Talking about matchmaking
In feudal society, men and women "don't marry each other", emphasizing that "it doesn't rain if there are no clouds in the sky, and there is no marriage if there is no matchmaker on the ground". Both men and women usually have to be reconciled by someone, so that they can "harmonize Qin and Jin", "connect with each other", and "understand the harmony of the two surnames". This kind of negotiation is called "matchmaking". After the founding of New China, "matchmaking" was changed to "making introductions". People who do this kind of negotiation work are commonly known as "matchmakers" and elegantly known as "Yue Lao", "Matchmaker", 'Introducer'.
Matchmaking is a skill. The matchmaker must not only be familiar with the general situation of both men and women and their families, and strive to be a good match, but must also basically and accurately reflect the actual situation of the other party to both men and women and their parents. We should also try our best to hide evil and promote good, so that both parties can fully see each other's strengths and be happy to reach a marriage agreement. That is to say, you have to have a "matchmaker's mouth". To be a matchmaker, you need to be diligent in running errands. From the day you start to match up men and women, you must often run between the men and women's families, communicate with each other, and convey each other's wishes and requirements. , to prevent unexpected changes. Generally speaking, the man and woman have to entertain the matchmaker. It is not an exaggeration that the country people call the matchmaker, which shows that the matchmaker is very diligent in the old-style marriage. An important role. After the man and woman have basically agreed on the marriage, he will guide the man to go on a blind date, exchange marriage certificates on behalf of both parties, lead the man to make an engagement ceremony, choose an auspicious date for the marriage, guide the man to accept the bride, and assist in the marriage ceremony. "The matchmaker is thrown over the wall when the new couple enters the house". If the matchmaker does a good job, both parties are satisfied, and they will often interact with each other in the future. Passers-by.
If a match is made, the matchmaker can get some money, which is called a "matchmaker gift". This money is usually paid by the man (if the man comes to the woman's house, the woman pays it). , the day before the marriage, the chickens, elbows, shoes, socks, and cloth given to the matchmaker are sent to the matchmaker's house. The matchmaker must guide the matchmaker the next day, which is called "matchmaker" or "matchmaker". "Send a matchmaker". The amount of money to thank the matchmaker depends on the host's financial situation, but no matter how much it is, it must be sealed with red paper, called a "red envelope" or "envelope". It is customary to write "envelope" on the red envelope. ".
Approving horoscopes and predicting zodiac signs
The ancients were very particular about marriage. If the man's family wanted to marry a daughter-in-law, they would first obtain the woman's horoscope from the woman's family, and then give it to the fortune teller to calculate. It is commonly known as "Jiawujia". If the girl's birth date is negative or the horoscope of the son conflicts, the two families will not be able to get married. You can also place a post with the woman's birth date in front of the god of the groom's family. In the case of ancestors, it will be auspicious. If the family is safe and prosperous within three days, the man and woman can become in-laws.
There are many folk rumors about the zodiac. The matching ones are: blue rabbit and yellow dog in ancient times. Red horses and yellow sheep have a long life, black rats and yellow oxen are prosperous, green cows and black pigs are happy, dragons and roosters live longer... Snakes and rabbits are bound to be rich, etc. The incompatible ones are: white horses are afraid of green cows, and sheep and rats carry a load. , snakes and tigers are like knives, dragons and rabbits are afraid of communication, golden roosters are afraid of jade dogs, pigs and monkeys are afraid of each other, etc.
Blind date
After being matched by a matchmaker, the man often proposes to meet. Requirements. This kind of activity in which the man goes to the woman's house for the first time accompanied by the matchmaker is called "matchmaking", also known as "blind date".
The date of the blind date is predetermined by the matchmaker. Both men and women should be notified, so both parties must be prepared. In the old days, the wedding ceremony was a key factor in the success of the marriage, especially the man. Although the gifts were nothing more than tobacco, wine and snacks, the quantity did not matter. How much, how valuable it is, but it must be what you like and avoid touching the taboos of the other person's parents; dress and dress in a dignified manner; be modest and polite in your words and deeds. In ancient times, when visiting a bride, the man could only let the matchmaker create an opportunity to peek at the girl secretly. Now, It is different. Men and women can meet and talk directly. Both parties have the opportunity to get a general understanding of the other party.
