I used to challenge the future for my dreams, but now I trample on my dreams for the future. I have comforted myself after many failures: as long as I want, I will succeed, I will not give up, I will not abandon.
But in the end, I don't know that day, I suddenly lost the courage to comfort. Suddenly I feel very naive, because in this world, many things that my teacher taught me are not necessarily suitable for this world, nor are they necessarily suitable for the development law of this world. So I questioned persistence and hard work for the first time, and felt that these 24 years were really wasted for the first time. . .
The night passed unconsciously, and maybe the next moment is the beginning of a new tomorrow. But I lost the most basic judgment of tomorrow, and suddenly I was full of fear of tomorrow. Because I know that at the dawn of tomorrow, in such a new beginning, I can only spend it in a deep sleep. On such a day, when I suddenly wake up from my dream, the endless emptiness in my heart occupies all of me.
Sometimes I really want to cry and let the empty days pass faster, but at that time, I always swallow my bitter tears into my heart. The so-called people are not tired, but they haven't reached the sad place yet. It's really hard, and who really wants to tell their misfortunes with those fragile tears?
Looking up at the dark night outside the window, I unconsciously immersed myself in the loneliness of the night. Suddenly found that the night is not so rough, at least she is still by my side, accompanied me through 24 years of ups and downs. In such ups and downs, she never complains about nature and people, nor about human feelings. She just repeats the eternal cycle over and over again. She knows that her persistence is the best reward for herself, and she doesn't need too much noise or care. Only once in a while, a person lost in the middle of the night sent her a gentle greeting, and she gained the glory of this life. . .
The moment my finger crossed the keyboard, I suddenly understood that it was unfortunate and lucky for me to repeat it again and again. Because it is precisely because of this wasted time that I found out how naive I am and how strong I will become in this emptiness. . .
Late-night sketch 2 was once whispering together, once noisy together, so sweet, why is the final result like this? Lost to reality or lost to time? Love, is it really that far away? Love hurts many people, and those who know how to smile are all hurt by love? Pretending to be flawless, acting is regarded as an instinct. Are they all numb with injuries?
Every day should have different moods and topics, shouldn't it? It's just why I can't let go of those places that have been in my deepest memory. When can I ignore them, continue to think about them, continue to question them, and there is no answer? Do you always think about them because you don't know the answer? Is it because I always feel that I have been thinking about them, but I have forgotten them?
There is still no answer, I can't say what I want to say, I can't do what I want to do, and I still feel a little strange when I look at the familiar place. Is it because I lost my way, lost my heart, felt strange to everything, met the wrong person and made a mistake? Everything is fate, so tangled.
It was cold at night and everyone left. I'm the only one who can remember. I just want to choose to escape, escape from everyone, and face myself quietly. Maybe only in this way can I escape from everything. Some people say that no matter what happens, my expression is always so calm. Because of this, I am considered not to be heartbroken or sad, right?
Maybe I am happy, at least in the eyes of others. In fact, it is very difficult to laugh impudently. One day, I will turn into a smile without mood. I know that many people and things are not true, but I still guess and smile. I really want to go to that place full of memories, but I don't know how to go alone. I don't know who to tell, but my dream.
Regarding love, when there is no one in my heart, my heart is calm, and when there is someone in my heart, my heart is still calm.
That man is there, thousands or tens of thousands of kilometers away from you. It's good that he can cry, laugh and make noise there.
If all love is like the love you have seen, there may be no literary youth.
Love is ok, I love you in my way, and you love me in your way. I see the sunset with my eyes, and you see the long river with your eyes.
Late-night sketch 4 pear blossom fragrance,
Worried about heartbreak.
A thousand glasses of wine,
Think about it.
-inscription
This valentine's day, inexplicably lost and found.
No matter what is lost. What did you find? It doesn't matter to me, that's all. Living life, everyone is looking for a natural excuse for each other's emptiness, and just for this excuse, they are often doing some boring and trivial things.
