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First, look at the transformation and stimulate curiosity
In the "fast reading and writing" learning group, I watched and listened to the magical transformation of Teacher Yan Yan, and listened to her mention of the classic content of this book, "How much can you do yourself?" When I was a child, I was particularly curious about "I can still be myself".
Because I was in the standard "canned" mode, I lost myself in order to meet the requirements of my family, which was particularly depressing.
In June+10, 65438, Teacher Yan Yan personally read the book "Being Yourself or Canned", so I decided to buy it and start reading it.
In the process of reading, I still stopped several times. I stopped several times to read the contents of the book. Maybe I'm not energetic enough, so I can only talk to Teacher Yan Yan and find that she can always answer all my puzzles and guide me to see my real needs. Great!
Perhaps this is an excellent reader who has a thorough understanding of reading.
Second, the essence of this book summary
(A) Recommended sequence theory
? Golden shield (narrative therapy orientation lecturer, psychological counselor) said:
? That's great. With such a book, perhaps many young people will be less lonely and more powerful on their way to becoming themselves. This is a career development guide that is very suitable for young people.
At the same time, this book is not only suitable for young people, but also very suitable for people who want to live a good life, regardless of age.
What do you mean, "live this life well"? In the author's language, live truly and live beautifully. Truth is to have a good contact with yourself, that is, to be yourself; Beauty is based on the true self, interacting with the outside world organically, and making yourself live freely and wonderfully.
? Lin (a famous psychological counselor) said: "Huck has a unique function of" freedom "that I appreciate very much-deconstructing" things that are not accepted by the mainstream society "from the natural perspective of human nature, so that people can live naturally, not one after another. He is extremely sensitive to people's suffering; He breathed hard, vibrated with each other's souls, and deconstructed, reorganized, transformed and sublimated the suffering. He skillfully uses thoughtful and accurate language, delicate words, wonderful metaphorical pictures and free-spirited songs to get into a person's heart in a dignified tone, making people feel sincere and direct love. Under the nourishment of this love, the emotional watershed that has been blocked for a long time has been opened, which makes people instantly reconnect to the deep heart of the fault, triggering the implosion of the internal and external integration and bursting into tears that are deeply understood.
(2) Summarize the essence of the text
? 1, psychologist jung said, "It is better to be a complete person than to be a good person." In life, if you continue to practice coexisting internal dialogue sentence patterns, you have a great chance to complete them step by step.
It is a good way to take care of yourself and others by letting seemingly contradictory inner parts exist at the same time.
Take Huck's nervous coming to power as an example to illustrate:
? "Yes, I am very nervous." → _→ (The first "yes": As soon as this sentence fell, the unacceptable tension that was originally floating fell to the ground. Once the floating emotions fall to the ground, they will no longer bother us. )
"Yes, I know how to put a workshop. I am a professional trainer. " → _→ (The second "yes": As soon as this sentence appears, stability and self-confidence also follow. When we don't admit our nervousness and pretend to be calm, the nervousness will be wrapped up like fog because it is excluded, so that confidence and strength can't land clearly. )
? "Yes, they are both me. I will be nervous, and I can also attend the seminar. Both of them are me. " ? → _→ (the third "yes": this is the key internal integration sentence, so that the parts that were originally divided into two paragraphs can coexist. I like to hold hands, and I like to sit quietly on the chairs in the park together, never to be apart. Because no part is ignored, we don't need to spend effort to suppress and control internally, so we have more energy to help us face challenges. )
"Yes, these two are mine. I am more than these two." → _→ (the fourth "yes": this sentence makes people see the panorama of life. We are not equal to predicament, we are not equal to struggle, there are more beautiful and resources in life, waiting for me to connect when I need them. Seeing that I have more than these two, I have unused resources or strength in my heart, so I have the opportunity to come out and help. )
→ _→ The voice in your heart is loud, and it will be beautiful to be yourself; When the voice in your heart is normal, just make a little canned food and be yourself; When the voice in your heart is as long as the social expectation, enjoy the ease of canning (the salary of full-time job is really a good economic foundation for a family! )
To be yourself is to listen to your inner voice, realize your wishes and grow into what you want. This is no longer a question of selflessness. It is your life's responsibility to find a way to be yourself and find what live high wants. On the way to being myself, I am often lonely, and I am responsible for my choice. At the same time, I feel more complete because I tried one that will reduce my regrets.
Life can be settled because you know you are ordinary. Because ordinary is a fact! Only by accepting your own commonness can you stand in a true position; Only by accepting the ordinary and having a real position can we begin to pursue uniqueness and even create beauty.
Ordinary and small, it is a fact and waiting to be accepted. You and I both know that we are ordinary and insignificant.
