I am so bored like this...
Give me the dried beans in my dream, Ayu:
Ayu, I felt jealous the first time I saw you. Fucked you, really! I can swear to you that I lied to you about giving birth to a child without a belly button, and was hit by a car and died when I went out. But I guess you can’t bear it. What will you do if I die? Today I finally mustered up the courage to write you this letter, hoping you can understand my feelings. Below is a poem I wrote specifically for you. It is very general, with a touch of popular modernism. I came up with it while squatting on the toilet that day because I had a bad stomach. It barely represents half of my level.
The sea! You are all water
O horse! You have four legs
You are a beauty! You said how beautiful you are
You actually have a mouth under your nose
I still remember how hot it was when we met
Your figure is so beautiful that Song Dandan is so beautiful Fascinated me
How to describe your impression in my mind
Probably like a white swan with its feathers removed
My heart
p>
He started to dance non-stop
I felt as if I was going blind
Is it just like what the book said
I have already boarded the big bandit of love
Ah! Beauty
Do you love me or not?
My conditions are really good
My parents are division-level cadres
What the fuck? He can be regarded as a handsome guy
How romantic it is for us to date each other
The dead toad finally fell in love with the old swan
Ayu, you read the poem I wrote Are you really excited? You think I'm extremely talented. I guess I am too. In fact, I fell madly in love with you from the first day I met you. I quit smoking and drinking for you. I heard that these things affect certain functions. I no longer peek into the girls' dormitory opposite. Although it has something to do with the fact that they keep the curtains open all day long, it's mainly because of you, because I found out that you don't live in that building, which shows how deeply I love you. Ayu, with my talent and your super beauty, we must be an enviable couple. Not even Liang Shanbo and Juliet can compare to us. Do you also think we are a perfect match?
Born on December 12, 1983, in an ordinary worker's family. From the age of 1 to 5, he had no idea who he was or what he did. At the age of 6, he was forcibly sent by his parents to Class 2, Grade 1, of a factory-run elementary school. , started his reading career in the children's song "I go to school, I am not late every day, the bird sends me, early and early, why do you carry a small schoolbag". . . .
First grade of elementary school:
When I took off my pants in front of my female classmates, the female classmates called me a little gangster
Teacher’s quotation: “You are not afraid of gangsters, but you are afraid of gangsters. Culture! So you must study hard, make progress every day, and strive to be a "literate, knowledgeable, talented" four-year-old gangster!
Second grade of elementary school:
Slap the female classmate on the head!
Teacher's Quotes: "Don't hit her, don't scold her, torture her with your emotions! This is the highest level of teasing girls. You have to work hard to improve your teasing taste."
Third grade of elementary school:
I touched a female classmate’s face, and the female classmate scratched my face!
Teacher's Quotes: "Love is precious, but life is even more valuable. The green hills left behind are not afraid of running out of firewood! Remember, cherish life and stay away from beauties!"
Fourth grade of primary school:
Took the hand of a female classmate, but was rejected, and her academic performance plummeted!
Teacher's Quotations: "There are thousands of Chinese people, and if one fails, they will be replaced. What you didn't pick is just a flower in the spring. The whole spring still belongs to you. Don't be discouraged. Fight and fail. Repeated defeats! ”
Grade 5 of elementary school
I failed to molest my female classmate, but was molested instead!
Teacher's Quotes: "Boys are not gangsters and have abnormal development. If you are molested by a girl, it means you have a better future than the average boy.
Grade 6 of primary school, this grade of Yichang Primary School The 38th-ranked student was sent to Nanjie Middle School in the county (40 people graduated per class) to start his middle school career.
In the first grade of junior high school, I met Jin Yong, Gu Long and other senior masters, and worked with them every day. Imagine yourself as the male protagonist in the book, having a pure male-female relationship with the girl in the book.
In the second grade of junior high school, I returned to reality and paid attention to the beauties in the class (who already had aesthetic ability). However, the primitive, shy, and sinful thoughts in my mind have already sprouted.
