Absolutely high-quality hilarious jokes
The jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in plot, often unexpected, and give people the wonderful feeling that the god of laughter suddenly comes. Below I have some absolutely hilarious jokes for you, I hope you like them!
Absolutely Hilarious Jokes Part 1
1. The secretary, the township head, the office director, and the secretary play mahjong, and the secretary wins every time.
The office director asked the secretary, "You always win in poker. What's the trick? Teach me."
"No, no, just pure luck!"
< p> "Brother! It doesn't matter if you tell me, I'll buy you a drink, and I won't tell anyone else!" The office director was tempting and swearing.“Really?”
“That’s for sure!”
“I tell you, the secretary is pockmarked and the mayor is crippled. Neither of them can pee. In a pot. Didn't you notice that when they played cards, the secretary would hit seven loaves every time and call them "gaizi"? , don’t listen to anything, just listen to these two, it’s a sure win!”
2. Boyfriend: I heard that your phone is broken. This is the new phone I bought for you as a birthday gift!
Girlfriend: My dear, you are the best...
Girlfriend: My dear, have you bought a condom?
Boyfriend: I just like a bold girl like you! I'll go and come back later...
Five minutes later
Boyfriend: I bought a box of Durex for...
Girlfriend: That's what I said Cell phone case!
3. It is said that once upon a time there was a rich man who gave birth to four silly daughters. He was afraid that others would laugh at his daughters for being silly, so he hired a private school teacher to teach them poetry since they were young. When I grow up, I want to marry my daughter off. On this day, a matchmaker finally brought a scholar to propose marriage.
When the rich man heard that the visitor was a scholar, he happily said: What a fate! My daughters have been familiar with poetry since they were young, and now they are all fluent in poetry. In order to show off his daughter's intelligence, the rich man deliberately asked his servants to set up tables and chairs and invite his four daughters out, saying, "You should compose a poem before eating as usual."
I only heard the eldest daughter say: a table is square
The second child said: there is a bowl of soup in the middle
The third said: each of the four sisters has a square
The fourth child said: My little one will drink the soup first
The scholar laughed and said: Okay! good! good! The rich man also grinned happily.
When the eldest daughter saw that her father and the scholar were both happy, she thought that the marriage might be done, so she said casually: I am going to have a wedding today.
The second daughter said: When I get up tomorrow morning, I will become a mother.
The third child said: No matter what he is, go up
The fourth child said: Who dares to snatch it?
The scholar was dumbfounded when he heard this, and threw a sentence The absurdity flew away. When the rich man saw that the good thing that had come so hard to come by happened, he lost it again. He shouted angrily: "Shut up, everyone, and rush to chase the scholar."
Oh! The eldest sister sighed and said: All four sisters are beautiful
No man is too anxious. said the second sister.
The third child said: Dad told us not to say anything.
The fourth child answered; luckily I was smart and kept silent.
4. In the Qing Palace, there was once a queen who created a unique accent, which was very popular and widely circulated. It has been passed down to this day, especially the vast rural women, who are particularly enthusiastic about it. This emphasis is not Peking Opera, Huizhou Opera, or Kunqu Opera. Let us use an easy-to-understand term to introduce it: Sissy Opera
5. A patient just took a large bottle of medicine from the doctor and found that The shelf life of the medicine was only 4 days, so I ran to the doctor to ask.
The doctor smiled and said to the patient: "I know, but if you take it on time and in the right amount, you can finish it within 3 days, don't worry."
6 , our numbers make contributions in mathematics positions, but my horoscopes receive the worst treatment.
In the competition with the seven characters, people hope that the seven characters will win, but they wish that the eight characters will lose. It is often said that seven wins and eight loses.
I always like to associate horoscopes with bad elements. The turtle laying eggs insists on saying that he is a bastard, and the unlucky guy also says that he has been unlucky for eight lifetimes.
The ugly posture requires me to perform with my eight-character figures, and I have to show my eight-character feet to show others. I just want to make a fool of myself.
The horoscope tells people the reason for the slim hope. It is too easy for people to bully the horoscope without even mentioning the horoscope.
Boring things are also expressed with horoscopes. Everyone loves gossip and uses horoscopes for fun.
An ugly face is something that everyone blames. People should not forget to let their Bazi lose face. Ugly people are just right.
7. Allowed Bad Behaviors
Copying: Copying is a behavior that is generally opposed, but buying the bottom is a bold behavior that deserves recognition.
Stealing: Stealing is an act prohibited by moral laws, but stealing everything has been a legend for thousands of years.
Hacking: Hacking is a violent act that hurts and should be stopped. However, haggling is a required course for consumers.
Killing: Killing is a sinful act of sacrificing life. Killing is a life-threatening act. However, instant sales often occur when shopping online.
Robbery: Robbery is breaking the order to get what you want, which is despised by people. However, no one controls when you grab time.
8. The tiger and the lion chatted. At this time, the fox passed by and saw the tiger and the lion in low mood and asked:
Why are the two eldest brothers the king of beasts so depressed?
The tiger replied that I am depressed, there is a tigress at home.
The lion rushed to answer: There is a Hedong division in my family.
Follow the tigers and lions to complain of headaches and cry.
Suddenly the fox also cried.
The tiger and the lion asked, brother, why are you crying?
The fox replied: There is a vixen in my family!