Unique and beautiful to be discovered. When you see yourself clearly and manage yourself well, uniqueness may appear and beauty may bloom. Accept the small and ordinary, and you will live more easily; If you are unique and beautiful, you will live a wonderful life!
Only when you can trust what you are experiencing, can you truly regard the real part as your own inner part. Because if you put this part in, you will wander outside like you don't have a home, so a complete heart has a chance to exist well.
If you find yourself trapped in criticism, you can say to yourself, "Ah! I'm in the big pool of black ink again, my god! " Then I can turn around and get close to the garden where the sun shines and the soil nourishes.
? It is a wonderful and precious life experience for those who truly understand and love us to make suggestions when they see our shortcomings.
4. The water pipe is rusted. Why do you think it rusted, or do you want to find a good water pipe to replace the old one? Sometimes you don't have to blindly think about the reasons, but spend your energy on adding new things to your life. It may be easier to solve the problem by thinking differently. )
5. When the "self I don't accept" and the "part I like" are instantly integrated, we can stay true and down-to-earth, and have the opportunity not to indulge in the part that we don't do well, but also to see other beauty and efforts in life.
→ _→ Let's use clearer coexistence sentence patterns to see how to put the concept of coexistence into practice. In the sentence pattern, A is the protagonist (self) of the exercise, and B is the companion or himself. That is to say: you are A, you can find a friend to be B and practice with you; You can also be a B by yourself and practice by yourself. Both are good choices.
? A: "I want you to see that I am a ..."
B: "Yes, I can see that you are a ..."
A: "I'm afraid you'll see that I'm a ..."
? b:？ "Yes, I also see that you are a ..."
? B: "Yes, they are both yours. It's good to have them at the same time! ..... you have more than these two. "
? A:? "Yes, these two are me. It's good that these two are in the same heaven! ..... I have more than these two. "
For example, things that are nervous at the briefing on Taiwan:
? A: "I want you to see that I am a person who carefully prepares a report on the stage and wants to perform well."
? B: "Yes, I can see that you are a person who carefully prepares the report on stage and wants to perform well."
? A: "I am afraid that you will see that I am a worried, nervous and anxious person."
? b:？ "Yes, I also see that you are a worried, nervous and anxious person."
? B: "Yes, both of them are you. You are the one who should be prepared for performance, and you are also nervous, anxious and afraid. It's good to have both at the same time! ..... you have more than these two. "
? A:? "Yes, they are both me. I want to be prepared for my excellent performance. I am also nervous, anxious and afraid. It's good to have both at the same time! ..... I have more than these two. "
This sentence pattern seems simple and full of recoil. When our "unacceptable self" and "like part" are instantly integrated, we can stay true and land. This is me and that is me, so we have a chance not to indulge in the one we didn't do well. Because when my eyes were stuck by the little black dot "I didn't do well", I only saw the darkness, but I couldn't see other good things and efforts in my life, and I couldn't see that my life was so big!
For more than ten years, I have been using the above coexistence sentences to let myself contact and accept myself again without interruption.
6. If people are seen and appreciated, they will have a wonderful resource experience. With the experience of resources, we have the power to accept another frustrated experience that has been ignored and pushed away; Then, life can really be beautiful.
Confirm that you are ordinary; Then, make a good landing to create a beautiful life one after another, and run a beautiful moment with this person and that thing. Therefore, I often say, "If you can't find uniqueness, you will create beauty."
A caring greeting can be a beautiful greeting; A bright and warm smile. It can also be a beautiful woman. To pursue unique strength and create one wonderful experience after another in life. Will it be beautiful, too
? 7. Self-confidence comes from liking yourself; Love for yourself comes from truly accepting your limitations and living a good life. More directly, because I accept my limitations and can live high, I will like myself more and more, accumulate enough love for myself, and my confidence will come.
8. Ordinary and insignificant is a fact, waiting to be accepted. You and I both know that we are ordinary and insignificant.
9. Young life can be sown and rooted. This is a story of living with your heart, and it is also your own real experience. While working hard, I don't forget to accumulate good opportunities for myself to like myself.
→ _→ "When are you happy today?" This simple sentence pattern has two important advantages:
& lt 1 & gt； You can constantly collect the good times you have lived.
& lt2> When we know when people around us are happy today, it will help us to know more about when and what the other person enjoys most. So, when you have power, you can give love and make that time and scene reappear.
? 10. "What did you do today to make you like yourself more?" → _→ This is a sentence pattern in which self-confidence takes root. You can ask each other.
In the real world, not everything will make you like and enjoy. Therefore, young life can be sown and rooted, and it is to live a high story with your heart and have your own real experience. While trying to take root. Don't forget to accumulate good times for yourself. Therefore, I have my own fortress, which can face the wind and rain outside.