In the third grade of junior high school, I truly realized the true meaning of the great grandfather’s words: “Study hard, and want to succeed every day” (the eight-character mantra, Fortunately, I calmed down in time and was able to save my handsome face. I was admitted to the No. 3 high school in the county (the first two are the key points). . . . .)
For the first time in my life, I wrote a love letter to a girl in my class who I have loved for a long time, and I felt that she was interested in me, but it was so sweet. When the deer was jumping around, the head teacher called me to the office and took out the love letter.
In my second year of high school, I chose a liberal arts class where the ratio of girls to boys was 4:1, but the beauties ignored me. . . .
In my third year of high school, I listened to my brother next door talking to me about college life. I picked up the book on the second day and started reviewing like crazy again. I vowed to go to college and "work hard, study hard, and contribute to the construction of the world." Wait...)
It is undeniable that I was not admitted to the first and second choices (I chose Tsinghua University for the first place and Peking University for the second place). ), but I received the admission notice from XX Agricultural University. So I packed my luggage, jumped on the train, and arrived at my dream university campus. When I start my college career, I want to be a successful man, because a successful man is busy during the day and busy at night; a failed man has nothing to do during the day and nothing to do at night. Therefore, I want to be a successful man.
When I was a freshman, I stood in front of a nude picture in the school art exhibition, and kept telling myself: "This is art, and I am doing aesthetics." But the prominent expression of a certain part of the body still betrayed me. .
Big 2 The person I like has his own name, but the person who likes me is miserable. . So I said: "stay up all night and spend time online, go to bed as soon as I enter class, make phone calls home, and ask for money for everything."
When I was the only monk in the dormitory in my third year, I finally got an official girlfriend. In a sweet relationship, she wanted me to expose my soul, and I wanted her to expose her body. . . . . . . . . . (Men love sex for sex, and women love sex. This sentence is absolutely correct)
My grandma is still in the countryside. Ever since I entered college, my grandma always said to me every time I went back: "The pieces of land at home, this yard, and these chickens and pigs are all reserved for you." At that time, I laughed at my grandma for being so stupid. But seeing this year’s employment situation and the graduate students and doctoral students all over the street, I finally realized my grandma’s foresight and good intentions...
With my diploma and resume, I almost couldn’t be squeezed out. I came out of the recruitment center without finding anything and got on a man-powered 3-wheeler to go back. The driver of the 3-wheeler asked me: "Are you a graduate of XX Agricultural University this year?" I said, "What a coincidence, I am a graduate of XX Agricultural University in 1988." graduate, and pointed to an old man polishing leather shoes on the roadside: "That senior fellow was earlier, graduated in 1977." I almost fell off the tricycle.
When I got home, I saw that I was laid off. My father is repairing bicycles on the street, and my mother, who is also laid off, is selling fruit. My father smokes inferior cigarettes, and his hands are full of grease. My mother’s wrinkles have already climbed up her face due to the wind and sun, and her hair has turned white. A lot. For the first time in 23 years, I looked at my parents seriously and suddenly felt the urge to cry. "This is how they have lived all these years to save money for me to go to that damn university." And I…. (People always understand regret after being scarred, but at this time the rules of the game have changed, and this is how life is). I threw the little red book I had gained in exchange for those four years of youth in the corner, rolled up my sleeves and helped my father push the cart. From now on, I started to pay off my debts.
Women's underwear (food)
Answer: jelly (hole)
Bra (guess a drink and a dish)
Answer: Calcium (covered) milk, pork meat
The cow and the bull were not in harmony. After they broke up, they lived with the elephant. After several orgasms, they felt that the bull was good again, so they returned to the bull. The cow asked: I haven’t seen you for a few days. What changes have happened to me? The bull said: "You are too big!"
"I can't see things that are too far away," the patient said to the ophthalmologist.
"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside, pointed at the sun in the sky, and asked, "What do you think that is?"
"The sun." the patient answered.
"Then how far do you want to see!"
The last sentence was said by the doctor...
I didn't find it funny...
But I'm drooling over your pussy...