It hurts, and it doesn't matter if you are tired.
Still like a person, just sitting in the room, thinking about something, not so much thinking, but rather stunned ~! Hehe, maybe I can only explain my behavior in this way. I don't know why, but I just want to write something, something innocuous, just want to describe it, with no goal and no theme. Maybe this is life, maybe this is life, and some people often worry about such things. I may also be a blind suitor. My music is so beautiful that I knocked over all my five-flavor bottles.
breathe
A lot of trivial things are accumulated in this way. It doesn't matter if it's complicated and changeable. I don't want to argue, force, explain or be understood. One person, just one person, good, really good.
I want to listen to some songs occasionally, but there is nothing suitable. I have been looking for them. It's hard to have a melody that I can remember. Maybe I have no personality and no mood, but I have more worries.
I've always wanted to get involved in something, but now it's like a rare element, which is difficult to mix and ferment, so it can only evaporate quietly, or be placed in a corner, waiting for the discovery and research of the next scientist.
I don't know where I got so much sadness. My father once looked wrinkled and quipped, "Where did you get so much sadness in a day?" You always have vicissitudes when you are young. " I just twitched my mouth perfunctory.
Yes, where did I get so many vicissitudes, so many sorrows, and I didn't understand that I was still young, and there were still many sorrows. Maybe that's what our generation is like. Suddenly I have a strange feeling. I feel like I'm making up words now, which looks ridiculous, just like an ignorant teenager writing a composition. It's really boring, but since it's boring, what am I going to continue?
The scorching sun shines selflessly on this snow-white land, melting the cold snow without mercy. The snow is crying. The earth knows that if the earth cries, who knows?
I'm tired, I'm really tired. I don't want to think, I don't want to ask, I just want to forget, or be forgotten, I just want to abandon, or be abandoned, and living alone is enough.
It's a long night before dawn, but isn't it just to wait all night and take a look at dawn? When I saw the dawn, I didn't feel happy, but lost. What I lost was the beautiful moonlight gone. At this time, I want to see the beautiful moonlight again, but when I look at the moonlight again, what about the dawn?
People are so dissatisfied, unwilling, in a word, unwilling, dissatisfied, I am used to it now, it's no big deal.
I'm tired, I'm going to sleep, it's dawn, I want to say good night to the morning, I want to say goodbye to Baiyun, I want to say goodbye to the scorching sun.
If life is like the first time, love is like the first time, and trivial things are like the first time, it is a beautiful thing, but I often think that beautiful things will disappoint paranoid people, so I will let nature take its course.
Finally, let me talk about what I often say, facing the sea, spring blossoms.
-That's all.
It's raining and windy outside. It's a little noisy and I can't sleep. Earplugs are worn to listen to music. I've been thinking a lot recently … life is often forced by myself. Who will look at you if you don't work hard and struggle, not for anything else. Live a wonderful and valuable life for yourself. Don't come here naked. Nothing is impossible, it depends on whether you have skipped this level. It's all the same whether you jump or not. The problem already exists and cannot be changed and erased. Depending on whether you jump or not, the choice is very important, but the result will be different. People will continue to grow and sublimate, and after some experience, they will gradually understand what life is and what life is. People are people and life is life. The combination of the two is the ups and downs of life. Whether you succeed or fail, you can't do without these words! There is no good or bad standard and end point for contentment. Can only say that there is no best, just want to be better! Obsession invades the bone marrow, dilutes the blood and covers the mind. Perseverance and soul mate participate in the beating pulse. Many times, I insisted on what I shouldn't have insisted on and gave up what I shouldn't have given up. But with this persistence, there will be gains, gains and losses! People are happy not because you get more than others, but because you care less than others! It is a long and painful process to be unable to pick it up and put it down. Time can't explain anything, but it can prove everything!