9. When I was first employed, my first boss said that I had good abilities and that so-and-so was not as good as me. So I worked hard for N years stupidly.
When I was frustrated, my second boss told me that a certain position would be mine in the future. So I worked hard for another N years.
Before I could sit in that seat, my third boss came. He told me unceremoniously that if I didn't do it well, someone else would do it well. I had to keep doing it with fear.
If love hurts the workplace, don’t follow suit!
10. A classmate often makes excuses to ask for leave from the teacher.
The first time, I asked for leave because of a gathering of friends, "Teacher, I have a headache."
The second time, I asked for leave because I was not full in the cafeteria and sulked, "Teacher, I have a stomachache." "
The third time, I asked for leave because the trees in the neighboring village were full of fruits, "Teacher, my hands hurt. "
The fourth time, I asked for leave because I love playing basketball. , "Teacher, my feet hurt."
A few days later, the teacher wrote a poem for him in front of the whole class: "Headache without fever, bellyache with too little food, hand pain can Climbing trees, you can run if your feet hurt." After reading it, he said to the classmate, "How does this poem fit your situation?" The classmate replied, "The poem is good and it rhymes." Joke 2
1. You are my job for the rest of my life
Elephant: I’m talking about mosquitoes. I’m stupid and stupid. I really don’t know what you like about me. ?
Mosquito: Don’t say that, I’m not that young anymore and can’t fly anymore!
Elephant: Yes, I will be your support for the rest of your life from now on!
Mosquito: I’m only half right, it’s mainly my “job” for the rest of my life.
2. Mr. Han named the baby
Mr. Han looked up the dictionary when he had time and wanted to give his upcoming baby a good name. His colleagues all gave him ideas. idea, but Mr. Han was not very satisfied with it.
A few days later, colleagues asked Mr. Han with concern: "Have you thought of the baby's name?"
Mr. Han: "I have thought of it. The name is: Han Jinliang, Xiao." Name: 999"
3. Birds also need to be repaired
The director went to the zoo to shoot a film and went to the park to record bird calls. He was recognized by the park leaders and was shocked and thought that a news investigation was required. Very soon I was nervous and said it would be repaired today, but we explained that we were just watching birds.
The leader said that even birds need to cultivate.
4. Feelings
Calendar and Time sighed: "The status of time is changing with each passing day, unlike my old routine. In the past, time was in the sky, then on the wall, and then in the hand. Now on the waist.
"
5. The Sour Man
The little tiger said to the tiger: "I went out to the mountain today and caught a man to eat. The taste was very strange. The upper half is sour and the lower half is smelly. I don’t know who it is. "
Tiger said: "This must be a famous scholar who paid for a supervisor. "
6. Tang Seng's creativity
Tang Seng: Dear disciples, we have also had an economic crisis recently, so I decided that we should hold a song and dance show!
Wukong : Master, what are you going to do?
Tang Seng: I’m responsible for singing, and you’re responsible for being beaten by Bajie!
Wukong: Damn, Master, everyone knows you’ve got water in your head? I've always been the one to fight Bajie!
Tang Seng: It's just because everyone knows you have Bajie, so there's nothing new about it! I've already decided, just follow my arrangements. !
7. But he’s from Africa
Last time I went to my cousin’s house, there was a guest who looked very black. , the customer asked his cousin if he looked good.
The cousin said he looked good. The man asked again: Does he look like a princess?
The cousin said: Like Snow White. It’s just Snow White from Africa. Absolutely Hilarious Jokes Chapter 3
1. Oops, I forgot to mix the wine.
A salesman tiredly opened the corner restaurant. I ordered a glass of wine, and as soon as I took a sip, I was stunned: "Why, isn't this a glass of boiled water? "
"Oh," the shop owner was also surprised, "Oops, I forgot to mix it with wine. ”
2. A lumberjack went to apply for a job.
A lumberjack went to apply for a job. The foreman said: Go try the forest in front and see how many trees you can saw in one minute.
After a minute, foreman: Wow! 20 trees per minute, that’s amazing! Where did you work before?
Foreman: Never heard of it. Ah, I have only heard of Sahara Desert! Worker: Yes, the name was changed later!
3. The nurse said to another nurse: The beds are too tight.
One day, I was in charge of critical care. A nurse in the intensive care unit said to another nurse: The beds are too tight, and we can’t arrange them outside.
The other said: Don’t worry, look at this, that, and the one over there. It's almost done, I can't make it through tonight... There will be a place soon...
4. Why do you identify the age of a hen?
In a primary school, the teacher Question: “Classmate Maldin, can you tell me how people identify the age of hens? "
"Use your teeth, teacher! ”
“But hens don’t have teeth. "
"The hen may not have teeth, but I do. If the hen's meat is very tender, it is young; if it cannot be bitten, it is old! "
5. I used to suck milk
The little tiger blushed and asked the little squirrel: "Can I eat you?"
The little squirrel thought it was pretty A funny joke: Is this your first time eating an animal?
The little tiger was even more embarrassed and said: Yes, mom is not at home anymore, I used to eat milk.
< p> 6. What thing has 2 heads, 6 legs, and 1 tailA little boy asked his father: "Do you know what thing has 2 heads, 6 legs, and 1 tail?" "
Dad thought for a while and said, "I don't know. What is it? My dear child? "
"A man on horseback. " ;