One day I was walking outside and there were two people chasing me. I thought to myself, oh my god, it's over now. I was being followed, so I just ran and ran. When I saw that I had reached the Beijing-Shenyang Expressway, I had to run further and pay tolls. What should I do? Suddenly I saw a cemetery next to me. I ran over and lay down on the grave. I said, "Son, I'm already home, and you're still chasing me." The two men were so frightened that they ran away without a trace.
When I turned around, I suddenly saw an old man in front of me carving words on a stone tablet with an awl. I said, uncle, what are you doing here without sleeping in the middle of the night? The uncle said, young man, you should go to sleep first. I don’t know who etched my name wrongly. I came out to correct it
Students of Lake Normal University’s liberal arts and sciences, I am Teacher Cao who teaches you the introduction to art! About this time Essay on a brief analysis of the artistic conception of Chinese art. In order to prevent you from plagiarism! I have browsed all the first 40 pages of the article about a brief analysis of the artistic conception of Chinese art found on Baidu! I am still browsing other articles! Please pay attention. !Use your own brain!!
2. A Chinese student had a car accident on a highway abroad.
The person and the car fell off a cliff.
The traffic police rushed to the scene After arriving, he shouted down:
"How are you?"
The international student answered:
"I'm fine, thank you!"
Then the traffic police left and the international student died
(For more, click on the link!)
I was born in a very poor family. I remember when I was a child, my father’s Life is boring. I can only count money all day long. My mother is also scanning money all day long.
My family lives in the mountains. Every time I have to go shopping, it is quite troublesome. It takes 5 hours to drive a Porsche and 4 hours to drive a Mercedes-Benz. Although there is a helicopter at home, it is difficult to find it there. The parking space is quite inconvenient; I occasionally go shopping, but my parents are afraid that I will be kidnapped, so they have more than 20 bodyguards to protect me. Everyone is scared to run away when they see me, so I have been ostracized since I was a child... Because my family is in the mountains, it is very cold every winter. My father also said that it is very troublesome to go out to buy things, so there is no heater in winter...no quilt...I can only spend money with my parents to keep warm every day...while sleeping. Sometimes, I can only sleep with my money covered. I think the British pound is warmer.
I remember when I was a child, one time, because the room was too big, I peed my pants before I could run out of the room. So, my father put a little sheep motorcycle in my room so that I could run out of the room in 10 minutes. Within 1,000 square meters, I rushed out of the 1,000-square-meter room and walked through the 5-kilometer corridor to reach the 800-square-meter toilet (I often get lost in the corridor); my father also asked people to build 20 additional 600-square-meter toilets with 250-square-meter small toilets. Broken the room and said: "If you wet yourself in the future, just change the room. If the room is not enough or too small, tell dad, and dad will ask people to build more rooms. Our life is very hard, you have to be patient." !!” Now that I think about it, my dad is such a kind person!!
I still remember one time when my home was attacked by a thief because he used explosives to blow up my dad’s safe, causing the gold coins inside to keep flowing out. Get out, but the thief was crushed to death... I felt so pitiful about the thief... It hurts to be crushed to death by gold coins!! He was not as lucky as the previous thief who was suffocated by banknotes. My mother often told me that life in our family was very difficult and she wanted me to learn to endure hardship. So I developed a spirit of hard work since I was a child. My future ambition is to find 200 money-eating monsters so that I can take care of the family. Eat all the money and avenge those poor thieves!
My mother said my IQ is only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is. All I know is that I am a very lethal person, and many people have been hurt by me. Some of them have lost hope in life, and some have even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have potential superpowers, and for some reason, this superpower is especially effective for my teacher.
I still remember the first teacher who died because of me. I was in the first grade of elementary school at that time, and the teacher took us to the wild for nature practice classes. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willow branches branching, the teacher couldn't help but think of a question, so he asked: "Students, do you know how to identify the direction of the wind?" "I know!" A little girl in the class answered while picking up the wind from the ground. A leaf was thrown into the air. "Pick up a piece of something and throw it in the air. Watch it float in that direction. Then you will know." "Well, very good." The teacher praised, "Then which other students are willing to do it again?" Let me show you what kind of wind is blowing now? The wind was blowing up and down!”
