I am a mother. I have wanted to write this article for a long time, but firstly, the writing style is too poor, and secondly, it is too painful to write. I am determined to write this today so that more people will no longer suffer what we are suffering now.
My son was once a sunny, healthy and kind-hearted young man. When he was in college, he left his parents in another place and was exposed to pornographic videos. However, since he lived in a dormitory, he did not go too far. Hand Ying. When he was a graduate student, because he lived alone, he started browsing pornographic websites when he had nothing to do, began to ying, and became addicted to it. His greed for enjoyment made his ying intensify, and he did ying almost every day, and later developed to several times a day. Gradually, his luck began to deteriorate, mainly because he began to have difficulties in his studies. I will not complain about those difficulties here. Many of them were beyond the scope of rationality and had always puzzled us. Until not long ago, we realized that he was inspired by indulgence. There are also those who inexplicably and accidentally do wrong things, sometimes even big things, and make mistakes in their life plans. At the same time, my health began to deteriorate, I was always sick, and I developed depression and anxiety.
After getting his master's degree and starting to work, he returned to his parents, and he was still as crafty as ever, every day. Later, he began to suffer from insomnia all night, nightmares, depression, fear... Diagnosed by a mental illness expert as: obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and anxiety disorder. Nightmares at night, insomnia, depression during the day, not wanting to live, obsessive thoughts breaking in at any time, anxiety and fear accompanying me at any time... Oh my God! I don’t want to mention it again! It was a living hell on earth.
At this time, his hand ying had developed to as many as 7 times a day, and he couldn't stop. In fear, he asked me for help. My heart bleeds when I learn that behind my son's depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety, he also has manual ying 7 times a day! I regret that I didn’t care about my son, and I didn’t pay attention to my son. I thought it would be good if he could eat well, wear well, study well, and go to college. I ignored his quality education and ignored the society. I didn’t educate him or help him about the pollution caused by online media. I regret it! ! ! He is in the work unit, and bad luck continues to take care of him, while good luck always belongs to others. He worked for a long time and learned nothing. First, his brainpower was weak and his intelligence declined. Second, the opportunity to learn was not his turn and belonged to others. Third, he had no one or the opportunity to teach him. Career went from bad to worse.
At the same time, the torture of depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and anxiety is inhuman! Those symptoms include feeling depressed and wanting to die, self-blame, doubt, indifference and depression, and feeling an impenetrable darkness shrouding oneself, and feeling abnormal in the mind for many years. , I feel like there is a foreign body in my head. Sometimes I feel frightened and anxious, and sometimes I feel mad, angry, and smash things. The TV, computer, laptop, and furniture at home have all been smashed. The TV alone has been smashed 5 times. Now the new TV has to be replaced. Don't use it. He looked up at the dilapidation of his home. The walls were broken, the door could not be closed, the coffee table and dining table were all broken, incomplete and shaky. As for the small things, they were even more damaged. Sometimes, he felt anxious. When he has a mad attack, he will also attack his father.
Whenever the madness passes, he feels extreme remorse and regret. Because he is a kind and good young man, he cannot control himself when he is ill, so he will be very sad and regretful after he calms down, so as to become more sad and regretful. Serious illness. Over and over again……..
This kind of life is also accompanied by insomnia. I can't sleep every day, and when I fall asleep, I have nightmares. I often wake up from nightmares in the middle of the night. As soon as I turn off the light and lie down, I feel a strong sense of fear, that kind of unbreakable darkness, which makes me miserable and makes me feel worse than death! ! !
Sometimes there will be a little calmness, but that calmness is also short-lived, because the obsessive thinking will suddenly break in, either because my own thoughts just keep intruding, or when I think about it exhaustively. Force yourself to think about some meaningless things, such as looking for the first half of the nightmare, which consumes most of your energy, or even all your energy! He often said: I really want to die!
These are just the descriptions of our bystanders, who already feel so painful that they want to live. However, the most painful feeling is his own. His inner feelings cannot be written by me in words!
During this period, we have looked for Western medicine, Chinese medicine, folk medicine, the Internet, Buddhism... We have been thinking of ways. Thanks to everyone who has helped us. After a year of this, I went to the temple to worship Buddha and circumambulate the pagoda. After a while, one day, while I was circumambulating the pagoda, I suddenly understood something: my son was depressed. Obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety disorder are caused by excessive manipulation. This is the advice given to me by Buddha and Bodhisattvas. Thank you! ! ! If you want to recover from your illness, you must give up manipulation! I started to check the information on this aspect online, and went to Jiexieying website to read similar articles. I understood better that handwriting was the culprit! We must give up cheating! Thank you!
After communicating with his son, the son recalled the history of his handcrafting and the beginning of his troubles. He also suddenly understood: all his troubles started from being addicted to handcrafting. After finding out the reason, he deeply regretted it! He cries and slaps himself, which is regretful! But the most important thing is action.
He began the difficult process of quitting masturbation. He had to divide his energy into multiple parts. On the one hand, he had to endure obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and anxiety, and had to live with difficulty; on the other hand, he had to quit masturbation, which was unspeakably miserable! If I had known this, why did I do it in the first place? This word was coined for him, and it was also what he often said on his lips. When he said this sentence, he would also say: Why should we regard suffering as happiness when we can live such a good life! It’s your own fault! Ever since he knew that excessive manipulation had caused him such harm, and there was still no hope of recovery, he often burst into tears. A big man, crying so hard, it was heartbreaking. But, who made you suffer from excessive manipulation? ? Another thing he often said is: Some mistakes should not be made! ! ! The trick is too harmful! ! !
I really hope that our children will stay away from mobile phones, especially those college students and young people. They are educated, but they are influenced by the idea that "mobile phones are harmless" and they are also affected by Internet pornography. With the interference of information, it is easy to get involved in cheating and pre-marriage evil behaviors. The harm is too great. Looking at the suffering of my son, I think that I almost lost this son, and I think that our family almost disappeared. , we dare not think that anyone else would suffer like my son, and that there would be such a family suffering like this. Parents like me suffer like this! Here, I write this article to sound the alarm for them to stay away from evil! Give everyone a clean body and mind! This is so important! My son is a fact of blood and tears!
At the same time, I also hope that all parents, no matter whether your child is a child or an adult, will truly care about him in the right way, not only to let him eat well, wear well, not be wronged, and study well. , can go to college. Wrong! These are not fundamental. The most fundamental thing is to educate him well in terms of moral character. If he is good in this aspect, other things will be good, and he will be rewarded naturally. What is particularly important is: You must not cheat. You must pay special attention when surfing the Internet or watching TV. We cannot control the Internet and the media, but we can control them so that they are less online and less polluted by the media. Dear parents, This is the words of my viscera, this is the fact of my blood, my intestines are green with regret! If I could have seen such a mother's article when my son was still young, my son would not be on the path he is today. Parents, please remember our lessons, please remember! If it were not for the blessings of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, my son might no longer be alive, and I might no longer be alive. The words are too pale to allow me to describe one-tenth of the hell on earth!
In addition, my son is getting better and better now (and has stopped smoking for a year). Although he has not completely recovered, he is much better than before. He began to believe in Buddhism, which I will not discuss here. grateful! Thanks to everyone who has helped us! Thanks to Buddha and Bodhisattvas for their blessings! Namo Amitabha! I believe he will be back to normal soon.