On New Year's Eve, there was jubilation everywhere. The sound of fireworks ignited from the sunset, and the glow in the west dyed several white clouds red. As dusk falls, the mountain shadows stretch, and the sound of fireworks comes and goes, with great momentum. Until midnight, the bell rang at 0: 00, and fireworks were everywhere, shaking the night sky without dreams. I woke up from the depths of my dream, gently pushed open the window, looked at the night outside, looked at the vast starry sky in the night, looked at the gorgeous fireworks under the starry sky, and looked at the hidden road in the dark night. How many steps have passed in the dark years, how beautiful the fantasy is, and I am still hiding in my eager eyes, looking forward to the way.
Such a night is not suitable for meditation alone. The night is too noisy. Even in rural areas of Shan Ye, the atmosphere of the Spring Festival is not only concentrated in the scenes during the day, but also in the air at night. In those endless fireworks, they constitute the good wishes of all families day and night and become a warm fireworks song. In the night sky, it falls again and again, again and again. After this family was released, another family started again. It's the kind that you can imagine by listening to the sound. The blooming of silver flowers from one tree to another is fleeting, but there are new soaring blooms, and the vertices continue to dissipate, so it goes on and on.
Dreams are broken in the middle of the night, and fireworks are on earth for hours. The fireworks are not cold tonight. Fireworks have been singing, fireworks can't be released, and they have been open until dawn to welcome the first light of the new year.
Spring Festival, Spring Festival, what a warm holiday. Happy family holiday. When I heard Qiqi's voice on WeChat, I was ecstatic. I just said some usual words of blessing, but I looked like an old friend I haven't contacted for a long time. Every word makes me satisfied, and my inner joy is like fireworks in the night sky. What falls is not the scattered dust, but the eternal warmth in my heart. This kind of warmth is innate and alive. It grew in the long river of my years. Winter is like snow and summer is like lotus. Spring and autumn are naturally ginkgo leaves, which are light green and light yellow, taking away the beauty of the years.
I have long been used to not sending all kinds of news on holidays and sending blessings to everyone. For those who are familiar with it, they will naturally understand that they will not keep in touch with their good friends often, and they will hardly send those pale blessings on holidays. For people who have lost contact, such blessings are displayed in the dialog box, leaving only a large blank written by strangers spreading. But if someone sends it to me, I will definitely answer every sentence carefully. After all, people who have been separated for a long time and can contact you actively must be sincere, have a warm heart and convey a warm feeling.
I hope that some feelings can really be like these fireworks in the middle of the night and will not cool down. After many years, they still won't be cold and distant.
How many things in life are counterproductive. But there is always a wish. I gave all my wishes back to the old days year after year, aging my memory and leaving only forgetting. I finally lost count, but another year has come. What will it be this year? I clearly know that this is an unusual year, and how many days I wasted when I was talking about cherishing it.
I always want to go out when I am at home, and I get bored when I stay for a long time. I always fantasize that I can travel during the Spring Festival, see how different places in China celebrate the holidays, feel the warmth of other people's homes for the New Year, and collect one story after another. Or go mountain climbing, in the most lively season, avoid the noise of the crowd, enjoy the world alone, without any surprises and interruptions, and have a good time. Or volunteer, spend holidays with different people and experience different lives ... It's a good idea, but I know my parents won't agree, so I can only have ups and downs, that's all. Xidi's friends went to Hangzhou to volunteer and sent New Year greetings, saying it would be great to spend the New Year there. I am very happy for her, too. Fortunately, no one is alone outside for the New Year, but I can gain more and experience more, which is what I imagined. Meeting on the road is always so beautiful, just like the friendship we have always maintained will certainly continue, and we will share with each other from time to time and continue to understand each other. In this way, this friendship will also grow.
The night began to deepen again, and the sound of fireworks continued. There are stars in the sky outside the window. I want to be like them. I can stand on the earth and watch countless prosperous fireworks rise and fall in the world. And they still exist for thousands of years, shining and silent in vast expanse.