China is a "land of etiquette" and pays attention to subtlety. The results of the marriage visit are often not directly revealed, but expressed with various hints. In many places, after the man enters the house, the girl's parents first pour the young man a cup of hot tea. The young man sees that the girl likes it, so he drinks the tea in one gulp. Then the girl's parents discuss with the girl, and if they agree to get married, they Leave the man to have dinner with the matchmaker. If he doesn't agree, let him leave and go home. Some parents even ask a matchmaker to take away the meeting gift brought by the man.
In some areas, in addition to seeing the bride, there is also the custom of "checking the family". "Checking the family" is actually also a visit to the bride. After the man is brought to the girl by the matchmaker, the girl's parents pay attention to the girl. The marriage is not announced for the time being, and the matchmaker will then go to the groom's house to check it out. This is called "Kandang" in Qiyang, Hunan. At that time, the groom's parents should first offer a cup of fragrant tea and then talk to the girl's parents to understand the situation. After visiting the groom's house and talking with his parents, if he agrees to the marriage, he will drink all the fragrant tea. At this time, the groom's parents will immediately treat the guests as "in-laws" and entertain the guests warmly. Otherwise, the groom's parents should leave immediately and the groom should not force himself to stay.
Giving ceremony
After seeing the bride, the first step of the engagement process, commonly known as "gifting", is for the matchmaker to give the man's birth date to the woman. , the woman’s birthday horoscope is given to the man.
Some superstitious parents think they are responsible for their children's marriage. After receiving the red invitation, they usually ask a fortune teller to calculate it to see if the "birthdays and horoscopes" of both parties are consistent. If not, the marriage must be reconsidered. Most modern people don't believe in this anymore, so even if they exchange red posts, it's often just a formality, and some even don't even need to exchange red posts. After "combining the eight characters", the matchmaker must choose a good day to take the man to a ceremony and engagement. Gifts are a big deal, and generally the initiator of a marriage (whether male or female) has to send a heavy gift to the other party. Gifts are generally based on local customs and include meat, wine, candies, snacks, clothing, fabrics, and even jewelry, red envelopes, etc. The specific amount varies from place to place, and is usually negotiated separately by the matchmaker and both parties in advance. It cannot be left to the man (or woman) to calculate the amount given. Of course, the man's or woman's parents should also try their best to consider each other, strive to be more frugal, and accept less betrothal gifts.
After the ceremony, the man and woman can agree on a date, go to the local government to apply for a marriage certificate, and formally establish the marriage relationship. Modern regulations stipulate that both men and women must go to the hospital for a pre-marital examination before receiving a marriage certificate; some areas (mainly cities) require pre-marriage classes. These are effective measures to ensure good health and good education and the quality of the population, and should be observed and implemented.
The auspicious date
After the marriage certificate is obtained, the man and woman have legally established a legal relationship as husband and wife. But in China, this is just a prelude to the wedding event. According to traditional practice, the parents of the person who takes the initiative in getting married should choose a good and auspicious day for the wedding, and let the matchmaker notify the other party to prepare for the marriage. It is called "choosing auspicious days" and "sending days".
To choose auspicious days, you often ask astrologists or fortune tellers to choose, or you can choose the day yourself. It is generally believed that as long as "Liuhe" corresponds, it will be a good day. After choosing a date and confirming the wedding date, it is time to send out wedding invitations and invite relatives and friends to attend the wedding.
Invitations are usually delivered to relatives and friends in person by the person getting married or his parents. After receiving the invitation to the wedding banquet, relatives and friends usually come to the door to express their congratulations, except in special circumstances where they can only send gifts and not attend. Before congratulating, you must first prepare gifts. The importance of a gift depends on the closeness of each person's relationship with the host, the depth of friendship, and his or her financial conditions. When giving a gift to a man, he usually pays a gift and "encloses" it with red paper.
There is usually a blessing written on the envelope.
Gifts to the woman are often given by relatives and friends upon hearing about it, without waiting for the invitation to arrive.
Because the girl’s parents have to decide the size of the “wedding wine” based on the number of gift-givers.
Marrying
When a girl gets married, relatives and friends give her a batch of clothing or daily necessities to congratulate her, which is commonly known as "marrying". After the girl accepts the gift, she should give the "pomegranate" bread, white cake, pork, etc. given by her husband's family during the engagement to her relatives and friends to express her gratitude.
Send betrothal gift
Two days before the wedding, the man should go to the woman’s house to send the betrothal gift according to the agreed gifts, items and quantity. The custom in Guangzhou is to give chickens (meaning life), coconuts (having a father and a son, family happiness), gift cakes (to the woman’s relatives), and also giving gifts of money, which means that the man’s family is rich and will make the woman happy. A woman enjoys happiness after marrying.
