Aunt Li retired and lived well in her hometown. The nightmare began when her daughter gave birth to Bauer and asked her to take care of the child.
Less than half a year after taking care of the baby, Aunt Li suddenly lost weight 10 kg. She went to the hospital and suffered from moderate depression.
Aunt Li confessed to Dr. Zhang Changyong, "It's really tiring to take care of my grandson now, and I'm afraid of making mistakes. The biggest fear is that the child is sick and the daughter-in-law complains. What's even more embarrassing is that helping children is also complained by son-in-law from time to time. "
With the opening of the second child policy, having a second child has become the choice of many people. However, in most families in China, it is difficult for parents to bear the responsibility of raising their children alone. As the saying goes, if you don't go to work, you can't afford to raise children or take care of grandchildren, so it is the unshirkable responsibility of grandparents and grandparents.
We interviewed several elderly people who helped their children raise a second child. Life and family happiness are not the same as imagined. Many old people have worked hard and endured loneliness in the process of raising their children, which is beyond our imagination.
Aunt Zhang? 62 years old? Home is in Hebei? Now living in Beijing
My hometown is from Hebei, and now I live in Beijing with my daughter and son-in-law. My main duty is to help them take care of their second child. Because the parents of the son-in-law are old and in poor health, the responsibility of taking care of the second child falls on me alone.
I advised my daughter to have a second child. I always feel that now that the second child policy is finally open, I have to have one quickly, otherwise the child will grow up alone without a partner.
But now I regret it a little. The little guy is innocent, mainly because I am old and tired of taking care of my children.
My daughter and the young couple are both in Internet companies, so busy that they work overtime every day. Basically, I buy food, cook and take care of my children at home. When they finally rest, they just play with their children in their arms, so there is nothing they can do.
You said you would have a holiday at work, but I'm so tired all day. People in my hometown are envious of me when they hear that I help with the children in Beijing. Actually, there is nothing to envy. Beijing is so big that it has nothing to do with me. My daily life is in the community, and I occasionally go to the supermarket.
Forget it. The point is that my daughter always quarrels with me. The concept of parenting is too different. I don't know what's going on. The older generation raised so many children, but none of them were very good. Why is she dissatisfied with everything?
It was noisy again that day. I ran downstairs when I was angry, but I went around the community twice and went back. Where can I go? To put it bluntly, Beijing is just my daughter's home and nothing to me.
I'm going to go back to my hometown in Hebei when my second child goes to kindergarten, and I should have my own old age.
Uncle Liu? 59? Now living in Wuhan
I'm from Wuhan, and my son and daughter-in-law are locals. I don't live far away. Therefore, compared with some elderly people who have left their homes to help their children, we are still good.
But in fact, it is not easy to take care of children. My son just had a second child last year, and the difference between my eldest brother and my second child is two years, so basically my wife and I will take two children.
Originally, my daughter-in-law planned to take care of the children at home full-time after giving birth to the second child, but there was no way. My son doesn't live up to expectations, and his monthly salary is just a little bit. Seeing the birth of a second child, the economic pressure at home has increased a lot. Raising children is really expensive now, so the daughter-in-law has to get back to work quickly.
We old couple don't have much pension, so we can't help financially. We can only try our best to take care of the children.
Both children are still young. Although my wife and I take care of them, they are still so busy every day that they have no time to catch their breath.
Wasn't there a flu last month? The boss accidentally got infected and kept running to the hospital, which made my wife and I not sleep much for several days.
After all, it is to help others take care of their children, so we should be more careful. Once a child accidentally bumped his head and got a bag. His daughter-in-law looked particularly ugly after seeing it.
Oh, come on, it's no use doing more. It's all your fault if you don't do it well in others' hearts.
I used to like calligraphy, but I didn't take out my writing brush for a long time after giving birth to my second child, and so did my wife, so I rarely had time to dance square dance.
Originally, everyone thought that the good days would come after retirement, but they were even more tired than before. Alas, I can't help it. We just work hard for the children.
We always emphasize how to raise children and pay attention to their mental health, but few people pay attention to the health status of these elderly people with children.
Perhaps it is not only parents who bear the pressure of having a second child, but also the elderly with children.
Aunt Sun? 56? Hometown Taizhou? Now living in Hangzhou
Our hometown is Taizhou, Zhejiang. My son went to work in Hangzhou as soon as he graduated from college, and then he stayed in Hangzhou.
Because my wife died a long time ago, I was alone in my hometown, and my son asked me to live with them in Hangzhou very early. I didn't agree, I'm not used to living here, and my neighbors don't know anything. It is better to be comfortable in my hometown.
But after my daughter-in-law gave birth to a second child, the two children couldn't take care of it, so I came to help with the children.