I can’t remember exactly what the teacher’s expression looked like at that time. I only remember that he died after struggling desperately for a few times. Later, doctors at the hospital said that he died due to a sudden strong stimulation that caused his blood to go backwards and become a demon. In this way, I killed a people's teacher.
The first grade teacher taught us about poultry animals.
Teacher: "There is an animal with two legs. Every morning when the sun comes out, it wakes you up and stays awake until you wake up. Which animal is it?"
I replied: "Mom!", which made the teacher laugh so hard that he almost died!
After I got home from the midterm exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My precious son said, I failed to fill in only one question. Mom asked what the question was? My precious son said, there is a question: What is the result of multiplying 3 times 7? I filled in 15 regardless of the situation.
My mother sprayed the water she just drank into my father's face. Hey... I'm so great!
My dad asked me how school was? The father asked, "My dear son, is your female teacher satisfied with you?"
"Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied."
"How do you know? It was her own mouth To you?"
"Of course, Dad. She said to me the day before yesterday: 'If all students were like you, I would leave school right away!' This shows that I have learned everything. "My dad's brain is going crazy!@#＄#@!＄%＄#@@
One day in math, the teacher asked 1+1=? , I said I don’t know. The teacher asked me to go home and ask. I asked my mother. She was cooking and told me to get out. I asked my dad. He watched the game again and shouted, "It's cool." I asked my sister, she was singing, singing BABY. I asked my brother, who was on the phone and said: I'll wait for you outside.
The next day, the teacher asked 1+1=? I said: Get out of here. The teacher slapped me in the face and I screamed. The teacher called me a loser and I called me despicable. The teacher said: Get out. I said: I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher had high blood pressure on the spot and fainted...
When I was in Chinese class in elementary school, all the Chinese teachers in the school went to listen to Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote the word "being" on the blackboard and asked me: "Do you know this word?" I answered "No", and Teacher Ni started to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered " "Yes", "What's on the bed?" "Matt", "Where's it on the mat?" I answered: "My mother." Teacher Ni thought to herself, this is right, mother has a quilt on her body, so she continued: "You What about my mother? "My father." Teacher Ni never expected that I would say this and make a fool of myself in front of so many teachers. He asked in a hurry, "Where is the quilt?" I replied: "The quilt is on the ground." Teacher Ni was so angry that she had epilepsy and was hospitalized!
Later, the school changed a teacher and asked us to make sentences. I completed the homework calmly and all the teachers immediately looked at me with admiration
The sentence I wrote was:
Sad ----The big ditch in front of our house is very sad.
If----canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.
Innocent----it’s really hot today, a good day for swimming.
Ten points----My sister only got ten points in her math test, which is really embarrassing.
Calm down----When I do things, I always start with the easy ones.
Ginseng----The teacher said that everyone must try their best when participating in the team relay tomorrow.
Quilt----Xiaoyu's sanitary napkin was stolen.
Lunchbox----Xiao Ming regards defecation as the first thing he does when he gets up every morning.
The teacher touched my head and said sternly: I came home from school and there was no one around, so I was going to complete the homework assigned by the substitute teacher. I went to the toilet and started to paint the walls with feces. , I painted the entire bathroom ten times before I stopped when I was satisfied with my work. My family came back and scolded me. The next day, my mother went to the principal to sue the substitute teacher for misleading the children. Later, the substitute teacher was fired. Hey... I said to myself: "I am very creative, ugly is not my original intention. God don't lose your temper, I will live bravely and bring out the beauty of the world. !! ! ! ! ”
I was chewing gum while putting my feet on the walkway.
At this time, the teacher said to me: "Please spit out what is in your mouth, and then put your feet in"
My brain: "@＄#＄% #＄#”
In the days that followed, several more teachers met with misfortune. Fortunately, no one died, and no major leaks were made. However, my fame spread like wildfire and I became a celebrity in the city. However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply understand this.
When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: How do you change the trajectory? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if a person only does bad things in the human world, he will become a ghost after death! It turns out that the teacher is talking about how satellites change their orbits!
I was woken up by the teacher while I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me: "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?"