Self-confidence is not a standard, not a goal, but a hillside that has never stopped reclamation. So, continue to use these two sentence patterns to ask yourself and continue to do what you like better. After all. Young you, will grow that kind of unique self-confidence!
1 1. The new possibilities of life come from small differences, plus great determination and courage to grasp your palm. Take time to complain, change yourself and make a little change. → _→ "Nothing will happen without doing it; If you do, it will be very different. " )
12. We are surrounded by people we like, dare to try all kinds of possibilities and be ourselves with peace of mind; When we feel at ease to be ourselves, we will have the opportunity to discover uniqueness and bloom beautifully! This is the most precious thing.
13. Look down at yourself; Look up at others.
14. If you report good news but not bad news, false leave is false; It's not cute to report good news without worrying, and to talk about your pain all day long. Let the "resource state" and "difficult state" coexist, presenting good news and bad news, which is an important foundation for cuteness.
15. Because you can distinguish the distance between friends, you can arrange your energy well and get back the service right of interpersonal interaction. (Appropriate interpersonal distance: physical distance+psychological distance)
16. In the process of helping students, the author developed a practical "red, orange, yellow and green classification system".
? Red → _→ The hottest and heartbeat color. C is for "changing friends", the best friend who can talk from the heart, and the bosom friend who calls you at three o'clock in the middle of the night to tell you that he is in a bad mood and you will be willing to sit up and tell him well. This question can help you to know who your red friend is. "You are ill in hospital. Who do you want to see you and who will come to the hospital to accompany you?"
Orange → _→ Very warm and comfortable color. Represents a "bosom friend", a friend who will be happy to see him and feel at ease in speaking. The question that can help you to know who your orange friend is is: "Who do you talk to, will you feel comfortable and like yourself?" ?
Yellow → _→ a relaxed and happy color. It stands for "some close friends" and can help you to know who are the yellow friends. The question is: "When you are bored and want to go shopping and have some fun, who do you want to play with?"
Green → _→ Far grass color. Is for "friends you know but don't know", but those who are still waiting to see if the other person is really a nodding acquaintance.
17. God decides where the river of life flows; And people can choose where to live, so they can see the moon and stars. In the river of life, choose a new stop position and return to the center. The warmth of the moon will come in gently; Blink your eyes a little and you will see the stars clearly; You will also hear the crisp sound of water dripping on the water surface.
18. Freedom is not living aimlessly; Freedom, if it is a tree, then the soil for the tree to grow well is willing to demand itself and the law.
And "supporting yourself from the heart" is the real "responsibility to yourself", including "the responsibility to make yourself better" and "the responsibility to touch yourself, not stay in criticism, to love and encourage growth."
19. It's not the word "transcendence" that traps you. Unique, see things differently, not beyond. ?
Gradually believe what you are going through, and at the same time seize the opportunity to practice coexistence. Let the two "I" get closer day by day. Love begins to feel that it can be accepted and saved; At the same time, you can love yourself and even others. Finally, I saw that the possibility of happiness really appeared in front of me.
? 20. Metaphor and dream interpretation are both interesting and suitable for playing and experiencing with close friends. If you have a subconscious good friend in your life, you will have a chance to be less lonely and more powerful in the face of struggle, difficulties and chaos.
There are three ways to approach the subconscious: dream interpretation, metaphor and hypnosis.
? "Personalized dream interpretation" is a dream interpretation method tailored for the owner of the dream, aiming at helping the dreamer find a unique and meaningful connection in his heart.
Interpreting dreams is like putting together a puzzle. Once one of them is determined, the others are often connected or put together, and then the whole panorama is complete and clear.
2 1. "Clean the inner gem", which is a good way to connect with the inner self deeply. Interested friends can try to experience it with the text.
The whole content of the article "Clean the Gem in the Heart" is as follows:
Clean internal gems
In a blink of an eye, I have been training in metaphor therapy for more than 15 years. The metaphor handout of training has been revised more than forty or fifty times over the years, but several very powerful classic activities still stand and have been preserved, one of which is "washing the inner gems". This is a simple little activity, but many members who participated in the workshop were surprised to find: Hey, how has the mood changed a lot after keeping clean? Some people calm down, some people feel that they have landed, and some people find themselves closer. Many people ask, "Why?" I always answer like this: "because we have a living appearance according to the inner picture."
This activity is very simple. First of all, I will ask you to close your eyes and quietly look at a gem inside, and then wipe and clean this gem with water or a clean cloth. If the gem you first see is covered with dust, it means that your life is also covered with dust. Before the gem was washed, we lived in dark days; After cleaning, the gem is bright and the inside is bright, so we have the possibility of bright. This is the concept of a map. If the map is out of order, we are at a loss. When the map is clear, we will stand still and stride forward with hope. One day, when you want to be quiet, you can match your favorite music (simple piano, guitar, natural music), find a good friend, read it to you according to the following private manuscript, and accompany you for a short time.