Gifts in return
The bride’s family will also give gifts in return, including betel nuts (meaning the groom).
On the eve of the wedding
On the eve of the wedding, the groom’s family must decorate with lights and the bride and groom must take baths and fast. In the past, the bride had to open her face (use a string to remove the hair on her face), do her makeup, and wear a high bun. In modern society, it is common to wear makeup with her hair in a bun. On the night before the wedding, the man will find a lucky woman (a happy family, living parents, and a son) to make a new bed, and place peanuts, red dates, walnuts and other foods that are good omens for having a baby early on the bedside. The groom should cut his hair, shave his face, wear a hat, tie a red bun on the hat, insert two red roses, and wear a long gown and mandarin jacket. Later it was changed to uniforms, and now most of them are suits and ties.
Etiquette on the wedding day
Welcoming the bride
On the morning of the wedding, the man will bring six or twelve gifts in a red sedan or sedan chair and colorful flags. The band fired cannons and set off for the girl's house. When they approached the girl's house, they fired cannons again. The girl's family also fired cannons in response to show that they were ready. The matchmaker gets out of the car first, followed by the rest of the people, and the groom is invited out by the younger members of the bride's family. The matchmaker formally introduces the relatives and friends of both parties to each other, and first introduces the man to the woman's family. The man carries the gift into the woman's house. The woman accepts it and gives a red envelope, and places the gift in the living room. The matchmaker gives the jewelry, gift list, etc. to the woman's parents. The woman's relatives and friends collect the gifts and display the offerings on the god's table.
Ancestor worship
The woman's uncle lights candles and burns incense, and the woman's parents worship the gods and ancestors, report that the marriage has been decided, and pray for the blessings of the ancestors.
Eating glutinous rice balls
Before leaving for the wedding, the bride should eat glutinous rice balls with her parents, brothers and close friends to express separation; the mother feeds her daughter glutinous rice balls, which makes the bride cry.
Pleasing
After the groom meets the bride’s family, he wants to send flowers to the bride. At this time, the bride’s friends must deliberately block the groom. After a series of intelligence and physical tests, if necessary, they must also send flowers to the bride. In addition to singing love songs, the most important thing is the generous "opening the door". The sisters only open the door when they are happy.
Looking for red shoes
When the bride gets married, the groom will look for the red shoes worn by the bride in the room where he receives the bride, put them on the bride, and then the bride will be carried on his back by his brother or uncle. or sit on a chair and ask someone to carry it to the sedan; in some places, the floor is paved with red felt or red cloth. The bride takes off her old shoes and puts on new shoes after entering the sedan.
No matter how you go out, you will never touch the ground.
Farewell
The bride should say goodbye to her parents, while the groom should only bow and salute. In some places, brides cry before getting married.
Going out
The bride must be escorted by a blessed female elder holding a bamboo plaque or a black umbrella to the ceremonial car. Because the bride has the highest status, the top of her head is not allowed to see the sun; On the other hand, I hope to live a happy life like this female elder.
Giving fans
Before the bride gets into the ceremonial car, a little boy holds a fan to the bride, and the bride must give a red envelope as a thank you.
Don’t say goodbye
When everyone leaves the woman’s house, they must never say goodbye to the woman’s family.
Splashing water
After the bride gets on the car, the bride’s parents pour a bowl of water (or rice, red rice) on their daughter, which means that the daughter has thrown out the water, and wishes her daughter good luck. Food, clothing, and all your wishes come true.
Throwing the fan
After the ceremonial car starts, the bride should throw the fan out of the window, which means not to bring her bad temper to her husband's house.
The little boy picked up the fan and handed it back to the woman’s family, who gave him a red envelope as a thank you.
Firecrackers
After the limo leaves the woman’s house, firecrackers must be set off all the way to the man’s house.
Circuit the auspicious road
The wedding route usually involves walking in a large circle and not walking back the way you came. According to the location of the villages in Qixian County in central Shanxi, there is a saying that "Xuanwu (north) enters and Zhuque (south) exits; or White Tiger (west) enters and Qinglong (east) exits." The wedding procession must carry a red felt or cloth with it. In addition to being used for the bride to step on and off the sedan, it is also used to cover the sedan windows and the bride when passing through temples, well platforms, stone mills and stone mills, in order to prevent the interference of sneaky evil spirits such as the White Tiger Star. When meeting someone else's wedding procession on the road, the two parties should exchange "needle and thread", that is, use the bride's red hair to ward off disasters. Today, wedding teams give each other handkerchiefs when they meet, and this is a legacy.