Xiao Wang whispered to me: "Songtsen Gampo." He didn't hear clearly, so he opened his mouth and replied: "Song Dynasty cadres." Later, history didn't make any progress.
One day I came back from the barber shop pretending to be cool. When I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed: "Here comes the cool guy!" I scratched my head in embarrassment: "Where! Where! I just got a cool haircut." That's all." The principal happened to walk by and said seriously: "You have to hand it over even if you pick up some trousers!" Fortunately, it didn't matter, so I walked to the men's dormitory. I was walking downstairs in the girls' dormitory and saw a friend who boasted loudly, "Look, I got a cool haircut." Immediately on the second floor, a girl stuck her head out and said, "My pants, you are picking my pants...!" ! ! ! !
On the second day of the exam, the biology teacher brought a bird covered with cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really didn’t know, so I handed in a blank paper.
The teacher was very angry when he saw it and asked: "Why did you hand in the blank paper? What's your name?" When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily, exposing my legs and said, "Now it's your turn to guess who I am. Are you done?" The biology teacher fell down immediately~~~~~~
My fame has brought me a lot of trouble. All middle schools in the city refused to admit me out of concern for the safety of their teachers. I had no choice but to go to the countryside with endless longing for a key middle school. Although the conditions in the middle school in the countryside were a bit tough, without the pressure of public opinion, I was able to live a life of ease. However, gold always shines, and the silence unique to rural middle schools did not suppress my outburst. By chance, I came out of nowhere, suddenly emerged, and quickly occupied the rural market.
One day, I was late, and the teacher asked: "Why are you late today?" I said: "I took the uncle next door's sow to breed in the morning, so I was late." The teacher was not there yet. After hearing this, I opened my eyes wide and said, "The uncle next door should do this." I said in confusion, "It has to be a boar, and the uncle next door is not an animal."
< p>It was an intellectual competition. Our class and another class still had no winner after the final competition. So the host announced the final method to determine the winner: each class drew lots to send one representative, and two representatives guessed coins. The person who guessed correctly asked a question to the person who guessed wrong. If the person who guessed wrong answered correctly, the guesser would The wrong one wins. Otherwise, the class whose guess is correct wins. The sky is moving, the earth is moving, I can't even hide from my errand. I was actually chosen as the representative and successfully guessed the wrong coin and entered the question and answer phase. The teacher and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Especially the head teacher, Mr. Li, looked heavy and said nothing. I also felt some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent - Wang Xiaofo. Wang Xiaofo was the most powerful "famous teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also had several murder cases under his hands. It is said that the previous principal met his end in its hands. But I still have some confidence, because after all, I am also a person who once shocked me. The questions began.Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly: "My mother boiled a few eggs and put them in my pocket today. Do you know how many there are?" "Coax!" There was an uproar around him. I don't know why everyone is making noise, but I know that this question arouses great interest in me. egg! I barely heard what question he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You must know that in the hard days in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. Two eggs would be a really delicious meal. I seemed to see the shiny egg white and tender yellow yolk...
"If I get the answer right, will you give me a piece to eat?" I have long forgotten what quiz competitions and class honors were. All I'm interested in are eggs, eggs! "If you get the answer right, I'll give you both eggs." "Coax!" There was another uproar. I saw a look of astonishment on the face of the other classmate, while my classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Teacher Li also cast a delighted look at me. I don’t know what they were happy about, but everyone was looking towards me. I smiled, and I smiled at them sheepishly, and then replied: "Are they five?"
The smiles of the students froze in an instant, and gradually disappeared like an ebbing tide. No trace. But the other classmate suddenly started shouting and laughing. Things in this world are changing so fast. In the blink of an eye, everyone is crying and laughing, and everyone is crying and laughing. I don’t know what to do. I haven't had time to think carefully about what happened. The venue suddenly became chaotic. I saw one person lying on his back, blood spurting out from his mouth like a pillar, and then he slowly fell down.
"Teacher Li!"
"Teacher Li!"
He is our head teacher! I also hurried over. The teacher's face was pale, his eyes were closed, and he was unconscious. "It was him who killed Teacher Li!"
