since you call yourself a Confucian craftsman, how about making a pair of couplets for you to match?"
The craftsman said: "Okay."
The Taoist said: "The craftsman's name is the Confucian's name: the gentleman is Confucian, the villain is Confucian?"
The craftsman responded: "The man's name is Taoist: the realm of hungry ghosts, the realm of animals?"
No luck
In the past, a country gentleman took the imperial examination, and the question was "Bright Moon". The gentleman then recited a poem: "Leaping far away from the sea, gradually emerging from the cloud road; the night is full, and the clear light is nowhere to be seen."
The examiner said: "The meaning is very good, but it has no rhyme. ."
The country gentleman replied: "It's because of my lack of luck (the word "luck" in "luck" is a homonym for "yun") that I can only teach; if I had been lucky, I would have become an official long ago.
"
The Sawing Monk
A monk advised people: "As long as you donate generously to the temple and worship the Buddha, you will avoid the disaster of being sent to hell and being chopped with a knife after death. ”
Soon, the monk died together with the donor. Because of his serious sins, the monk suffered the punishment of being hacked and sawed in the underworld.
The donor asked him what the reason was, and the monk excused himself. Said: "You don't know the reason behind it. King Yama saw that the temples in the world were in ruins and monks were scarce, so he wanted to cut one of our monks apart to use two monks." ”
Eat the Guests
The immortal Sun Zhenren sent his follower Tiger to invite the guests to the banquet. The tiger obeyed the order and left, and the guests were invited to go on their way, but halfway there, the tiger was hungry. He couldn't bear it and ate all the guests. Master Sun was so angry that he scolded: "Beasts! It turns out that you can’t invite people, you can only eat them! "
I can only change poems
One day, a scholar recited a poem: "The wind blows thousands of green willow lines, and the sun shines on the peach blossoms thousands of red. ”
Others commented: “The artistic conception of this poem is not good. It will be better if I revise it for you.” ”
The scholar said: “Brother, if you can change the poem, please make another one.” ”
The man said: “People who write poems don’t know how to revise, and people who revise don’t know how to write poems.” "
Two fish bickering
Once, carp and catfish started to bicker and compete with each other.
The carp said: "What's so strange about you? If something changes one day, you can fly to the sky. I am - 'I have gold stars in my eyes and gold scales on my body. The peach blossoms are warm in the spring waves, and they jump over the dragon gate! ’”
Catfish said: “Don’t think you are great, listen, I am—I don’t have stars in my eyes, and I don’t have scales on my body. With a wide mouth, he often eats others! ”
A fool eats persimmons
A fool took his wife to visit his father-in-law. The father-in-law hosted a family dinner for him. There was a plate of raw persimmons on the table. The fool took it and ate it with the skin on.
My wife saw it in the back room, complained and sighed, and said, "It's bitter, it's bitter! (It means my life is bitter, marrying such a person!)"
The fool heard it outside and responded: "This persimmon is not bitter, but a little astringent. "
Took a bottle to eat
A drunkard went to the capital to do business. One day, he suddenly met an old friend and said happily: "Let's go to your house to talk." I'm thirsty and upset right now. Can I lend you a glass of wine? "
My old friend was a stingy guy and said, "My home is not close to here, and I don't dare bother you to walk such a long way." "
The drunkard said: "It's probably only twenty or thirty miles at most, it doesn't matter. "
My old friend said: "My house is very small, I'm afraid I will humiliate you. "
The drunkard said: "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, as long as you can barely get in." ”
An old friend said: “I don’t have wine glasses or dishes at home, what should I do? ”
The drunkard said: “You and I are close friends. We don’t care about etiquette. It’s okay to just eat from a bottle!” "
The King of Lies
Both in-laws of A and B love to save face. A visits B's house as a guest, and B shows off his treasures: "Does your family have any?" ”
A said: “These are dead treasures, what are they worth envying?” There are two living treasures in my family:
The crane and the seahorse. ”
B said: “I want to take a look, is that okay?” "
A said: "Of course. "
A was very worried after bragging and returning home. The son said: "Don't worry, father, I will deal with it." "
Two days later, the son took a "divine robe" and put it on his father and asked him to sit in the middle of the hall. After a while, B came and asked A's son: "Where is your father? ”
Answer: “My father is out for something.” "
B said: "Your father invited me to see the seahorse and crane. "
Answer: "Ah, the seahorse was borrowed by the Dragon King to swim in the sea, and the crane was taken by the gods to go to the Peach Festival. ”
B asked: “What kind of god is sitting in the center of the hall?” ”
Answer: “The liar in my family.” "
Scornful for being afraid of your wife
There was a county magistrate who was most afraid of his wife. One day while sitting in the court office, he suddenly heard a noise in the backyard, so he asked the police officer to check. The police officer came back and reported: " Sir, this is a fight between a military officer and his wife. "
The magistrate gritted his teeth and said angrily: "Hmph, hum, if it were me, if it were me -"
Unexpectedly, the lady heard clearly in the back hall and shouted loudly: "What if it was you? "
The magistrate replied in panic: "If it were me, I would kneel down and beg for mercy immediately. How could she still do it? ”
Rich man and thief
Once upon a time, there was a man who was not very illiterate and went out to do business.
One day, the boat he was on was anchored by the temple. He and his friends They went ashore to visit the temple together. When they saw the words "Jiangxin Thieves" written on the wall, the merchant hurriedly left the temple and called to the boatman: "Set the boat quickly, there are Jiangxin Thieves here, so we can't stop for a long time." " He got off the boat before he finished speaking.
His friend caught up with him and persuaded him: "Don't panic, it says 'Fu', not 'thief'.
"
The businessman shook his head repeatedly and said: "When you say 'rich', it means 'rich', he always looks like a 'thief'! ”
Nerdishness
A scholar did not send ritual gifts to his academic officials during the Qingming Festival or the Dragon Boat Festival. He didn’t send them until the Chinese Valentine’s Day. The gifts were very rich.
< p>The academic officer asked: "Why didn't you give away gifts in the first two quarters, and why did you give away so many in this quarter? "Xiucai said: "This section (pun intended) summarizes the meaning of the two sections (pun intended) above. "
How dare you disturb the air?
One day, Su Dongpo and Huang Shangu stayed in Jinshan Temple. The two of them made bread and ate it. They discussed: "Today, don't let Foyin know about making bread." . "
After the cakes were cooked, the number was counted, and then they were offered to the incense table in front of Guanyin Bodhisattva's seat. They bowed respectfully and prayed secretly: "May I live as long as Peng Zu and be as rich as Tao Zhu. "
Unexpectedly, the Buddha's seal was hidden in the divine tent in advance and two loaves were stolen.
After Su Dongpo knelt down and worshiped, he stood up and saw that the two cakes were missing. He knelt down again and prayed: "Goddess of Mercy is so powerful. She ate two cakes. Why didn't she come out to see us?"
Foyin He whispered in the tent and replied: "If I have flour, I will join you to make some cakes to eat. How dare I come to disturb you?"