Guanmen
Guanmen means that the bride formally enters the groom's house after leaving the bride's house to meet the aunt and the patriarch's elders.
Touching Oranges
The limo arrives at the groom’s house, and a child holding two oranges greets the newlyweds. The bride should touch the oranges lightly and then give a red envelope as a thank you.
Hold the Bride
When the bride gets out of the car, a lucky elder from the groom’s side should hold a bamboo plaque to block the bride’s head and help the bride into the hall.
Don’t step on the threshold
Go over the threshold.
Cross the brazier and step on the tiles
After the bride enters the hall, she must step over the brazier and step on the tiles.
Serving tea
The elders in the groom’s family introduce the bride to their family members, and the bride changes her tune.
Worship the heaven and the earth
The newlyweds worship the bride and groom, and then sprinkle grains and grains on the bride and groom. They must first bow to the heaven and earth, and secondly to the high hall. The couple will bow to each other before entering the bridal chamber. The newlyweds should avoid people whose zodiac signs are taboo. A brazier should be placed on the door of the new house, firewood should be used to make a fire, and a bowl of water should be placed to represent the harmony of water and fire. When the bride enters the door, she must hold the open lock on the door.
After the bride sat down, the groom quickly lit the "longevity lamp". The so-called "longevity lamp" is to add clear oil to the lamp and light it, then place it in a high place in the bridal chamber. It will not go out all night and can only self-extinguish but cannot be blown out. It symbolizes "longevity and wealth".
Hold a cup of wine
In the bridal chamber, the bridegroom and bride drink "a cup of wine." The ears of the tea cups are connected with a red string. The bride and groom only take one or two sips, and the rest is shared by the young women and the dolls. Some young men also rush to drink.
Don’t sit on the new bed
On the wedding day, no one is allowed to sit on the new bed, and the bride cannot lie down to avoid falling ill in bed all year round. In addition, from the time the bed is set up to the eve of the wedding, an underage boy must be found to sleep in the bed with the groom.
Visiting wedding banquets and weddings
After the ceremony, the bride takes a seat in the bridal chamber and never goes out again. The groom has to go out of the bridal chamber to entertain guests. If there is a banquet in a hotel or restaurant, both husband and wife must go out to entertain the guests and toast to them.
Wedding banquets should be arranged according to the seniority of the guests, which is called "treating guests" or "clearing guests".
The principle of arranging seats is that the superior is superior and the inferior is inferior, the right is superior and the left is inferior. Guests are arranged from high to low according to their age, identity and status.
The chairman should be placed in the center of the main room, and the "eldest relative" should be asked to sit on the seat on the right side of the room. The groom's father or uncle should sit on the seat on the left side to accompany him. The rest should be seated according to their seniority.
In addition to the main seat in the main room, the second most distinguished seat is placed in the bridal chamber. The mother of the bride is invited to sit in the first place, accompanied by the mother or aunt of the groom. The seats of other seats are usually arranged in order of superiority and inferiority. After the seats are arranged, the master of ceremonies announces the start of the banquet by playing music and firing cannons.
Respect guests
After the banquet begins and when the fish is served, the bride puts on a traditional dragon and phoenix gown to toast the guests.
The food and drinks at each table should be the same, except that the seats where the "eldest bride" and "eldest bride" are usually must have a steamed elbow.
Moreover, the groom should wait at the table, pour wine, give hot towels, etc. to the "groom" to show respect.
Before the wedding banquet ends, the matchmaker has already escaped, which is called "escape from the banquet". If he doesn't leave, the "matchmaker" will wipe his face into the bottom of the pot. After the wedding banquet is over, the bride first retreats to the main room to rest for a while, eat some snacks, and be accompanied by the groom's elders to say some kind words. After the servants have removed the table and swept the floor, it's time for the bride to get up. Farewell.
Send off guests
"Send off the bride" is another lively scene. All the decent people in the husband's family have to see him off, and they have to fire cannons and play music to express their gratitude. Respect. The groom and his parents should see the guests off at the entrance of the village.
Having a wedding ceremony
In the past, there was a custom in China where many newlyweds were not familiar with each other before the wedding. They may feel psychologically awkward if they have to live together at night. There is no doubt that the wedding ceremony can help the couple eliminate the barriers and break the "window paper" of shyness. But today, the wedding ceremony is mainly to express blessings to the couple. The programs include:
Chopstick taking: Put a pair of chopsticks in a wine bottle, with only a very short section exposed, and ask the bride and groom to take the chopsticks out with their lips. In fact, the two of them are required to perform a kiss. .