"It was him!"
"It was him!"
Whoosh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Swish, swish, swish! ! !
A bunch of angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows.
My eyes went blank, and a voice echoed in my ears: "Duolong! Close the door! Release the dogs! All idlers should retreat!"
Later it was said that Teacher Li was not dead. , it was just a serious illness. After he recovered and was discharged from the hospital, he saw through the world of mortals, became a monk in Mount Wutai, and stopped teaching.
I felt bad eating meat skewers today. Go to the hospital for a check-up, damn! This is rat meat + gutter oil + Sudan red, 7456! I'm going to sue him. The person next to me also said: "What kind of fast food restaurant is called 'Ken Technetium'? The stinky tofu they sell is fished out of the manure pit. It was so smelly that I was robbed by a swarm of flies before I could eat it. As a result, the flies were all over my body." Explosion! ”
“That ‘Pulse Crotch Lao’ wants my life too! ”
“’The Needle Hatch’ is really rotten!”
"I'm in such a miserable state! I went to 'Krypton Addiction' and got a bad stomach, and then I went to 'Renmin Yiyuan' and prescribed a bad medicine. What else did I write like, 'Longtai dares to chaff, and sticks to virtue to provoke leprosy'?" He also said that medicine is shit!”
“Damn it, the ‘Qing aluminum spring testicle’ sold by ‘Huang Chu Bing Gu’ caused my intestines to perforate, my girlfriend’s chest ruptured, and her lungs collapsed.
But the guy at the hospital who put up a sign that said, "Cooking, Loan, and Compression" said he would be fine! "
Toilet
There are six rich men, namely a Japanese, a Russian, a French, a Norwegian, a German and an American.
They went to the mall together. Because they were rich, they had almost nothing to buy. Only those weird things could attract their attention. The six rich people were promoting the newly entered art toilet. They all stopped to watch.
After watching it for a while, one of them suggested: "Such a novel toilet is indeed very unusual. How about buying one and trying it?" "Because they are all rich, no one is left behind, and everyone plans to buy one back.
The Japanese love cleanliness, so they bought a "super hygienic toilet"; the Russians like things with texture, So I bought a "granite toilet"; the French valued art, so they bought a "painted toilet"; the Norwegians favored wood products, so they bought a "pure wood toilet"; the Germans advocated high technology, so they bought a "painted toilet" "Computer fully controlled toilet"; Americans value freedom and ease, so they bought a "musical toilet".
Six people happily transported the toilet home.
One month later , six people got together again in a business meeting. During the chat, the topic unknowingly turned to the toilet they purchased last time.
The Japanese were indignant and spoke first: "Damn it. I have returned the super hygienic toilet. The instruction manual says that the toilet will be automatically disinfected after each use. A plastic film is put on the toilet seat and the words "disinfected, please feel free to use" are spray-painted on it. But now the procedure was all messed up. Before I even stood up, it started spraying plastic film on my butt! I now have 'disinfected, please feel free to use' written on my butt! "
The Russians then complained: "I have returned the damn granite toilet. These people polished the granite too smooth. As soon as I sat on it, it immediately slipped off and fell several times. It's another matter that it's not convenient. My butt is bruised.