Perhaps such a day will eventually be forgotten and return to nothingness, whether I am nostalgic or persistent, disgusted or abandoned. No matter how you recall it, its ending is doomed. It doesn't matter what I write. Just like this night, after the occasional noise, more days in the future will eventually return to emptiness, silence and similar nothingness.
It is said that fireworks are easy to be cold, and people are scattered, but there have been such late-night moments, which makes me believe that many beautiful things in life will be as beautiful as fireworks at night and will never be cold. Pray, pray.
Late night essays for 7 nights 1 1 at one o'clock, I was reading a book when suddenly the phone rang. The quiet night is a bit scary.
Daughter-in-law absently stretched out her hand from the bed and asked, who is it? I vaguely heard a woman's voice. After picking it up, she told me that it was Yedda Chiu who was sleeping in her home, and she woke up crying in her dream and told her mother that she missed her sister Bai too much (my home is round). Her mother couldn't coax her, so she called.
Gently want to laugh, but also a little touched.
Yedda Chiu is my neighbor's granddaughter. She is five years old. She lives with her parents in Fangzhuang Industrial Zone under Yuntai Mountain. She went back to the country on Sunday. After a while, she and I 12-year-old Yuan Yuan became good friends. At the end of every Sunday, she doesn't want to leave. ...
Daughter-in-law gets dressed and goes to the next room to wake Yuanyuan and Coco. Yuan Yuan advised Yedda Chiu to be obedient on the phone and go to kindergarten tomorrow.
It sounds as if she accepted the suggestion, but she wants Yuanyuan and Coco to sing a song before going to bed. After discussing with Coco, Yuanyuan said that we should sing invisible wings.
So in the silent night, there is a real child's voice: every time/I am strong in the loneliness of wandering/every time/I don't cry even when I am hurt/I know/I always have invisible wings/take me flying/fly over despair. ...
Maybe a few years later, when they grow up, they will forget this song that ripples in the middle of the night because of missing, and will forget a lot of happiness or pain derived from playing.
But the friendship between pure and quiet life should not be forgotten.
It was raining heavily outside, and I curled up in the corner of the sofa with my mobile phone in my arms. Although it's a little cold, I'm too lazy to make a stove. I held the big doll in my arms and let my thoughts drift with the story I saw. ...
Listening to the rain, the picture in my mind gradually became clear. I want to beat him up and say it. I just want to record the story and name it "The Old Man and the Thin Soil"
The sunshine is very good today. I walked on the country road, breathing the fragrance of the earth. Looking around, the green on the land is no longer goose yellow. The swing of willow branches is more elegant, not as stiff as it was a few days ago. Looking at the nifty small tongue spit out from the willow branches reminds me of the willow flute when I was a child. How pleasant it is to fold a willow branch and play a twisted willow flute!
Listening to the roar of tractors ahead indicates the beginning of a new round of busy farming season. I watched an old man hunched behind the tractor, shoveling plastic film with a spade. Because it was the first trial run in spring, the machine accidentally cut the plastic film. The old man's trembling hands are still so carefully covered, sweat dripping in the yellow mud, but his face is still so kind and unhurried. The old man didn't put farmyard manure on the corn, because he couldn't turn over the sun and didn't have much strength to serve those babies. He only applied some fertilizer to the corn. Although he felt a little sorry that he had been farming for almost his whole life, he didn't want to disturb his children's help. He thinks he can do it and doesn't want to trouble the children. The children are very busy. Besides, it is also the children's job to carry those dirty chicken droppings. All dressed up, but after eating, let them come back for dinner, and two chickens were killed and eaten by them. ...
The old man's idea is almost the idea of parents all over the world.
As far as I can remember, it seems that digging toilets and drying farmyard manure has never been my business. That's what my father should do. Although I am over forty, I really can't serve those smelly things, but I know which one is delicious when I grow fruits and vegetables with it.
Thought of here, my face began to burn, what reason do I use to love this old man. How can I explain the sadness of seeing the old man and ask myself if I have pity? I am sure I can answer this question.