The boss is in primary school, mainly the second child. I am in good health, so I am very tired and busy with my children. The problem is that I'm usually alone and a stranger, and I haven't gone anywhere. Usually, after putting the children to bed, I watch TV, and I'm tired of watching those stations switch around.
Sometimes I just want to talk to someone, but who are you going to talk to? I'm so tired that I want to fall asleep after work and I'm not in the mood to chat with you.
I miss my sisters very much. We don't live far away, so it's no problem to drop in and chat. Now I feel like a nanny who doesn't pay. There is nothing in my life except children.
Sometimes when I look at the sleeping little guy, I have no resentment in my heart. All for my grandson.
However, I still hope my son can talk to me more. The whole family's mind is on the second child. How can anyone think that we old people also need attention?
We always emphasize how to raise children and pay attention to their mental health, but few people pay attention to the health status of these elderly people with children.
Perhaps it is not only the parents themselves who bear the pressure of having a second child, but also the elderly with children.
The old man has been working hard for his children all his life, risking his old age. They just want their children to live a comfortable, comfortable and relaxed life. However, some children often don't feel guilty when they accept the help of the elderly, and feel that the old people's efforts are right.
In life, this phenomenon can be quite a lot.
? 1. Give birth to the elderly?
Bao Wenjing in Mom is Superman is the epitome of many young parents.
At the age of 27, she gave birth to a baby, which is normal as a mother, but she still treats herself like a baby.
My daughter Jiaozi is three years old and has left Jiaozi to her grandmother.
In order to be on "Mom is Superman", grandma quit temporarily.
Before leaving, grandma prepared jiaozi's food and clothing and explained it repeatedly. But in Bao Wenjing's hand, he made a complementary food for jiaozi and cooked it directly.
Jiaozi tried to shit and was scared to death: it stinks, it's so big, I haven't done this for anyone yet.
Jiaozi was made uncomfortable by her. She cried out for grandma. The mother cried without coaxing the baby, because the child only recognized her grandmother and had no sense of existence.
That's bullshit！ The child is three years old. Except for those ten months, you never took care of her. You also play mobile phone with her. She kissed the toy, but she didn't kiss you.
? 2. Do old people have to be complained about bringing their babies?
The old man gave the child a candy.
Mom: "Mom, how many times have I told you, don't give the child candy."
Grandpa: "Children want to eat when they cry. It's okay to eat one for ten days and a half months. "
Mom: "It's no use telling you. He has cavities, so he blames you. "
Leaving the child to the old man is a betrayal when he grows up, blaming the old man for spoiling him too much.
Leave the children to the elderly, fall in love in primary school, and blame the elderly.
Throw the child to the old man, don't kiss his parents, blame the old man for not teaching the child well.
So particular, do you take care of the baby yourself?
With this ability, you ask a nanny to wait on you?
So fine, you take care of the elderly to a high standard?
Someone said, "Aren't you urging me to have a baby?"
Someone said, "You don't want to have grandchildren?"
Someone said, "You have nothing to do. Help me see what happened to the child? "
It is true that old people often see their grandchildren and enjoy family happiness, but it is different from letting old people take care of their children.
You have to understand: the elderly have the ability to help the baby and are willing to help you. This is mutual affection; It is my duty not to help you.
Giving birth to children is the love instinct of adult men and women, and parenting is the responsibility of mature parents. Taking care of children is the last thing parents should be lazy about.
You should thank the old man for taking care of your children today. You can't blame anyone if the doll won't kiss you tomorrow.
Children won't kiss you because you contributed DNA. You have to pee in the shit, pour it with milk powder and rice soup little by little, and make small meat balls into big fat boys or white tender girls. You have to pay first, and ta has to rely on it.
If you want to grow up with you in your heart, you can bring it yourself and find a way to bring it yourself.
Here, what Jiao Ma wants to say is that although many families have given birth to a second child for various reasons, they have to let the elderly come over to help take care of the children under the pressure of reality.
However, I hope everyone will not take this for granted, and don't ignore the inner feelings and physical condition of the elderly at any time.
Try not to let the elderly take care of their children alone, or even take care of two children by themselves. If economic conditions permit, hire an hourly worker or nanny to take care of the children together, or one of you will reduce your work at hand and spend as much time and energy as possible at home to help the elderly take care of the children together.
Don't overestimate the physical condition and ability of the elderly. You know, you are the main force in raising children, and they play a supporting role at most.
It was not easy for our parents to raise us. It's time for us to repay them, and don't let the second child "squeeze" their old age.
Since you choose to have a second child, you should take care of yourself and don't disturb the elderly.
Let them have enough time and freedom to live the life they want, and let them enjoy the last few years in this world quietly and happily!