The French were not to be outdone and cursed: "I also returned the damn painted toilet. The printing quality of the painted toilet is too bad. It keeps fading. Now all the paintings on the toilet seat are gone." The ass is up! "
The Norwegians were also furious: "I'm returning the damn wooden toilet too! What quality? I don’t know if there were any inspections when it left the factory, and it was told that it would be completely managed according to ISO9000. I couldn’t help it, but it was full of wood scum! "
The Germans couldn't bear it anymore: "The damn computer-controlled toilet, I want to return it too! I don’t know what operating system I’m using, but it keeps crashing. I’m halfway through it when it starts shouting: ‘Now the toilet computer has crashed. Please put on your pants and stand up, close the toilet seat, close the toilet seat, and then try again. Open the toilet lid, lift the toilet seat, take off your pants and sit down again, and the toilet computer will restart. Thanks! Technical support phone number is 12345678. 'snort! "
Finally it was the American's turn. He said angrily: "Damn musical toilet, I can't do it without returning it! It was supposed to have 3,000 songs in it and could be played randomly when convenient. However, nine times out of ten it played the same song - the American national anthem, which made me immediately have to pick up my pants and stand up to salute as soon as I sat down! "
Three ghosts
The three ghosts came to God and said in unison: "I died unjustly and should go to heaven!" "God: "I will only let the most unjust one go to heaven. Let me tell you how you died first. ”
A: “I am a cleaner. One day, I was sweeping the floor on the roof of an old, low-rise building without a security net, and accidentally fell down. I grabbed a sewer pipe, but some bastard pushed it down. Because the building was short, I didn't fall to death. As a result, a refrigerator fell from above and killed me. ”
B: “I went to someone else’s wife’s house to have an affair, but her husband came home and I hid in the refrigerator. As a result, the refrigerator seemed to have fallen from the window without a security net. Because of the refrigerator protection, I didn't die. As soon as I came out, someone fell from above and killed me. ”
C: “When I went home, I saw my wife with another man from the window at home. I was so angry when I got home that I knocked down the sewer pipes, threw away the refrigerator, and had a big fight with my wife. As a result, I accidentally fell out of the window, hit my head on someone's head and died. ”
God: “You all died unjustly. Let’s all go to heaven.” ”
The secret of the toilet
Country A developed a spray toilet. Once, an envoy from country B came to country A and used their toilet and felt very comfortable. So B The country also wants to develop a spray toilet and show off to the envoy from country A: We also have a spray toilet! But the envoy from country A is coming on the second day and it is too late to make the toilet...
The envoy from country A I tried the toilet in country B, but I didn't expect that it not only sprayed water, but also had a towel to wipe my butt. In order to understand its structure, the messenger stood up and pressed the button again. The two hands of the towel stretched out from the toilet...
The Three Little Pigs
One day, the wolf wanted to eat the three little pigs. Two of the three little pigs were at the door. One is on the roof. (Pig 1 and Pig 2 are at the door, and Pig 3 is on the roof.
Pig 1's name is "Who", Pig 2's name is "Where", and Pig 3's name is "What". ) So there is a wonderful dialogue.
Wolf: Who are you?
Pig 1: Yes
Wolf: What?
Pig 1: "What" is on the roof.
Wolf: I asked you what your name is?
Pig 1: My name is "Who", "What" is on the roof!
The wolf asked Pig 2 again: Who are you?
Pig 2: I am not "who", he is "who". (Pointing to Pig 1)
Wolf: Do you know him?
Pig 2: Yeah!
Wolf: Who is he?
Pig 2: Yes.
Wolf: What?
Pig 2: "What" is on the roof!
Wolf: Where?
Pig 2: "Where" is me.
Wolf: Who?
Pig 2: "Who" is he. (Pointing to Pig 1 again)
Wolf: How do I know.
Pig 2: "Who" are you looking for?
Wolf: What?
Pig 2: Is he on the roof?
Wolf: Where?
Pig 2: It’s me.
Wolf: Who?
Pig 2: I am not "who", he is "who".
Wolf: Oh my God!
Pig 1?2: "Oh my god" is our father.
Wolf: What, is it your father?
Pig 2: No!
The wolf couldn't stand it anymore and looked up to the sky and sighed: Why?
Pig 1?2?3: Do you know our grandfather?
Wolf: What?
Pig 1: No, our grandfather is "why".
Wolf: Why?
Pig 1: Yes!
Wolf: What is it?
Pig 1: No "why".
Wolf: Who?
Pig 1: "Who am I".
Wolf: Who are you?
Pig 1: Yes, I am "who".
Wolf: What?
Pig 1?2: He is on the roof. …………
Reason for arrest
Someone yelled: "The President is an idiot!!!!!!!!!" As a result, he was arrested, but the charge was not "insult" President", but "revealing high-level national secrets"!
Intention
Someone sent a text message to a friend saying: "I want to send you a red envelope!" He was very happy, but later he became unhappy. The next page of the original text message read: “I have sent a mosquito.
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