Close your eyes and sit up straight. Please put your right hand on your head and gently … slide over your neck and touch your body. Good ... at your speed. As long as we touch our bodies, our hearts will calm down ... Let your other hand slide down at your speed ... Good ... If you take a deep breath, scoop it out and want to exhale, just spit it out and let it go, that's fine. Look at other parts of your body that are tense, touch it and say to it: let it go ... ignore it ... good.
Everyone has a jewel in his heart. Some people have bigger stones, while others have smaller stones. What does the gem in your heart look like? I invite you to take off your glasses. If you have a watch, put it aside for a while and put it in a place where you will feel at ease. Let's take a look at the gems in our hearts. I also invite you to close your eyes and take two deep breaths ... Good.
? If you have a jewel in your heart, what is it made of? What shape does it have? Maybe you haven't seen him for a long time, so at first, he will be far away. Invite him to come to you, or you can walk slowly towards it in your heart. So in front of your eyes, you can slowly appear this gem that belongs to your heart.
Feel what this gem looks like with your hands. Your hands really move. This may be your position ... chest, or ... stomach, or eyes. Compare it to jewelry. Your hands can really move, which is good ... but ... some gems can be held by hand, and some gems need to be held by hand, because they are so big; Some gems are located in a small corner, so you must be careful to see them.
Next, gently touch it with the tip of your right index finger ... how do you feel? Is it difficult? Still soft? Is it elastic? Is there an angle? It's ... gently touching it ... very good. You can also tilt your head. When we are really interested in seeing someone, we often tilt our heads. Does it have sound? Tap gently with your index finger. Gently ... Is there a sound? Answer "Ding"? If so, what's that noise? Does it have a color? How many colors are there? When you look at it from what angle, what color will you have? Is there any color in it? Are there any colors outside? Get close to it in your way … get close to it … get to know it …
This gem in our hearts is sometimes clear, sometimes covered with dust, and sometimes even a little dirty, unclear and fuzzy, which is possible. Next, we have to wash it! The gem in my heart is often accidentally stuck with dust, which masks its original beautiful color. In your heart, there can be a warm current, a clean current or a warm current. Like a clear stream flowing down from the mountain, the water gently washes away this gem in my heart; It may also be like the rain in March, which falls drop by drop; It may be like water sliding down from the eaves and flowing slowly; Maybe you take a piece of cloth and wipe it with your own hands … whatever. The next 30 seconds are your time. Clean it up your way. Please start ... your hands will really move, let the water flow, clean, transparent and light happen. ...
Very good ... very good ... when you start cleaning it, you will see different scenes and see the gem changing, because you are nourishing it, that is yourself; At the same time, you are also nourishing yourself, warming yourself, being close to yourself and having yourself ... Good. Continue to clean gems in different ways, sometimes it will become bigger and sometimes it will become smaller; Sometimes its color will change, and sometimes you will even see that its texture is different, which is good.
? In our hearts, sometimes, we approach it gently; Sometimes, in our hearts, we are willing to be close to it; Sometimes in our hearts, we approach it with curiosity ... everything is fine ... everything is fine. "Cleaning the inner gem" is a way to maintain yourself regularly. Please choose a favorite music at the first opportunity and close your eyes and do it. You can never love yourself too much; You cannot take care of yourself too much. You can do it as long as you have the chance. You can change from young to old; So you can change from old to young.
Therefore, life can be brilliant, in fact, life is hard; Therefore, gems can still be crystal clear, even if the dust is flying outside; Others can decide the air outside, and you can decide the transparency of gems.
After cleaning, put your hands on your heart, either with your hands on your heart, or with one hand on your heart and one hand on your navel. Find a place where you feel most comfortable and put your hand in it. Think about a time in your mind, how long you will visit it again, which can be a week, a month, or three months, and then say to it, "Dear Gemstone, I will come to see you later and clean you up. Thank you for coming here to show me at this time. " Say that finish, thank the jewel in your heart, put your hand down and come back here.
Just try it. In a short time of 15 to 20 minutes, the gem has been well cleaned and brightened, the internal metaphor has changed, and the map of the outside world has also changed. Perhaps, our life will be colorful!
→ _→ My reading experience:
In the process of reading this book, I wanted to give up several times and asked teacher Yan Yan for help several times to solve my confusion.
Perhaps this is the reason why this book is classic. Several key sentence patterns can go deep into our hearts and touch our hearts. In the process of practice, we will slowly relax our subconscious, rewrite our way of thinking, and inject vitality into our lives. I like it after reading it.