Eating bananas: tie the banana with an elastic rope and hang it at a height that the groom can reach. The groom pulls the banana off with his mouth, and then eats it together. . In order to prevent the rope from rebounding, one must bite the banana while the other moves. This depends on the tacit cooperation of the two.
Light the match: insert the match on the red dates and fill it with water. A lighted cigarette is stuck in the middle of a red thread, and the couple bites each end. They move in and out, and use the smoke to light the match in the basin together while holding their breath and using strong "teeth skills". "Only with vision will you be successful.
Clip marbles: Prepare a plate of glass marbles, let the bride and groom each fight for a chopstick, and they will clip out the marbles together. You can ask several couples present to The newlyweds hold a competition, and the laggards perform.
Poetry competition: If the bride and groom are people who love literature, then invite them to a poetry competition. The groom will recite a poem first, and then the bride will take the poem. It is required that at least one word in the following sentence is the same as the previous sentence. This is repeated. The person who cannot follow the chant will lose and the loser will perform the show.
Spread the happy bed
Spread the happy bed. It is a singing and dancing game performed by the groom's sister-in-law during the wedding ceremony. The sister-in-law holds a tray with red paper on which chestnuts, dates, peanuts, longan and other items are placed, while the bride sits on the bed. The sister-in-law grabbed dried fruits and threw them on the bed while singing. Everyone in the wedding room listened to the sister-in-law's singing and joined in the singing. There was constant laughter and laughter in the wedding room.
The game of spreading happiness on the bed was heard. It is a folk group game. All the people making trouble are actors, and the sister-in-law is the protagonist, and everyone else is a supporting role. Because the protagonist has a heavy responsibility to liven up the atmosphere of the wedding, the protagonist has to go through the family of the bride. Carefully selected. It is as solemn as choosing a wedding officiant. Before getting married, the groom's family chooses one or two from the same clan and neighbors.
The protagonist selected for the wedding bed must first of all be a "lucky person" with both children; he must also be able to sing songs and compose lyrics; furthermore, he must be articulate, flexible, good at observing people's emotions, and adapt to changes. In addition, since the lyrics take a long time, the lyrics are also long, and sometimes they have to be improvised according to the specific situation. Therefore, the person who spreads the lyrics must have a strong memory and be able to correctly use the lyrics to describe the things and scenes they see. People who are subject to these conditions Constraints, the selected sister-in-law is naturally superior.
As sisters-in-law, I feel very proud to be valued by my married family. They will do their best to help the groom's family adjust the atmosphere of the wedding room.
Returning to the home
According to Chinese wedding customs, after three days of marriage, the bride must return to her natal home with the groom, which is also called "returning to the home". On the third day, the bride's family sends carriages and horses to welcome the newlyweds back home. This is an indispensable etiquette.
When returning home, the bride and groom must take the same path they took to welcome the bride. The groom cannot be empty-handed and must bring gifts to his father-in-law and mother-in-law. The types of gifts can be chosen by the newlyweds, but they must gather four kinds and choose an even number for good luck.
At noon on the day of return, the parents-in-law will prepare a banquet to entertain the new son-in-law. On this day, the new son-in-law was a distinguished guest and sat at the table. The woman's close relatives will accompany her guests. Before the banquet, the woman's sister-in-law makes dumplings for the groom to eat. The sisters-in-law often make a joke and often wrap the dumplings with chili peppers and straw to make the groom embarrassed and make fools of himself. Some smart grooms use chopsticks to open a dumpling before eating it. If there is no chili, he will eat it calmly. Some grooms were loyal and honest, and accidentally ate dumplings with chili peppers. The spicy dumplings were so spicy that they burst into tears, while the sisters-in-law laughed heartily and the atmosphere was lively.
After dinner, you should chat with your parents for a while, listen to their teachings, and then say goodbye and go home. And you should take the initiative to invite the two elderly people and brothers and sisters to your home as guests. You can also invite relatives, friends, and neighbors.
From the son-in-law's perspective, this custom means thanking his father-in-law and mother-in-law for their kindness, visiting and getting to know the woman's relatives and friends; from the daughter's perspective, it means not forgetting the kindness of her parents in raising her after getting married and starting a family. mind.