At this moment, a little warmth flowed out of the corner of my eye. I can't beat the ending of the story of the old man and the thin soil anymore. My hands clasped my knees, and my father's old face flashed through my mind. How can I forget his rough big hands and kind smile? ...
Just then, I heard a quick knock at the door and the dog began to bark. Look, it's past 9: 30, and I'm a little nervous, because I really can't remember who will come to see me on such a rainy night.
I crustily skin of head, turn on the switches one by one, bring a brightly lit house and yard, and then bring a big flashlight, which is not used for lighting, but more like a weapon. I moved to the gate step by step and walked in the middle of the yard. I asked loudly, "Who?" There was no movement outside the door, only a black shadow, as if holding an umbrella. My heart began to beat faster. I took out my mobile phone and found out my neighbor's phone number. If something is wrong, I want to press the button for help at once. At this moment, there was a knock at the door again, accompanied by my birth name. ...
Listen carefully. It's mom's voice. When I opened the door, I asked, "What are you doing here in such a dark day and such a heavy rain?" Mother said, "It's raining too hard. I'm afraid you'll be scared at home alone. After dinner, I'll wait on your father and help him tie the cow, so I'll accompany you. " After listening to my mother's words, I was very angry and said to her loudly, "I said I can do it myself." What are you doing here in such heavy rain? What if I fall? " What should I do if I leave my father alone at home and the cow breaks his ear and he can't hear? "My mother listened to my reproach. She didn't make any noise. She just held an umbrella for me and walked into the house with me when I locked the door. I helped my mother into the house and took her umbrella, but I still didn't forget to scold her. Mother didn't speak and sat there quietly. I saw the tears of injustice in her eyes. I stopped talking and didn't know what to say. The room fell silent, strangely silent. ...
I stole a look at my mother. She hung her head and buttoned her nails. I couldn't control my tears any longer, and hugged my mother tightly, just like when I was a child, crying in her arms. Mom panicked, hugged me tightly and whispered, "Don't cry, don't cry, I won't come again." I did listen to the weather forecast and said there would be a strong wind at night. I'm afraid you're alone. Look, I'm wearing rain boots and I can't fall. Your father can stay at home alone for one night ... "
My mother and I fell asleep and vaguely heard my mother's even breathing. When I woke up, my mother was gone. I know she went back to cook for her father. I looked at the time. It was half past five in the morning, but I didn't want to get up. I just want to cry. ...
When they need my care, they still want to be my big tree ...
When we realized that so many years had passed, we finally graduated from middle school, but it seemed too late.
You sit quietly in your seat. Those students who are far away from you don't seem to have talked to you much, except for talking to your neighbors next door, and have had more in-depth exchanges.
Do you remember when you graduated from primary school, all the students around you cried, and you just smiled. Finally, even the final farewell to classmates and friends is always placed in the laughter of the teacher in the office.
You once regretted it, but never learned from it.
In primary school, you were still a student who dared to speak in class. This may be because you get good grades in class. At that time, you may not even know what inferiority complex is. You spent six years being yourself.
Finally came to the middle school.
Maybe you have gradually learned to think, so you will think twice before you act. Fear of mistakes makes you more and more silent, and only in front of a few friends with deep friendship will you show your true inner side. Inferiority and pride coexist. In the field you are good at, you can proudly hold your head up with a confident smile on your lips.
But you still feel inferior.
In primary school, because you didn't study in a relatively excellent class, the pressure of study and the competition between classmates were not as much as in middle school. Your poor English and Chinese have made you feel inferior. Not only because of your studies, but also because of your worries, you always transfer what you want to say in your mind several times. You become very quiet, and it seems that you are out of place with your friends who are talking and laughing loudly.
You lived like this for five years.
Have you ever wanted to let go of yourself and talk to everyone like a madman? But you find that only in front of a group of friends will you become as confident and cheerful as you expected.
Love yourself and hate yourself deeply.
Imagine a leader confidently presenting himself to everyone, not just a few people-
Too bad you can't do it.
Once upon a time, how much you admired those friends who went their own way and didn't care about others' feelings. They are very different from you. They are always considerate of others and afraid of others' anger and disappointment.
Perhaps, you also want to be an angry person and cry loudly if you want.
You remember that you never shed a tear at school.
No, once, the almost complete teacher left school to teach in another school. At the farewell party held in the class, it may be the first time that you shed tears in the corner of your eyes in a place like school.
The first time.
Maybe you won't cry then.
You want to be stronger, but I don't know why, you always feel-
Become more cowardly.
Listen, how much you hate yourself.
You also want to be a proud queen, hold your head proudly in front of everyone and show your posture: you also want to be a wild little princess, ignoring others' eyes and playing tricks on male students behind you.
You can't do this after all.
That's why your middle school career left a perfect regret.
You can't blend into other people's world. You are always licking the wound silently, which is your own crack-the sad world of pride and inferiority.
Once you liked to bury your head in a pillow and cry at night. You always do. You'd rather not talk, explain, and let others misunderstand you. You want to explain to others, but what's the use of explaining? In the family where you live, your parents attacked your thoughts when you were young, and you have lived in your own world ever since. When you want to explain, you will repeat what you should have said to yourself again and again.
You've become mean.
Why do you say it? I don't want to quarrel with you.
You will be depressed occasionally, give up on yourself occasionally, shut yourself in your own world and seriously abuse your scarred heart.
-it doesn't matter, if you are injured, you will be injured. It's no big deal. It won't die.
You mumble like this.
How much do you want to be insensitive one day, so that it won't hurt any more?
How much you wish those lost days could come back. You want to be crazy, you want to be a wild child.
-Even if I'm not as good as a dog.
In your memory, your father always scolds you and your brother like this.
"You, even the dog. I will take good care of my family and call back. What about you? "
At that time, you will whisper in your heart-
I can fold clothes.
I can wash dishes.
Although this is a naive answer, you still read it over and over again in your mind. You think you're at least not so useless. In this family, you have made at least a little contribution.
If I am worse than a dog, please don't keep me, just keep a dog.
You silently licked your invisible wound.
When your mother is angry, she likes to ask:
"What were you born for!"
You really want to answer: "I don't know, how do I know?" Mom, you know what? "
You always try not to hurt your mother's heart, so carefully.
You become inexplicable.
Misunderstanding, misunderstanding.
It won't die.
You are still growing up, and you want to record every bit of your life.
Even because of this, you have to uncover the scar you have scarred, which actually hurts.
Perhaps, you will still cry silently.
But maybe this is growth.
Late night essay 10 The sky in April is full of blue.
Jiujiang, you come from the majestic shogunate.
Jump down from the mountain, jump over the jungle
Run to Songjiang's arms
Jiujiang, there are actually only nine small rivers.
Although not as magnificent as the Yellow River.
But moved the mountain rhyme.
Although not as majestic as the Yangtze River.
But it ignited the soul of this country.
That day, I was kissed by a warm spring.
From the first to the ninth. Again
Ninth, go back to the first one
The river in Jiujiang is small, but
Slim and moving, charming and enchanting
Life is everywhere. The river gurgled.
Fish and shrimp swim happily and tease.
Jiujiang River has existed since ancient times.
Very weighty
Painting is full of rain and tears.
Nourishes people in mountainous areas and beyond.
A gust of wind stood at the intersection of Jiujiang.
Just because I am infatuated with your beauty.
Dancing in the vertical rain
In a place marked with flat lifting, waves
Hide in the corner
Write a flat poem.
Ju Ping Reservoir sleeps better than hibernating animals.
No one seems to bother.
Trace of microwave
Eyebrows and eyelashes move gently.
Just lock in a clear beam of light
Mountain peaks, forests and fields
Scattered evenly under the clouds
The core of packaging
Walking on a willow branch
Through the afternoon sunset
A deep alley waiting for the night